walg Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Thanks for all the advice on the last post guys. A couple of weeks on and things have not changed. She came to see me at work last Monday and apologised and said she would move back into my house. The next day her tone was different or should i say indifferent. Then again on thursday she came to stay the night. I stupidly believed her. Then in the morning while she showered I found her phone and on it where 16 text messages from another guy. 'I miss you! where are you?' etc. etc. when i asked her about them i got a slap and told to '###### off and die'. later on she called to say sorry and again said she would change her number and move back in with me. i'm blind with love for the girl and had another happy day again. she said she was working. i went there she was not. i gave her friends husband a call. he confirmed she had been seeing this guy for months. he also told me something which shook me to the core. she had told her friend that she had left me because i had beaten her up. this was a possibility that a few of you had suggested. of course i have not beaten her up and she has never had any bruises or anything to prove i had. i think i am going to go down to lunar house in croydon tomorrow afternoon and tell them everything. i have been told that they will investigate her ability to survive without my sponsorship which means they will probably ask to see her wage slips which i know all display a major excess of legal hours. they will also probably contact her college which is the reason she is here. They will probably find out a lack of attendance. question is am i doing the right thing? I know she is seeing another man for definate and has been lying for months and then constructing more lies to cover up the uncovered ones. her deception is staggering now i think back. i feel i cant sponsor her anymore now i dont even know for sure where she is and considering i know she is in breach of her visa. the big thing that scares me is whether she will play the battered girlfriend card she told her friends. she is so ###### good at lying they may take her side and i may end up in big trouble and she may get permanent residence. we were going to go to thailand for a month together in 2 weeks. she has now cancelled her ticket. the ticket i bought her is an open return and expires in mid january. any advice gratefully recieved once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Yes, you're doing the right thing. You gave her more opportunity to "make it right" than most would have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I'd like to help but I am afraid you are beyond help. I have a friend who is killing himself with alcohol. This is a similar situation. I'm sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Pack it in mate and cover your arse immediately!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Seriously, Seriously, Seriously. Don't let her back in your house Go see a lawyer (Mention the false accusations of abuse and ask for advice on how you can put a stop to them growing into unproven accusations). Go see immigration and report the break down of your relationship and that you no longer support her move to the UK. It was me who suggested you need to watch for the abuse thing, I suspect at the moment it is an accusation she is making to justify her own behavior. BUT READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS. The minute she gets before a lawyer she will be asked and encouraged to report abuse - ABUSE is a sure fire means of getting her Permenant Leave to Remain without you in the picture. I also strongly suggest that you go to the 'Visa Forum' Top of the Forum Page and PM the forum moderator for advice on how to withdraw your support for her visa in the UK. Don't get emotional about it, just file a report that your relationship has broken down due to her infidelity and that you no longer support her application. I'm quite sure that Scouse will be able to give you the correct wording. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Francis Maube Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 If you are a masochist and by the sound of it you might be one, just keep on going the same way, why change when pain brings happiness? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mahout Angrit Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Yes, I'd do the same, lucky you're not married, Book yourself a trip to Thailand and you'll realise pretty soon that you could quite easily fall in love again.... but this time you'll be a lot smarter. Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mobi Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Seriously, Seriously, Seriously. Don't let her back in your house Go see a lawyer (Mention the false accusations of abuse and ask for advice on how you can put a stop to them growing into unproven accusations). Go see immigration and report the break down of your relationship and that you no longer support her move to the UK. It was me who suggested you need to watch for the abuse thing, I suspect at the moment it is an accusation she is making to justify her own behavior. BUT READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS. The minute she gets before a lawyer she will be asked and encouraged to report abuse - ABUSE is a sure fire means of getting her Permenant Leave to Remain without you in the picture. I also strongly suggest that you go to the 'Visa Forum' Top of the Forum Page and PM the forum moderator for advice on how to withdraw your support for her visa in the UK. Don't get emotional about it, just file a report that your relationship has broken down due to her infidelity and that you no longer support her application. I'm quite sure that Scouse will be able to give you the correct wording. Guesthouse's advice is spot on in every respect. You were told the first time round to report the situation to immigration, not to go to Thailand with her, and not have anyhting more to do with her. You didn't listen then, but I hope you will listen now. Stop thinkiing with your pr..ck. The abuse allegation are worrying - but thank God you are not married. I would suggest you write a full report of everything that has happened with this girl, including the infidelity, sms's and abuse allegations, and consult with a lawyer. It will be much easier (and cheaper) if you have all the relevant facts in writing . I know you don't have a lot of money, but a little spent now may save you a huge amount of trouble and anguish latere. Good luck - and forget her!