How to ask a Thai girl out

[Berkshire]

Just now, oldhippy said:

The part that I do not understand is how you can give advise on things you have never done?

Such as long distance relationships with Thai women.

Ah, just bash on.

 

I can tell you that I know people who have...but what's the point. 

[Thaiwrath]

You should have consulted her Thai boyfriend before making any arrangements.

[rogeroc]

To the OP i would say that you are getting poor advice from many Posters sayig that it is OK to accept a chaperone. I did a lot of Online dating and only 1 girl asked for a chaperone. I kindly declined on the basis that i would then be expected to pay for both her and her friend and also that they would be talking in Thai with each other for most of the date. Thai girls are strong minded and can look after themselves, they don't need chaperones. If she likes you she will meet you alone and you have made a stance against her early manipulation, but you should have done it much more politely. If a Thai girl does genuinely want a chaperone then of course it goes without saying that she must tell you this before agreeing to go on a date, not afterwards. She was trying it on !

Edited October 16, 2016 by rogeroc

[AlexRRR]

10 hours ago, zyva said:

Well I don't think there's anything wrong to fly in for a date, tat's if the other party is sincere as well. I was definitely pissed that she didn't respect my time too. If I was staying in Bangkok and she stood me up once or twice, I probably would have been more chilled about it. 

I told myself the same anyway, she isn't worth the trouble. just adopting a wait and see attitude now to see if she's making big enough a change. 

 

Mate your to young and inexperienced if your adopting a wait and see approach too her.....she is not worth the trouble plain and simple....

 

Your not getting it....tigers dont change there stripes, what you have seen is what your going to get more of, sure she may smarten up but in time that side will show up again and again....its not small money to book a flight even from Chaing Mai for a Thai, she doesn't respect you there for you have nothing.

 

Ive dated enough Thai women to know how they are and there pretty much no different to western women but for this...if they like you or are keen on you there dont root you around, they dont break dates they keep seeing you, I've had 4 TGF's age range 28 to 40 so i think I'm qualified to give you advice...GET rid of her, id say your dead keen on her other wise why all the trouble to keep it going, make the cut keep yourself busy then get back out there again and date someone who is worthy of you.

[zyva]

I am now in the opinion that we both made mistakes. On her side she clearly could not understand how to respect my time and on my side I was being an <deleted>.

 

There is a mismatch of expectations on what we both wanted. I prefer clarity. And she prefers subtle hints and games. I guess this says a lot about how its going to be in future if we really dated.

 

So well, yes, now I have to reflect on how not to be an <deleted> and move on to other things in life. 

[Berkshire]

5 hours ago, zyva said:

I am now in the opinion that we both made mistakes. On her side she clearly could not understand how to respect my time and on my side I was being an <deleted>.

 

There is a mismatch of expectations on what we both wanted. I prefer clarity. And she prefers subtle hints and games. I guess this says a lot about how its going to be in future if we really dated.

 

So well, yes, now I have to reflect on how not to be an <deleted> and move on to other things in life. 

 

So your conclusion is that you're a straight-up honest guy, but she's deceitful and devious.  Does that about sum it up?  If that makes you feel better about yourself and your situation, so be it.

 

The cultural influence would be that because you're not family or lifelong friend, you mean nothing to her.  Your  opinion means nothing.  She owes you nothing.  Not until you've earned a place in her "circle of trust."  Try to look at it from that vantage point. 

[zyva]

1 hour ago, Berkshire said:

 

So your conclusion is that you're a straight-up honest guy, but she's deceitful and devious.  Does that about sum it up?  If that makes you feel better about yourself and your situation, so be it.

 

The cultural influence would be that because you're not family or lifelong friend, you mean nothing to her.  Your  opinion means nothing.  She owes you nothing.  Not until you've earned a place in her "circle of trust."  Try to look at it from that vantage point. 

