ballpoint

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Marie if she would go to HomePro to pick up a hinge and away she went. While she was waiting for the assistant to finish serving a customer she noticed a beautiful bathroom tap. When he was was finished Marie asked him, "how much is that bath tap?" The assistant replied, "That's a gold plated tap, and the price is 12,000 Baht. Marie exclaimed, "My goodness, that is a very expensive tap and certainly out of my price bracket." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The assistant said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom te yelled "Ma'am, do you wanna screw for the hinge?" She paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the tap."

That could be terminal, but is more likely just a phase they're going through.

Pedant alert!

Why is it, when girls wear skimpy, revealing bikinis on holiday, they don't mind you staring at them? Yet if you catch them wearing only their bra and knickers, they scream and shout and cover themselves up with a towel? Sort it out Ladies. I don't climb up this ladder for the good of my health you know.

Solitary lions have no pride.

I've just watched the uncut version of Scarface. It's called Face.

Just been for a job interview for a running coach... They asked "When are you able to start?" I replied "As soon as the pistol's fired".

Interviewer: "so you don't object to us contacting your previous employer, just to make sure you're going to fit in here?" Me: "not not at all, as long as I can speak to your previous employees to ask why they left".

Last night I was in a bar when me and a friend got in an argument with some tough-looking blokes. My mate quickly whispered to me "Let's pretend we're the police".. Long story short, they kicked the <deleted> out of us before we even got through the first verse of "Roxanne".

Is 5,000 Baht a good price for 2 beehives? Or am I being stung?

For Sale: Brand new Trivial Pursuit game. No questions asked.

Don't believe all the Russian disinformation on their troops pull-out of Chernobyl. I grew up in Chernobyl in the 1980's, and I can count at least 8 inaccuracies in their stories just on one hand.

Gordon talking sense for once:

Lawyer: Did you kill him? Me: No. Lawyer: Do you know what the punishment is for committing perjury? Me: Much less than murder.