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses G. Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I'd like to help but I am afraid you are beyond help. I have a friend who is killing himself with alcohol. This is a similar situation.I'm sorry. I have to agree. I'm also extremely stupid when I'm in love, but this girls is a user and abuser. The ONLY thing to to do is boot the B! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terry57 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 your joking boys , this guy is having a top laugh at your expense. he's trolling you all like a frigging marlin. give it a miss punters and head down the rubbity. cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chang_paarp Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 He's baaaack! Will any of the advise be heeded this time? To th OP re-read the origonal thread, print it out. Use a red pen for the flames and a highlighter for the other advice. Come back and tell us when you have something other than wind us up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Terry, I have spoken to the guy in person, He is who he says he is, and he is where he says he is. I realise that the same can not be said for everyone here but you are barking up the wrong tree on this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnakeBite Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 terry57, it's like you say or the guy is a total idiot for not covering his ass for the dalse accusations and get rid ot the female dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbsears Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 your joking boys ,this guy is having a top laugh at your expense. he's trolling you all like a frigging marlin. give it a miss punters and head down the rubbity. cheers Do people really make up topics for amusement? A lot of people on this forum accuse others of making up stories, but I don't understand why anybody would do such a thing. What fun would anybody get out of making up stories like this and watching people reply? Well, if people actually do this, I feel sorry for them since they must have horribly boring lives. On this topic, I know Thai girls like this. They come from good families so you don't think they would be capable of this. But one in particular was just as the OP posts on his gf, she lied about her bf abusing her so I wouldn't mind seeing her even though she already had a Thai bf. I found out later that she is just a pathological liar and that her old bf never touched her in a violent manner. Afraid that even if this is a troll incident here, this situation does happen more often then one would think. GOOK LUCK!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terry57 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Terry, I have spoken to the guy in person, He is who he says he is, and he is where he says he is.I realise that the same can not be said for everyone here but you are barking up the wrong tree on this one. alright guest house i will believe you on this one. so please tell me why he keeps doing these bloody stupid things with this girl. im sorry, but its pathetic that she treats him like this, shags another guy and he takes her back into his house. i mean, a person would have to be a raving lunatic to keep putting up with this rubbish and being in LUV is a pathetic excuse as she treats him like <deleted>. he will never gain respect from any women if he continues to accept this sort of behaviour. i cant have any sympathy for him and why he starts another thread on this insane rubbish is beyond me. i supported him on his first post but this time its not worthy of a reply as he refuses to help him self. i dont mean to offend anyone but this is how i view this situation. cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Afraid that even if this is a troll incident here, this situation does happen more often then one would think.GOOK LUCK!!! You're absolutely right. People who live here and see it daily have a better perspective of it than the "habitual tourists" who garner their information from Living Planet Mag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
