How much of this is BS? (Thai Marriage Money)

[georgemandm]

38 minutes ago, TonyClifton said:

 

Pish posh.

 

The original statement was that the writer was told to go work and save up so he can give the money to the parents.  The parents will then blow that money in the village so they can show off to their peers.  

 

So who is "messed up" in this equation?

 

The cow they want to milk, is the foreigner.  The parents have no qualms about selling off their daughter.  Thai parent' know that when little Betty goes to Bangkok to "work," that the money comes from her being horizontal with legs spread.  Does Daddy have a problem with this when he is buying beer with little Betty's money?  No.

 

Foreigner = more money = more bragging rights.

 

Your priorities as to the truth here are very warped.

Yes so true will put thanks for being a smart man and not getting suck in to this poor thai lady bs .

it is all about money when it comes to thai lady at less in the western world your wife or partner go's out to work and help  support the family bills not like her not a lot but lots of the thai lady's think me have  Foreigner why I have to work bs .

Edited January 11, 2017 by georgemandm
Spelling

[Boon Mee]

3 hours ago, transam said:

Thais pay sin sod in my region...A done thing....The cash is sorted to pay for the Wedding (show) stuff and then dealt with behind closed doors..

That in essence is the purpose of Sin Sod.

The MIL typically gives back a good chunk of the cash to the newlyweds to help get them started.

[kovaltech]

6 hours ago, localczar said:

respect has to be earned...

Most of the Thai i know, and sure my parents in law, earned more respect then some members here on TV ever will...

The % of nice and decent people is far higher then average in "farang world" but you'l never hear them bragging how good they are...

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, TonyClifton said:

 

Pish posh.

 

The original statement was that the writer was told to go work and save up so he can give the money to the parents.  The parents will then blow that money in the village so they can show off to their peers.  

 

So who is "messed up" in this equation?

 

The cow they want to milk, is the foreigner.  The parents have no qualms about selling off their daughter.  Thai parent' know that when little Betty goes to Bangkok to "work," that the money comes from her being horizontal with legs spread.  Does Daddy have a problem with this when he is buying beer with little Betty's money?  No.

 

Foreigner = more money = more bragging rights.

 

Your priorities as to the truth here are very warped.

 

We just run in different circles... 

[georgemandm]

2 minutes ago, kovaltech said:

Most of the Thai i know, and sure my parents in law, earned more respect then some members here on TV ever will...

The % of nice and decent people is far higher then average in "farang world" but you'l never hear them bragging how good they are...

Good on you and happy for you but a  public forum is for people to have a say like or not .

i have thai family who I respect a lot and take good care of them when I see them .

not sure what you are saying about 

( farang world ) you mean Thais are more respect I think , yes lots are and lots are not that is how the world go's around.

this forum is full of man who are not happy with the truth and get up set when the truth is put to them .

i say as I see not one of my post is made up or bs but I get  Rubbish all the time because I give them the truth and the truth hurts.

[Deepinthailand]

14 minutes ago, georgemandm said:

Good on you and happy for you but a  public forum is for people to have a say like or not .

i have thai family who I respect a lot and take good care of them when I see them .

not sure what you are saying about 

( farang world ) you mean Thais are more respect I think , yes lots are and lots are not that is how the world go's around.

this forum is full of man who are not happy with the truth and get up set when the truth is put to them .

i say as I see not one of my post is made up or bs but I get  Rubbish all the time because I give them the truth and the truth hurts.

Your version of the truth is not other people's version of the truth. You.posted and I quote " All I leave in Thailand is my Poo" Now suddenly you have family here in Thailand and take care of them. This is the main reason that your post are not belive by many too many contridictions in every post.

We will always have diffrent views on Thai women. But now at least you are at least saying you do respect and trust some.

 

Edited January 11, 2017 by Deepinthailand

[IMA_FARANG]

You need to look at the history of Thailand.

Only a decade or two back land on which you could grow Rice was what kept the ectended family going.

Also then women could often not own land so the family that raised a daughter could not expect a financial gain from that.

Getting her a hard working husband that could produce male children was the only way that a poor family was compensated for the expense of raising a daughter back then.

And that was not so long ago as you might think it was.

That is what Sin Sod was really for.

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

On January 10, 2560 BE at 0:28 AM, smotherb said:

Not sure if you were addressing just my post or every other post on this thread; you ramble on so.  