I've said things in my own form of words. I like clarity and she doesnt. How does that translate to what you said at all? I spoke nothing about honesty and deception. If thats what you inferred then that's your problem. 

 

I didnt say she was deceitful. I said she likes hints and games. I jist mean to say that I was more direct and she was indirect. If that doesnt accurately sum up the situation, what words will you use? 

[Damrongsak]

When I met my future wife 40 years ago, we started out as acquaintences/friends.  I was a U.S. Peace Corps volunteer.  We did things together, always accompanied by friends or her siblings.  Eventually we went a few places together on my motorcycle, but it probably ruined her reputation.  I don't think it occurred to either one of us that we were dating.  Just keeping ourselves entertained in a small town.  We pretty well followed Thai social norms of the time.  Although my wife is of Vietnamese descent, so there's a bit of a different mindset.

 

When my 2 years was coming to a close, I decided I had become very fond of her.  We got married, though she wasn't wild about leaving Thailand.  It was rather daunting for someone who did not speak English.  38 years and 2 kids later, she just returned to Thailand for early retirement.  I suppose I'll join her after taking care of business here, or find a way to commute.  We have a nice new little house.

 

 

[Berkshire]

1 hour ago, zyva said:

I've said things in my own form of words. I like clarity and she doesnt. How does that translate to what you said at all? I spoke nothing about honesty and deception. If thats what you inferred then that's your problem. 

 

I didnt say she was deceitful. I said she likes hints and games. I jist mean to say that I was more direct and she was indirect. If that doesnt accurately sum up the situation, what words will you use? 

 

You said "she prefers subtle hints and games."  That's not deceitful?  You like it when women "play games" with you?  Nevermind.

 

Direct and indirect is the definition of west and east communication.  Neither one is right or wrong, it's just different.  But that doesn't seem to describe your situation. 

 

I already explained the cultural influence thing to you, but you chose to ignore it.  Let me ask you, why did you start this thread?  Is it so that like-minded individuals would chime in and agree with you?  Or do you want different points of view?  I offer the latter.  If that offends you, don't start any more threads. 

[zyva]

2 hours ago, Berkshire said:

 

You said "she prefers subtle hints and games."  That's not deceitful?  You like it when women "play games" with you?  Nevermind.

 

Direct and indirect is the definition of west and east communication.  Neither one is right or wrong, it's just different.  But that doesn't seem to describe your situation. 

 

I already explained the cultural influence thing to you, but you chose to ignore it.  Let me ask you, why did you start this thread?  Is it so that like-minded individuals would chime in and agree with you?  Or do you want different points of view?  I offer the latter.  If that offends you, don't start any more threads. 

Ok mate, you have an agressive character and you are not even aware. If you offend me I should not start another thread? You should stop being the authority here. 

 

Im not here to fight. I am receptive to different view points, not insults. Your comment was bordering insults and you seem not to be aware. So anyways, thanks for your contribution. In your own words we are neither family nor long term friends, our opinion mean shxt to each other. 

[ScotBkk]

You say you are in your early 30,s yet you clearly show a lack of maturity in dealing with women,especially decent Thai women who Dmaxdan very accurately refers to in the above post.
Most thai,s will flirt online with you but it is a totally different matter when in public,give her one more opportunity of meeting you AND invite her friend along also as she will be expected to give her opinion of you also,don,t expect any kissing or holding hands initially,let her dictate the pace of the relationship if you are really keen on her,given time it may well pan out in the way you would like.....if not let her down gently and look for another...........there,s thousands of them in Thailand.
If at first you don,t succeed move on and try another

I agree
It's too difficult trying to keep them both amused if you can't speak Thai although paying for two as opposed to one ain't no big deal unless your doing this 2-3 times a week it does become a pain in the arse lol


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[anotheruser]

44 minutes ago, ScotBkk said:

I agree
It's too difficult trying to keep them both amused if you can't speak Thai although paying for two as opposed to one ain't no big deal unless your doing this 2-3 times a week it does become a pain in the arse lol


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My usual go to move here is suggest a threesome during dinner conversation. You find out where you are at really quickly this way. It also helps to break up that awkward moment.

