25-year-old student with 40-year-old Thai lady in Chiang Mai

[Mudcrab]

On 7/25/2016 at 0:23 AM, Gonsalviz said:

t has been my experience that Thai women about 40 tend to dispense with sex. Not good for a 20 something male. Not all of course but it is very possible. They think they are too old.

Wow.....you have had really limited experience.

Mine has been the complete opposite  - Thai ladies 40 plus often are left alone for an extended period and when the chance comes for a bit of kiss and giggle they take to it like ducks to water - even those who have developed a tom relationship while alone.

Mature women, the world over, are the best lovers in my opinion. It's usually only the sexpat barhangers who chase the 25-30 year olds and then end up with a lot of disappointment and a lot less money than they originally had.

Many Thai ladies are still as sexy as hell well into their 50's.

As the old saying goes, they don't tell, they don't swell and they are as grateful as hell!

[Mudcrab]

On 7/25/2016 at 0:23 AM, Gonsalviz said:

t has been my experience that Thai women about 40 tend to dispense with sex. Not good for a 20 something male. Not all of course but it is very possible. They think they are too old.

Wow.....you have had really limited experience.

Mine has been the complete opposite  - Thai ladies 40 plus often are left alone for an extended period and when the chance comes for a bit of kiss and giggle they take to it like ducks to water - even those who have developed a tom relationship while alone.

Mature women, the world over, are the best lovers in my opinion. It's usually only the sexpat barhangers who chase the 25-30 year olds and then end up with a lot of disappointment and a lot less money than they originally had.

Many Thai ladies are still as sexy as hell well into their 50's.

As the old saying goes, they don't tell, they don't swell and they are as grateful as hell!

[slipperylobster]

Let her carry your wallet, and pay all the bills when you go out. People will think you are one lucky dude.

I always preferred mature women...although I enjoy looking at younger ones.  My girl is 47 and I am sixty (I married her).  No way I want to babysit a young girl...and no way would a young girl dote on me as my wife does.  I will always love her.  

My wife is cute...and we actually look alike...(except in the vital organ arena).  We are figured to be about the same age.

This is not an insult to you...but I suspect you and I like a lady who enjoys doting on her man.  I guess I am a kid, at heart...

Many would say I am "mothered"...lol.  I still call the shots, though.

 

 

 

Edited August 1, 2016 by slipperylobster

[DLang]

8 minutes ago, slipperylobster said:

Let her carry your wallet, and pay all the bills when you go out. People will think you are one lucky dude

Why wouldn't she carry her own wallet, and pay for the bills herself?

 

Perhaps independent women are scary, or just beyond one's reality.

[slipperylobster]

1 minute ago, DLang said:

Why wouldn't she carry her own wallet, and pay for the bills herself?

 

Perhaps independent women are scary, or just beyond one's reality.

Sure.  It was just l poke in the ribs.

 

[varun]

I'll go against the tide here and say this:

 

You're young, seem like a smart guy and still have your prime earning years ahead of you.

 

Putting all attachments aside,

why do you wish to father the spawn & inherit the responsibilities of some irresponsible douchy ex-boyfriend/husband?

 

It's not that there is a lack of options for you, so why settle for less?

 

At your age, I don't see any logical reasoning to be entangled with Thai women who have kids, especially older Thai women.

Or is it that you enjoy the drama and the associated emotional baggage?

 

What happens when daddy shows up on graduation day?

 

[Falconator]

Varun, the old dad didn't show up to her daughter's graduation day, and it's not likely he'll show up for his two eldest children's graduations either since he's very detached from their lives, and doesn't know what year they're in. It's clear that the family has parted ways with the old dad.

 

And the youngest daughter is now extremely attached to me and very clingy, and thinks of me as her father. It will just completely break her heart if I were to just walk out of her life. She does not miss her biological father either. I know she is not my biological daughter, but some of the best times of your life can also be shared with people who are not part of the same bloodline as yours.

 

And settling for less? As I have said before, getting a young, irresponsible drama queen girlfriend my own age with no children (but good-looking and never married) is worse.

 

This older lady that I'm with brings very little drama and is very easy to get along with. She cooks and cleans and takes care of me like a mom. This is getting harder and harder to find among younger Thai women. Nothing wrong with that either.

Edited August 19, 2016 by Falconator

[dick dasterdly]

Very young guys are often attracted by slightly older women.

 

A 25 year old guy is a bit old for this range though, and as his g/f is 40 - its way out of the range as most by that point would be more interested in either their own age group, or younger.

 

Let's be honest, those far younger are unlikely to be attracted unless the way older person is incredibly (genuinely) clever, and thereby attracting those who love the intelligence - or (happens far more often) are attracted to the money.

Edited August 19, 2016 by dick dasterdly

[NoshowJones]

A good friend of mine who I used to teach with is 37, his wife is 47, and they have two daughters.

She is also an ex bargirl, and they have been together about 12 years, and still have a happy marriage.

[Falconator]

On 2016-08-19 at 1:50 PM, dick dasterdly said:

Very young guys are often attracted by slightly older women.

 

A 25 year old guy is a bit old for this range though, and as his g/f is 40 - its way out of the range as most by that point would be more interested in either their own age group, or younger.

 

Let's be honest, those far younger are unlikely to be attracted unless the way older person is incredibly (genuinely) clever, and thereby attracting those who love the intelligence - or (happens far more often) are attracted to the money.

 

But few of you are currently in a long-term relationship with a Thai women under 25, for obvious reasons: you don't want to deal with bratty little kids.

 

Neither would I.

 

You tend to find personality defects, bird-brain IQ, instability, and lack of empathy for a variety of reasons.

Edited August 22, 2016 by Falconator

[JerryinTH]

Quite glad to have found this thread. I can totally relate to the OP as I was 19 and my gf was 29 - yes thats sort of a huge gap. This was back in the west but I liked to be pampered and I still like it to this day. Lots of social stigma, so we kept the relationship behind closed doors and under the sheets. Old cows show you how to ride... 

 

Now being in Thailand and edging on my 30's I am married to a thai girl who is 25 years old. We met 5 years ago - I was 25, she was 20.. totally different story than it is today. I have developed in many ways and like another poster said 'I read books and she chases pokemon'. 

Do I regret the marriage? No I don't - nothing will ever be perfect. 

Can I do better? Sure, but do I find a woman like her again that I can trust with my life? Who asks her family for money when we have none? I doubt it. 

 

To the OP - go for it, enjoy it and make the best of it while it lasts. Just don't sign any papers that keep you somehow connected and certainly don't do it for VISA reasons, like so many others (who won't admit it). 

[Falconator]

Jerry, which Western country did you live in?

 

19 and 29 is not such a conspicuous age gap. You're sort of still in the same generation. It's like a big sister-younger brother kind of thing, and many 19 and 29-year-olds don't look that far apart in terms of looks. I'm a bit surprised that there's a lot of stigma, and I would have assumed most of that came from your peers. Plus, the West is known to be more tolerant of cougar relationships than most of Asia is.

 

I also dated a 33-year-old Indonesian lady when I was 22. No one seemed to notice or ask about our age gap.

 

I just don't really see how I can get along with little girls who chase Pokemon. I read books and she reads books, and she is not interested in adolescent stuff.

[Falconator]

I was actually 24 when I met my lady. She is 15 and a half years older than me, which is old enough to be my mom. She cooks and cleans for me and takes super good of me, like a real mom.

 

Her friends love to joke about how her new son (me) is so attached to Mama. It's seen as unique, but mai pen rai lower-middle-class Thais don't actually deeply stigmatize it as far I as know.

 

A 50-year-old German retiree in Chiang Mai once asked me if she was my mom. My gf laughed.

We walk into the local Big-C and see a bunch of old white guy - young Thai lady couples. No couples like us at all, but we're not that noticeable either. We look like a normal Thai family unless someone takes a really close look at us. Western guys seem to notice the most, since I look like a 20-something to a typical Western guy, but some Thais might even think I'm 30 since I don't have a kid-like face.

 

Once in a while we get stared at by cranky-looking old white guys, but never by Thais. Wonder why.

[amrishtony]

On 24/07/2016 at 1:55 PM, Falconator said:

I am 25 now, and my girlfriend is 40. She is a shop owner in Chiang Mai.

I've adopted her 6-year-old daughter as my own. She loves me a lot and is quite clingy.

We've known each other for about half a year. We met as neighbors.

As for me, I am an Asian American who was born in California. Looks-wise, I pass for Thai.

I am currently studying at the graduate level at a local university in Chiang Mai.

Been here for about 1 year and am very fluent in Thai. I only speak Thai with my girlfriend.

A few questions:

1. How common are serious younger man - older woman relationships like mine in Thailand? In Chiang Mai, I seem to be the only guy who's in this kind of arrangement.

2. Any cultural advice in general, especially how this kind of relationship would be viewed and treated in Thailand?

3. What would a family visit to her home province entail? She does not have any family members to support except for our daughter who is 6.

Feel free to ask questions if you want more details.

After reading your story and almost all the comments here there are few things I can tell you regarding being in a relationship with an Older Thai Female.

1. You love her a lot, but does she has the same feelings for you? This is a long term relationship question which will always be in your mind as you are ready to do everything for her but does she?

2. Older Thai lady will have more insecurities with you (though all thai girls/ladies do) as you are young and you can move on anytime with a younger or same girl anytime.

