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Everything posted by ballpoint
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Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
My grandfather drowned in a barrel of varnish. it was a horrible end, but a lovely finish. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I remember the first time I used my Universal Remote Control; "amazing". I thought “this changes everything” -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
People say I’m condescending. (That means I talk down to people). -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point? -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I saw a man with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbit’s feet earlier, trying to get it up a hill. I thought, he’s pushing his luck. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I, for one, really enjoy a roman numeral based pun. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
There’s a nudist convention in town next week. Might go along if I’ve got nothing on. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I don’t know what all the fuss is about same sex marriage these days… Me and the wife have been having the same sex for years. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
A bloke goes into the doctors and says ” Doc ..overnight I’ve got this growth on the end of my nose and I can’t explain it ” The doctor takes out a magnifying glass and upon inspection says ” Oh yeah ..its in miniature ..but there is a golden beach with clear blue water a mountain in the background with a cascading waterfall & clear blue skies ” The bloke says ..”Have you ever seen anything like this before ” Doctor “Yes and you have nothing to worry about ..its just a beauty spot “ -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I phoned the drugs helpline today and the automated message said ‘for information about cannabis press hash.. .’ -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Two women are looking at dresses through a shop window. “That’s the one I’d get” says one to the other, pointing at a dress. Sammy Davis Junior comes running out the store and slaps her. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Van Gogh sitting on the pub. His mate comes in and says “Vincent, do you want a pint?” “No thanks,” says Van Gogh “I’ve got one ‘ere.” -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
What do you call a Chinese woman with a foodmixer on her head? Blenda. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I was sat at the bottom of the garden a week ago, smoking a reflective cheroot, thinking about this and that - mostly that, and I just happened to glance at the night sky and I marvelled at the millions of stars glistening like pieces of quicksilver thrown carelessly onto black velvet. In awe I watched the waxen moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an amber chariot towards the void of infinite space wherein the tethered bolts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever in their orbital majesty; and as I looked at all this, I thought, 'I must put a roof on this lavatory'. Les Dawson -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I got a wee dog for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I ordered a thin and crispy Supreme from my local pizza shop. They sent me Diana Ross. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
A new survey shows that 25 to 30 year olds don't drink as much alcohol as they did 20 years ago. They must have been one p1ssed bunch of 5 to 10 year olds. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Fact of the day The earth is rotating at over 1000 miles per hour, however humans don't feel the effect of it. Until the ninth or tenth pint. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I used to be nostalgic. Those were the days. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
My doctor just told me I'm bipolar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
I went to the dentist earlier. He said "good morning, how's the mouth?" I said "she's just taken our daughter shopping." -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
You obviously know a lot about current affairs, so you'll get no resistance from me. -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
"Update the force, Luke" Adobe Wan Kenobi -
Worst Joke Ever 2024
ballpoint replied to warfie's topic in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Whats black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra