Please Think Twice Before Bringing That Thai Girl Out Of Her Own Country

[paulsmithson]

Having been happily married in the UK to the most marvellous Thai woman I have seen many Thai /English marriages go sadly wrong with extreme suffering for the Thai girl who has married a bad farang. In most cases we have been able to help, however our latest tale of woe exemplifies the worst of alL such situations.

Let us call this poor girl A to protect her a little ok.

We met A two weeks ago when the thai wife of another guy asked us if we could take her to the bus station to pick up an old friend who was now homeless. we did and I then met A and her 16 year old son B.They had nowhere to sleep that night and the Thai lady had been asked to give them a bed for the night, which she did.

Over the last two weeks I have come to learn A's story and I am shocked, horrified and totally disgusted by the way she has been treated by her now ex farang husband, the system here in the Uk and her fellow Thais.

A used to live in Buriram and her Thai husband gave her the usual two children then decided he was bored with her so he kicked her out. With no other means of support and a sister who had worked Pattaya and married a farang( not English) she sought and found work in the bar scene in Pattaya. There she met an Englishman who married her and took her and her 6 year son to England.

A spoke little English and together with the cultural differences the farang soon fell in love with another English girl, he eventually told his Thai wife to leave the home and take her son with her ( after 5 years)

.A asked her husband to pay her air fare home to Thailand but he refused telling her that she was a big girl now!

A did not know about divorce and getting half of the famiy home-she left with the trivial sum of a few thousand pounds she had managed to save from her work as a waitress in a local restaurant. She acquired a very cheap shop and lived over the shop and started her own restaurant with financial help from her sister who had a succesful farang marriage in europe.

A still loved her farang husband and trusted him where money was concerned. He used to visit her restaurant and borrow money and robbed her blind. The business failed.

A was in a mess, she now had a 10 year old son to support and no job, barely spoke the local language and had no home.

The local governement benefits agency did help but the benefits system is convoluted and she did not understand most of what the people there told her. the result of this was that A ended up living off a total income of £40 per week for everything----she could and should have got more but did not understand the systems here.

Still her ex husband refused to help her ( the bastard) and she sank deeper and deeper into debt borrowing from Thai friends, eating so little for herself in order to feed her son.

Winter came and she had no gas nor electric on in her flat due to unpaid bills. She had to resort to llighting a fire in pan to keep them warm.

Ultimately the expected happened and the flat caught fire and she was evicted. With no good command of English and three years of hel_l behind her she was ony able to tramp the streets daily with her son and knock on the doors of her Thai friends asking for a bed for the night. This obviously was not wanted by the Farang husbands of her Thai friends and she rarely stayed in the same place for more than a couple of nights.

Many nights she found nowhere to stay and slept on the streets at the mercy of all the low lifes who saw her there. Twice her 16 year old son was badly beaten and even knifed whilst trying to defend his mother from the unwanted attentions of scum.

Eventually they were taken into police custody and the boy taken into care and A left to fend for herself.

My own heart weeps when I hear her story. She has been living with myself and my wife for the last week now and her mental state is horrendous. She is nice person regardless of her origins and is totally stressed to the limit now. We shall do everything we can to make her life normal but it will take time.

She herself would like to return to Buriram but after 10 years here in the Uk her son is no longer Thai- He has english friends his own age and would not adapt to life in Thailand. A does not understand that there is help availabe for her-there is no social security in Thailand.

All that we can do is try our very best to give this precious person a chance to recover her strength and her mental faculties and hope that she can make a life for herself.

She is not the first we have come across in her situation and I doubt that she will be the last.

So please guys,when you meet and fall in love with that very sexy Thai girl and marry her and take her half way around the world to be your sex toy, remember that she too is a human being.

You cannot discard her like a used condom when you become bored because you find that you have little in common beyond the bedroom.

IF YOU MUST BRING THE GIRL OUT OF HER COUNTRY THEN PLEASE BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AND SEND HER BACK HOME WITH AT LEAST ENOUGH TO START A NEW LIFE.

SHE IS HUMAN TOO!!!!!

[chonabot]

Very sad and all too common story.

PM me with more details, my Brother is a human rights lawyer.

[Mighty Mouse]

This is a very sad case and I can accept that this sort of thing does happen in different countries around the world, but if we had some accurate statistics, I'm sure the happy endings for Thai/farang marriages would far outweigh the tragic endings.

I don't want to dwell on the specifics of this case but in reading your account of her problems, I can't but help think that she should shoulder some of the blame for her current predicament.

Anyway, you sound like a decent person so I hope that you are able to sort out her mess and bring some happiness into her life.

Best wishes.

[soi lurker]

As described by the op. thats no way to treat people. In times like these, the best thing to come out is human compassion and kindness, and it appears that it is allready surfacing. And dont worry, the husband will have his karma come around.

[Jai Dee]

Thread moved to General Forum.

/Moved.

[alexth]

It's sad and the worst and unfair part is that the bad girls fall into the good guy's arms and the good girls fall into the bad guy's hands, we all hear many stories of thai-farang marriages in Europe and all the stories are amazingly horrible, I've always felt depressed when I hear it, I've seen men like God's breat and butter falling into all kinds of scam and getting hurt, sentimentally and financially by thai girls, but also stories of lowlifes treating thais as trash, it's incredibly unfair...however, no matter how old I get, stories like these are still a shakedown for me...

[Boo]

I suggest you speak to the CAB about her rights & what benefits she is entitled to. She should also get herself on one of the free english courses & learn to speak the language properly as she can't rely on others for the rest of her life. If her son is 16 & been in the UK for 10 years then he is (presumably) proficient in english & can act as interpreter?? I feel bad for this women but no one is a pure victim, she has had 10 years to learn english so has to start taking responsibiltiies for her prediciatment or at least on how to get hersef out of it. Good luck to her. But the CAB is the first place to go.

[kiakaha]

first of all, I admire you heart for helping someone in need.

secondly, just in case you thought that all thai females that emigrate are of this same demographic.....some guys also marry thai females who are educated,have professional careers and are fluent in English and able to integrate into their new society fully.

[alexth]

first of all, I admire you heart for helping someone in need.

secondly, just in case you thought that all thai females that emigrate are of this same demographic.....some guys also marry thai females who are educated,have professional careers and are fluent in English and able to integrate into their new society fully.

Yes, some guys...

[BAKABAS]

After 2 failed marriages with Australian women, I am heading to LOS next Feb for my first holiday in 11 years. I won't be looking for a Thai wife, but if in this holiday i meet someone and we develop a relationship which ultimately leads to marriage, then i can understand the pressure a person must be under when removed from her natural homeland. How do you know i am telling the truth?. That is the problem.. you can't. I think the best thing that a Thai lady can do is to meet someone with a "reference". I have recently made friends with a Australian Gentleman and his Thai wife. I have had dinner at their house, i see than on a weekly-fortnightly basis. They know me enough to give a "reference " to a Thai lady, whereas i get to meet a few and see what happens. It would be very scary from both sides if we met cold and relied on a gamble to see if the relationship will work. The Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde syndrome would be more prevalent in relationships where 2 people just meet , with no insight offered into each other. I am lucky to know these people who will work for me and for her. Yes , Thai ladies are mentioned for their matchmaking skills , but rather this than leave your country with a gentleman, only to find out he is a coward and not a man at all.

I feel for your friend. Thankyou for writing this for people to see. I certainly will treat my future wife with the utmost respect . But how do you know if i am telling the truth? you don"t. Therefore, to all the Thai ladies, i recommend if possible, get some "references" before taking the plunge.

I hope all goes better for her. You are a kind person.

Wazza

[ourmanflint]

I agree with the OP's sentiment, but I think this lady just had very bad luck as I think UK social services are usually pretty good in catching people before they fall through the net, unfortunately her let down was her lack of ability in speaking English, which is a great shame, if not for that I'm sure she would have quickly understood her position and stiffed the b_astard for half of everything he had. What does make me sad is the lack of help she recieved from her fellow Thais and their spouses. Where was this by the way.. what part of the country??

[Little Black Duck]

After 13 years in Thailand hearing all the horror stories about the Farang getting the short end of the stick, how terrible to hear the plight of this poor lady and her son..

I think the OP is a wonderfully kind person..

Bakabas..I'm like you, I too had two failed OZ marriages, I was overly cautious about a relationship with a Thai Lady, BUT after 13 years I have met and am in a relationship with a lovely Lady..

I wish you every success with your new venture to LOS..

Just wondering if there is any way via TV we could raise the Airfare to bring Khun A home to Thailand ???

[bkkmadness]

Just wondering if there is any way via TV we could raise the Airfare to bring Khun A home to Thailand ???

She already had the money to fly back to Thailand, she chose instead to stay in the UK and open a business. It's not as if she had no options is it. She could have easily flown back to Thailand and got a job.

.A asked her husband to pay her air fare home to Thailand but he refused telling her that she was a big girl now!

A did not know about divorce and getting half of the famiy home-she left with the trivial sum of a few thousand pounds she had managed to save from her work as a waitress in a local restaurant. She acquired a very cheap shop and lived over the shop and started her own restaurant with financial help from her sister who had a succesful farang marriage in europe.

[Neeranam]

Why can't she go to the Thai embassy?

Maybe she should go back to her old occupation.

Is she better off in England getting money for nothing, or back in Pattaya getting screwed by old fat gits?

[BigSnake]

Sad, indeed but true.

