pumpjack Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 (edited) wife has not been back home to see the inlaws in years, she wants take our 8 yr old daughter ( my daughter ) to thailand with her, im very worried about this. here in uk my wife leaves my daughter and wanders off sometimes whilst out shopping in the town or city, i have repeatedly warned my kid to stay with her but i have have witnessed with my own eyes sometimes when we are all out that the wife will just wander off without a word to us , this infuriates me. so, just reading about child rapists and perverts smacked out on yaba or ice in issan and elswhere raping and abducting children horrifies me . plus they do have an eye for the 50/50 farang / thai kids i heard before and that thai / farang children are often abducted and sold ( read that on TV years ago ) , im not saying it happens in only thailand i know full well that it happens everywhere . i cannot go with them due to work. would you let you kid go if your wife has been " downright stupid / careless & unreliable . its as if she doesnt know the dangers . or , am i being too paranoid . Edited August 5, 2017 by pumpjack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chowny77 Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 Two choices. Explain to your wife your concerns and make sure she understands that she must act as a mother should or you let her go and keep your daughter back in the UK with you. The thing with Thai women I have found after 13 yrs of living here is, they think if they scream and stomp around like kids they can get their own way. Man up and tell her the deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpjack Posted August 5, 2017 Author Share Posted August 5, 2017 (edited) well i know the answer to my question allready as im not going to let her, but really the topic was aimed at any of you who are in the same position as me with a wife who does not seem to care of the dangers of bringing up children. is it a thai thing as my other 2 long term farang partners would never dream of letting their children out of their sights . just after reading about the 2 child rapists on the run in koh pang nan too, seems everyday there is something on tv about animals Edited August 5, 2017 by pumpjack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhys Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 Take care of your children... always... be the Dad, that shows up ALWAYS..... Be strong.. if it feels wrong, then don't let it happen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhaoNiaw Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 (edited) To be honest, I'm not sure your fears are completely rational. Reading the title, it looked like it would be a marriage in trouble and the wife running away with the daughter. Still, it sounds like you're worried for your daughter, even in your own country. Nothing wrong with being concerned but don't let fear take over your life. It sounds like you go out as a family but you expect that only your wife has to watch your daughter. When you're not out together, has your daughter ever got lost? Do you have any reason to suppose your wife just leaves your daughter to her own devices when you're not there? I've brought a daughter up in Thailand (now 25) and I would think your daughter will be spoilt rotten by the family and have a great time. What part of Thailand are the wife's family in? Edited August 5, 2017 by KhaoNiaw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damrongsak Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 Sorry I can't help much. My wife was always very protective, but she has some hard-headed Vietnamese background in there somewhere. I know a Turkish-Thai couple, and the Thai mother is about as flaky as they come. Dad raised their only daughter while Mom flitted around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenslegs Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 10 hours ago, pumpjack said: here in uk my wife leaves my daughter and wanders off sometimes whilst out shopping in the town or city, 10 hours ago, pumpjack said: am i being too paranoid . 10 hours ago, pumpjack said: i cannot go with them due to work. <deleted> work - If what you say is true you are not being paranoid - you should not entrust your 8 year old daughter into the control of someone who can't even be bothered to look after her properly. Get down to the Citizens Advice Bureau and find out how you can make sure that Your daughter can't leave the UK without your permission. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scorecard Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 (edited) 9 hours ago, pumpjack said: well i know the answer to my question allready as im not going to let her, but really the topic was aimed at any of you who are in the same position as me with a wife who does not seem to care of the dangers of bringing up children. is it a thai thing as my other 2 long term farang partners would never dream of letting their children out of their sights . just after reading about the 2 child rapists on the run in koh pang nan too, seems everyday there is something on tv about animals Just wondering if your wife was brought up by grandma and other family members with very little guidance whilst her parents were away working. Lots of research on this situation shows that in many cases kids brought up like this turn out to be poor parents themselves, and part of this is they don't know, have never seen, never experienced the 'normal' attitudes, behaviors, caring, and daily child focused actvities and guidance of close parents. Edited August 6, 2017 by scorecard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andyfez Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Yes, IMHO you've been living in the uk too long. Reading too many Sunday papers. It's quite safe here. Problem is newspapers highlight the unusual. Put the statistics into a proper perspective, and the only worry I would have is to ensure the child is not in the back of a pickup, and the driver is qualified. