ballpoint

Did that just dawn on you?

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Montecassino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic." The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays." The priest said, "By doing that, you placed yourselves in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. If you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind but I do have one more question." "And what is that, my son?" asked the priest. "Should I tell her the war is over?"

The teacher asks, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' Johnny shouts out 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles embarrassedly and says, 'Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful.' Johnny replies, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a <deleted>.'

I went in to a pet shop and asked to buy a goldfish. The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

What would have happened if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men? Women would say: They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought practical gifts. Here's Men's rebuttal..... Yeah, and do you know what they would have said when they left? "Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?" "That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!" "Can you believe they let all of those disgusting animals in the house?" "I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!" "And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!" "Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your casserole dish back?"

I met a lovely girl, who tragically lost both her hands in a terrible accident. She just asked me if I was getting her a Christmas present. "No", I replied, "you haven't opened last years one yet.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.

Given the ongoing global shipping container shortage, Mexico must be paying a fortune to buy all these ones in order to build the wall.

Maybe Trump did have a point when he called for the termination of the constitution. They should have a trial period by dismantling it bit by bit. