My neighbor's friend is using a chainsaw and the smoke is invading my balcony.
A fib as I don't have a balcony, just a gazebo.
I only mention this to put the OP's whinge in perspective.
The 7 Eleven test.
Before going to the hotel always visit the 7 Eleven so you can view the companion of your choice in fluorescent lighting.
Of course I can't give away the foolproof way to tell as that would spoil all the stories for later in your life.
The big relief apparently is about age 55 when men stop thinking about sex every 12 seconds, or whatever, it is and stop chasing short skirts.
Jon Stewart, of the Jon Stewart Show, said it is a huge relief.
Has the OP been visited here before? Does he have any friends in Thailand? What are his expectations for life here?
Ok we drive on the same side of the road other than that....