Farang+ Thai partner choices.

[williamgeorgeallen]

i kind of fell into a relationship when i had a son with a thai girl. after 5 years of living in thailand i had given up trying to understand how thais think and act. i dont understand how she thinks but i support her and 6 years on she seems to be content with that. in my opinion, and this is 'my opinion' which will of course vary from many of you, thailand is a single mans paradise to retire to. just do something to propagate a good circle of friends and stay single unless you want to have kids. another point is try to do a trip outside of thailand each year, it will help you appreciate how good life is here.

[yannic]

You will be better off in the Philippines

[elgordo38]

On 11/3/2016 at 2:55 AM, Elkski said:

I have never paid directly for a woman's love and don't plan to start now

Trust me this will all change subtly yes but change it will not directly but indirectly. There is Sin Sod money for the parents and possibly an early life slip up in the mothers care. I have a plot of land will you build me a house/mansion. I need a car and a separate bank account take me to your home country for a visit (once she steps off the plane in the governments eyes she is your Financial responsibility) I need new clothes you do not want me to look frumpy and I am just scratching the surface. All the best laid plans of mice and men here do go astray. 

[elgordo38]

1 hour ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

propagate a good circle of friends

Propagate a good circle of friends only not the other kind. 

[elgordo38]

3 hours ago, villagefarang said:

themselves to the whims of a man who does not understand them and does not see them as equal.

This would even throw Einstein for a loopy. Even with all his math skills finding an "equal" for the othr sex is nigh impossible. 

[elgordo38]

5 hours ago, Elkski said:

There are also increases in risks for the woman.   The point is there is some dividing point where a woman will decide to not risk it.  So she is in a different group as far as a 56 yr old farang is concerned.  

 

I think a 51 year old farang here would be considered a youngster a rooster in his prime. 

[elgordo38]

6 hours ago, Elkski said:

But nothing wrong if a woman decides to not have children

In this day and age and environment wiser words were never spoken. 

[dansbkk]

Lighten up a little and relax.  You are not buying a televison set, you are looking for a life partner.You can't make lists and plan this adventure step by step.  You may meet someone online on a dating site and think you have meet the woman of your dreams, but always remember, online is anonymous and you never know for sure who is actually writing to you.  Many ladies don't have the written english language skills to communicate and so some internet cafes have designated correspondents to type replies.  Learn some Thai, come over and spend some quality time here and you may be amazed at who you might meet, just by living your everyday life. I have met some really nice people just shopping at a mall or standing in the laundry detergent aisle at Big C or Tesco.  Ladies approach to help as i look bewildered by the choices of fabric softener, and use the opportunity to start a conversation.  They all seem to focus on the shopping cart a while to decide if this is a single guys cart, or if I'm shopping for my wife or girlfriend.  Phone numbers or line ID is usually offered, just in case I have any laundry questions 5555.  

So again relax, throw away the lists and timetables and enjoy your life.  If love bites you it will bite you.  

[lungnorm]

You poor guy, you must be lonely as it seems you do not have any friends to talk to about this instead you air your thoughts online. I am sure you will not get any acceptable or intelligent replies here. As they say in my country you have  to suck it and see. To be honest I have done the Thai scene nice career women and exclusive bar girls. Not much difference and very hard to find any woman without a kid or two tucked away with her family somewhere. I ended up going to the Philippines and yes there were many more nice girls available but not to be found on websites. I still got taken for a few (enjoyable and expensive rides) but eventually I found a nice god fearing English speaking reasonably well educated lady who in my mind is far too good for an old 70yr old fart like myself. The big difference between Philippina women and Thai women is when a Philippina woman says she loves you there is a big chance she means it, unlike Thai women they only love your money. Experience is only gained by trying, just do not trust any woman until you are absolutely sure. 

[SaintLouisBlues]

5 hours ago, Berkshire said:

So let me ask you, do you think the majority of Thai females who've never had children and can still have children:

 

1.  Want to have children and family, or

2.  Never want to have children.

 

Simple question.

