I want to move my wife and baby to a new area of Thailand away from her thai family

[ghworker2010]

I feel a bit selfish for wanting to do this but I'm proposing to move to a new area of Thailand- on the coast somewhere next year. We currently live in the N.East and although I like it here I feel I want to swim in the ocean and live the good life by the sea. 

 

The wife has in principle agreed to it and her mother says 'ok up to you'. But I know that she finds security being so close to her family.

 

Currently, my wifes family is quite good to me but there is always a bad apple- the eldest brother. From the start he was quite aggressive and disrespectful to me but it has been resolved now as we don't see him much at all. He basically doesn't come to our house at all thankfully. 

 

My wife is a medical professional earning good money and has lots of friend and family here. I have a low salary, no friends and no family here. Thus its easy for me to move but hard for her. 

 

Being near the coast means better food, hospitals, closer to bangkok, beaches. It makes a lot of sense but I know my wife will be sad and maybe a bit worried to leave her home town. I see it as a way for her to grow up and evolve and start a new life with her family (my baby and I). We will have no support from her family if we do move away but such is life. 

 

Its not like Im taking her back to the nanny state where I grew up overseas. Its still Thailand. My instincts say.... try it for 1 to 2 yrs and we can always come back. Do you agree?

 

cheers

[jerojero]

Be prepared for her many repeated trips home to visit her family. Eventually she will say it's optional for you to join her, then her visits will become longer and longer, leaving you alone more and more. And finally she'll tell you she's not happy apart from her family and more unhappy than being away from you. All the above may indeed happen, especially that she's financially self sufficient.

 

 

[lopburi3]

Not sure why you believe conditions by the sea will be an improvement (for what you mention) - although you might have to use government medical facilities some are very good in larger cities everywhere (and wife works in that field?) - food can be good anywhere but perhaps if you mean western food there would be more choice.  Beach is something most Thai avoid (for good reason - and sun can be pure cancer for western skin).  

 

You only mention one brother - are there other sisters?  If not she will feel a strong obligation to take care of her parents even more.  I would urge you to consider all sides and be sure wife is really up to making such a drastic change.

[colinneil]

Maybe you are not interested in what others think.

In my opinion not a good idea taking your wife away from her family.

At the end of the day they are family, you are the husband.

In Thailand, family comes first above and before all others, you are the farang husband.

She can get rid of you, but not her blood relations, be very careful.

[tso310]

You don't mention if you actually lived very close to her family or if you are in a small village or a proper town. I told my wife that I was prepared to live in the local town but not in the village. Consequently she now has a wider circle of friends and admits shes happier being away from all the family squabbles. Her mother and sisters are just 10 minutes away, and I feel happier in the town.

[chickenslegs]

3 hours ago, ghworker2010 said:

.... try it for 1 to 2 yrs and we can always come back. Do you agree?

I agree - if you can choose the right location and if she can find a good job where she is happy and can make friends.

 

Good on her for being willing to make the move to make you happy.

[dotpoom]

There are times we have to make decisions in this life, paeticularly when it comes to our nearest and dearest, without having to run it past a bunch of strangers for approval first?

[jeab1980]

Your right very selfish. The excuses you use better food/better hospitals i would disagree there. Nearer to Bangkok is not a plus but a negative.

I have little doubt seperation will come very soon. Uprooting her from her well paid job whos going to look after your rugrat?. All so you can swim in the sea. Yes selfish.

[catman20]

Yes 

[phantomfiddler]

Have you ever considered the possibility that the "bad apple" may not in fact be her brother ?

[OmarZaid]

I advise you to stay.  She will feel more secure close to her family. She will also respect you more for considering her basic needs in this respect. Be a man ... shelter her where she is best accommodated, not you, and your home life will improve by Olympic proportions in the years to come.  Do as I do ... go visit the sea when time and circumstance permit.

[wombat]

be a good farang and buy them all smartphones so they can FaceTime ...problem solved

 

[RBOP]

You'll be fine. The sea life is bliss. Parents and her extended family will come stay with you often at the sea too. Just get a big place where you can go hide when they visit. 

[Briggsy]

Why do you want to move?

5 hours ago, ghworker2010 said:

better food, hospitals, closer to bangkok, beaches

I don't accept your reasons as your true reasons. In themselves, unless you are way out in some small amphoe in the back of beyond, they don't make sense.

 

Is it that you wish to have foreign friends? Is it that you are bored, lonely and unfulfilled in Isaan? That would make much more sense.

 

If so, move. Isaan people will find Isaan people anywhere in Thailand.

[ghworker2010]

1 hour ago, dotpoom said:

There are times we have to make decisions in this life, paeticularly when it comes to our nearest and dearest, without having to run it past a bunch of strangers for approval first?

I'll just do whatever I want. How does that sound to you? If I want to ask other farang living in Thailand if they are in the same situation then thats up to me. cheers old boy

[Chou Anou]

5 hours ago, colinneil said:

Maybe you are not interested in what others think.

In my opinion not a good idea taking your wife away from her family.

At the end of the day they are family, you are the husband.

In Thailand, family comes first above and before all others, you are the farang husband.

She can get rid of you, but not her blood relations, be very careful.

Haha, of course he's "interested in what others think"...he posted his personal problems on a notorious forum like Thaivisa for all to dissect and criticize! 