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scorecard Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Just now, Andyfez said: Yes, IMHO you've been living in the uk too long. Reading too many Sunday papers. It's quite safe here. Problem is newspapers highlight the unusual. Put the statistics into a proper perspective, and the only worry I would have is to ensure the child is not in the back of a pickup, and the driver is qualified. Actually there are continuous reports of child rape, abandonment, kidnap, abuse in all of Thailand (and other countries too). In Thailand, around 400 cases of kidnap and child never found every year. My Thai son and his Thai wife watch their 3 kids every second. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catman20 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 (edited) a child looking after your child ! dont let her go you would never forgive yourself if something happened. Edited August 6, 2017 by catman20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 You need to go with them. End of story. This may involve going to Thailand at a time suitable to you both and your daughter's school. Your fears are justified. Thailand's rate of child death through accidents is many times higher than Europe. Thailand's awareness of dangers for children and protection mechanisms for children are equivalent to those in 18th century Europe. Your daughter goes, you go. End of story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cumgranosalus Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 "i cannot go with them due to work." - so now we have a value you place on your child's care? I think you will find the majority of 8 year old children in Thailand do fine. The problem is not with Thailand the child or your wife...the problem is with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanderluster Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 the way you descibe your wife. why would you marry or even be with a human being like that. if she is that bad get a divorse take care of "your" daughter and get on with life. you only have one life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jak2002003 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 OP will not let / allow his wife to go to visit her birth country and he won' t go with them because of 'work'. Sounds a very happy family. How exactly can he stop his wife going on holiday alone? Is she chained to the kitchen sink and needs his permission to make her own decisions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vandv Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 41 minutes ago, Andyfez said: Yes, IMHO you've been living in the uk too long. Reading too many Sunday papers. It's quite safe here. Problem is newspapers highlight the unusual. Put the statistics into a proper perspective, and the only worry I would have is to ensure the child is not in the back of a pickup, and the driver is qualified. he is reading thai news which is only the tip of the iceberg. there are all kinds of wild looking figures roaming around out there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilotman Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 10 hours ago, pumpjack said: well i know the answer to my question allready as im not going to let her, but really the topic was aimed at any of you who are in the same position as me with a wife who does not seem to care of the dangers of bringing up children. is it a thai thing as my other 2 long term farang partners would never dream of letting their children out of their sights . just after reading about the 2 child rapists on the run in koh pang nan too, seems everyday there is something on tv about animals My now 19 year old daughter has been travelling back to LOS from the UK to visit the family since she was 3 years old. Her mother, my wife of course, is very caring and protective, but I realised early on that my daughter would inevitably be exposed to dangers that she would not in the UK. Kinds wander around the village all the time, its what they do. They go swimming in the local river, run around the farms with all the inherent dangers, ride on motorbikes without helmets even when you tell them not to. l quickly had to just realise that was the situation, even when I was with them in LOS. What I would say is this, my daughter in LOS lived and played as I did when I was a kid in the UK. Yes, it had its dangers, but she looks back now and sees those times as very free and enjoyable. Your call, but beware being too paranoid, if you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaiguzzi Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 IMHO an 8 y/o kid is more in danger in the UK than here. More weirdos, peodos, and i would'nt trust an 8 y/o out on his/her own in a UK city or town. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jip99 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 49 minutes ago, cumgranosalus said: "i cannot go with them due to work." - so now we have a value you place on your child's care? I think you will find the majority of 8 year old children in Thailand do fine. The problem is not with Thailand the child or your wife...the problem is with you. You might wish wish to define "do fine"....