ballpoint

I had a date last week with a girl at the gym. But she never showed. It was then I knew we would never work out

Tasmanian (or insert any appropriate region of your country here) Christmas card.

Has he looked down the back of the sofa?

Sign of the times...

Sign at a Scottish golf course:

Modern fairy tales...

I've decided, that from January 1st, I'll only be watching videos in 1080p or higher. It's my New Year's Resolution.

A limbo contestant walked into a bar. Disqualified.

Pope died and arrived in heaven St. Peter asks who he is. The Pope: "I am the pope." St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book." The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth." St. Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me..." The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church..." St. Peter: "The Catholic church... Never heard of it... Wait, I'll check with the boss." St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God. St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth." God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus) Jesus: "Yes Dad, what's up?" God and St. Peter explain the situation. Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow." Ten minutes pass and Jesus re-enters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing. Jesus: "Remember that little fishing club I started 2000 years ago? It's still going!"

I was going to give up sexual innuendos as a New Year's resolution, but its really hard to not keep sliding one in.

Help. I've been stuck in Rome for the past 3 weeks. All their roads have this weird design flaw.

Zelensky's response:

Classic stuff. The OP asks a question, and the Republican supporters, while doing all they can to avoid that question, do a very good job of answering it.