The week that was in Thailand news: The Queen of the Eastern Seaboard strikes back!

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: The Queen of the Eastern Seaboard strikes back!

 

 

It was quite a week for Pattaya. She – like ships that seems to be the appropriate pronoun – began the week as little more than a common whore. By the end of it she was a paragon of virtue referred to as the Queen of the Eastern Seaboard!

Of course the truth is that nothing had changed – and nothing will – from the authorities’ lip service assault on foreign media to their equally nonsensical moves to try and paint a picture of the resort as whiter than the driven snow that has never fallen there.

Like what the tourists pay for in Walking Street it was just one big seedy sideshow! And Pattaya was not to blame for any of it!

Leading the way was the police chief who as the Thais say caused “huaroh fan ruang” - so much mirth that teeth will fall out. Rooster needed dentures after his assertion that Pattaya was all about nature.

Only an application to have ‘her’ submitted to the list of seven wonders of the natural world was missing.

District chief Naris followed up his Valentine’s Day shaming of the Brit tourist in Walking Street by ordering a raid on a single bar catching one prossie who was overage anyway. While a whopping 20 arrests of street walkers on Friday massively dented the 20,000 plus prostitute population!

Bless – the only thing whopping about that was the size of the mostly African women who were carted off to jankers.

I don’t know why but it reminded me of the question master on a popular UK game show years ago who posed the question before anyone had heard of the country: “What is the capital of ‘Thigh-land?”.

Maybe he had been to Pattaya and got confused with his pronunciation.

As if to confound their own confusion the cops and their minions held a “crisis meeting” to set up no less than 36 “Happy Zones” in the resort. All I could fathom about this plan was that the police had finally announced that they were placing all responsibility for policing on the shoulders of the public.

They wanted the shops and bars to be the eyes and ears rather in the manner of legendary TV cop “Dixon of Dock Green” who used to exhort the British public to “keep ‘em peeled”.

At least Sergeant Dixon used to round up the villains at the end of each show – this crew in Pattaya just puts the K in Keystone every week.

Not to be outdone it was a mixed week for the folks at the TAT. Mixed in the sense that some of their ideas were idiotic and some were just plain ridiculous.

Firstly they announced that a sure way to woo Mr Woo was to take him to see military bases. I can’t wait to see all those Chinese clambering over the tanks and firing weapons though I think that the government in Beijing might have a word in Prayut’s shell-like for giving the proletariat ideas.

Then came the bombshell that tourists were the ones to blame for all the Adidas and Nike so cheaply available on the streets. Apparently if they didn’t buy all the pirated goods they would all just disappear and Thailand could be respected by Rolex once again.

It really did appear that the TAT couldn’t make up its mind if tourists were really such a good thing after all. This was confirmed when Olga the hapless Russian was bailed on a mere 100,000 baht for feeding a few angel fish.

And seemingly reiterated when the national parks rejected moves to reduce tourist fleecing by 50% in Krabi resulting in the local chief saying enough was enough.

He had presided over the collection of 500 million baht in fees last year and now he was so stressed out with all that success he wanted a transfer. But he should be careful what he wishes for – he could end up in Pattaya as a reward!

Meanwhile I am thinking of contacting the TAT with a brilliant idea I had to protect tourists on their stay in the Kingdom. It came to me following news that a bus passenger queuing for a ticket at Mor Chit had been shot. The bullet came from a man in charge of the rank who said the gun went off by accident as he was sorting out a minor problem with his friend, as they do.

Admittedly the passenger was shot in the head but would it not be a top idea to rent bullet proof vests to tourists at Swampy on arrival. Thai chili mace could also be provided to women or Asians wearing chunky gold necklaces. This could be added to a list of useful numbers for new arrivals like who to contact for funeral services.

And of course the true quality tourists with all the wedge would be encouraged to buy the equipment creating a burgeoning cottage industry in protection. Win – win.

It all seemed so much simpler back in the 80s when tourism was relatively new and no one was in denial – Thailand was what it was and no one needed to make any excuses.

I recall vividly the newspaper comments of an interior minister who, asked where a visiting counterpart from Japan would be taken on his state tour, responded: “We’ll take him for a massage”.

The Thai official smiled and winked and no one batted an eyelid. Despite some crime committed by foreigners this week mostly it was perpetrated by Thai on Thai with some very nasty examples.

Top of an unsavory bunch had to be the 39 year old woman who forced her 12 year old daughter to sleep with her new husband because she was worried that otherwise he would leave her. Forum comment was understandably aghast as it was in the story that emerged from the murder capital of Thailand, namely Nakorn Sri Thammarat.

