How Much Sin-sod Did You Pay?

[tuky]

If a Thai comes to whatever country in the "civilised" west, he/she has to adapt to the rules and traditions of that country, right?

Being an Aussie I tend to follow the Aussie news, over the last few years I have read many quotes from the PM stating that people migrating (opening a can of worms here? I hope not) to Australia need to become "Australian", Aussies expect it. You need to fit in.

Forgetting the visa issues, if we expect others to become Australianised then why should we not adapt too?

if you are able to buy a house in your own name and work here without jumping through hoops then I would say 'fair enough'.Untill then no way.I am not treated as an equal here.I accept that,but my wife would be treated as an equal in my home country.

I can fit in anywhere,but I don't expect the "trouble" to adobt my culture 100% and she does not expect me to adobt hers 100%.A far as I am concerned it is a 50/50 thing.

On that point I agree with you mate, in Thailand there is probably no future for us all other than a hard future. But forgetting the cr@p that we are subjected to due to bureaucracy lets focus on the cultural aspect, because I am sure you are aware (NZ not being that different from Aust.) when you see a foreign person on the street you automatically think they can speak english, if they cannot you are either p1ssed off, shocked or think they are a tourist. You do not wonder if they own their own house or have a 1 year non imm O visa. Sure, things could improve for us here, but lets make the most of what we have as it stands.

If your own country does not afford the rights that it should to a foreigner, does that mean that the foreigner should direspect your countries culture? And sin sod is a part of the Thai culture.

(not a shot at you Chuchok, just used your quote for my point).

[bmanly]

I met my Thai wife 17 years ago in Australia. We then got married in Australia and we are together today. I did not pay any sin sod for my wife, she never asked for it and I never knew about it in those days. When we were getting married I said that it is Australian custom that the bride’s parents pay for the wedding. She smiled and I knew there was no chance of this (and I was joking too) so I paid for the wedding and all went well.

After all these years and all of what I have learnt about Thai culture I have come to understand it better without reservation. It is Thai custom and tradition to pay sin sod however it is not mandatory. I asked my wife tonight why I didn't have to pay sin sod and she said "because you are farang and we got married in Australia".

When 2 distinctly different cultures meet and get married you have to meet in the middle. Everybody must feel "Sanuk" when getting married, my wife and I did when we got married. It is not wrong to give sin sod as per Thai culture and it is not wrong to do it our way too. If I met, married and lived permanently in Thailand at the time the outcome might have been different.

[tuky]

I met my Thai wife 17 years ago in Australia. We then got married in Australia and we are together today. I did not pay any sin sod for my wife, she never asked for it and I never knew about it in those days. When we were getting married I said that it is Australian custom that the bride’s parents pay for the wedding. She smiled and I knew there was no chance of this (and I was joking too) so I paid for the wedding and all went well.

After all these years and all of what I have learnt about Thai culture I have come to understand it better without reservation. It is Thai custom and tradition to pay sin sod however it is not mandatory. I asked my wife tonight why I didn't have to pay sin sod and she said "because you are farang and we got married in Australia".

When 2 distinctly different cultures meet and get married you have to meet in the middle. Everybody must feel "Sanuk" when getting married, my wife and I did when we got married. It is not wrong to give sin sod as per Thai culture and it is not wrong to do it our way too. If I met, married and lived permanently in Thailand at the time the outcome might have been different.

The definitive post of reason....

For those that pay a monthly stipend, for those that are expected to pay a sin sod, for those that refuse to pay a sin sod, take note of this post.

[svenivan]

This topic is interesting reading. After living two years together my tgf and me are planning to marry. She has been married before but I am still ready to follow tradition and pay sin sod. That is good for her family and her to get a big face.

I have asked her parents how much and they say it is not needed, it is up to me. They are very poor farmers in Isaan and my gf is their only daughter.

So I reckon 100 000 bath will be OK but that is included all costs for wedding, party, monks, clothes, gold etc etc.

My oldest daughter got married 4 years ago so I had to go back to Sweden for that occasion. As the tradition is in Sweden I paid most of the costs for the wedding, wedding gift etc. All together 350 000 bath plus my travel and all my other expences that was another 100 000 bath.

