The poisonous Brother in Law

[thaibeachlovers]

19 hours ago, Golden Triangle said:

 

 

All I can say is that maybe I am one of the lucky ones, me and "Her indoors" have been together for 7 years now, 6 of those living together, I get on well with all her family, Mum, Dad, she has 2 brothers both married, a few Aunties in the village and a Niece who has just graduated from Med school, I give her her monthly allowance which I know part of which goes to her Ma & Pa, brothers are teachers as is the SiL. 

 

Only once have I had a request for financial assistance, 200000 Baht, because the fruit harvest was particularly bad that year, I lent them the money (3 years ago) because I would rather they deal with me as opposed a nasty money lender, so far 50k Thai Baht has been repaid,

 

 

No argument with anything you say, and you appear to have been lucky. More lucky that I for sure.

However, having been there done that got the t shirt with lending money to the family, I would suggest that they repay the loan to your wife instead of you giving her an "allowance". That way it is she that will be on them to repay it, and not you. It would be repaid at the same rate as the "allowance".

 

For myself, I did pay all household expenses ( half of her income would have paid for not much at all ), a contribution towards her food expenses and some specific items, which are irrelevant to this discussion. However, I did not consider that I was liable to contribute anything to her family, so that was down to her earning her own money to give them. I would not have given anything to my western ex's family, so why would I support a Thai wife's family?

I did, however, support the family in other ways, as we stayed in their house, even though that was a less than satisfactory arrangement, and did contribute to the end of our relationship. If I could go back in time, we would never have moved anywhere near to them.

[oldhippy]

48 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

No argument with anything you say, and you appear to have been lucky. More lucky that I for sure.

However, having been there done that got the t shirt with lending money to the family, I would suggest that they repay the loan to your wife instead of you giving her an "allowance". That way it is she that will be on them to repay it, and not you. It would be repaid at the same rate as the "allowance".

 

For myself, I did pay all household expenses ( half of her income would have paid for not much at all ), a contribution towards her food expenses and some specific items, which are irrelevant to this discussion. However, I did not consider that I was liable to contribute anything to her family, so that was down to her earning her own money to give them. I would not have given anything to my western ex's family, so why would I support a Thai wife's family?

I did, however, support the family in other ways, as we stayed in their house, even though that was a less than satisfactory arrangement, and did contribute to the end of our relationship. If I could go back in time, we would never have moved anywhere near to them.

great advise!

[Golden Triangle]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

No argument with anything you say, and you appear to have been lucky. More lucky that I for sure.

However, having been there done that got the t shirt with lending money to the family, I would suggest that they repay the loan to your wife instead of you giving her an "allowance". That way it is she that will be on them to repay it, and not you. It would be repaid at the same rate as the "allowance".

 

For myself, I did pay all household expenses ( half of her income would have paid for not much at all ), a contribution towards her food expenses and some specific items, which are irrelevant to this discussion. However, I did not consider that I was liable to contribute anything to her family, so that was down to her earning her own money to give them. I would not have given anything to my western ex's family, so why would I support a Thai wife's family?

I did, however, support the family in other ways, as we stayed in their house, even though that was a less than satisfactory arrangement, and did contribute to the end of our relationship. If I could go back in time, we would never have moved anywhere near to them.

Thanks for your input beachlover, much appreciated, its difficult to know what to do for the best sometimes, and I include everyone that is involved with a Thai lady and her family in that statement. Some are good, some the complete opposite and dangerous, as we are often seen as the Goose that lays the Golden Egg.

 

I obviously am unaware of your situation, but send you best wishes for your future.

 

I will keep the status quo as it is for the time being, as previously stated I am in no rush for the money to be repaid, but repay it they will, and I and my friends, and my Mrs friends will continue to enjoy the fruits of their labours, I have a couple of pensions already paying out, another one due to payout next year and some investments that pay me quite well.

 

I did put the word out locally a while back that the 'other half' might be interested in some work in a restaurant or bar (not girly) she's far to old for that  and she got some offers, but when she analysed the pros and cons she realised that she would be giving up far more than she would be getting in return, her freedom to do as she pleases, markets, visit friends, visit family, holidays with me, travel to parts of Thailand she had only ever heard about, travel to BKK to pay respect to HM etc etc, so many things to relinquish  Needless to say that she chose the easy option, stay home and look after me. I'm happy with that, I love her to bits, she loves me (I believe) and we have fun together, travelling around, eating out and so on, it's not all 5* but sometimes it is.