 

 

 

You did say, "It is interesting that you and others make comparisons using bar girls." I use that comparison and see it as quite obvious. In sin sot, the parents are asking for money so you can have one of their daughters. In bar fine, the bar owners are asking for money so you can have one of their girls. I reiterate, the comparison is quite obvious to me.

 

 

 

Then you say, "Maybe you are starting out with a lack of respect for someone who is not a bar girl." How do you read that I have a lack of respect for someone NOT a bar girl? 

 

 

 

Furthermore, your correlation to buying a house in the Western world makes little sense; that purchase can be in your name; here it cannot. Even though the female is often favored in the West, it is nowhere near the favoritism the Thai receives in such altercations here.  I see nowhere I insinuated that one should not treat their wife with kindness or to support them well.  I made no mention of Thai ladies liking money or that there was or was not a financial relationship involved.

 

 

I simply explained why I would not pay sin sot for a bar girl or a hi-so girl. I also offered my opinion that sin sot was waning in Thai society. I know of two weddings in the last three years in which no sin sot was paid. Both ladies were young, attractive, no kids, never before married, college educated, from middle-class families and neither were nor ever had been bar girls.  One of the grooms was a Thai friend of mine; the other was my son. Consequently, I know both brides and grooms well. In fact, the father of my daughter-in-law and I are good friends. He and I discussed sin sot prior to the wedding. I am sure it helped because he liked my son, but more important to him; his daughter and my son were in love. He wanted her to be happy more than he wanted some money. 

Sounds like a good father to me.

 

 

Of course you see it as obvious - that's what you see, that's your world exposed... My FIL is a poor but very fine man. He requested [did not insist] a small sin sod as it is his tradition and the way I saw it was for raising a fine daughter with good values. Four daughters actually and none worked in a bar. And you say so that I can "have" one of their daughters... she is not a possession of mine. And not only that, I consider my wife's family my family too and have helped them financially beyond sin sod because, well, because I can. 

 

I am glad that your son found himself a nice bride and the lack of sin sod is fine with me... good for both of them and best wishes and good luck.

 

But, when you compare my farming family here to a bar owner because he has different traditions than you, it is pretty offensive. I have seen your posts. You are smarter than that. 

 

And you say in your country there is a dowry system... Do all men turn it down? Or do some accept and then have a kitchen fire? Actually, I prefer to be living in a country that values their women. But if you did accept a dowry, I would not judge you to be anything but a good husband. People do share things with their family and for me, it started before sin sot.. 

[JAFO]

1 hour ago, georgemandm said:

this forum is full of man who are not happy with the truth and get up set when the truth is put to them .

i say as I see not one of my post is made up or bs but I get  Rubbish all the time because I give them the truth and the truth hurts.

 

 Who's truth George, yours or every ones? There you go again George. Same boring story like almost every post you make.

 

Just because you took a dive and have a "Remote" family doesn't mean we all do. Whats amazing to me is the truth of the matter is you cannot accept that many foreigners here are happy, met a nice woman, they are educated and work whether it be around the house or have a small business or whatever. You simply cannot accept that fact so your truth again is totally yours and yours alone which is why your truth only makes me laugh at you.

 

But you carry on with your diatribe.......

 

 

[Rimmer]

A couple of personal attacks and one quoted reply have been removed, please see the following rule:

 

7) You will respect fellow members and post in a civil manner. No personal attacks, hateful or insulting towards other members, (flaming) Stalking of members on either the forum or via PM will not be allowed.

 

 

[localczar]

1 hour ago, IMA_FARANG said:

You need to look at the history of Thailand.

Only a decade or two back land on which you could grow Rice was what kept the ectended family going.

Also then women could often not own land so the family that raised a daughter could not expect a financial gain from that.

Getting her a hard working husband that could produce male children was the only way that a poor family was compensated for the expense of raising a daughter back then.

And that was not so long ago as you might think it was.

That is what Sin Sod was really for.

 

 

throw the katoey into the mix and things get even more convoluted...what sociological explanation accounts for that?

[JAFO]

19 minutes ago, localczar said:

23 minutes ago, georgemandm said:

Like I have told you before go away will not reply to your bs .

need a bigger sandbox for all to play in...555...

 

Cheap entertainment here!

