The week that was in Thailand news: Pigeon, pigeon….like your English!

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: Pigeon, pigeon….like your English!

 

 

Like many Brits of a similar age Rooster grew up laughing at the antics of one Basil Fawlty. The comic creation of Connie Booth and John Cleese who played the Torquay hotel owner had no redeeming features.

He was rude to everybody but especially Germans and Americans. He was an ingratiating snob who tried to do things on the cheap and was constantly fighting a losing battle with his dragon of a wife.

Only twelve episodes of “Fawlty Towers” were made, but I have spent more time in the subsequent years since the 1970s quoting lines from the two series than an English literature teacher would quoting Shakespeare.

And certainly in the last seven days the ultimate “role model” for Brits behaving badly came frequently to mind as many of his modern day countrymen did their darnedest to bring the name of the motherland down to new lows in Thailand this week!

But my theme today was rather more inspired by a Thai; not one behaving badly per se but a disgruntled customer, many of whom featured in the classic BBC series.

This was a Ford driver from Chiang Mai called Attaphon who was effing furious with his Fiesta for “fawlty” brakes. So he took a spade to the bonnet in view of the assembled media outside the Ford showroom in Bangkok.

Bless! How reminiscent it was of Basil who had found a willowy tree branch to give his car that wouldn’t start a thoroughly good thrashing!

Attaphon gave his bonnet a few ineffectual taps when he might have got some better news coverage if he had had a sledgehammer or had driven into the showroom window.

Maybe like Fawlty’s car it wouldn’t start or perhaps it was just the Thai way – protesting but not going too far.

Anyway, Rooster had a good old British smirk as he wouldn’t be seen dead – hopefully – in any motor vehicle that wasn’t made in Japan.

I trust the Japanese and always have since Mrs Ishikawa made me take rests and brought me tea when I was her gardener in the UK.

Top of the Brits behaving badly parade this week was the “phoo dee angrit” woman who took a massage then had a slap up dinner. She claimed rape in the first then refused to pay the bill in the latter though she later relented at the Bang Rak cop shop parting with the “payoff to buggeroff” money from the massage parlor.

They called her a con artist and stuck up a warning poster outside after giving her 5,000 baht so no wonder she and her boyfriend could afford the bill for the lobster and a fine for assaulting hotel staff.

Apparently she went on complaining on a Bangkok forum later but Rooster subscribes to the English proverb about being once bitten.

Also hardly likely to get an OBE for services to Blighty was another compatriot running naked over the Pin Klao bridge with seemingly half the local plod in hot pursuit. She was apprehended near the Democracy Monument and given a towel – thank goodness – because her face made me think I’d rather not be privy to any more British flesh, thank you very much.

No charges were laid and unsurprisingly neither was she as we all moved on and waited for the next episode in the soap opera that is “The British in Thailand”.

At least the stories gave me cause to have some laughs as big as those watching Basil and his hapless waiter Manuel in action. The post of the week on the Thaivisa forum had to be a video rather than a comment and it was provided by “Sphere” who showed us around 20 Keystone Kops chasing a dog rather in the manner of the event in Bangkok.

Dozens liked that one as did Rooster but I must also commend “Alex8912” for his quip about the errant Brits:

“If Spain had good winter weather, maybe Thais would be spared”.

Surely it is time that the Thais based visas not on some nebulous idea of a country’s economic or political standing but on the hard facts of how their nationals behave when visiting the country.

This would mean an end to visa on arrival for the British!

I am just glad I already have my permanent residence, garnered in the day when Thais still romanticized the Brits for their plummy accents, Savile Row suits and that wonderful Mrs Windsor.

ER indoors remains but the Brits of today are more likely to speak a foreign language than be plummy….and no one mentions Savile any more after Jimmy let the side down.

Still it would be churlish not to mention that the British still  have some good things going for them. They still have the pound, just, and some of the best excuses for delays on the railways found anywhere in the vaguely civilized world.

Another British comedy legend – Reggie Perrin played by the late Leonard Rossiter, who was altogether more likeable than Mr Fawlty – used to always arrive late in his office with a railway excuse like “defective bogey at Earlsfield”.

But this week in Bangkok it was a bird that had flown into a motor that cause a short and a very long and sticky delay to the airport link service. The naughty bird that got the Thai passengers hot under the collar – causing some to break open a door as they fried in the summer heat apparently – was none other than a pigeon.

I am sure their language was fruity and rather unlike Spanish waiter Manuel who laughed uncontrollably when he thought Basil said pigs had gotten into the hotel’s water tank.

“Oh, not pigs – pigeon, pigeon – like your English” screamed his boss – a put down that Rooster has borrowed on many an occasion in Thailand with invariably oblivious looks as a reward.

It really was hard to find anything but comedic relief on Thaivisa this week and it is to be hoped that getting into bed with The Nation only enhances the ever improving quality of the site without detracting from the reasons we love to click on its news content and forum comment.

Commenting on The Nation collaboration I especially liked “elgordo38” for mentioning Rooster in the same illustrious company as visa guru “Ubon Joe”. I just hope my boss reads the bit about the need for a raise…..

Working with one of Thailand’s leading dailies is hopefully good news for all and may bring a bit more seriousness for “Comedy was still King” this week especially with the setting up of the “Happy Zone” in Walking Street, Pattaya.

Ahead of inauguration day next Saturday we have been promised eternal safety from lady boy attack  though it still might be worth donning protective eyewear to guard against flying ping-pong balls in some bars, just in case that avenue of eroticism has not been eradicated by the tourism minister before next weekend.