100 000 bath seems to be quite reasonable and I know I am going to get the best wife I could ever wish for!

:D

edit: We have sent 4000 bath every month to her parents and I know that are makes their life so much better. That makes my gf happy and makes me happy!

Edited January 2, 2007 by svenivan

[buddhafly]

hi all.

i'm the original poster of this question/poll. thanks for all the great viewpoints.

synthesizing all i have read, this is where i come out:

it is simply a thai tradition. a tradition that i don't particularly want to follow as i'd much rather keep the cash. but i probably will give some as i do believe it is a pretty deeply routed tradition and i do believe in adapting to my surroundings.

i went to a thai-thai wedding last year (the groom is in a fairly popular thai pop group) and that guy is from a rich family. he (probably his parents) paid a million baht. i don't know if it was returned or not.

never forget to review your own culture objectionably when commenting on a foriegn culture.

i'm defining sin-sod as "a wedding gift that the parents recieve."

our (western) culture says that the brides father pays for the wedding. that could be construed as peculiar or not fair to outsiders.

also we are told to spend 2 months salary on an engagement ring. yikes.

anyways...

so, i have decided to give sin-sod.

i know for a fact that i won't be given the sin-sod back. it will go to the family who needs it more than i.

but here's my NEW dilemna.... HOW MUCH?

the girls parents have said that they in no way want to tell me how much... it is up to me as to how NAM-JAI (generous) i want to be. which is good because i dont think i would have enjoyed negotiating it. they treat it as a gift, and no giver of a gift should be told how much to give.

i definately wont go over 100,000k. and i dont think under 50,000 k would feel right. ( i pretty much have a western salary in thailand).

so carry on the debate. and i'm listening to recommendations.

thx

b-fly

[terry57]

my ex girlfriend had 2 sister. in australia the girls father is expected to pay for the wedding and ive never been able to work that one out.

so i suppose the father is paying sin sot to the guys family by paying for the wedding.

ive always thought it was unfair and the wedding should be payed by the 2 people getting married.

my reason being that the parents have already paid to raise there children so why should they have to pay for them to be married?

the father spent a fortune on the girls wedding and 2 failed within 3 years.

cost him a fortune in sin sot for nothing.

but i do understand the deal concerning sin sot in thailand as it is the norm especially in the north.

its certainly a lot cheaper than what my ex girlfriends father had to pay.

i think what really gets to me is that so many marrages fail and that money is gone for ever.

oh well,

i suppose if the marrage is a good one its money well spent.

[tuky]

also we are told to spend 2 months salary on an engagement ring. yikes.

Not too sure about this one, neither my wife or I wear a wedding ring, never mind an engagement ring. When I asked her why she didn't want a wedding ring she told me it doesn't have a meaning in Thailand (she is from Udon Thani). Whether this is correct or not is beyond me ( we do live together).

Regarding the sin sod, why don't you do a deal, tell them you will give them 100k but will show 500k on the proviso that they will return 400k minus the wedding costs. This will give them a lot of face, will give you a lot of face within the family and all will work out well.

The engagement ring thing is another tory, I am not sure whether engagements are the norm according to Thai culture???

[meemiathai]

The tradition is getting money from Farang.

So how come millions of Thais pay it? Are they honorary farangs when getting married?

What are you smoking? Million of Thai paying 100,000 to get married. The only way most Thai can get a 100,000 to give is from a Farang,

Henry, as you claim to live in Pakistan, what have you viewed with your own eyes?

In the past two years I have attended at least 10 weddings in my village/town, every single one had a sin sort display of money and gold, the values have varied between 40k and 500k and every single marriage was Thai to Thai.

This is not an old tradition reserved for scamming farangs, it's an old tradition that is respected by every single Thai national I have ever met.

Tradition or no tradition, let's just think about what this concept results in. With such a monetary basis (requirement) for marriage, it is highly probable that many matches are made soley for money and not love. What about the poor Thai guy who can't scrape up enough cash and what about the Thai girl who is "marketed" and sold off to a Farang, just beause the family neeeds money. This is a common scenario here. Unfortunately, love is often NOT the primary factor. I recently know of one 20 yr old lady who cannot marry the Thai guy of her choice, because her Mother wanted 100K. They bargained it down to 50K, but he still cannot pay. SO, she likely will be "sold offf" to whoever has 100K. This is not the makings for a future happy marriage, in my opinion.