game4shame Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Thanks for all the advice on the last post guys. A couple of weeks on and things have not changed. She came to see me at work last Monday and apologised and said she would move back into my house. The next day her tone was different or should i say indifferent. Then again on thursday she came to stay the night. I stupidly believed her. Then in the morning while she showered I found her phone and on it where 16 text messages from another guy. 'I miss you! where are you?' etc. etc. when i asked her about them i got a slap and told to '###### off and die'. later on she called to say sorry and again said she would change her number and move back in with me. i'm blind with love for the girl and had another happy day again. she said she was working. i went there she was not. i gave her friends husband a call. he confirmed she had been seeing this guy for months. he also told me something which shook me to the core. she had told her friend that she had left me because i had beaten her up. this was a possibility that a few of you had suggested. of course i have not beaten her up and she has never had any bruises or anything to prove i had. this is textbook stuff. lose her mate. you might feel in love or feel like you should give her a chance as you've went so far with the sponsorship etc but you'll just dig yourself further into her trap. give her a boot in the arse as she leaves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Crocodile Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Thanks for all the advice on the last post guys. A couple of weeks on and things have not changed. She came to see me at work last Monday and apologised and said she would move back into my house. The next day her tone was different or should i say indifferent. Then again on thursday she came to stay the night. I stupidly believed her. Then in the morning while she showered I found her phone and on it where 16 text messages from another guy. 'I miss you! where are you?' etc. etc. when i asked her about them i got a slap and told to '###### off and die'. later on she called to say sorry and again said she would change her number and move back in with me. i'm blind with love for the girl and had another happy day again. she said she was working. i went there she was not. i gave her friends husband a call. he confirmed she had been seeing this guy for months. he also told me something which shook me to the core. she had told her friend that she had left me because i had beaten her up. this was a possibility that a few of you had suggested. of course i have not beaten her up and she has never had any bruises or anything to prove i had. this is textbook stuff. lose her mate. you might feel in love or feel like you should give her a chance as you've went so far with the sponsorship etc but you'll just dig yourself further into her trap. give her a boot in the arse as she leaves. Top advice there from my old mate Gay4shame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Thanks for all the advice on the last post guys. A couple of weeks on and things have not changed. She came to see me at work last Monday and apologised and said she would move back into my house. The next day her tone was different or should i say indifferent. Then again on thursday she came to stay the night. I stupidly believed her. Then in the morning while she showered I found her phone and on it where 16 text messages from another guy. 'I miss you! where are you?' etc. etc. when i asked her about them i got a slap and told to '###### off and die'. later on she called to say sorry and again said she would change her number and move back in with me. i'm blind with love for the girl and had another happy day again. she said she was working. i went there she was not. i gave her friends husband a call. he confirmed she had been seeing this guy for months. he also told me something which shook me to the core. she had told her friend that she had left me because i had beaten her up. this was a possibility that a few of you had suggested. of course i have not beaten her up and she has never had any bruises or anything to prove i had. this is textbook stuff. lose her mate. you might feel in love or feel like you should give her a chance as you've went so far with the sponsorship etc but you'll just dig yourself further into her trap. give her a boot in the arse as she leaves. Top advice there from my old mate Gay4shame Yes, EXCEPT for the boot in the arse. That might leave a bruise and give credence to her claims of abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Crocodile Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 (edited) Yes,EXCEPT for the boot in the arse. That might leave a bruise and give credence to her claims of abuse. Could claim it was from something the new fella likes to do Edited November 27, 2006 by London Crocodile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittheimp Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I don't understand why when people read stories like this they immediately presume it is a troll - these things happen and have probably happened more often than we wish to acknowledge. The OP keeps on going back to his gf coz he is in love with her and thus deluded that it will 'be all right now'. He is not pathetic and not a loser but just needs to get over her by doing the very difficult thing of shutting her out of his life, then, and only then will he be able to move on. Eventually this will happen but it is a lot easier said than done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
game4shame Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Top advice there from my old mate Gay4shame cheers croc. i'll put the spelling down to dyslexia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roamer Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Well I'll be the odd one out here, I say let her go and swallow it for the following reasons: The responsibilities, (or "rights" as the OP sometimes seems to think he has) ends with entry clearance in the case of an individual sponsor. It differs only when the entrant is a child or the sponsorship was corporate in the case of a job or was academic in the case of a college in certain circumstances. Accusations of abuse will not in any way lead to permanent leave to remain. This is the case even when those accusations are proven. Example, numerous cases of girls being lured here by job offers and forced into prostitution and often violently assaulted. After they give evidence they are deported often to the outrage of