ballpoint

Little Johnny come home from Sunday school with a black eye. "Have you been fighting again?" asks his father. "No, dad, it wasn't my fault. I was standing there quietly saying my prayers when I saw that the lady in front of me had her dress caught in the crack of her butt, so I pulled it out and she turned around and hit me". "You can't do things like that to ladies, Johnny", says dad. Next Sunday Johnny comes home with a black eye and a fat lip. "Now, what did I tell you?" asks his father. "No, dad, it wasn't my fault. I was standing there quietly saying my prayers when Billy saw the lady in front of me had her dress caught in the crack of her butt, so he pulled it out. All I said was 'no, she doesn't like it like that' and pushed it back in again, and she turned around and hit me".

It's been months since I ordered the book "How To Scam People Online". It still hasn't arrived.

It's a very cold evening in Manchester. Fish and chips dinner has been consumed. Tommy says to his missus "I'm off down to the pub. You'd best get your coat". His wife is flabbergasted and says "after all these years are you finally taking me with you to the pub?" "No", says Tommy "I'm turning off the central heating while I'm out".

The first ever Segway

They should have left him where he lay, he wasn't all he was cracked up to be. After eating his cooking I was up all night with restless egg syndrome.

It was a fowl restaurant, with a poultry menu selection, a medi-yolker wine list, and the coffee afterwards was terrible - the eggspresso I ordered was undrinkable. The kitchen was on the other side of a busy street - the guy who took my order disappeared over it and I had to ask someone "why did the waiter cross the road?" Finally, he brought me a hard boiled bill, and I asked him "is this some sort of yolk? I aint shelling out that much" He showed me the eggs-it, and told me to beat it.