Does one have to be very intelligent to see that the case you mentioned has nothing to do with sin sod? A greedy mother can always ask for money even if sin sod had not existed. And the girl can always run away from home to marry the guy she loves nowadays.

It is fine for me that some of you guys don't like the concept of paying sin sod. But no need to insult the ones that do. I also grew up in a culture(HK) that everyone accepts the concept of sin sod. So you just don't know how much bs is coming out of your mouths when you talk about something you don't know.

For me the sin sod is to thank her parents respectfully for creating and giving me such a wonderful woman. And I won't take it back even if they want to.

By the way, how much did you pay? a2396?

I paid more than enough and would never do it again, knowing what I know now. The money I paid was of no benefit to my lady & was used to pay off her mother's house mortgage, which has in her sister's & mother's names, ie she received nothing from this transaction. I pointed this out to her at the time, but she did not want to raise a fuss. In addition, I was and am expected to pay a mothly stipend to her and her Mother. So, what I got and have is a relationship based on money. As for the 20 yr old runing away & marrrying the boyfriend: If you are a so-called expert on Thai culture, you know as well as I that this girl will generally follow the wishes of her Mother. She is expected to bring in the cash in whatever means she has available. This institutionalized practice of sin sod is an easy method.

Simply don't choose this girl! Don't pay if you are not happy paying! Good parents normally will not make it hard for the groom, if they do they are no good and the wife should see it and be on your side.

If my father/mother in law are greedy people, I will discuss it with my wife. But the lucky thing is they are very decent people. One thing people should understand is everyone wants better lives, so if they want something they need, it does not necessarily mean they are greedy. They are just looking for better lives.

I treat them as my parents too because I love my wife and I know how much my wife love them. I can't stand seeing them worrying about this about that whilst me and my wife can enjoy the luxury of going to ski every year and enjoying nights out every week. I try to help them as I would to my own family. Very simple.

You aren't going to get a lot if you count everything you give. But of course giving things out blindfoldingly could also be a problem. Make your own decisions. Life ain't easy.

[terry57]

sin sot has always been a problem for us farang as we are not used to dealing with it.

it has taken me many years to get a handle on it and im not even married but always trying to learn more about this subject.

[jing jing]

hi all.

i'm the original poster of this question/poll. thanks for all the great viewpoints.

synthesizing all i have read, this is where i come out:

it is simply a thai tradition. a tradition that i don't particularly want to follow as i'd much rather keep the cash. but i probably will give some as i do believe it is a pretty deeply routed tradition and i do believe in adapting to my surroundings.

i went to a thai-thai wedding last year (the groom is in a fairly popular thai pop group) and that guy is from a rich family. he (probably his parents) paid a million baht. i don't know if it was returned or not.

never forget to review your own culture objectionably when commenting on a foriegn culture.

i'm defining sin-sod as "a wedding gift that the parents recieve."

our (western) culture says that the brides father pays for the wedding. that could be construed as peculiar or not fair to outsiders.

also we are told to spend 2 months salary on an engagement ring. yikes.

anyways...

so, i have decided to give sin-sod.

i know for a fact that i won't be given the sin-sod back. it will go to the family who needs it more than i.

but here's my NEW dilemna.... HOW MUCH?

the girls parents have said that they in no way want to tell me how much... it is up to me as to how NAM-JAI (generous) i want to be. which is good because i dont think i would have enjoyed negotiating it. they treat it as a gift, and no giver of a gift should be told how much to give.

i definately wont go over 100,000k. and i dont think under 50,000 k would feel right. ( i pretty much have a western salary in thailand).

so carry on the debate. and i'm listening to recommendations.

thx

b-fly

You're definitely in the right ballpark -- 50-100K is a realistic amount for sinsot. Theoretically, the younger, more attractive, and better educated she is, the higher that number should be. Where I feel some farang go wrong is by paying far, far more than the "market" rate, i.e. 500K or higher for tattooed-up floozies with kids. This simply makes us all look foolish and creates the expectation that all farang will pay such crazy amounts. You know how word travels around the village... especially word of ridiculously high sinsot.

Pick a number between 50 and 100K depending on how generous you feel towards her family, put on the silk suit, and enjoy the party.

Chok dee and all the best to you and your bride-to-be!

[buddhafly]

when i said we are told to spend 2 months salary on a ring i was refering to the west. some <deleted> ad campaign said to do so! and my point was that we have expensive demands in america on weddings as well as thailand.

[meemiathai]

If a Thai comes to whatever country in the "civilised" west, he/she has to adapt to the rules and traditions of that country, right?

Being an Aussie I tend to follow the Aussie news, over the last few years I have read many quotes from the PM stating that people migrating (opening a can of worms here? I hope not) to Australia need to become "Australian", Aussies expect it. You need to fit in.

Forgetting the visa issues, if we expect others to become Australianised then why should we not adapt too?

if you are able to buy a house in your own name and work here without jumping through hoops then I would say 'fair enough'.Untill then no way.I am not treated as an equal here.I accept that,but my wife would be treated as an equal in my home country.

I can fit in anywhere,but I don't expect the "trouble" to adobt my culture 100% and she does not expect me to adobt hers 100%.A far as I am concerned it is a 50/50 thing.

On that point I agree with you mate, in Thailand there is probably no future for us all other than a hard future. But forgetting the cr@p that we are subjected to due to bureaucracy lets focus on the cultural aspect, because I am sure you are aware (NZ not being that different from Aust.) when you see a foreign person on the street you automatically think they can speak english, if they cannot you are either p1ssed off, shocked or think they are a tourist. You do not wonder if they own their own house or have a 1 year non imm O visa. Sure, things could improve for us here, but lets make the most of what we have as it stands.

If your own country does not afford the rights that it should to a foreigner, does that mean that the foreigner should direspect your countries culture? And sin sod is a part of the Thai culture.

(not a shot at you Chuchok, just used your quote for my point).

Try looking at this on the bright side. Maybe, maybe if they open its lands market, we are going to complain about the prices. Are you guys not enjoying a happy life now? I guess we belong to the luckier ones on this planet, don't we?

[britmaveric]

Way I look at it, if its being returned than no issue with it even if I think its rather silly. Pay for a big nosh up and also support the family time/time. Luckily I've been informed nought will be asked for!!

[SanukJoe]

also we are told to spend 2 months salary on an engagement ring. yikes.

Not too sure about this one, neither my wife or I wear a wedding ring, never mind an engagement ring. When I asked her why she didn't want a wedding ring she told me it doesn't have a meaning in Thailand (she is from Udon Thani). Whether this is correct or not is beyond me ( we do live together).

Regarding the sin sod, why don't you do a deal, tell them you will give them 100k but will show 500k on the proviso that they will return 400k minus the wedding costs. This will give them a lot of face, will give you a lot of face within the family and all will work out well.

The engagement ring thing is another tory, I am not sure whether engagements are the norm according to Thai culture???

Engagement is part of marrying in Thailand. When the man asks the parents permission to marry their daughter it is made in a little family gathering. The man promises to take care of his wife and presents his "Tong mun" being the gold he gives to his lady. As it is mostly a ring I'm not sure if other gold items are given, but any gold is described as Tong mun. After the engagement gathering the wedding can take place, either the same day or days/weeks later.

[SanukJoe]

my ex girlfriend had 2 sister. in australia the girls father is expected to pay for the wedding and ive never been able to work that one out.

so i suppose the father is paying sin sot to the guys family by paying for the wedding.

ive always thought it was unfair and the wedding should be payed by the 2 people getting married.

my reason being that the parents have already paid to raise there children so why should they have to pay for them to be married?

the father spent a fortune on the girls wedding and 2 failed within 3 years.

cost him a fortune in sin sot for nothing.

but i do understand the deal concerning sin sot in thailand as it is the norm especially in the north.

its certainly a lot cheaper than what my ex girlfriends father had to pay.

i think what really gets to me is that so many marrages fail and that money is gone for ever.

oh well,

i suppose if the marrage is a good one its money well spent.

The poor man paid a lot of money....

Two questions for the anti-sin sot guys:

1. This is obviously sin sot paid by the bride's father, agree?

2. Is the bride's father "buying" a husband for his daughter?

Curious to the answers...