 

I look at it this way... if they agree you win. You have to assume they both want your money so if they don't agree at least you can maybe find out which of the two wants your money the most. Pro tip: ask for pictures and verify whoever she is bringing is also smoking hot.

Edited October 17, 2016 by anotheruser

[ScotBkk]

 
My usual go to move here is suggest a threesome during dinner conversation. You find out where you are at really quickly this way. It also helps to break up that awkward moment.
 
I look at it this way... if they agree you win. You have to assume they both want your money so if they don't agree at least you can maybe find out which of the two wants your money the most. Pro tip: ask for pictures and verify whoever she is bringing is also smoking hot.

Hilarious lol


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[anotheruser]

Just now, ScotBkk said:

Hilarious lol


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competition can only benefit consumers.

 

[bamukloy]

Dont often do it, but i must reason with the Thai girl side on this.

 

First up..man, you stiffed her on her birthday!

Didnt you think the fact it was her birthday should have trumped your needs and expectations, if not just for that one day?

 

Also, many Thai girls would not have asked permission and bought a friend along anyway.

 

As it was, you caused her to loose face in front of her friend..and on her birthday.

What did you expect? 

 

Whatsmore, you didnt even consider it an issue enough to mention in your post.hmm. 

Man im suprised she even contacted you again.

 

I guess when she stiffed you on the next date it was a tit for tat revenge thing.

Incredibly immature, yes.

Thai girls like that.

 

To explain her interest now, im sure is because she reasons you were not pissed enough at wasting the cost of plane tickets and are actually considering going through the whole cherade again.

 

Shes probably thinking..oh, hes rich and a bit silly..

Thai girls like that.

 

[metisdead]

A troll post has now been removed. 

[1FinickyOne]

16 hours ago, zyva said:

I am now in the opinion that we both made mistakes. On her side she clearly could not understand how to respect my time and on my side I was being an <deleted>.

 

There is a mismatch of expectations on what we both wanted. I prefer clarity. And she prefers subtle hints and games. I guess this says a lot about how its going to be in future if we really dated.

 

So well, yes, now I have to reflect on how not to be an <deleted> and move on to other things in life. 

 

Respect your time? I understand where you are at - that is a business person's view of life and it works fine, indeed is necessary in business... it is not just Thai culture that you are running into, but females in general. I had the same issues with my wife in USA - I have it with my wife here too. The biggest difference is that here, I am retired and I learned to bring a book with me wherever I go. 

 

Precision is great in business and not so great in relationships. A relationship is better more relaxed. It is helpful to be more accepting, because she will be late, she will be unhurried - and if it works for you, it might be nice to have a relationship that is more relaxed and easy going. 

 

I have a friend who does this internet meeting and he is always getting pissed off when a girl is ten minutes late and doesn't call - - so, they meet and he is angry and surely she is thinking, what a jerk... I know not everyone will agree with this, but, if you want to get on with someone, you have to be a bit more flexible at times. If he were to greet these ladies with, 'how nice to see you' instead of a lecture on punctuality, - do you think the rest of his evening might not go better? - even for his own sake, relax.... 

 

Guy: She is ten minutes late! She has no respect for me! 

Girl: I don't understand why he gets so angry?? What is wrong with him? I was only ten minutes late - right on time. 

 

Hey, good luck - dating is supposed to be fun stuff, not business stuff - relax and enjoy... 

[zyva]

4 hours ago, bamukloy said:

Dont often do it, but i must reason with the Thai girl side on this.

 

First up..man, you stiffed her on her birthday!

Didnt you think the fact it was her birthday should have trumped your needs and expectations, if not just for that one day?

 

Also, many Thai girls would not have asked permission and bought a friend along anyway.

 

As it was, you caused her to loose face in front of her friend..and on her birthday.