 

She has no kids, never been married (I have to sort that) I take good care of her and she takes good care of me, I get on with all the family,what's not to like ? So yeah I am lucky, I found a Diamond in the rough of Pattaya I'm one lucky geezer and I wish you the same 

 

[Jonah Tenner]

8 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I did, however, support the family in other ways, as we stayed in their house, even though that was a less than satisfactory arrangement, and did contribute to the end of our relationship. If I could go back in time, we would never have moved anywhere near to them.

I have one rule which I learned early in life: 

 

Never live within walking distance of in-laws to either me or my partner. 

[oldhippy]

It was such a beautifull day, and now WWIII may start....

 

Wife tells me that a friend asked on facebook for second hand clothes (school uniform) for his baby son.

Wife suggests I give them the money for buying clothes.

"Because I think he poor, he borrow money from my son and not pay back".

Whaaaaaaaat?

"He lose money from banana plantation too much".

Whaaaaaaaat? We gave him the young plants.....

 

My wife can be such a philantrop..... with my money.

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

On 12/09/2017 at 5:30 AM, Odysseus123 said:

George,

 

"Thai culture/religion is a minefield!"

 

Yes-it most certainly is.

 

But..you are right and I am overthinking the issue except that,even tho' I have physically escaped that environment,I am now experiencing the inevitable blowback with issues that may take months to resolve.

 

I found/find that dealing with irrational,demanding,self serving people corroded my soul,made me neglect my health and placed me in a position that took huge amounts of energy to escape from.

 

I still maintain my position that many aspects of the place was a moral and ethical morass-and this certainly seemed to influence the behaviour of more than just a few expatriates that I met there as well,They were comfortable with it and I was not.

 

You know.I saw a number of people being fleeced within a inch of their bank account's life-no other expat ever said anything...just another one crashing and burning..and even if you did say something you inevitably drew flak yourself.

 

Such is life.

You are right of course, it is inevitable that you either harden to the system or fall fowl of it.

I know many falangs gloat over the mistakes of others, but it is simply because most of them fail to take any advice, and constantly trying to help people that "know better" is frustrating. Your own situation, lie TDL's seems that you have enjoyed years of happy life, but it has been destroyed by "outlaws and in-laws" intimately.

 

Ha ha "moral and ethical morass" you say, total vacuum I would describe it as mostly, certainly the way occidentals understand things.

Somebody (Arthur Conan Doyle possibly) described the orientals as "inscrutable", people should remember that.

Many of the Thai/Falang stories remind me old the old saying about the "goose and the golden egg"...

I can understand you will take time to recover from the psychological damage never mind your physical health, but you are out at last.

Dealing with the financial situation you have in Thailand will not be easy, consider carefully with your intelligence not compassion and it will sort itself out my friend.

Some R&R for you now and time to think.

Take care of yourself.

G

Edited September 13, 2017 by George FmplesdaCosteedback

[Kadilo]

It was such a beautifull day, and now WWIII may start....
 
Wife tells me that a friend asked on facebook for second hand clothes (school uniform) for his baby son.
Wife suggests I give them the money for buying clothes.
"Because I think he poor, he borrow money from my son and not pay back".
Whaaaaaaaat?
"He lose money from banana plantation too much".
Whaaaaaaaat? We gave him the young plants.....
 
My wife can be such a philantrop..... with my money.

It's in their nature, culture or whatever you want to call it to do this. I think it gives them a certain kudos and stature to think that they are able (via you) to be generous to all and sundry.
The dilemma is of course it never stops at a few clothes and before you know it every person and their dog will be dropping hints for handouts. For us it's a couple of quid to start with and not gonna hurt the bank one iota. But that's normally just he start.
I have no qualms personally about saying no to my partner. I'd rather nip it on the bud early on the pay for it later.
I appreciate some people find it hard to say no especially if you are generous in nature as many of us are.


Sent from my iPhone using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

11 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

It's in their nature, culture or whatever you want to call it to do this. I think it gives them a certain kudos and stature to think that they are able (via you) to be generous to all and sundry.
The dilemma is of course it never stops at a few clothes and before you know it every person and their dog will be dropping hints for handouts. For us it's a couple of quid to start with and not gonna hurt the bank one iota. But that's normally just he start.
I have no qualms personally about saying no to my partner. I'd rather nip it on the bud early on the pay for it later.
I appreciate some people find it hard to say no especially if you are generous in nature as many of us are.


Sent from my iPhone using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

I think it gives them a certain kudos and stature to think that they are able (via you) to be generous to all and sundry.