3. Trust issues all the time, no matter how many years have passed in your relationship.

4. Getting married, is going to be close to impossible as she will be more happy to be the way it is now. Again trust issue.

5. Kids - No matter how much the kids love you and relate to you, she will always put her kids before you. More than you she will be thinking of her kids all the time.

6. Money - no matter how rich or poor she is, she will still demand money in cash or material from time to time. When ever she needs something she will be very (SAAWEEEET) polite with you.

7. Integrity test - this will go on the whole time and your every move will be watched and will be tested from time to time.

8. Leader - more than you she wants to be in a leading role and want to rule you all the time. This is going to be a part of your training.

9. Only advise would be NOT TO GET SERIOUS WITH THIS, YOU WILL REGRET LATER. SO BETTER PUT YOUR MIND FIRST THAN YOUR D***

 

There is still a lot that I can go on and on about. PM me if you want to discuss anything more.

[TacoGuy]

Reality check: move on, dude.  The age gap is far too wide for a young man.  I don't agree with what the majority of other posters write, and I imagine a fair few are rationalising their own age gap relationships.  While it's possible old man / young woman the reverse has many obvious issues.  Even within your own (US) culture their are issues, but here in Thailand, with so many other issues, it's crazy in my opinion.. And she has a kid. Maybe you are a keen 'family man' but you are so young, find someone your own age, and own life stage and build your own family.. Finally, don't advice from Thai Visa forum (irony appreciated) get advice from your US friends and family, and get advice from people your own age, and be careful of people who are so kind they only tell you what you want to hear.

[gemguy]

Easy solution.

 

You tell everyone you are 35 years old and she tells everyone she is 35 years old and ...problem solved.

Cheers

Edited September 15, 2016 by gemguy

[Ace of Pop]

Old Strads play the best tunes.

[Kwasaki]

Old thread but l would say 25year old guy with an older Thai lady what's wrong with that.

 

There's a guy in our village that's married an older lady don't know the age differences not interested. 

 

Many 40 year old Thai lady look stunning and could easily past on being much younger.

 

Nowadays it seems to me apart from pretty ones there is a lot more young girls that are far overweight as well as not so much in the pretty book, many young boy l see seem to be well overweight too.

 

That said l don't recognize that strange person in the mirror, l think it's an alien.  

[Falconator]

It's been over one year now, and we're still living happily together in Chiang Mai. Going strong and steady with minimal drama. Instead of being infatuated teenagers, we feel like we're living a regular family life. I am happy not just with my lady, but with our little daughter who is now in 1st grade. It feels really satisfying to be a dad and hubby, even though I'm 25.

 

My adopted daughter loves me to bits, and we spend hours playing together everyday. I am even teaching her how to read and write Thai.

 

Our relationship hasn't changed that much. We're both in it for the long run. She is now 41, and I am looking forward to my birthday later this month.

Edited March 13, 2017 by Falconator

[Odysseus123]

6 hours ago, Falconator said:

It's been over one year now, and we're still living happily together in Chiang Mai. Going strong and steady with minimal drama. Instead of being infatuated teenagers, we feel like we're living a regular family life. I am happy not just with my lady, but with our little daughter who is now in 1st grade. It feels really satisfying to be a dad and hubby, even though I'm 25.

 

My adopted daughter loves me to bits, and we spend hours playing together everyday. I am even teaching her how to read and write Thai.

 

Our relationship hasn't changed that much. We're both in it for the long run. She is now 41, and I am looking forward to my birthday later this month.

Good for you-and your lady.

 

All the very best to you both.

[dave moir]

On 7/24/2016 at 4:33 PM, Falconator said:

1. I mean serious relationships.

2. She does not look or talk like a hooker. Northern Thai people know better. And we're in a college neighborhood far from the bars and pubs. Plus she speaks zero English, which is totally untypical of Thai hookers.

3. No one who is vaguely related to her has asked me for money. This is a middle-class Thai lady whose circle of friends mostly includes teachers, government workers, and business owners.

If you're happy go for it ! Don't worry about what others think it's your life enjoy it!!! If you make each other happy good for you.

[Rhys]

...sooner or later you are going to get bored.. and move on. .face it...enjoy while you can...

[smileydude]

From a Thai person's perspective your relationship would probably be viewed by strangers as:

 

You are a "mangda" which means pimp and your leeching off of her as she is your sugar-mama

 

Very few would believe a younger guy would settle for someone much older when he can hook up with girls his own age.

 

You will probably get dirty looks from time to time but hey who cares what others think.  A lot of Thai women look great at 40 (Asians tend to look younger especially fairer skinned women and northern gals fit that bill)

 

Wish you both the best.  If it feels right then its right.

[NickJ]

Harold and Maude 2......filmed on location in Thailand.

[Rc2702]

This sounded true but when a 25 year old uses hubby it just sounds like what it is. Absolute BS.