 

Amusing as I laugh pretty hard. But let me tell you the truth......55555 because my truth hurts....5555

[louse1953]

On 09/01/2017 at 3:30 PM, kovaltech said:

Just leave Thailand... obviously you don't care for the real Thai culture that comes with a Thai wife...

 

Actually, that goes for anybody who don't respect the Thai culture... Just leave...

Come back to Thailand,just don't fall for antiquted scams,pulled on Farang and Thai alike,in the fals claim of culcha.

Edited January 11, 2017 by louse1953

[Deepinthailand]

1 minute ago, louse1953 said:

Come back to Thailand,just don't fall for antiquted scams,pulled on Farang and Thai alike,in the falsr claim of culcha.

Well said some sense at last "pulled on falang and Thais alike"

[smotherb]

1 hour ago, kenk24 said:

 

Of course you see it as obvious - that's what you see, that's your world exposed... My FIL is a poor but very fine man. He requested [did not insist] a small sin sod as it is his tradition and the way I saw it was for raising a fine daughter with good values. Four daughters actually and none worked in a bar. And you say so that I can "have" one of their daughters... she is not a possession of mine. And not only that, I consider my wife's family my family too and have helped them financially beyond sin sod because, well, because I can. 

 

I am glad that your son found himself a nice bride and the lack of sin sod is fine with me... good for both of them and best wishes and good luck.

 

But, when you compare my farming family here to a bar owner because he has different traditions than you, it is pretty offensive. I have seen your posts. You are smarter than that. 

 

And you say in your country there is a dowry system... Do all men turn it down? Or do some accept and then have a kitchen fire? Actually, I prefer to be living in a country that values their women. But if you did accept a dowry, I would not judge you to be anything but a good husband. People do share things with their family and for me, it started before sin sot.. 

You seem to have a real problem if someone has a different opinion than yours. My opinion is the only opinion I can have. Although my opinion may differ from others, I respect everyone's right to have an opinion.

 

My world exposed, eh? And, what world would that be, the bars?  I have lived and worked in Asia for almost 50 years, so yes, I am familiar with the bars.  However, neither of my two Asian wives were bar girls. That too was based on my opinion, I prefer that new car smell. I did not pay sin sot for either of my wives.

 

The fact that you paid sin sot is no concern of mine; that was your choice. The fact that sin sot allows you to have his daughter is undeniable, you can attribute any connotation to that you like, but it is fact.

 

The fact that you consider your in-laws your family too, I find quite admirable; my opinion of course. I too like my in-laws.  

 

The fact that you have helped your in-laws financially, is again your choice. However, my in-laws have not asked me for support, but they are not poor and they did not give their daughters to me for money.

 

I neither know your farming family nor you, so if you believe my opinion intended to compare your in-laws to bar owners, deal with it. It appears you have taken exception to my opinion about the subject of sin sot and personally applied it to your circumstances.

 

You seem to be confused with my comments on dowry. If you go back and re-read what I said, you will see I tried to make the point that dowry was no longer the Western cultural norm. Cultural traits change over time and I see that change beginning in Thailand with regard to sin sot. Look back at all the posts in this thread. See how many describe some diluted form of sin sot where it is either given back or just put-out for show, or maybe just talked about.   

 

If you are happy with the choices you have described, good on you. I would not make those choices.

[1FinickyOne]

12 hours ago, smotherb said:

You seem to have a real problem if someone has a different opinion than yours. My opinion is the only opinion I can have. Although my opinion may differ from others, I respect everyone's right to have an opinion.

 

 

 

My world exposed, eh? And, what world would that be, the bars?  I have lived and worked in Asia for almost 50 years, so yes, I am familiar with the bars.  However, neither of my two Asian wives were bar girls. That too was based on my opinion, I prefer that new car smell. I did not pay sin sot for either of my wives.

 

 

 

The fact that you paid sin sot is no concern of mine; that was your choice. The fact that sin sot allows you to have his daughter is undeniable, you can attribute any connotation to that you like, but it is fact.

 

 

 

The fact that you consider your in-laws your family too, I find quite admirable; my opinion of course. I too like my in-laws.  

 

 

 

The fact that you have helped your in-laws financially, is again your choice. However, my in-laws have not asked me for support, but they are not poor and they did not give their daughters to me for money.

 

 

 

I neither know your farming family nor you, so if you believe my opinion intended to compare your in-laws to bar owners, deal with it. It appears you have taken exception to my opinion about the subject of sin sot and personally applied it to your circumstances.

