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ballpoint

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Everything posted by ballpoint

  1. ballpoint
    My girlfriend walked out on me, with my Bob Marley CD and my Satellite dish. No Woman, no Sky!
  2. ballpoint
    I was on Twitter the other day and some clown had the gall to call me illiterate. I soon showed him though. I posted a photo of my parents' marriage certificate just to prove him wrong.
  3. ballpoint
    TOP TIP OF THE DAY Going deep-sea diving? A single packet of Walkers crisps contains enough air for up to four hours.
  4. ballpoint
    Somebody once told me a kebab is great for soaking up the beer. I ran some tests and I must say I much prefer a cloth.
  5. ballpoint
    If Tetris taught me anything, it is that mistakes pile up while success just vanishes.
  6. ballpoint
    Before the crowbar was invented, crows drank at home.
  7. ballpoint
    I met a dwarf called Peter, he's a baker and was telling me about baking flatbreads, it was fascinating. I love the pita patter of tiny Pete.
  8. ballpoint
    Can’t believe I got fired on my very first day as a signwirter.
  9. ballpoint
    10 years ago a bloke came up to me in the pub. He told me to invest in beef, chicken and vegetable stocks. I wish I'd listened to him. He's a bouillonaire now.
  10. ballpoint
    I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.
  11. ballpoint
    When I was born and my father picked me up for the first time he said to my mother “ The kid’s got bad breath and a hair lip“. She said “ You’re holding him upside down ! “
  12. ballpoint
    Breaking: Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
  13. ballpoint
    He's making a list He's checking it twice He's gonna find out whose naughty and nice Santa Claus is in contravention of Article 4 of General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016 / 679
  14. ballpoint
    Badly laid key stones are a builder's arch enemy.
  15. ballpoint
    I wish to complain! I took your advice and I'm still waiting...
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