There a teacher had ordered a hit on her husband for 150,000 baht. The gunmen had fired a volley then reloaded to make sure as hubby rode home after taking his missus to school.

I wonder if she kissed him goodbye?

I read the story while tucking in to some “Meu Peun” (hired gun) brand popcorn – the packaging features a smiling assassin shooting some corn….Thailand how I love thee!

But that teacher was not the only “Khun Khru” in the news this week with one on the receiving end of a proverbial hail of bullets and some others torturing instead of teaching.

The teacher who was shot was sent on her way by her policeman husband in Korat who found out she was having an affair. Rather than do something as old fashioned and undramatic as divorce her he went to a gas station and shot the adulterous couple 14 times reloading half way through.

He was on his way home to commit suicide when stopped by colleagues from the station. They really should have let him “glap baan” before contemplating an arrest.

Sickening was the story of two kindergarten teachers who were seemingly inspired by Donald Drumph’s promotion of waterboarding. They thought it was jolly good pedagogy to tape up two five year olds’ hands and eyes to teach them concentration in class.

Rooster had just been to collect his four year old from the kindergarten – a very good one I might add with dedicated Thai teachers – and was left, like many forum posters, to ponder what he would do if it was his child subjected to such scandalous treatment.

The reaction may be no less irrational than that jealous policeman in Korat.

A foreign teacher in the news was the Canadian “professor” in Chiang Mai who hit a three year old in a buggy while riding his “big bike”. The stupidity of the Western parents in crossing a busy road with a pram combined with the Canadian fleeing the scene ensured that in the idiocy stakes the Thais did not have it all their own way this week.

Meanwhile, in Bangkok the British Embassy has now decided to sell another bit of its Wireless Road real estate for 20 billion baht which should be enough to wipe out the UK national debt at the current exchange rate.

Apparently it came to 2.2 million baht a square yard! The move was met with an appropriately British volley of sarcastic approval with the top forum comment of the week from “daveAustin” who observed: “I mean how many rai does one need for one person to man a phone and say ‘sorry we don’t have that service, cannot help ‘ ”.

Which seamlessly leads me into this week’s other Rooster awards. The “Chump of the Week Award” goes to the apologist extraordinaire who suggested that others were being racist when they complained about the attitude of drivers on the Thai roads. The comment referred to the story about the man filmed as he got his “just desserts for driving that took the biscuit” and was: “There are no more stupid drivers in Thailand than any other country”.

If you believe it, sir, there is a good Thai doctor I can recommend at Sri Thanya Hospital, if not, please take your comments elsewhere, Khun Troll.

While my “Well Done for all those Years of Effort” award is also traffic related. It goes to the entire country for successfully rising to the top of the pile for the world’s most congested nation.

Maybe that should be top of the pile-up, nevertheless it was a Stirling Moss of an effort achieved after years of dedication even if it was sullied by the news that Bangkok only ranked 12th in the list of congested cities.

Finally, we went a whole week before a smiling Thai pensioner appeared right as rain beside his totally demolished pick-up to assert that it was the amulets and a statue that had saved him from what should have been certain death.

Of course it was; but it was the translator’s tongue in cheek that really saved the day mentioning the magical qualities of the “Luang Pu Thuat” statue that is, quote, “well known for saving countless lives”.

Methinks someone who knows Thailand a little too well!

 

Rooster

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2017-02-26

[ChangMaiSausage]

Excellent round up of the week, don't you just love the place

[Kawapete]

Good resume of the week, the strange thing is how I have become used to all this. I'm sure you will get more good stuff to report week by week until you run out of ink.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thaivisa Connect mobile app

[chickenslegs]

"Keep 'em peeled" was Shaw Taylor.

"Good evening all" was Dixon's memorable phrase.

 

Other than that, can't fault you. I look forward to your news round-up every Sunday.

[elgordo38]

1 hour ago, ChangMaiSausage said:

Excellent round up of the week, don't you just love the place

Wine women short on the song part

[Catkiwi]

Excellent review and love the Roosters brand of wit. Keep it coming ?

[Jane Dough]

3 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

"Keep 'em peeled" was Shaw Taylor.

"Good evening all" was Dixon's memorable phrase.

 

Other than that, can't fault you. I look forward to your news round-up every Sunday.

You are absolutely right. 

[xavierr]

Quote

Only an application to have ‘her’ submitted to the list of seven wonders of the natural world was missing.

How about "all about culture" ?

 

[Dave67]

Shaw Taylor and Police 5 was  “keep ‘em peeled”