I'm not interested in opinions, they're so hard to defend. Where are the facts that can answer this one way or the other? Remember, I merely asked the originator of this statement to defend his opinion that "normal" means always wanting children. I expressed no opinion either way. He then replied with an ad hominem remark about my parentage, which he also can't defend

Edited November 6, 2016 by SaintLouisBlues

[lungnorm]

On ‎11‎/‎4‎/‎2016 at 8:35 AM, Elkski said:

lol What Soi?

I have daughters in low 20's...  I think I would be ecstatic with a 38 yr old. and I wont be buying anyone a house.  if she owns one I can pay rent.

Soi = Street

[khunPer]

OP, it's my experience – both from the more than a decade I lived here, and my Thai-friends here, but also from what I've read – that a Thai relationship is "all bout money". Thai ladies are brought up with the husband/man is the provider for the family; especially most, if not all, of the ladies mingling with a foreign middle-aged boyfriend/partner expect that.

 

Before you get to deep into you statistic planning, may I kindly advise you to read two books:

 

"Thailand Fever" by Chris Pirazzi & Vitada Vasant, Paiboon Publishing, ISBN 1-887521-48-8, web: www.thailandfever.com.

I think Chris is American. This book that is written in both English and Thai, will give you an outstanding view into Thai culture and relationship, here-under the extremely important part "Money and Support" in the comprehensive Chapter 5.

 

"Love Entrepreneurs" by Phil Nicks, Monsoon Books, ISBN 978-981-05-9211-0.

As the title says, this book focus on the money-side of a Thai relationship, and will made you understand how your Thai partner thinks and what she expect from you.

 

A foreign-Thai relationship can work very well – and I talk from experience – if you as foreigner is aware about (some of) the culture differences and (most) expectations from you. The girl/lady will change little only, so you will be the one bending a bit more, if it shall work long-term. Both parties have limits, so it's a question of balance. My best advise is, to make clear from the beginning what you expect – also financially – and what you can offer. And then I will say, bargirls are not necessarily bad girls – many a girl from the nightlife has become an excellent partner or wife – and for non-bargirls, you may not know their history and real intentions; the worst true horror-stories I know, all have non-bargirls in the title-role...

 

Often best advise is to come to Thailand, and hang out – not beer-bars/lady-bars, but places where you have a chance to meet local ladies; depending of where you stay, it can be shopping malls, events, in the street, etc. – and be open; you will meet a lot of nice smiling ladies. They may be little shy (in the beginning) and talk limited English, but many really dream about, and wish a foreign boyfriend/husband. Be a gentleman, that's expected and will give you success in dating, and don't move-on too fast; dating a decent Thai-lady can be a long process. Follow your feelings, if you get second thoughts, then move on; there are thousands of other beautiful "decent" ladies waiting for just you.

 

Money cannot buy love, but something that looks exactly like it...

I wish you good luck...

[The manic]

You think too mut! But my advice would be a childless, barren orphan. If you marry a Thai you are at the end of the behind all the family. You are marrying them and supporting them.

Edited November 6, 2016 by The manic

[Khon Kaen Dave]

OMG! Another one trying to analise the Thai woman syndrome.

Maybe this guy is just off the 'dancing through the daisy fields of so happy to be here.

It takes time to even be able to trust a Thai woman.You need to suck it and see mate.Dont go on stats.over here the normal rules dont apply.

[rogeroc]

7 hours ago, villagefarang said:

Women who are not slaves to their hormonal urges and have the ability to think for themselves rather than blindly following the herd down a path not of their choosing, are true gems.  They standout against the sea of normality and mediocrity which swallows most people and produces neglected offspring. 

 

 

I suspect you would not be saying this if it was you who wanted children with your partner. We all have a tendency to invent statements and beliefs to support and convince ourselves we made the right life decisions. 

 

What you are saying is really a very harsh condemnation of the majority, glossed over in nice poetic Englsh.

[rogeroc]

7 hours ago, Berkshire said:

 

Have to agree with Fabricus.  Do you really have to ask this question?  Firstly, "normal" is simply the majority.  Pretty much every childless Thai girl I've ever dated wants to have children and family now or eventually.  Now I have met a few older Thai women (over 50) who've never had children and at this point, don't want any.  Maybe they did at one time, maybe not.  But they are not normal.  Nothing wrong with that, but it's just not normal.