Joe

[buddhafly]

my thai fiancee's family is christian ( i am not), so i dont have to do all the gold baht thing at least.

but it doesnt get me out of giving the sin-sod.

[chuchok]

my ex girlfriend had 2 sister. in australia the girls father is expected to pay for the wedding and ive never been able to work that one out.

so i suppose the father is paying sin sot to the guys family by paying for the wedding.

ive always thought it was unfair and the wedding should be payed by the 2 people getting married.

my reason being that the parents have already paid to raise there children so why should they have to pay for them to be married?

the father spent a fortune on the girls wedding and 2 failed within 3 years.

cost him a fortune in sin sot for nothing.

but i do understand the deal concerning sin sot in thailand as it is the norm especially in the north.

its certainly a lot cheaper than what my ex girlfriends father had to pay.

i think what really gets to me is that so many marrages fail and that money is gone for ever.

oh well,

i suppose if the marrage is a good one its money well spent.

The poor man paid a lot of money....

Two questions for the anti-sin sot guys:

1. This is obviously sin sot paid by the bride's father, agree?

2. Is the bride's father "buying" a husband for his daughter?

Curious to the answers...

Joe

I'm not anti,but neither am I for it 100%.Reason being that it is abused so much.If it's fair,then I have no problem.

As for the father paying for the wedding,I paid for my first marriage,although the inlaws did buy us a washing machine....

[raro]

Tight ass gits.

If you cant pay it because your broke or whatever then thats fine, if you got the cash then pay the sinsot, you get it back so whats the problem.

Maybe its juts the attitude "im a farang and my way is ALWAYS better and Thai way is always crap"

what's wrong with you? The first sensible comment I've seen from The Donz!

keep up the good job!

[meemiathai]

hi all.

i'm the original poster of this question/poll. thanks for all the great viewpoints.

synthesizing all i have read, this is where i come out:

it is simply a thai tradition. a tradition that i don't particularly want to follow as i'd much rather keep the cash. but i probably will give some as i do believe it is a pretty deeply routed tradition and i do believe in adapting to my surroundings.

i went to a thai-thai wedding last year (the groom is in a fairly popular thai pop group) and that guy is from a rich family. he (probably his parents) paid a million baht. i don't know if it was returned or not.

never forget to review your own culture objectionably when commenting on a foriegn culture.

i'm defining sin-sod as "a wedding gift that the parents recieve."

our (western) culture says that the brides father pays for the wedding. that could be construed as peculiar or not fair to outsiders.

also we are told to spend 2 months salary on an engagement ring. yikes.

anyways...

so, i have decided to give sin-sod.

i know for a fact that i won't be given the sin-sod back. it will go to the family who needs it more than i.

but here's my NEW dilemna.... HOW MUCH?

the girls parents have said that they in no way want to tell me how much... it is up to me as to how NAM-JAI (generous) i want to be. which is good because i dont think i would have enjoyed negotiating it. they treat it as a gift, and no giver of a gift should be told how much to give.

i definately wont go over 100,000k. and i dont think under 50,000 k would feel right. ( i pretty much have a western salary in thailand).

so carry on the debate. and i'm listening to recommendations.

thx

b-fly

You're definitely in the right ballpark -- 50-100K is a realistic amount for sinsot. Theoretically, the younger, more attractive, and better educated she is, the higher that number should be. Where I feel some farang go wrong is by paying far, far more than the "market" rate, i.e. 500K or higher for tattooed-up floozies with kids. This simply makes us all look foolish and creates the expectation that all farang will pay such crazy amounts. You know how word travels around the village... especially word of ridiculously high sinsot.

Pick a number between 50 and 100K depending on how generous you feel towards her family, put on the silk suit, and enjoy the party.

Chok dee and all the best to you and your bride-to-be!

I am sorry but I really can't help saying that I hate the idea of thinking what the market rate is. Or if the girl is younger, more attractive, or better educated, she gets higher sin sod. Or if the woman has been married before.

This is from the heart. Discuss it with your beloved woman. Make her feel happy.

For those who call women "second hand goods" , look at yourselves! I bet you might be ready for recycle.

