ballpoint

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

A blind man walked into a bar… and a table… and a chair…

The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I hear they’re going to give him a tough sentence.

I got fired from my job as a set designer today. I left without making a scene.

I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. I guess I was stoned off my ass.

I just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

And there I was, thinking you were bragging about your bone spur again.

One of the earliest dates I went on with my Wife was a Blindfolded Archery lesson. It wasn't our first date, but it's the one that stuck in my head.

Stick to the mince pies, darling.

It's too 'arrowing for you.

The Loy Kratong descibed by the OP sounds ghastly. Where I am up country it has never been about fireworks and loud music. Rather it's a time to quietly go down to the village reservoir and peacefully float away your troubles. Lanterns were introduced two or three years ago, which do look nice. Last night was a typical celebration. A bunch of people at the waters edge, with the candles flickering on the kratongs floating on the reservoir, and lanterns rising into the sky. Music? Fireworks? Bah! It sounds like the tourist ghettos were actually celebrating it in a traditional way this year.

Yes, I often go to the police station for a new set of clothes, but the only colour they have is brown, and too tight.

You can only call phones that have the app installed.

Norwich city trophy room has been broken into and all the contents have been stolen. Police are looking for a man with a green and yellow carpet.