Do plan some visits back to Thailand. Remember you can take the girl out of Thailand, but you cannot take Thailand out of the girl I gave mine the very best of everything, including food and she still love to eat BarRaw(??) Raw Fish, "enough said"

[a2396]

first of all, I admire you heart for helping someone in need.

secondly, just in case you thought that all thai females that emigrate are of this same demographic.....some guys also marry thai females who are educated,have professional careers and are fluent in English and able to integrate into their new society fully.

Yes, some guys...

A miniscule FEW. I am sure less than 1 % of the total. I know of NO Thai woman in my personal aquaintence, who could obtain a professsional well-paying job in my home country. It is hard enough for my own citizens to obtain such employment. SO THEREFORE, these woman are at the mercy of the cruel winds of fate and fortune in a foreign land. I hope the woman may have the opportunity to determine the stability of her relationship and the sincerity of her husband before going overseas to live with him. Unfortunately, often-times such is not practical.

[Cigarette Burn]

She had enough to get back to Thailand, if she had enough to open a business in England then she had enough to open one in Thailand.

Complaining she is not getting enough money from the state? If i was in the same situation in Thailand then i would get ZERO.

Can hardly speak English? What has she been doing all the time she has been in England? She has had plenty of time to learn.

Just another person looking for an easy ride and making bad decisions, regardless of race.

[StateSix]

Sorry to be the guy doubting the story but some things just don't ring true about this story.

First, you say her "Thai husband gave her the usual two children then decided he was bored with her so he kicked her out", yet you only mention a son.

How long did she work in Pattaya? How did she manage to get a guy to marry her and move her to the UK, if she spoke little English? Does he speak decent Thai?

After they split up why did she stay in the UK, when she had money for the flight home?

How did she manage to save a few thousand pounds, when she only worked as a waitress, even if she was there for a few years? From your description of the husband I cannot imagine him spending all his money on her, while she saves hers.

As she worked in a restaurant, why did her English not improve?

How did she manage to set up a restaurant when she spoke little English? How did she manage to meet all the local authority health regulations, organise VAT and tax returns etc?

You said she moved to the UK with her 6 year old son and 5 years later they split up, making the son 11 years old. She then opened the restaurant, which failed, leaving her, according to your story, with a 10 year old son. That doesn't tally, even if the restaurant failed almost immediately.

Why did her sister not advise her to see a solicitor, or offer her advice on divorce? She must have had something to say if she helped financially in the restaurant which failed almost immediately.

I find it hard to believe that the benefits agency did not put her in touch with someone who could give her advice on her rights,in Thai language, especially with a son, who was a minor.

Why did the son not translate for her? I am assuming he went to school, at the very least for the for 5 years she was married, so must be able to speak decent English.

She set fire to her house, so I am assuming the fire services and police became involved. They would have arranged somewhere to stay, and involved social services with a view to organising council accomodation. A minor would not be 'evicted' onto the streets.

If she had enough Thai friends to borrow money from, or stay at their place, why did she not seek advice from them?

After the fire, you said she had had 3 years of hel_l. I assume by that you mean 3 years since the restaurant failed, and she went on benefits. That would make the son around 13/14 years old when they were evicted. You then say "Many nights she found nowhere to stay and slept on the streets at the mercy of all the low lifes who saw her there. Twice her 16 year old son was badly beaten and even knifed whilst trying to defend his mother from the unwanted attentions of scum." That would seem to indicate that they were homeless for 2 years.

Why were they 'taken into police custody'? Again, the police would have involved social services with a woman and minor. They wouldnt have put him in care and 'left her to fend for herself'

The story just doesnt seem to ring true. I sincerely hope that you are being a bit of a troll, or at the very least exaggerating the story, because if the story is true (albeit you have confused dates etc), then A and her son must have been through hel_l.

[Donz]

more questions then answers, doesnt seem true, but if it is good luck to her in the future. no matter what she has done either lost her money in a business she tried to make succesful dont deserve to live on the streets with her son. Life aint easy and sometimes sh1t happends. I think saying she should of done this or that doesnt really help as she cant go back in time.

But does seem like a strange story

[bkkmadness]

There does seem to a be a few flaws in the story, or she just kept making a lot of stupid mistakes. I'd like to hear the hubby's side of the story before labelling him the 'bad farang'.

[gpt]

Just wondering if there is any way via TV we could raise the Airfare to bring Khun A home to Thailand ???

The lady's plight is very sad but just take a step back and look at the situation. Miss B in Yellowknife is not happy and wants to come back to Thailand, the same with Mrs C in Auckland, Jacob from Stockholm is a down-and-out in Krabi and cannot afford the airfare, should we help all of those? Are their stories true? One step further and we get Alan from Liverpool, wants to get rid of his wife, does not want to pay her airfare, knows that thaivisa.com repatriates unhappy Thais and makes up a sob story.