What did you expect? 

 

Whatsmore, you didnt even consider it an issue enough to mention in your post.hmm. 

Man im suprised she even contacted you again.

 

I guess when she stiffed you on the next date it was a tit for tat revenge thing.

Incredibly immature, yes.

Thai girls like that.

 

To explain her interest now, im sure is because she reasons you were not pissed enough at wasting the cost of plane tickets and are actually considering going through the whole cherade again.

 

Shes probably thinking..oh, hes rich and a bit silly..

Thai girls like that.

 

On hindsight, it was definitely not a nice thing to do on anyone's Birthday. 

[zyva]

3 hours ago, kenk24 said:

 

Respect your time? I understand where you are at - that is a business person's view of life and it works fine, indeed is necessary in business... it is not just Thai culture that you are running into, but females in general. I had the same issues with my wife in USA - I have it with my wife here too. The biggest difference is that here, I am retired and I learned to bring a book with me wherever I go. 

 

Precision is great in business and not so great in relationships. A relationship is better more relaxed. It is helpful to be more accepting, because she will be late, she will be unhurried - and if it works for you, it might be nice to have a relationship that is more relaxed and easy going. 

 

I have a friend who does this internet meeting and he is always getting pissed off when a girl is ten minutes late and doesn't call - - so, they meet and he is angry and surely she is thinking, what a jerk... I know not everyone will agree with this, but, if you want to get on with someone, you have to be a bit more flexible at times. If he were to greet these ladies with, 'how nice to see you' instead of a lecture on punctuality, - do you think the rest of his evening might not go better? - even for his own sake, relax.... 

 

Guy: She is ten minutes late! She has no respect for me! 

Girl: I don't understand why he gets so angry?? What is wrong with him? I was only ten minutes late - right on time. 

 

Hey, good luck - dating is supposed to be fun stuff, not business stuff - relax and enjoy... 

 

Business is so much easier in that respect :D

I understand that valuing time is a business way of life. But I also think some form of it will also applies to friendship and relationships. 

 

[MrHankey]

Dude.

Learn the rules of fight club.

Better go read 'Mate' by Tucker Max.

So she wanted to bring a friend to the outdoor market. You did a dick move and cancel. It was no <deleted>.

You make pinky promises. Nope. Be a man. Be clear.

She's giving you aggro on chat. Make a power move for once.

This girl sounds like a waste. Her vagina is not magical btw. Go chat other women.

Tell her you're coming to BKK. Line up other women. Say it's cool if she wants to meet after all your chat. If she's busy no problem.

Really dude. It's not about Thai women. You're problem is women. Go read the book.


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[rogeroc]

On 10/17/2016 at 11:15 PM, bamukloy said:

Also, many Thai girls would not have asked permission and bought a friend along anyway.

 

 And that would be ' out of order' and impolite and wrong for any Nationality. What nonsense some guys are prepared to accept from women is amazing and i include my past self in that.

[rogeroc]

On 10/18/2016 at 0:53 AM, kenk24 said:

I have a friend who does this internet meeting and he is always getting pissed off when a girl is ten minutes late and doesn't call - - so, they meet and he is angry and surely she is thinking, what a jerk... I know not everyone will agree with this, but, if you want to get on with someone, you have to be a bit more flexible at times. If he were to greet these ladies with, 'how nice to see you' instead of a lecture on punctuality, - do you think the rest of his evening might not go better? - even for his own sake, relax..

 

My experience with Online dating Thai girls is that they are almost invariably punctual, but i agree 10 mins either side should not be a problem.

[bamukloy]

 

I can see it both ways.

If they met on a dating website but are  meeting in person for the first time I can see why they might want a friend join.

 

If they are wanting friends to join after the initial date, its obviously just a ploy to freeload off the farang

 

 

[FritsSikkink]

On ‎16‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 3:50 PM, zyva said:

Thank you for the advice.