 

So let me ask you, do you think the majority of Thai females who've never had children and can still have children:

 

1.  Want to have children and family, or

2.  Never want to have children.

 

Simple question.

 

I reckon from life's experience that the answer is no 1 not just for Thais but for all women. Having said that i gather statistice from the West suggest that the percentage of women having children is descreasing. The reasons for that are much more unclear but lkely to be connected to sacrificing motherhood over Business / work opportunities and expectations.

[rogeroc]

2 hours ago, dansbkk said:

Lighten up a little and relax.  You are not buying a televison set, you are looking for a life partner.You can't make lists and plan this adventure step by step.  You may meet someone online on a dating site and think you have meet the woman of your dreams, but always remember, online is anonymous and you never know for sure who is actually writing to you.  Many ladies don't have the written english language skills to communicate and so some internet cafes have designated correspondents to type replies.  Learn some Thai, come over and spend some quality time here and you may be amazed at who you might meet, just by living your everyday life. I have met some really nice people just shopping at a mall or standing in the laundry detergent aisle at Big C or Tesco.  Ladies approach to help as i look bewildered by the choices of fabric softener, and use the opportunity to start a conversation.  They all seem to focus on the shopping cart a while to decide if this is a single guys cart, or if I'm shopping for my wife or girlfriend.  Phone numbers or line ID is usually offered, just in case I have any laundry questions 5555.  

So again relax, throw away the lists and timetables and enjoy your life.  If love bites you it will bite you.  

 

Don't need to abandon the Online Dating but don't waste time communicating Online. Meet your prospective parner in person a.s.a.p. I thought you went to shopping centres and supermarkets to buy clothes and food, not pick up women! How long do you hang around the washing powder isle?

[AlQaholic]

[Thaidream]

Please throw away Facebook; your smart phone and any other device. These items re a hindrance in your search for reality The only way you can be sure of a long term partner in Thailand is by meeting her and talking with her in person. To do this you need to speak Thai and understand Thai culture and how Thai people think and act. Without this, you will never be sure. Thai women are the greatest actors in the World. All of them wear a mask and  without the language and cultural nuances you will never be certain of what your seeing. The language allows youto see behind the mask. I am speaking from 50 yeas of experience. Without the language, you see only what they want you to see. With the language, you see the good, the bad and the ugly. Thailand is filled with bad relationships that were developed solely on false pretenses simply because the foreigner never took the time to look behind the mask.

[sandemara]

My advice, Elkski, would be to not be in  so much of a hurry, nor be so driven by a "plan". Allow room for life to happen. Be ready to enjoy the advantageous position you are already in. I would visit and rent in a few places you think you might like to live in for a few months at a time, no long-term commitments except to your own pleasure and whims.  If, as you appear to indicate, educated women are a priority group, join community organisations where such women might gather - art, music, political, philosophical, theatre, literature groups, university-based sponsors/fund-raisers etc - or groups related to sports and social activities you especially enjoy.  Theatre, art and university communities are especially invigorating (ie, great fun) and would be fertile ground for you, based on my experiences. There are many such local groups throughout the country easily contactable thru Google or via universities, community websites, etc..  One earlier comment you made intrigued me; you seem to think Thai men dump their partners (???); I believe most enterprising, intelligent Thai women take that initiative most of the time despite the challenges involved.  I suggest it's the main reason so many farang men can easily find female partners who appreciate normal personal characteristics and values westerners take for granted. Good luck in your hunt.

[Elkski]

Thank you gentlemen.   Sunday must be when some good TV reading and posting takes place.   Seems like some good wisdom for me.

I am guilty of thinking to much.  I do over analyze things. But many of my ideas worked when you threw the switch!  Life's is hidden in the details. 

 

Yes I need to learn thai or visit the Philippines .  I have  talked to a special phillipino for a couple months.  But she has a young child.   It is obvious both countries have women looking for a knight in shinning ATM.  President Deturte has all but ruined phillipines for me right now.  

