A Sad Tale From Newcastle....

[MrMuddle]

Family Court Ruling from Newcastle Yesterday :
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday, when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his Aunt, in keeping with the child custody law, and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the best degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his Aunt beat him more than his parents, and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his Grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family, and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Newcastle United, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Boom Boom !

[Jockstar]

A Newcastle teacher asks her class, 'What football team do you support? Raise your hand if it's Newcastle United.' The whole class raise their hand except one boy "John what team do you support?' 'Sunderland' the boy replies. 'Why' says teacher. 'Because my mum and dad do, so I do 2' 'Well you don't have 2 copy mum and dad, what if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a Junkie?' John replies 'Then I'd support Newcastle like the rest of you Manky Bastards!

[lemonjelly]

What do Newcastle United and General Pinochet have in common?

[robertthebruce]

What do Newcastle United and General Pinochet have in common?

All slept with Cheryl Cole ????

[mrbojangles]

Is it just Newcastle jokes, or is anyone up for grabs?

A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.

[mrbojangles]

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said.
“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that.”
“Fine,” I said, “I want to die when Spurs win the premier league.”
“You crafty ****!” said the fairy.

[NongMalee]

Osama Bin Laden sent out a new video to prove he was still alive, in it he said SPURS were rubbish recently.

British intelligence dismissed it saying: ''That could have been recorded anytime in the last 25 years''........

[Henricus]

Hi Guys,

A good friend of mine buy 2 tickets for next Saturday for the champions league final in Milan.

Unfortunately, he forgot that he married on that day (he has the tickets bought months before the exact date has been set for the wedding)

Question to all: Does anyone have time on Saturday to marry ??

[lemonjelly]

What do Newcastle United and General Pinochet have in common?

They both round people up in stadiums and torture them

[meatboy]

working in yorkshire with a load of geordie's this became the most famous joke of all time.

ITS ALSO TRUE ask any newcastle fan.

1972 hereford a non league club beat first division NEWCASTLE UTD. in the 3rd.round of the FA.CUP.

[Jonathan Fairfield]

I have two tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but I didn't realise it will be on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me, it's at the Anantara Hotel in Bangkok and she's called Ploy.

[RickBradford]

The England squad went to visit an orphanage in Neuilly-sur-Marne near their Euro 2016 base. The orphanage is home to several refugee children whose parents drowned on the trip from Syria.

"It was heartbreaking to look at their troubled and scared little faces," said Nuri Mohammed, 7.

[SantiSuk]

working in yorkshire with a load of geordie's this became the most famous joke of all time.

ITS ALSO TRUE ask any newcastle fan.

1972 hereford a non league club beat first division NEWCASTLE UTD. in the 3rd.round of the FA.CUP.

Doesn't work so well when you are talking to a group of old bu$$er English football fans who are not quite old enough to have succumbed to Alzheimers. Would imagine 80% on here remember that game in the mud on MOTD.

And sorry Jonathon but Henricus beat you to that joke two weeks previous, albeit yours is the better punchline of the two!

Just call me Mr Killjoy.

Edited June 13, 2016 by SantiSuk

[rott]

Is it just Newcastle jokes, or is anyone up for grabs?

A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.

That is not funny.

Furthermore those who gave it a like have been duly noted for future reference.

[Travel2003]

I guess it is time for a real oldie, but still good.

[SantiSuk]

Ditto: a tale from Jarrow (well that's Newcastle innit?) by the Python team

https://youtu.be/TRKYsao2ciY

Edited June 15, 2016 by SantiSuk

[Bredbury Blue]

A Spurs fan is walking through the park one day when he stumbles over an oldlamp. A genie pops out and tells him he has just one wish, what would he like?

The man looks down at his dog and tells the genie he would like his dog to win the Crufts Dog Show to become supreme champion.

"You've got to be joking," replies the genie, "Just look at him. He must beon his last legs, he's a flea bitten old mongrel with half a tail."

"OK," sighs the man, "in that case can you make Spurs win the Premier?"

The genie looks at him for a moment and then says, "OK, let's have anotherlook at the dog then."

Boom boom !

[worgeordie]

You will not be laughing when we quickly return to the EPL,

we have a decent manager now,so the sky's the limit,

Toon supporters are some of the best in England,they must be

to stick to the Club after what we have been through,other clubs

their supporters would be leaving in droves,fairweather supporters.

"We will be baaack"

regards Worgeordie