Smart move to divorce

[pepi2005]

I've been happily married to a Thai woman for several years, however, she never felt happy living in a Western country, so during our last holiday here in Thailand she seemed to have started a relationship with a former "friend" and even got pregnant from him... I let her fly back to TH (without knowing it by then) a few months ago, but didn't hear from her since. Now I'm in Thailand and no sign of her either.

 

To set things straight, I'd prefer to divorce right away (I know I could wait for 1 year and then go to court, but that would be a longer process as far as I've heard, because I would have to prove that she has abandoned me which could be kinda complicated without her passport or a witness ... and I don't plan to stay here for several weeks or months just for that!) , but am still looking for a strategy to have her appear here within the few remaining days of my current trip and do it voluntarily (instead of looking 'desperate' and potentially trigger ideas to extract money from me on top of all the indignity). We've been fair and nice to each other before, so I would like to avoid it to turn ugly (or better to say: even uglier than it is already with what she's done to me).

 

So can any of you think of good 'arguments' why it would be good for her to come here ASAP and file a divorce with mutual consent?

 

thanks for any constructive advice!

[Preacher]

You do not file for divorce if it is by mutual consent, you simply turn up at an amphur and register the divorce. You hand in the marriage certificates and get a divorce certificate.

 

Arguments for a divorce by mutual consent are that no questions are asked. If it is not by mutual consent you will have to go to court and file for reason of abandonment or adultery, which would mean loss of face for her.

In addition, there is the problem of the child being born while you are still married. The law will presume that you are the father of the child and if you disagree you will have to go to court to repudiate the child as yours. (More loss of face).

 

 

 

[williamgeorgeallen]

better to stay married. it will stop you getting married again. its what i did and i have been marriage free for over 10 years now. i look back and wonder what i was thinking. in your case you should let sleeping dogs lie. if she left without demanding half your stuff then you have done better than most. i was lucky i was broke when i finished with my ex and she could not take anything.

[steven100]

not knowing your complete situation or what the gf has admitted to ...  I'd be very careful that she doesn't try to lay the child as your responsibility and therefore  $$$.

just my thoughts.

[Stevemercer]

If your ex-wife's 'friend' is a farang or has money and is willing to look after her and her child then she might consent to getting a divorce so she is free to marry again. However, if the 'friend' is not willing to support her it may be to her advantage to stay married to you (to keep open the options for getting more money from you).

 

If you are on reasonable terms, all you can do is ask her to go to the local government office where your marriage was registered and get a divorce. If she refuses, then the best advice is to stay away from her and wait the required 12 months. If she agrees then good. If she is uncertain, or doesn't turn up, maybe she is fishing for a payment from you. Don't offer her money for an instant divorce. Once you start down this track it will never end.

[Minnehaha]

how do you know the child is not yours?

I don't really want to know ... just repeating that you will need this proven or you will be responsible for the child and a generation is a long time. 

I would agree with what is said above ... and add that you should talk to a lawyer (a good one, and the good ones are not free or cheap but the advice can be invaluable ... you never know till later) and with help of a lawyer you would be able to determine course of action to extricate yourself with the best outcome possible and also to evaluate "doing the right thing"  which will give you peace of mind as well

[happylarry]

36 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

If your ex-wife's 'friend' is a farang or has money and is willing to look after her and her child then she might consent to getting a divorce so she is free to marry again. However, if the 'friend' is not willing to support her it may be to her advantage to stay married to you (to keep open the options for getting more money from you).

 

If you are on reasonable terms, all you can do is ask her to go to the local government office where your marriage was registered and get a divorce. If she refuses, then the best advice is to stay away from her and wait the required 12 months. If she agrees then good. If she is uncertain, or doesn't turn up, maybe she is fishing for a payment from you. Don't offer her money for an instant divorce. Once you start down this track it will never end.

You can divorce at any Amphur.....does not have to be the one you were married in.

And no need to wait a year because he has ample grounds for divorce with the adultery and pregnancy. Costs the same to divorce in court whatever the grounds so why wait.

HL

[jippytum]

Contact your wife .If you can't contact her yourself get a third party to contact her on your behalf ie friend, lawyer, detective agency.You may be surprised how willing your ex may be to divorce you with no questions asked at the Amphur.Whole process less than one hour

and less than 100 baht fee.Many Thai woman contact Foreign husbands when they have found a new partner to try their luck a second or third time. She may want to move on with her life together with her new partner who probably is now registered as the father of her child.

You really must try to contact her  as  agreement to  uncontested divorce would be a win win for both of you.

[Kabula]

My recommendation is find a recommended, licensed, competent, seasoned, Thai trial Lawyer; fluent in English, and specializing in divorce cases. 

 

Be sure to ask for their Thai Bar ID, so you can confirm they aren't a paralegal.

 

Ask how many years they have been in practice, and their entire history.  Also, ask if the Thai Bar Association has ever disciplined them. Then confirm it yourself.

 

Speak with them face to face and discuss the entire marriage history and ask for their recommendation, retention fee, hourly rate, and total estimated costs including expenses.

 

 I also recommend getting a second professional opinion. 

 

You might consider selecting a male lawyer especially if this ends up in court, to avoid female emotion for your wife and the child. Bias can work against you financially.

 

I would do it sooner than later. 

 

Whenever a child is involved many expensive surprises may jump out at you at any time.  The longer you wait, the more expense and headaches you may be facing.

 

Good luck...