Attending funeral at a Wat for Deceased Westerner

[Bill97]

ScottieJohn
 

 
Only Buddhist funeral are allowed to be held in a Buddhist temple.
 

But a non Buddhist can have a cremation there so what is your point?

[billd766]

2 hours ago, Bill97 said:

 

But a non Buddhist can have a cremation there so what is your point?

 

 

 

That is where I will be when my turn comes, down at the wat, so my wife tells me.

 

The last funeral/cremation that I went to was my MIL about 18 months ago. That was for about 5 days including the day she died, to allow family and friends to gather here in rural Khampaeng Phet from Bangkok, Korat and Phitsanulok and the cremation day.

My wife, family and friends did the catering and bought some of the beer, the temple had enough room for a lot of the family to stay which was handy as both our house and the MIL were full up. Some people stayed at the resort next door to us. It was a good turnout and most people seemed to have a good time.

I went in the evenings and of course to the cremation where I followed the coffin but further back from the close family for some reason.

I wore black trousers and white shirt during the mourning period and black/black for the cremation.

I have NO idea of the cost as the family paid for it. There were no pole dancers or karaoke but there was background music at night.

They poured diesel over the coffin and the logs/charcoal underneath before the FIL, my wife and her brothers lit the fire and the MIL went into the crematorium. When it was going well the giant rockets were fired to announce to the spirits that MIL was on her way.

[laislica]

1 hour ago, billd766 said:

 

That is where I will be when my turn comes, down at the wat, so my wife tells me.

 

The last funeral/cremation that I went to was my MIL about 18 months ago. That was for about 5 days including the day she died, to allow family and friends to gather here in rural Khampaeng Phet from Bangkok, Korat and Phitsanulok and the cremation day.

My wife, family and friends did the catering and bought some of the beer, the temple had enough room for a lot of the family to stay which was handy as both our house and the MIL were full up. Some people stayed at the resort next door to us. It was a good turnout and most people seemed to have a good time.

I went in the evenings and of course to the cremation where I followed the coffin but further back from the close family for some reason.

I wore black trousers and white shirt during the mourning period and black/black for the cremation.

I have NO idea of the cost as the family paid for it. There were no pole dancers or karaoke but there was background music at night.

They poured diesel over the coffin and the logs/charcoal underneath before the FIL, my wife and her brothers lit the fire and the MIL went into the crematorium. When it was going well the giant rockets were fired to announce to the spirits that MIL was on her way.

 

Similar experience when my MIL and stepson passed except we all threw paper flowers into the paper coffin to help light it I suppose.

The body was stored in a refrigerated coffin before the crematorium so we saw the body being removed and placed in the paper coffin, quite harrowing actually.

7 days though followed by a burial at sea from somewhere not too far from the west of BKK

For the Step Son (he was 19) some of his student lady friends performed some Thai dancing, they wore lovely traditional costumes.

The little white envelopes were much appreciated and more or less covered the costs.

I would agree with a previous post that Thai attendees chat and use phones, move about, children may run around and to a Westerner, it may seem irreverent but it's the Thai way.

Sorry for your loss but please don't worry about yourself at the service, you'll do fine.

There is usually a good supply of cool drinking water at every Wat.

You just see the cool box where it is stored and help yourself, don't forget to take a straw too.

 

[canthai55]

Never have understood the Western style of wake or funeral. Customs here seem so much more sensible. Be happy that the toils and tribulations of life are over for the deceased. The living must go on living. And the 'Person" who is being cremated is not there anyway, only the vessel remains.

[alanrchase]

On Saturday, April 01, 2017 at 6:26 PM, mesquite said:

Wear black and be as quiet and respectful as possible.  That's what I did. There are probably other things as well.

 

If he was a good friend do as you would in your home country. Dress code is black or white. Will probably be noisy and if you are prepared to pay fairly drunken ceremony. That said remember him/her as you would like to be remembered. 

[EricTh]

3 hours ago, Bill97 said:

 

But a non Buddhist can have a cremation there so what is your point?

 

 

 

I find it strange that Thailand allows non-Buddhist to be cremated there.

 

During the wake, Buddhist chants are for the dead and Buddhist customs are used. 

 

There are Christian churches in Thailand for non-Buddhist.

Why not use these?

Edited April 3, 2017 by EricTh

[oldgent]

5 minutes ago, EricTh said:

 

I find it strange that Thailand allows non-Buddhist to be cremated there.

 

During the wake, Buddhist chants are for the dead and Buddhist customs are used. 

 

There are Christian churches in Thailand for non-Buddhist.

Why not use these?

simple answer... Money

[Dante99]

I think it is strange that you find it strange Eric.

 

I went to a cremation of a Italian Catholic in CM, no Buddist monks present, a Catholic Priest said a few words.  It was held at a Buddhist crematorium. No Buddhist chants. So you are misinformed.

 

Buddhists welcome everybody, of any religion.

 

 

Edited April 3, 2017 by Dante99

[lungnorm]

Do not wear shorts. Black Safari suit is good with long pants. Just play follow the leader it will be ok.

[ujayujay]

On 1.4.2017 at 6:26 PM, mesquite said:

Wear black and be as quiet and respectful as possible.  That's what I did. There are probably other things as well.

Black or white Wear.

[maximillian]

On 1.4.2560 at 6:32 PM, Crossy said:

As above, and prepare to be bored and possibly deafened.

 

Just follow what everyone else does.

 

As a close friend you may be asked to present robes / offerings to the monks, again just follow the others.

 

 

Can't understand what the OP is complaining about this post.

[Crossy]

2 minutes ago, maximillian said:

Can't understand what the OP is complaining about this post.

 

Let's not drag this up. OP has just lost a close friend, I answered in my usual slightly-less-than-tactful manner and it was taken the wrong way. All is OK now.

 

QED

 

[scottiejohn]

As the OP can I ask the Moderators to please close this thread and thank those who stayed on subject and supported me.

[Crossy]

Just now, scottiejohn said:

As the OP can I ask the Moderators to please close this thread and thank those who stayed on subject and supported me.

 

Sure, can do.

 

Closed at OP request.