 

Making merit for the next life, and "Face"...

 

 

[Odysseus123]

1 hour ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

You are right of course, it is inevitable that you either harden to the system or fall fowl of it.

I know many falangs gloat over the mistakes of others, but it is simply because most of them fail to take any advice, and constantly trying to help people that "know better" is frustrating. Your own situation, lie TDL's seems that you have enjoyed years of happy life, but it has been destroyed by "outlaws and in-laws" intimately.

 

Ha ha "moral and ethical morass" you say, total vacuum I would describe it as mostly, certainly the way occidentals understand things.

Somebody (Arthur Conan Doyle possibly) described the orientals as "inscrutable", people should remember that.

Many of the Thai/Falang stories remind me old the old saying about the "goose and the golden egg"...

I can understand you will take time to recover from the psychological damage never mind your physical health, but you are out at last.

Dealing with the financial situation you have in Thailand will not be easy, consider carefully with your intelligence not compassion and it will sort itself out my friend.

Some R&R for you now and time to think.

Take care of yourself.

G

George,

You are quite right and I shall take your well meant advice.

 

Bonne chance everyone!

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

On 13/09/2017 at 1:43 PM, oldhippy said:

It was such a beautifull day, and now WWIII may start....

 

Wife tells me that a friend asked on facebook for second hand clothes (school uniform) for his baby son.

Wife suggests I give them the money for buying clothes.

"Because I think he poor, he borrow money from my son and not pay back".

Whaaaaaaaat?

"He lose money from banana plantation too much".

Whaaaaaaaat? We gave him the young plants.....

 

My wife can be such a philantrop..... with my money.

It's never difficult to spend and give away other people's money...

You just need to be in the position to do that!

 

 

[totally thaied up]

On 13/09/2017 at 1:43 PM, oldhippy said:

It was such a beautifull day, and now WWIII may start....

 

Wife tells me that a friend asked on facebook for second hand clothes (school uniform) for his baby son.

Wife suggests I give them the money for buying clothes.

"Because I think he poor, he borrow money from my son and not pay back".

Whaaaaaaaat?

"He lose money from banana plantation too much".

Whaaaaaaaat? We gave him the young plants.....

 

My wife can be such a philantrop..... with my money.

Last year I went to a school to help out. Yes, I have the right visa for it, etc., etc. I took my laptop and my 32'' screen, and we had a lot of fun. One of the kids had very worn clothing on. We found out his family was super poor and that is all he got to wear daily. His sister was wearing practically nothing; big holes in her shirt and almost see-through and was held up with a piece of multi-colored rope that she must have platted together. So we gave the school money to buy them clothes both for school and out of school.

 

Now I had not been back to this school. My wife and I were in town and next minute we had these two very old Grandparents with the two children we helped. The Grandparents were not well dressed, but the children were dressed nice. It was the two kids from that class. My wife was told they got many clothes (they bought them second hand) and new school uniforms. They could not show photos of the clothes as they did not have smart or mobile phones. The children's parents were dead from a motorcycle accident four years prior.

 

Sometimes it is all not just sad or bad stories. In general, most of us farangs are a kind mob of people and will help but what I hate is the face value of it all in some cases. Where the wife gives stuff for face value, at the value of a farangs money, that's where I will draw a very definite line in the sand, and I do see this a lot. 

 

Edited September 15, 2017 by totally thaied up

[sandrabbit]

On 14/09/2017 at 3:17 AM, Odysseus123 said:

harden to the system or fall fowl of it.

Just got back from the UK and sorry George it made me grin, hopefully no chickens were hurt in the making of it ....................

 

Sorry Ody for using your post, very tired so was lazy to search.

 

The UK is very expensive, hope DL is doing ok, and same for the rest of you reprobates.

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

4 hours ago, sandrabbit said:

Just got back from the UK and sorry George it made me grin, hopefully no chickens were hurt in the making of it ....................

 

Sorry Ody for using your post, very tired so was lazy to search.

 

The UK is very expensive, hope DL is doing ok, and same for the rest of you reprobates.

RSPCA beat you to it, I'm in gaol awaiting a long sentence...

They tell me I could get 35 words or more. Evidently it depends on the whether.

Yes, UK is expensive, and cold!

Cheers, G

 

[thaibeachlovers]

Sadly, this thread appears to have run its course. Pity, as I learned a lot from it that even after all my years here I never knew. If only I'd known before and all that.

 

I'm concerned that The Dark Lord hasn't been heard from for some time. Anyone know.....................................?

