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The UK has 4 Vanguard Class submarines, each with 16 missile tubes, though only 8 are loaded due to nuclear treaties. Each missile carries up to 8 warheads, and I'd imagine they are taking the full complement since the war started, so 64 warheads for Russia, with love. There is always one at sea at any one time. It stays away and submerged for 3 months before returning to base, when another goes out for its turn. They have a large area of the Atlantic they can be in, and only the captain and navigator know for sure where they are. No one on board knows where the missiles they are carrying are aimed at - though I suppose they can take a good guess. The captain has a letter from the PM in his safe, detailing what action he should take in the event of a sudden nuclear strike killing the PM and the designated second person able to order an attack. It was revealed once that should the BBC World Service fail to be transmitted for longer than a certain period, that would be one of the signs the captain should use as the signal to open the letter. (This is largely off topic, but relevant in the case where Russia uses it's hypersonic missiles, or detonates a bomb already placed somewhere in London - as speculated previously. Even following the sudden total destruction of London, the submarine is still a major threat to multiple Russian cities).

Looking at reports coming out of Moscow, and the Russian embassy in London, it seems that Putin was genuinely upset not to receive an invitation to the Queen's funeral, and I believe that it wasn't just purely coincidental that he made this statement following it. To me, this sums up not just his whole state of mind (or lack of it), but the almost surreal approach to the war - whereby Russia is "allowed" to mindlessly bomb and terrorise any civilian target it wants to in Ukraine, yet nobody is allowed to touch a piece of Russian soil for fear of upsetting this deranged despot, who also happens to have a few thousand nuclear warheads at his control. He thinks the world should go on, and Russia and he should be treated, just like normal. The man truly has serious mental issues. While it would never have done for the UK to invite him - which would legitimise his terrorist, atrocious regime while providing a huge bit of PR for him, (rather akin to inviting a sworn enemy of ones country for a shared holiday, and mutual love-in, in Singapore), in the back of my mind I can't help but wonder what would have happened had they done so? Would he have been mad enough to accept? And if so, would someone have nabbed him following the funeral?

So, going by much of what Trump has said about this... Trump claims that the documents he wanted to read, so declassified just by thinking about it (or maybe he just thought they were declassified), were planted by the FBI after they removed them from cartons in his office. In other words, the FBI acted as a courier service, bringing the documents - in August 2022 - that he explicitly wanted to read, and so declassified - in 2020, to Mar-a-Lago, and spread them around his office for his convenience. Shows amazing prescience by the FBI to plant - sorry, deliver - exactly those documents he had previously declassified. But I'll buy it. Now, anyone got a bridge for sale?

He's far right in the head.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for about three years now and I’ve started to have erection difficulties. We’ve got different ideas about what the problem is. She bought me some Viagra. And I’ve bought her a treadmill ...

Our Wifi wasn't working last night so me and the Wife chatted for a change. I was surprised to hear that she no longer works at Woolworths.

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, ‘Top o’ the mornin’ To ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan And didn’t I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?’ She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’ The Father asked, ‘And be there Any wee little ones yet?’ She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’ The Father said, ‘Well now, I’m going to Rome next week And I’ll light a fertility candle for ye And yer hoosband.’ She replied, ‘Oh, thank ye, Father…’ They then parted ways.. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, ‘Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?’ She replied, ‘Oh, very well, Father!’ The Father asked, ‘And tell me , Have ye any wee ones yet?’ She replied, ‘Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!’ The Father said, ‘That’s wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?’ He's gone to Rome to blow out yer fekin' candle.

I was shopping in Tesco today and noticed a little old lady following me around. If I stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at me. She finally overtook me at the checkout, and she turned to me and said, “I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son." I answered, "that's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Goodbye, Mum', as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, I called out, "Goodbye, Mum." The little old lady waved, and smiled back at me Pleased that I had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, I went to pay for my shopping. "That comes to £121.85," said the assistant. "How come so much? I only bought 3 items!" The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you would be paying for her things too."

I had a job as a proof reader in the factory where they made M&Ms. But I got the sack because I threw out all the Ws.

I checked into a hotel recently; to my surprise, there was a bat and two cricket balls on the bed. I opened the window and the bat flew out. Still haven't found the rest of the cricket.

My wife left me because of my obsession with cricket. To be honest, it’s really knocked me for six.

Every time I see a Hall of Mirrors I rush inside, even though it reflects badly on me.