I now understand that I have screwed it up at the very start. I didn't know it was a custom to bring along a friend. 

I cannot imagine being the friend brought along for this purpose. It would be super awkward.

But just for discussion sake, if she brings a friend, does that mean I can bring one too? 

Maybe do a pinky promise first to be sure.

[Khunchai Tong]

You could also bring along a chaperone like a smoking hot tanned latina  in a mini-skirt........ that would really "set the cat among the pigeons" Of course I am just being facetious here.

Of course small gifts seem to work, such as a fluffy pokemon toy or a fluffy bear.

I quickly learned with my wife of 24 years that chocolates,flowers,jewellery were all "ho-hum" but when I give her dried squid from Hua Hin its all hugs kisses and bedroom.

And do not forget "face" You took hers away so you can rest assured the minimum payback is at least double and can sometimes be quadruple.

Having said all this you are the only one who can decide whether or not to pursue the lady and you "have the power"

maybe you just do not realize it yet.

Good luck mate.

 

[CantSpell]

Girl: "Can i take my friend with me on our date?"

 

Proper answer: "Sure, we do threesome after dinner?"

 

If answer is yes, she is a keeper..

If answer is no, go to Nana and rent :)

[zyva]

Here's the update of my situation. 

So we did go for the date. Flowers, presents, coffee, dinner and a drink at a skybar. It was a good night. 

I can see some effort on her side to adjust herself to accommodate to me. I also did the same by avoiding things I know will make her uncomfortable. 

But it still didn't work. Which was a shame because I really like her. 

We continued to text each other after the date. But I just felt that I invested a lot of time and effort but she did not seem to be very responsive to these advances. So naturally, I started to slowed down my pace and texted her less, to which she protested. And then when I started texting her more she did not respond enthusiastically. 

So I got tired of this, again. It might well be a communication barrier. It could be something else. Maybe she just didn't like me that much. My instinct was that she just wanted someone to give her attention. But this time, bearing in mind there might be cultural differences, I just thought there's nothing to pursue here and that whatever this is, it's time to end the game without hurting anyone. 
 

[ClutchClark]

4 minutes ago, zyva said:

Here's the update of my situation. 

So we did go for the date. Flowers, presents, coffee, dinner and a drink at a skybar. It was a good night. 

I can see some effort on her side to adjust herself to accommodate to me. I also did the same by avoiding things I know will make her uncomfortable. 

 

No disrespect intended BUT you are way over-thinking this entire thing.

 

Go out and have some fun.

 

Thats what girls want.

[A1Str8]

You guys with all these woman problems. 

It doesn't matter whether she's Thai or German or American or Mexican. A woman is just a woman. 

If she played you twice and you fly to bkk for the third time then you are a dummy. Find a real woman who deserves your attention. 

[A1Str8]

23 minutes ago, zyva said:

Here's the update of my situation. 

So we did go for the date. Flowers, presents, coffee, dinner and a drink at a skybar. It was a good night. 

I can see some effort on her side to adjust herself to accommodate to me. I also did the same by avoiding things I know will make her uncomfortable. 

But it still didn't work. Which was a shame because I really like her. 

We continued to text each other after the date. But I just felt that I invested a lot of time and effort but she did not seem to be very responsive to these advances. So naturally, I started to slowed down my pace and texted her less, to which she protested. And then when I started texting her more she did not respond enthusiastically. 

So I got tired of this, again. It might well be a communication barrier. It could be something else. Maybe she just didn't like me that much. My instinct was that she just wanted someone to give her attention. But this time, bearing in mind there might be cultural differences, I just thought there's nothing to pursue here and that whatever this is, it's time to end the game without hurting anyone. 
 

You got it figured out finally... Your instinct tells you that she just wants your attention. And what do we do with our instincts? We listen to them because it's always! right. 

Like I said before I read this last update.. Don't be a dummy. She needs your attention that's all. 

Learn the lesson and move on.