 

So, one more "good thing" consigned to the dust of history. Farewell to all that contributed to a brilliant thread.

[Andrew Dwyer]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Sadly, this thread appears to have run its course. Pity, as I learned a lot from it that even after all my years here I never knew. If only I'd known before and all that.

 

I'm concerned that The Dark Lord hasn't been heard from for some time. Anyone know.....................................?

 

So, one more "good thing" consigned to the dust of history. Farewell to all that contributed to a brilliant thread.

Yes, this was one of the better threads IMHO .

A final word from Dark Lord would round it off nicely . ( hopefully he hasn't got his hands on the keys to the Audi and gone out driving Thai style !! ? )

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

7 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Yes, this was one of the better threads IMHO .

A final word from Dark Lord would round it off nicely . ( hopefully he hasn't got his hands on the keys to the Audi and gone out driving Thai style !! ? )

I am confident TDL is fine and he will pop up again soon to surprise us.

He is in good hands

 

Been quite a ride for all (with the odd exception) and lessons we should all take note of.

Now, what next? Ah, that book I was writing....

Back to work.

 

 

[sandrabbit]

19 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

I am confident TDL is fine and he will pop up again soon to surprise us.

He is in good hands

 

Been quite a ride for all (with the odd exception) and lessons we should all take note of.

Now, what next? Ah, that book I was writing....

Back to work.

 

 

for you George, maybe last time music post as it's going quiet. anyway the rest of you who have been on this ride it's been a pleasure and hope you liked the music along the way. if any of you want to meet up for a beer on the beach in Rayong just pm.

 

 

[champers]

4 hours ago, sandrabbit said:

for you George, maybe last time music post as it's going quiet. anyway the rest of you who have been on this ride it's been a pleasure and hope you liked the music along the way. if any of you want to meet up for a beer on the beach in Rayong just pm.

 

 

The last proper Genesis album, before it turned into the Phil Collins pop group.

[thaibeachlovers]

Indeed, it seems like the ride is over.

However, if The Dark Lord is reading this, it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance on the pages of this thread.

I only wish I'd happened on your musings earlier.

Wherever you are, fare well.

[Rc2702]

Just now, thaibeachlovers said:

Indeed, it seems like the ride is over.

However, if The Dark Lord is reading this, it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance on the pages of this thread.

I only wish I'd happened on your musings earlier.

Wherever you are, fare well.

So that's it then it's all over for the poisonous brother in law. I'll start digging then lol.

 

I'm ok with the FIL situation at present. Mrs is not telling them we moved 100m away until we have moved. Her decision. We have started supplying them sugary foods and old age people's milk instead of cash as they do not have a clue what to do with cash and we saw a weight loss in the elders which alarmed us and we take the digital scales down every 2 weeks and in a month MIL has gained nearly 2kg. This all gets recorded in front of them in a book and the Mrs calls every day to confirm they have eaten the cakes and drank the milk. The BIL is still in no man's land but in the plus side at least we can swe the cash improving their day to day and very likely, prolonging them.

 

Nearly three months to the day but I reckon someone has a gripe with a BIL somewhere in thailand.

 

Whose ready to take the baton on this? 

 

 

[owl sees all]

Just now, Rc2702 said:

I reckon someone has a gripe with a BIL somewhere in thailand.

The two BinLs between them owe me well over 100k. They get annoyed when it's even suggested that they pay it back. BUT they are the losers in my book. Any good-will went yonks ago and now they can't ask for any amount. And I am comfortable enough.

 

Strangely though the three SinLs are fine. Am I lucky here?

 

As for Mrs Owl; she hasn't had a fit of anything for a month. Maybe she realises that the curtain is drawing in and she doesn't want villagers pointing and speaking in whispers about her when I'm brown bread (not yet-a-while I hope).

 

I'm with you on the Dark Lord. He was always curteous in his posts.

 

Finally; thank you guys!!

Edited September 29, 2017 by owl sees all

[Rc2702]

Just now, owl sees all said:

The two BinL beteen them owe me well over 100k. they get annoyed when it's even suggested that they pay it back. BUT they are the losers in my book. Any good-will went yonks ago and now they can't ask for any amount. 

 

Strangely though the three SinLs are fine. Am I lucky here?

 

As for Mrs Owl; she hasn't had a fit of anything for a month. Maybe she realises that the curtain is drawing in and she doesn't want villagers pointing and speaking in whispers about her when I'm brown bread (not yet-a-while I hope).

 

I'm with you on the Dark Lord. He was always curteous in his posts.