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davidst01 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 11 hours ago, pumpjack said: so, just reading about child rapists and perverts smacked out on yaba or ice in issan and elswhere raping and abducting children horrifies me I live in issan and have never heard of this. I think that you are paranoid with your nanny state thoughts. All the relatives here will look after her. Stop worrying about non issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiniyow Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 You worry entirely to much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangkok Barry Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 51 minutes ago, jak2002003 said: OP will not let / allow his wife to go to visit her birth country and he won' t go with them because of 'work'. Sounds a very happy family. How exactly can he stop his wife going on holiday alone? Is she chained to the kitchen sink and needs his permission to make her own decisions? Where does it say anywhere on this thread that he wants to stop his wife going on holiday alone? He is concerned about how she will look after their daughter while they are in Thailand. Check your comprehension skills before criticising others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldhippy Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 How about the three of you come to Thailand together. After 2 weeks you and daughter travel back to UK, wife stays longer? Seems like a good (and face saving) compromise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenifer d Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 10 hours ago, chickenslegs said: <deleted> work - If what you say is true you are not being paranoid - you should not entrust your 8 year old daughter into the control of someone who can't even be bothered to look after her properly. Get down to the Citizens Advice Bureau and find out how you can make sure that Your daughter can't leave the UK without your permission. Good luck. seriously??? the child is in far more danger in the UK than in Thailand, esepcially w/wife's extended family around... IMHO, OP is being completely irrational, and, frankly, unduly paranoid w/o good reason Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenifer d Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 2 hours ago, vandv said: he is reading thai news which is only the tip of the iceberg. there are all kinds of wild looking figures roaming around out there do you REALLY believe that??? i'm curious, where do you live? IMHO, child is MUCH safer in Thailand than in UK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldhippy Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 2 minutes ago, jenifer d said: seriously??? the child is in far more danger in the UK than in Thailand, esepcially w/wife's extended family around... IMHO, OP is being completely irrational, and, frankly, unduly paranoid w/o good reason So you know wife's extended family? You know that they are caring people? You know that they are not a bunch of drunkards? HOW do you know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenifer d Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 2 hours ago, scorecard said: Actually there are continuous reports of child rape, abandonment, kidnap, abuse in all of Thailand (and other countries too). In Thailand, around 400 cases of kidnap and child never found every year. My Thai son and his Thai wife watch their 3 kids every second. really? in 8 years, we've had all of 1 incident of ANY of that where i live, a teen on yaba molested a young girl about 5 years ago, and the whole community descended upon the guy before the cops could even get there, and were angry when the cops dragged the perp away so the villagers couldn't finish pummelling the perp to death- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenifer d Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 2 minutes ago, oldhippy said: So you know wife's extended family? You know that they are caring people? You know that they are not a bunch of drunkards? HOW do you know? i'm not delving into personal characteristics, nor have we been given enough info to do so- i just think OP is being irrationally paranoid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpjack Posted August 6, 2017 Author Share Posted August 6, 2017 (edited) 3 hours ago, scorecard said: Just wondering if your wife was brought up by grandma and other family members with very little guidance whilst her parents were away working. Lots of research on this situation shows that in many cases kids brought up like this turn out to be poor parents themselves, and part of this is they don't know, have never seen, never experienced the 'normal' attitudes, behaviors, caring, and daily child focused actvities and guidance of close parents. mother worked in a bar in bangkok from her late teens , came fro m a very very poor family. yes i think that has affected her parental skills. she does love her daughter of course but she is just so bloody blind to the dangers of leaving my kid in other peoples hands. once in the village, i looked out the window to see an old guy walking away from my house with my 3 year old in his hands, i ran out grabbed her and shouted at him, then confronted my wife " who to hell is that taking my daughter " she replied " oh, he is friend of husband sister , he good man , he ok " can you see my concern ? Edited August 6, 2017 by pumpjack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldhippy Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 1 minute ago, jenifer d said: i'm not delving into personal characteristics, nor have we been given enough info to do so- i just think OP is being irrationally paranoid No no no - you stated as a fact that the child is safer in Thailand than in the UK. I at least know that I do not know - therefore I know much more than you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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