 

 

 

You seem to be confused with my comments on dowry. If you go back and re-read what I said, you will see I tried to make the point that dowry was no longer the Western cultural norm. Cultural traits change over time and I see that change beginning in Thailand with regard to sin sot. Look back at all the posts in this thread. See how many describe some diluted form of sin sot where it is either given back or just put-out for show, or maybe just talked about.   

 

 

 

If you are happy with the choices you have described, good on you. I would not make those choices.

 

 

I guess coming from a dowry culture, you are ingrained with a very low opinion of women... "you prefer that new car smell" as a way of describing your wives... nice stuff. Classy. 

[smotherb]

On 1/10/2017 at 4:27 PM, Deepinthailand said:

I Have seen with my own eyes and I have felt it come out of my wallet and go back into my wallet next question. I have not known any falang personally who has been ripped off or given out free money next question. People marry to show loyalty to there partners I don't understand why some just live together no basis for a long term situation there.

I do not see how marriage shows loyalty to your partner. Look how many marriages are a sham, how many end in divorce, how many are done for economic reasons. I have been married 38 years. I am with my wife because I want to be. I married her because I wanted to take her back to the states with me and that was the easiest way. I do not need a piece of paper showing the approval of state, church or citizenry to fulfill my obligations as a husband or parent. If we were to divorce, I would not leave her or my children without support. I could not, she has a good education and career and she does no need me to live well or to take care of our children. Consequently, I do not believe in marriage.To me, marriage has only two reasons to exist: 1) for the approval of others, and 2) so one spouse does not leave the other destitute. The second reason seems to be more applicable in Western cultures.

[Deepinthailand]

9 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I do not see how marriage shows loyalty to your partner. Look how many marriages are a sham, how many end in divorce, how many are done for economic reasons. I have been married 38 years. I am with my wife because I want to be. I married her because I wanted to take her back to the states with me and that was the easiest way. I do not need a piece of paper showing the approval of state, church or citizenry to fulfill my obligations as a husband or parent. If we were to divorce, I would not leave her or my children without support. I could not, she has a good education and career and she does no need me to live well or to take care of our children. Consequently, I do not believe in marriage.To me, marriage has only two reasons to exist: 1) for the approval of others, and 2) so one spouse does not leave the other destitute. The second reason seems to be more applicable in Western cultures.

So having read your post you are indeed showing her loyalty by marrying her even though you state you do not belive in marriage, so you can take her to the states with you. Is that not showing loyalty. I don't care about state or especially church recognition. My recognition is my loyalty to my spouse. By saying you would never leave her or your kids without support again implies loyalty. Whatever happens in western cultures has no bearing as far as I'm concerned as both myself and my wife live and will always continue to live in Thailand under Thai culture. As for the approval of others 555 who cares what others think I am not marrying them.

Edited January 12, 2017 by Deepinthailand

[smotherb]

2 minutes ago, Deepinthailand said:

So having read your post you are indeed showing her loyalty by marrying her even though you state you do not belive in marriage, so you can take her to the states with you. Is that not showing loyalty. I don't care about state or especially church recognition. My recognition is my loyalty to my spouse. By saying you would never leave her or your kids without support again implies loyalty. Whatever happens in western cultures has no bearing as far as I'm concerned as both myself and my wife live and will always continue to live in Thailand under Thai culture. As for the approval of others 555 who cares what others think I am not marrying them.

I never said I was not loyal to my wife. I said I see no loyalty to your spouse simply by marrying her. I married my wife to please others so that we could travel and live together without complication. I stay with her because I love her; my loyalty to her is because I love her. Marriage has nothing to do with love or loyalty.

 

Your entire concept of marriage as loyalty is for the benefit of others.

[Deepinthailand]

1 minute ago, smotherb said:

I never said I was not loyal to my wife. I said I see no loyalty to your spouse simply by marrying her. I married my wife to please others so that we could travel and live together without complication. I stay with her because I love her; my loyalty to her is because I love her. Marriage has nothing to do with love or loyalty.

 

Your entire concept of marriage as loyalty is for the benefit of others.

You are just telling me exactly what I told you. Did you read my post about others? 

[khunpa]

Meet my Thai-wife when she was 37 and married her after living together for 2 years. We did not have a Thai-wedding and no Sin Sod was involved or ever mentioned. So guess I got a smoking-hot hardworking and caring single mom for FREE! 

 

However, As a symbolic gesture at a Traditional Thai-wedding, I would be fine with presenting som money on a tray for show. Knowing my wife's family I am also sure, they would never want to keep any of them. They have never asked us for money. Instead, we have actually instead borrowed from them once we were in real trouble. 

 

I honestly think that if you find a Thai-woman that really loves you, the question about Sin Sod or money in general, will not be a big issue. My wife and I have lived together for 7 years now and have been through a lot of ups and downs together (financially, health etc.)... Money or lack of it, has never been the reason for us to stay together or not. 

 

If I was the OP, I would not spend much time with a woman so focused on money, so early in the relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[chowny77]

I paid sod all Sin sod but covered the costs of the food and alcohol provided. I put my foot down about paying and my wife accepted this and so did her family. People will most likely say I am tight but I basically earned the money which kept our heads afloat for about 3 years, so no way I would dip my hands into my pocket just for Thai customs. As another poster posted before, what about my parents? Would they get anything such as sin sod? Would they buggery so why should her parents. Both sets of parents got bugger all cashwise but at least a full stomach, photos and drunk.

[smotherb]

10 hours ago, Deepinthailand said:

You are just telling me exactly what I told you. Did you read my post about others? 

I do not follow your posts. I am responding to your statements to me.

[janejira]

My brother-in-law paid 1 million Baht for the sin-sod. Both he and his wife are Thai. 

[Deepinthailand]

8 hours ago, smotherb said:

I do not follow your posts. I am responding to your statements to me.

Well it in the same post!!. But not to worry eh

[Deepinthailand]

"Knowing my wife's family I am also sure, they would never want to keep any of them. They have never asked us for money. Instead, we have actually instead borrowed from them once we were in real trouble. "

 

Fully agree we have done the same on one or two occasions when problems beyond our control hit and we needed money.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎01‎/‎2017 at 7:43 PM, JAFO said:

This has been a heavily discussed topic and some foreigners are vehemently against it.  

 

I did not pay any Sin Sot to my wife's family when we got married.  Of course marrying in the US made it easier.  Would it have been a deal breaker.... I don't know. I hate to say it this way but it would depend on entirely how much.  It might sound shallow but I had read of men paying 2 , 3 and 5Mil baht and I felt I would rather build a house for that then give it to some family being I would likely take care of them anyway.  Fortunately for me it never came up. We dated for a few years before we got married.  

 

It's a hard call in this day and age. However I respect the culture and would likely comply if she was the right woman and the extended family was outstanding but that wouldn't even be discussed unless we had datediscussed a year and I met all the family

I had no problem paying sin sod. It was just for show and I got it back after.

Don't know about all this "have to pay for the dinner for all the hangers on" malarkey. I didn't have a dinner/ party/ anything. Helped that we were far far away from the family when we got married. Had we stayed so, I would probably still be married.

The best thing to do with the wife's family is to meet them once to give the sin sod ( for show ) and then never go to meet them again. Also, make sure your house is too small for them to stay if by some misfortune they should visit.

If the wife insists on visiting them, send her by herself. Will save a lot of grief later.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, janejira said:

My brother-in-law paid 1 million Baht for the sin-sod. Both he and his wife are Thai. 

If a Thai wishes to conform to Thai custom, no problems for me. When they start trying it on for farangs, just point out that it is farang custom for the bride's family to pay for the wedding and party. Probably be the last heard about sin sod.

If all else fails, marry one that's been married before. It's only a requirement when she gets married the first time.

[janejira]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

If a Thai wishes to conform to Thai custom, no problems for me. When they start trying it on for farangs, just point out that it is farang custom for the bride's family to pay for the wedding and party. Probably be the last heard about sin sod.

If all else fails, marry one that's been married before. It's only a requirement when she gets married the first time.

I disagree. If you want the bride's family to pay for the wedding, don't do a wedding in Thailand.

 

It's not 'conforming' it is showing respect to the bride, her family, and the culture you are (I am assuming) living in. 

 

The sin-sot nowadays is usually for show and returned to the bride and groom anyways (though sometimes minus the wedding expenses).

 

 

 

 

 

[smotherb]

On 1/13/2017 at 8:24 AM, Deepinthailand said:

Well it in the same post!!. But not to worry eh

Then you need to better explain "it"