I'll do anything I can to make the woman I love happy. What about you guys???????????? Dare you say that?

Selfishness is the word.

[The Professor]

Unlike me, my brother is a life long bachelor. He has never had a Thai gf but has had numerous GFs in the US. He keeps the girl around for years sometimes until the pressure to marry becomes too great, then he tells the girl to get lost. I don't see any reason why this same theory cannot be applied here in Thailand. I mean what's the obsession to marry and deal with all the hassles?

[meemiathai]

So 56.63% haven't paid.

Just see how tolerant the thais have been to the farangs. And yet they complain about being ripped off all the bloody time!

[jing jing]

hi all.

i'm the original poster of this question/poll. thanks for all the great viewpoints.

synthesizing all i have read, this is where i come out:

it is simply a thai tradition. a tradition that i don't particularly want to follow as i'd much rather keep the cash. but i probably will give some as i do believe it is a pretty deeply routed tradition and i do believe in adapting to my surroundings.

i went to a thai-thai wedding last year (the groom is in a fairly popular thai pop group) and that guy is from a rich family. he (probably his parents) paid a million baht. i don't know if it was returned or not.

never forget to review your own culture objectionably when commenting on a foriegn culture.

i'm defining sin-sod as "a wedding gift that the parents recieve."

our (western) culture says that the brides father pays for the wedding. that could be construed as peculiar or not fair to outsiders.

also we are told to spend 2 months salary on an engagement ring. yikes.

anyways...

so, i have decided to give sin-sod.

i know for a fact that i won't be given the sin-sod back. it will go to the family who needs it more than i.

but here's my NEW dilemna.... HOW MUCH?

the girls parents have said that they in no way want to tell me how much... it is up to me as to how NAM-JAI (generous) i want to be. which is good because i dont think i would have enjoyed negotiating it. they treat it as a gift, and no giver of a gift should be told how much to give.

i definately wont go over 100,000k. and i dont think under 50,000 k would feel right. ( i pretty much have a western salary in thailand).

so carry on the debate. and i'm listening to recommendations.

thx

b-fly

You're definitely in the right ballpark -- 50-100K is a realistic amount for sinsot. Theoretically, the younger, more attractive, and better educated she is, the higher that number should be. Where I feel some farang go wrong is by paying far, far more than the "market" rate, i.e. 500K or higher for tattooed-up floozies with kids. This simply makes us all look foolish and creates the expectation that all farang will pay such crazy amounts. You know how word travels around the village... especially word of ridiculously high sinsot.

Pick a number between 50 and 100K depending on how generous you feel towards her family, put on the silk suit, and enjoy the party.

Chok dee and all the best to you and your bride-to-be!

I am sorry but I really can't help saying that I hate the idea of thinking what the market rate is. Or if the girl is younger, more attractive, or better educated, she gets higher sin sod. Or if the woman has been married before.

This is from the heart. Discuss it with your beloved woman. Make her feel happy.

For those who call women "second hand goods" , look at yourselves! I bet you might be ready for recycle.

I'll do anything I can to make the woman I love happy. What about you guys???????????? Dare you say that?

Selfishness is the word.

No doubt it seems awfully "anti-romantic" to think of your bride-to-be in terms of her market value, and if it makes you feel better then don't think of it that way, but the fact remains that in many cases that is how her family and friends will determine what the number should be. Romance, as should be obvious from the etymology of the word, is a Western ideal, and our way of looking at relationships is not necessarily the same as the Thai way.

I paid what I considered to be a generous amount, however, the number originally mentioned was astronomical... I paid about 1/20th of that. Moral of the story: everything is negotiable. The first number you hear is definitely not what they are expecting; more like their wildest dreams of hitting the lottery.

[terry57]

Unlike me, my brother is a life long bachelor. He has never had a Thai gf but has had numerous GFs in the US. He keeps the girl around for years sometimes until the pressure to marry becomes too great, then he tells the girl to get lost. I don't see any reason why this same theory cannot be applied here in Thailand. I mean what's the obsession to marry and deal with all the hassles?

i dont really like the idea of stringing the girls out and then telling them to get lost.

this is very poor form in my opinion.

my self have been a life long bachelor by choise.

ive had a few long term relationships ( live in) and some shorter ones.

ive never felt the need to marry, still dont and quite possibly never will but i do like to have a woman around.

ive always been strait up with my ex partners about the marrage issue and have found that has always taken the pressure of both of us.

if there looking for a husband im not the guy. end of story.

i will live with another woman when the time is right.

the marrage issue has never been important to me as nothing is for ever.