Still, despite the humor, it would be remiss of me as a chronicler of Thai events not to mention a few more serious items. After scanning high and low I did find some what with the murder of a female government official in her car and the gunning down of a father-in-law over an injury to a pet Golden Retriever.

Both shootings were no laughing matter and occurred in Pathum Thani within hours of each other. The first looked like the work of the estranged husband and the second was nothing more than the result of having a strange son-in-law.

And so to this week’s Rooster awards, and after seven days like that I just feel like giving and giving…the “Lottery Lunacy” award goes to the entire and lovely Thai race for believing that a stillborn eight-legged cat is a source of good fortune and further that the female spirit of a lump of old wood dredged up from a bomb-hole in Chonburi could mean driving a Benz into the village by the end of the week.

In both cases the lottery hopeful were naturally warned that you had to be a good person to benefit from the numbers and while that disqualified myself I passed on the 502 number to the missus who showed a keen interest in Thaivisa for the first time in ages.

She was quickly on the blower to upcountry mum who phoned back some hours later with the incredible news that they hadn’t in fact won 12 million baht. I overheard the Loei language lilt that I can just about follow and understood that number 92 had prevailed.

Disappointed, the wife then told me that 502 had not come up, but what were the other two numbers you had mentioned earlier?, she asked.

“Ninety-two” I said quickly, and once again felt like Fawlty who famously remarked in relation to a horse racing bet that for the first time in his life “he was ahead” after putting one over on his wife!

But like what ultimately happened to Basil, the scorn was still reserved for the man of the house when the truth came out and my ribald ruse was rumbled.

Finally Rooster almost felt the need for medication for a whole host of reasons when it emerged on CCTV that a man in Chonburi was stalking motorcycles. Not to steal them which is relatively normal if anti-social behavior but, wait for it…… to have his way with them.

Our Fino fiddler was putting slits in the cushioned seats, getting out what the Thais in print refer to as his “Jao Loke” (or Ruler of the World) and poking it in with something approaching gay abandon, if gays will forgive me.

But rather than the antics of the man besmirching the two wheelers that Rooster has learnt to love platonically, it was the giggling of the girls in the office who were reviewing the footage that made me chuckle uncontrollably.

Gossiping in Thai and reminding the others that this was the morsai maniac’s second visit to the parking lot in the last few days, she commented as he rejected one familiar Honda in favor of another:

“Khan gao – mia gao” intimating: “No, no… he had that “missus” last week”.

Mr Fawlty, eat your heart out.

 

Rooster

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2017-03-19

[kickstart]

The video of your  Fino  Fiddler was on Thai TV  this afternoon ,my missus thought it  funny , they interviewed the bike owner   did not what to make of it  Kit-Mie -Ork  was his comment  they then interviewed a  Thai  female  student  ,  who was a bit embarrassed,  by it all,  then they  did it the Thai way, put a plastic  bag  over the  offending  slit .

Again   according  to   Thai tv the woman running naked over the bridge  was French, trying to fly the flag for  the old country , again  my misses looked at  me and said  Farang  -Bar- Chip ....   crazy  foreigners  .

I have read that only  twelve  episodes  of Fawlty  Towers made ,  thought  it was a lot more .

Another  good   piece .

[elgordo38]

Sorry tried to give you a like but the like button is on holidays. The site seems to be going through a wonky stage today which is not uncommon to new marriages. 

[tandor]

1 hour ago, elgordo38 said:

Sorry tried to give you a like but the like button is on holidays. The site seems to be going through a wonky stage today which is not uncommon to new marriages. 

...need a magnifying glass to read the topics...any ideas how to correct?

[Suradit69]

22 hours ago, rooster59 said:

“Oh, not pigs – pigeon, pigeon – like your English” screamed his boss – a put down that Rooster has borrowed on many an occasion in Thailand with invariably oblivious looks as a reward.

Spoken it might have passed the (sort of ) homonym test, but if the lovely Sybil Fawlty had been within earshot. I'm sure she would have pointed out to Basil that Manuel's English could be described as "pidgin" not "pigeon" English.

[elgordo38]

2 hours ago, tandor said:

...need a magnifying glass to read the topics...any ideas how to correct?

Birthing taking place bear down sorry with us. 

[Jane Dough]

4 hours ago, Suradit69 said:

Spoken it might have passed the (sort of ) homonym test, but if the lovely Sybil Fawlty had been within earshot. I'm sure she would have pointed out to Basil that Manuel's English could be described as "pidgin" not "pigeon" English.

Fawlty having found a pigeon in the water tank was actually saying "pigeon, pigeon" but inferring that is was 'like' pidgin. The writer quoted him correctly.

[chickenslegs]

6 hours ago, tandor said:

...need a magnifying glass to read the topics...any ideas how to correct?

Try holding down the Ctrl key and turning the scroll wheel on your mouse anti-clockwise.

[Suradit69]

13 hours ago, Jane Dough said:

Fawlty having found a pigeon in the water tank was actually saying "pigeon, pigeon" but inferring that is was 'like' pidgin. The writer quoted him correctly.

I didn't say he misquoted him, but that Sybil would have pounced on it had she been present.

[Suradit69]

14 hours ago, Jane Dough said:

Fawlty having found a pigeon in the water tank was actually saying "pigeon, pigeon" but inferring that is was 'like' pidgin. The writer quoted him correctly.

See. No Sybil.

 

 

[Andrew Dwyer]

As always a very entertaining post Rooster , thanks.

[tandor]

18 hours ago, elgordo38 said:

Birthing taking place bear down sorry with us. 

..Control/Scroll worked..thnx..chickenlegs.