 

I know what a soi is.  It was my attempt at humour!  What soi?  As if I would move into some farang territory.  

 

I admit I don't know anyone who has traveled to Thailand.  I do talk about my adventures with a couple friends but they don't understand at all.  I see some good advice in these posts.  You guys have real experience in country.  Invaluable. I learned one thing today.  Tell your gf to shop for her own stuff.  And offer to buy fabric softener for all your friends in the soi so you always spend time in that isle.   

 

I have automatically sorted the dating site by  my desire to talk in English.   Many Thai women have very good vocabularies and withstand my ramblings. They can use Google sometimes. Many have been subjected to ten to fifty times more words from me inquiring into their lives, wishes, dreams, and desires than this thread. 

 

Some thai women have money but no man. Many thai mother's have told me their thai husband knocked up a teen and left them , it must be true? 

I met one who wanted to have but didn't have children.  Some govt nurses can retire with a 18,000+/ mo pension after 25 years.  Money that can go to family or new clothes.   Teachers have similar pension plans.   I met several where money is evident.  One woman had a company with 500 employees.   I think all but the hiso who won't date farang are using these dating sites.   

If a thai woman visits a man in the USA on a tourist visa for 5 months every year on a ten year will immigration allow that?  Then we spend 7 months in Thailand.   Is this a plan? Would I be common law married in USA?  How does just traveling with a Thai to your home country make You financially responsible?

 

I realize love just happens.  It can begin in the laundry isle at Tesco but it can also start by only meeting women who are tops on a list first.  Maybe call it reverse gold digging in Thailand.  So many of you speak of them draining you.   I have also met those with debt.   Observe and Learn from your prey man.  

 

 

Edited November 6, 2016 by Elkski

[4MyEgo]

You married at the same age I did, and you are the same age as I am.

 

Life is strange, its a journey we have no control over, I never planned to fall in love again, was on the single seen for 5 years after my divorce in 1999. 

 

I had a Thai girlfriend back in Sydney Australia for 2 years, she was married to an Aussie and had two young girls, I also had a young daughter at the time, we came to Thailand for a holiday in 2005 and I fell in love with the place, no red light districts, met her family down south.

 

But the longer you are with someone, the more you start to see, I started to see my x wife in her, the jealousy, so it lasted as long as it lasted because I suppose I have a high tolerance level, that or I was just stupid, trying to fix what cannot be fixed.

 

After my divorce in 1999, said I would never remarry, or have kids.

 

Met my Thai wife while I was on holiday in Thailand in 2006, she told me she had twin boys aged 2 years, abusive x partner etc etc, I don't know what it was, but we just clicked and felt as if we knew each other for ages, we still do today.

 

I returned, we married, we had 2 kids together plus her twin boys now age 12, took some convincing on my end to have kids, because at 47, 48 you don't want to be thinking kids, but she assured me that I didn't have to do anything, and her word remains true to this day.

 

She moved to Sydney Australia with me, and we returned to Thailand as planned when I was to retire at age 55, we have lived here for a year, we live in the country, we built a house, purchased a car, we love it here.

 

I have never been happier in my entire life, she is 21 years my junior, she thinks the world of me, and I her.

 

Like I said, life's journey we have no control over, I wish you the best of luck, just one thing please, throw away that list 555

 

 

[Elkski]

Another great story.   

What is a great resource to learn thai?  I hope I'm not to stupid!  I don't have a musical ear.  Spanish was the only class I ever got a D in.  But it was packed with the football team and cheer leaders and I was 14 or 15.  Doomed as they say 

 

I have read all about Isaan women choosing hospitality careers.  I'm sure some make great partners.  I read that their families accept it.   I'm try not to judge people.   My homour is dry and some missed the sarcasm about half breeds.  Even when I said I "added sarcasm" in the edit reason.  Lol.  

 

So many different men, backgrounds, ages, experience, expectations, talking about so many different Thai women.   The mathematics are mind blowing.  I truly believe it's the "Scent of a woman" that decides things.  Matching at a DNA level.  Worked for eons.  

[crazydrummerpauly]

My god...is it really THAT difficult ?!

