chickenslegs

It's a stamp. It's valid from the date of issue until the expiry of your permission to stay.

Diet

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil. I once had a hen who could count her own eggs. She was a mathemachicken. People often say, "You are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day. I want to become a fun guy.

My wife got back from shopping today and told me that someone had complimented her on her parking. She showed me the note they left on her windscreen - It said "Parking Fine".

This morning, Siri said, "Don't call me Shirley." I'd accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode!

Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

Remember that 8 year old kid who became a Grand Master at chess? Well, I beat him in 5 moves. I knew those karate lessons would come in useful.

Toady

Is a Thai PM not allowed to choose who works in their office?

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!" A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger. The librarian says, "This is a library." The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please." I went into a library to borrow some books about turtles. "Hardbacks?" asked the librarian. "Yes," I replied. "And they have little heads, too." I asked the librarian where I could find books about lubricants. "Try the non-friction section" she replied. I told her that I was also interested in books about Big Foot. She suggested I try the large-print section. I checked out a book about extreme fitness exercises. The librarian said "Try not to overdue it." I checked out a book about Stockholm Syndrome. I didn't like it at first, but in the end I was hooked. Did you hear about the fire that destroyed all 20 books in the Trump Mar-a-Lago library. The real tragedy was that 15 of them hadn't been coloured in yet.

A nun is driving her car when a drunk staggers into the road and she almost hits him. She's so angry that she gets out of her car and gives him a verbal dressing down. The drunk punches her square in the face and knocks her flat out. Then he stands over her and says: "Not so tough now are you Batman?"

Took me a while.

140 thefts from the person (so, pickpocketing, snatching, etc without violence) in the City of London in September this year - just the City of London (just over 1 sq mile). https://www.police.uk/pu/your-area/city-of-london-police/community-policing/

Obtaining the "Affirmation of freedom to marry" might not be possible, as you need to swear that you are not already married.

Christian

Maxwell

Tarzan

Baker

What should you do if you're attacked by a group circus acts? Go straight for the juggler. I saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting. A screwdriver sits down at a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The screwdriver replies, "Who names a drink 'Steve?"

Doctor: "I'm very sorry but you don't have long to live." Patient: "How much longer do I have, doc?" Doctor: "Ten." Patient: "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" Doctor: "Nine.. eight ... seven ..."

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer and come to bed. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other ...