campaign groups. The Home Office line is that if they were to grant leave to remain in these circumstances there is a possibility that it will give rise to false accusations in order to obtain leave to remain. Only in circumstances where they can prove they face retribution on return do Immigration Tribunals overturn. Whether or not any of the abuse that has been written of here is likely to reach the authorities if things stay as they are has to be open to doubt. On the other hand if she is to be investigated because of the actions of the OP then for sure the allegations will arise and have to be investigated. A good justification, if not defense, of the ONLY breach of immigration rules (working more than the permitted hours) would be that he misled her about his ability to support her. On the original post I queried how long she could have left on a student visa given the current strictly enforced regulations because by my calculations the departure date would be fast approaching. All the more reason to let things go. Was never answered though. Might not be a troll, but in that case its still not the full picture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walg Posted November 27, 2006 Author Share Posted November 27, 2006 thanks guys. she got a 6 month student visa in january 2006. when that expired i paid for 12 months more tuition we sent this receipt off to the home office and they gave her a 14 month extension with temporary leave to remain. in that case i calculate August as being the time up date. i bought her open return ticket in thailand in january. that expires this coming january. what i have only just thought of is that if i dont tell the authorites i could end up having to pay form her to go home after 8 months with another guy. scouser told me in the visa forum that i could exersise certain rights to have her arrested at work. i will not do this. i still love her and dont really want to hurt her as such. revenge is there i admit but 90% is protecting my own rights. analysing her phone bill there are massive amounts of texts to more than one number. as a previous poster last week mentioned there is a small possibility of her selling herself. as regards my 'trolling' i have never heard the word before. i can assure you i am a genuine poster simply looking for some friendly advice and believe it or not even being called an idiot has helped in some way. love is blind and i have acted irrationally i know that now. a slap round the face in that way is maybe what i needed a long time ago. thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roamer Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Ok your not a troll, but your sadly misinformed. You have no "rights" to have her arrested at work, where are you getting this b/s from ? Its entirely common that students often exceed their allowed hours, many of them work in the service industry and accepted reasons include having to work an extra shift if a colleague hasn't turned up etc to name but one. I no longer work in this area of the law but I'm sure that any of my former colleagues would rub their hands with glee if they were facing an immigration appeals tribunal with this one. And despite what anyone may have told you, not only do you not have any "rights" in this case, you also have no legal, or financial responsibilities either. You were a sponsor not a guarantor. Forget it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VanZam Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Said it before and I'll say it again... Why are you even bothering with all of this? Get her out of your house and forget her... get on with your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiG16 Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 move on and forget her. really not worth it. and this is advice coming from a woman...who in most cases tend to side with women, but not in this case. do it quickly before she does you further harm, such as accuse that u physically abuse her. claims like that by women will be taken by authorities with more seriousness than your words of refusal. i hope it doesnt come to that for you, but you really need to act quickly. focus on the practical aspects of things you need to do first, try to just block out the feelings side for the immediate time, there will be lots of time for you to do that later good luck and cheer up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
game4shame Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 scouser told me in the visa forum that i could exersise certain rights to have her arrested at work. i will not do this. i still love her and dont really want to hurt her as such. you may still love her but think of all the b/s she has put you through. why care about her if she doesn't care about you? you dont have to hurt her, just dont fall for any of her <deleted> anymore, get some space, distance yourself for a while. by the sounds of it she just flutters her eyelashes or apologises and you forgive and forget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkkandrew Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 You know - you are making the exact same mistakes as me (are you sure it is not the same girl? ). I posted my story at http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...2761&st=60# Your story is similar and there is only one solution. You will laugh to yourself, as I did, when you see her making a fool of herself in the future.. I have not stopped smiling since the incident I posted about!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baennaenae Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 Tell the B to get lost and move on ! Is she Thai ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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