Edited November 6, 2016 by crazydrummerpauly

[Rhys]

All the best dude.. living the life.. enjoy..

[Dumbastheycome]

Ignore age  difference  unless  under  35. Ignore   stickman. Good  luck . :)

[rasg]

Throw out your lists and categories and be more open to experiencing new things and following new paths.

I 100% agree with this. Go and find one in real life and see if sparks fly. I spent three years with a Thai girl I met in a Thai restaurant in the UK. A couple of years after we went our separate ways I decided to have a couple of week holiday in Thailand. I had never visited before Thailand before. The woman I ended up marrying back in June was working in the hotel restaurant I was staying in when I arrived in Thailand. I literally flew to Thailand and met her a few hours later when I went to get a bite to eat. We have been together since. I was 58 and she was 37. She was divorced with a 13 year old boy, but working away from home for most of his life to send money home, her sister and farther have brought him up.

 
Not only is it insulting to a whole generation of women its a fallacy. I assume all your male friends are at least 20 years younger than you as well because what could you possibly have in common with someone your own age?

I have family in their 20s who act like they are 70 and I know 70 year olds who act like they are in their 20s. To me it's attitude of mind and has nothing do with the physical aspects.

I am guilty of over analyzing things.  So have 20 single years then 20 married to a gal 20 yrs junior sounds ok.  So your 65 and she 45?   But I am done making kids and will think hard before I help raise more.  In fact why would I choose a woman 49-50 with teens when there are many who's children are grown and gone.  A woman of 38 may be a nice idea but they will have children or want some. I would like to have a positive impact in a teen but that thought passes quickly.   I do worry that they love me like a winning lottery ticket.

We cleared up the baby thing very quickly as I am simply too old to have kids. Not biologically but because I can't imagine being 75 with a 15 year old. Not fair on the kid.   

I am not sure I could ever separate a mother and child like that.  I have talked to several who's children were being cared for far away by family.

 

That is quite normal in Thailand.

 

Maybe tell me that at 56 it would be crazy for me to aim for a 50 yr old and not 42 or 36?

 

Why aim for any particular age? I don't get that at all. Most Thai women I have seen seem to look after themselves. Many are petite. A few days after I met the woman who became my wife, I was having a haircut by a very cute, extremely petite and very young looking hairdresser and she asked me out for food. I politely said no and found out a little later that she was 48.

 

I thoroughly recommend the book "Thailand Fever" too.

But my advice would be a childless, barren orphan. If you marry a Thai you are at the end of the behind all the family. You are marrying them and supporting them.

 

This is utter rubbish. Pick a good one and lay your cards on the table early. So many cynics on here.

 

[MolesterStallone]

I'm 29 in my 3rd year with a 32 year old Thai woman, Didn't find her online I just lived my life and after 2 years of working in BK we crossed paths. 

 

I won't be letting her get away. She's smart educated in the US, from a good family and earns more money than me lol. There's no way I would have found her if I was "hunting" or looking online and assessing her every reply.

 

Love finds you, not the other way around anything else is just mutual benefit.

 

Love your life and see what happens.

[Elkski]

Great advice I appreciate it all.  

So many guys who married the first thai woman they met? Hmmmm   Seems to defy the odds?   

[Damrongsak]

18 hours ago, villagefarang said:

I say anyone who has no greater ambition than to be ‘normal’ is risking a sad unfulfilled existence...

 

Having been weird all my life, I thought I'd try being "normal" to add to the list of my accomplishments. :)

 

Seriously, this is an interesting thread.  Married my Thai wife at age 25 and we've been married for 38 years.  I'm about 4 years older than her.  Met her in a cloth market in a small town and she didn't speak English.  Funny how things work out.  But I can't be of much help here, being a dinosaur and all.  (Except to say my wife's 42 year old Thai friend makes a 20 year age difference look quite attractive.) Shame on me.

 

Oh, there were one or two other gals in that small town who attracted me.  My wife knows them and they were still quite attractive many years later.  I chose the relatively plain-Jane gal.  But a bit feisty, has a mind of her own.  My forever wife and mother of our children...

Edited November 6, 2016 by Damrongsak