[Chou Anou]

Let me get this straight...the "nanny state" as you so colorfully quote tired conservative language, is bad, but you living off your wife's higher salary is good?  Okay, gotcha.

[Alexpho]

In your particular case, I wouldn't move. I think you said the key word, " finances ", meaning you are on the low income. Worst case scenario, you move and she does not land another good job or does not like the new area, then everyone is miserable and the repeated trips back home because more and more painful. Living near bangkok or the beach is so over rated. Now if you were wealthy, its a different ball game

 

[leither69]

Do it,  think of yourself,  its a 2 way street, you tried issan,  sample something else

[scorecard]

6 hours ago, ghworker2010 said:

Being near the coast

 

hope that doesn't mean Pattaya or Phuket.

[cracker1]

I think it was about 3 years ago that the Army were going to remove all the bars built on the seaward side of walking street as they had been built illegally on public land. (The Beach)

First they were going to remove the Beach Chair and food vendors and then the Walking St, situation.

Anyone can confirm any "positive" action on these matters ?

[Aussieroaming]

I think if you both want to move then no dramas. My wife is very close to her mother and when we decided to move o/seas for work her mum encouraged it because she knew it was important for us. We would have gone o/s regardless but it's nice to go with well wishes because it means no future hassles or issues. Mind you we are now living in another asian country and miss all of the positive things about being in Thailand.

[DipStick]

Dear oh dear, another expat who doesn't get it ! When you as a not so rich foreigner marries an Asian, you marry into the family, and you should understand that you as the husband come below her parents in the pecking order. Your quicksand is likely to be that her income is higher than yours, which could possibly mean without her in come to support yours, you will be financially down the tubes. A situation I would never ever get into. I wish you luck, when she returns to her family and village, leaves you with your child but no financial backup. What good to you is the beach when you have no time to enjoy it as a single father 

[jeab1980]

11 minutes ago, cracker1 said:

I think it was about 3 years ago that the Army were going to remove all the bars built on the seaward side of walking street as they had been built illegally on public land. (The Beach)

First they were going to remove the Beach Chair and food vendors and then the Walking St, situation.

Anyone can confirm any "positive" action on these matters ?

The point of this post in the context of the thread is what exactly?

[Khon Kaen Dave]

6 hours ago, jerojero said:

Be prepared for her many repeated trips home to visit her family. Eventually she will say it's optional for you to join her, then her visits will become longer and longer, leaving you alone more and more. And finally she'll tell you she's not happy apart from her family and more unhappy than being away from you. All the above may indeed happen, especially that she's financially self sufficient.

 

 

Sad but true.

[howard ashoul]

Do it half way. Move like 50/100 Km.

 

- It's far enough for her family not to be intervening into your family life. And not be 24/7 at your house.

- But it's also close enough to do 1 day visit to them (morning there, evening back).

 

Problem solved.

[jeab1980]

Just now, howard ashoul said:

Do it half way. Move like 50/100 Km.

 

- It's far enough for her family not to be intervening into your family life. And not be 24/7 at your house.

- But it's also close enough to do 1 day visit to them (morning there, evening back).

 

Problem solved.

Cant remember him saying the in laws were there 24/7or in fact there was a problem with the in laws save a grumpy brother who he doesnt see. What he said was he wants to be able to swim in the sea.

 

[Khon Kaen Dave]

2 minutes ago, jeab1980 said:

Cant remember him saying the in laws were there 24/7or in fact there was a problem with the in laws save a grumpy brother who he doesnt see. What he said was he wants to be able to swim in the sea.

 

If he is persuaded to stay in the family circle, i would beware the Brother. You never can tell what is on their minds in cases like this.Thai women have very strong ties with their families. Its almost like a chain wrapped around them. They wont insult or argue with the elders, they will find it hard to move away. Dont forget that a disgruntled Thai male can make a lot of problems for a felang who does not have the power of money behind him. He will also have a bunch of mates, to whom he has told the tale. Step carefully my friend.

[howard ashoul]

7 minutes ago, jeab1980 said:

Cant remember him saying the in laws were there 24/7or in fact there was a problem with the in laws save a grumpy brother who he doesnt see. What he said was he wants to be able to swim in the sea.

 

Title is clearly stating "moving away from her thai family". All comments are mentioning how she will be sad about not being with her family. So I offered half way solution.

[jeab1980]

9 minutes ago, Khon Kaen Dave said:

If he is persuaded to stay in the family circle, i would beware the Brother. You never can tell what is on their minds in cases like this.Thai women have very strong ties with their families. Its almost like a chain wrapped around them. They wont insult or argue with the elders, they will find it hard to move away. Dont forget that a disgruntled Thai male can make a lot of problems for a felang who does not have the power of money behind him. He will also have a bunch of mates, to whom he has told the tale. Step carefully my friend.

"Currently, my wifes family is quite good to me but there is always a bad apple- the eldest brother. From the start he was quite aggressive and disrespectful to me but it has been resolved now as we don't see him much at all. He basically doesn't come to our house at all thankfully. "

Resolved being the main focus.

He is moving not beacuse of the brother its beacuse he wants to swim in the sea. 

Where has this he hasnt got a lot of money come from! All ge says us his wife earns more than him. So does mine so does that mean i dont have the power of money behind me. Quite a leap there.