 

Finally; thank you guys!!

Can't you sell the debt mate? Maybe these two can be the first recruits for my voluntary slave business?

6 months of hard labour and 2 bowls of sticky a day and 2 table spoons of fish sauce. Water (cloudy) is free.

[oldhippy]

We are in Europe now, in Madeira.

Madeira has all the good of Europe and Thailand combined... but too late now.

 

Wife asked me "why go back to Thailand, there is nothing for us there"???

Euuuh there are a house, a big garden, a swimming pool - and a lazy son who does not take care of house & garden while we are gone.

I am not sure what my wife thinks about her lazy son, and I will not ask.

 

The Lazy One posted on facebook: "so many things that I want, but so little money in my pocket."

NO! I am not so naive as to think that he realizes what his problem is. He is just hoping to get lucky...

 

Meanwhile I enjoy an excellent bottle of wine (3,5 euro) at our balcony with sea view........

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

So that's it then it's all over for the poisonous brother in law. I'll start digging then lol.

 

I'm ok with the FIL situation at present. Mrs is not telling them we moved 100m away until we have moved. Her decision. We have started supplying them sugary foods and old age people's milk instead of cash as they do not have a clue what to do with cash and we saw a weight loss in the elders which alarmed us and we take the digital scales down every 2 weeks and in a month MIL has gained nearly 2kg. This all gets recorded in front of them in a book and the Mrs calls every day to confirm they have eaten the cakes and drank the milk. The BIL is still in no man's land but in the plus side at least we can swe the cash improving their day to day and very likely, prolonging them.

 

Nearly three months to the day but I reckon someone has a gripe with a BIL somewhere in thailand.

 

Whose ready to take the baton on this? 

 

 

PLEASE, DON'T give them sugary food unless you want them to get diabetes and rot any teeth they have left. There are better ways to put weight on.

[Rc2702]

Just now, thaibeachlovers said:

PLEASE, DON'T give them sugary food unless you want them to get diabetes and rot any teeth they have left. There are better ways to put weight on.

Spoke to some friends who are in the medical profession and read various reports prior to making a decision. Required a sustainable fast acting addition to their diet which had very little sugar content prior.  They were frail before their time and the sugar has increased energy and everyone seems more upbeat.  I was more worried about the old dear croaking than getting diabetes and that has not changed. But thanks for your input and don't be shy on info.  If you have sustainable suggestions I am listening.

 

 

Edited September 30, 2017 by Rc2702

[Odysseus123]

I do not often see my old friends from this topic on TV anymore.

 

It's a bit of a shame really.

 

Hoping that you are all well.

 

Ody.

[oldhippy]

Just now, Odysseus123 said:

I do not often see my old friends from this topic on TV anymore.

 

It's a bit of a shame really.

 

Hoping that you are all well.

 

Ody.

Helloooooooooo Ody

Great to see your post!

Without "our" thread the forum is not the same anymore.....

Is everything well with you? Have the Australian doctors (and nurses 555) fixed you up?

Let us know how things are going with you, after your "great escape"!

[Odysseus123]

19 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

Helloooooooooo Ody

Great to see your post!

Without "our" thread the forum is not the same anymore.....

Is everything well with you? Have the Australian doctors (and nurses 555) fixed you up?

Let us know how things are going with you, after your "great escape"!

Hey Old Hippy!

 

I have looked for the old posters several times and have had one or two light hearted chats with George on sundry topics..

 

The medical care is excellent as it the community care but nevertheless I get a trifle bored as they deal with the infection in my leg.

 

It took me awhile to get used to the left brained practicality of it all and the fact that I ain't no traveler of international renown no more (lol)

 

Major heart surgery is going to happen in Feb' next year.

 

Sometimes I miss the vibrancy,colour and feyness of it all...but then I come to my senses..and say... "The moving finger writes and having writ moves on..

not all thy piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line...nor all thy tears wash out a word of it."

[owl sees all]

1 hour ago, Odysseus123 said:

I do not often see my old friends from this topic on TV anymore.

 

It's a bit of a shame really.

 

Hoping that you are all well.

 

Ody.

Really good to know you are still with us. There was a time a while back,,,

 

I'll keep 'em crossed for Feb'.

 

The BIL thread seemed to ring true with so many. As well as that there was real support and empathy rather than ridicule and sniping. Although there were a couple of 'gate-crashers' they were quickly delt with.

 

Good luck for the future.

[sandrabbit]

7 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

Good luck for the future.

I second that!