Getting back to the story, it has already been pointed out that the CAB will help, also she can consult a solicitor under the legal aid scheme. It will be a good idea to take a Thai friend who can speak English.

[bkkmadness]

Has she been entirely 'on the books' during the time she was working and owning a business. This is not the reason she's avoided seeking help with the authorities is it?

[GuestHouse]

Regardless of our feelings with respect to this particular case, it is nevertheless true that abuse of trust and responsibility of the kind reported here does take place.

I say 'Trust and Responsibility' because these two issues are paramount in taking someone out of their country.

I accept that we can all of us argue about the levels of responsibility but there are couple of things to note.

While I of course exclude everyone on ThaiVisa in the following, it is nevertheless the case that very many (and I did not say all) men who go over to Thailand searching for a wife are not exactly out of the top draw themselves. They may for a number of reasons not be equipped for any marriage, never mind a mixed race/culture marriage.

The evidence is there; anyone who has a Thai wife in the UK will hear stories similar to the one reported here, they may perhaps even be involved in giving assistance.

Putting aside the failings or causes, it is clear these problems do arise and they have an impact on all of us, if only at the level of perception regarding Farang/Thai relationships.

But it's going to get serious for everyone.

The United States has already enacted laws restricting 'internet bride businesses' and that business collect a series of data on the male client's criminal and domestic past. Sensible suggestions, but the state moving into people's life choices.

The US also has a requirement to declare any charges or convictions of domestic violence when applying for spouse visas.

Those of us who are marrying abroad are becoming guilty by association of the crimes of others.

And surely it is a crime to bring someone into the country and then dump them, perhaps their children. Or to subject someone to the many forms of abuse that are frequently reported.

Of course there is the easy, flippant, remark that this woman is responsible for her self and her son. We can all of us dream up scenarios of her sponging off the state, not paying taxes etc.

But the risk here is that at some point down the line government will get involved. Stricter immigration rules, registration of personal information, license to marry. The US is going that way and I doubt it will be long before the UK and EU follow.

Remember that when the day comes that you have to prove to your government that you are not a woman beater before they give you a visa to take your family to your home.

[Edit] Spelling

Edited December 6, 2006 by GuestHouse

[spectrum]

I agree with the OP's sentiment, but I think this lady just had very bad luck as I think UK social services are usually pretty good in catching people before they fall through the net, unfortunately her let down was her lack of ability in speaking English,

If true, the area may be the key. In a major city, some form of interpreter service would be available (?).

No telephone interpreter service in the UK ? (widely used in Oz.)

It seems the woman in question does not wish to return to Thailand because her son has adjusted to life in the UK. There are probably many other reasons, including major loss of face.

She's confused, abused and totally out of her element. She may, as some imply, be falling back on wordly skills

[britmaveric]

Well if her story is true then its rather disgusting, but lets keep in mind we only know half the story here.

[spectrum]

My last msg. was truncated.

She may, as some imply, be falling back on wordly skills ... not prostitution but the wiles of the uneduated Thai in a farang world.

Help her learn some skills so she does not need to rely on anyone else (Sacrelidge ! I know...)

Before that, she needs to reconstitute herself, though.

Good that you're helping and telling this story.

Best wishes to "A". Legal help was volunteered early in the thread; hope other practical help follows.

...the bright side (one of many) of the internet.

P.S. Thoughtful and clear-minded post from GuestHouse, as seems usual .

Edited December 6, 2006 by spectrum

[girlx]

why is it whenever anyone posts a story on here everyone becomes an amateur detective and accuses the poster of lying?

[Jonson83]

'She had enough to get back to Thailand, if she had enough to open a business in England then she had enough to open one in Thailand.

Complaining she is not getting enough money from the state? If i was in the same situation in Thailand then i would get ZERO.

Can hardly speak English? What has she been doing all the time she has been in England? She has had plenty of time to learn.

Just another person looking for an easy ride and making bad decisions, regardless of race.'

I kinda agree with that.

Stories dodgy,sorry just my opinion.

A lack of understanding of english after 5 years in England is bad enough but 10? sorry thats just silly.Totally unbelievable.

Im not doubting some of the things she has told the OP but thats basically it.She has told her story to this dude/his wife.She could say anything she wanted...

Still,fair play to the bloke for giving her a place to stay.

[Jonson83]

why is it whenever anyone posts a story on here everyone becomes an amateur detective and accuses the poster of lying?

Do you really beleive that story is 100% real?

[terry57]

why is it whenever anyone posts a story on here everyone becomes an amateur detective and accuses the poster of lying?

because in this case it sounds a bit sussed and theres always 2 sides to a story.

the guy writing the story has only known this girl for a millisecond so it leads to further explaination thats all.

being an open forum people can write anything cant they? does'nt mean its all true.

you could be the queen of england girlx and i could be old charlie.

keep an open mind is the key to this forum.