All the things in the OP are available in the West, including women if you pay them to touch you like you do here.
If you come to Thailand for the reasons in the OP you truly failed in life. Including the condo and house rental where you can't swing a cat, where you get free cocroaches and snakes included in your rent and to get anything close to Western kitchen you would have to rent in Ritz Carlton residences or Shangri-La paying 200k a month.
Living a fake life in Thailand fooling your mates like you're livin' the dream where your next serious illness will be sponsored by gofundme to beg money from people, so you can go back to the country you hate so much to get free healthcare on other people's tax dime.