ballpoint

On 4th June 1913 Emily Wilding Davison was fatally injured during the Derby at Epsom racecourse when she flung herself under the hooves of the King's horse Anmer. The act was done in an attempt to further democracy. Yet, to this day, horses still don't have a vote.

I tried to warn my friend about the dangers of Russian Roulette, but did he listen? It just went in one ear and out the other.

The missus has walked out on me after I spent our life savings on a penis extension. She said she couldn't take it any longer.

Nelson Mandela was sitting at home drinking a beer one day when there’s a knock on the door. Mandela opens it to find a little Chinese man with a clipboard. Behind him is a huge truck full of car exhausts. The Chinese man thrusts the board at him and says “you sign here, you sign here”. Mandela says “you’ve got the wrong address” and shuts the door on him. Next day, Nelson is relaxing again at home when there’s another knock on the door. Again, there’s the little Chinese man with a clipboard, but this time there’s a truck full of brake parts behind him. Again he thrusts the clip board at Mandela and says “you sign here, you sign here”. Again the great man says “you’ve got the wrong address and pushes the door closed” Third day, Mandela is again sitting quietly sitting at home when there’s a knock on the door. Again, it’s the same little Chinese guy with a clipboard. And again he just says “you sign here”. But this time, there’s two car transporters full of new cars behind him. Mandela is this time bloody angry. He yells at the guy, “why the **** are your bringing me truck loads of new cars. Let me see, what name is on that form. There must be a big mistake” The little Chinese guy points to the paperwork on the clipboard and says "No mistake! Look here! Nissan Main Dealer!”

Nelson was about 5ft 6ins tall. His column is 17ft 4in. That's Horatio of 1:3

I went in to my chemists and asked for some Viagra, "Do you have a prescription?" asked the pharmacist, "No" I said, "but I have a photograph of the wife "

North Korea has executed over 80 people for watching foreign TV and / or owning a Bible. Having seen what TV and the Bible has done to Americans, I think they're wise for nipping it in the bud.

Been to see a 4 x 4 specialist this morning. Apparently it's 16.