[Gary A]

Three years ago my wife (now) was 36 years old. We discussed the sin sod and she said it was up to us. I asked her what she thought and she told me we shouldn't pay any. I paid none. Since she had never been legally married and never had children, I was willing to pay but she said it wasn't necessary.

IMHO, A woman who has been married and especially if she has children is not entitled to sin sod. Her family should be happy that she could find a man to marry her.

[tuky]

also we are told to spend 2 months salary on an engagement ring. yikes.

Not too sure about this one, neither my wife or I wear a wedding ring, never mind an engagement ring. When I asked her why she didn't want a wedding ring she told me it doesn't have a meaning in Thailand (she is from Udon Thani). Whether this is correct or not is beyond me ( we do live together).

Regarding the sin sod, why don't you do a deal, tell them you will give them 100k but will show 500k on the proviso that they will return 400k minus the wedding costs. This will give them a lot of face, will give you a lot of face within the family and all will work out well.

The engagement ring thing is another tory, I am not sure whether engagements are the norm according to Thai culture???

Engagement is part of marrying in Thailand. When the man asks the parents permission to marry their daughter it is made in a little family gathering. The man promises to take care of his wife and presents his "Tong mun" being the gold he gives to his lady. As it is mostly a ring I'm not sure if other gold items are given, but any gold is described as Tong mun. After the engagement gathering the wedding can take place, either the same day or days/weeks later.

I have just spoken with my wife about this and she says it is called dtang gnarn, I would have got it in thai script but she is a woman and can't understand why I want to spend my time talking with you guys rather than spend my time with her. Anyway, we never went through that period (engagement), we were fan only when we went to the embassy to find out how we can get married, next thing we knew we had shelled out a couple of dollars and we were married, all within about 4 hours. I never asked, never bought a ring or even discussed sin sod. We had been together about a year before this. We have now been married for four years and have two beautiful daughters.

I just asked her if she wants a Buddhist marriage and she wrinkled her face, I think I have been one of the lucky ones where I married a young Issan lady without prior attachments for the local Amphur fee.

But I tell you what, we are best friends, we are everyday (morning, as I work) lovers and our kids are some of the happiest and smartest you could meet.

Talkk of sin sod brings a snigger to her lips.

That is my experience. Personal as it may be.

[Heng]

my thai fiancee's family is christian ( i am not), so i dont have to do all the gold baht thing at least.

but it doesnt get me out of giving the sin-sod.

My wife's family is Christian and as far as I know, it's still the norm during family engagment ceremonies to put down gold (in addition to cash, real estate deeds, and stock certificates) on the offerings trays. This has held true for the half dozen or so weddings of their side of the family that I've been to (mine included). None of it changes hands of course (and what would be the point anyway for deeds and stock certs?). It's not a religious issue. I have yet to attend a local Muslim ceremony though, so for that group I'd be less certain.

[meemiathai]

Sorry jing jing, did not mean to be impolite.

It is sometimes difficult for the thais to suggest the amount of sin sod to farangs. They simply don't know how rich or poor you guys are. Some might think that most farangs are incredibly rich and asking for a small amount would make them stupid or make the farang himself lose face. Pay what you can afford and are happy with.

Imagining Bill Gates' son was to marry a thai girl and negotiates the sin sod down to 10000 baht.

[meemiathai]

Her family should be happy that she could find a man to marry her.

Do you actually say this to your wife?

You must love her a lot?

I always tell my wife I am the lucky one in our marriage.

[tuky]

Imagining Bill Gates' son was to marry a thai girl and negotiates the sin sod down to 10000 baht.

If Bill Gates's son married anybody sin sod would be the last thing thought of, first I am sure would be a pre nup.

[cdnvic]

I say if you choose to marry a Thai then you must abide by the culture.

I say, don't forget that you have a culture too that's just as important. Compromises can be made on all sides, not just yours.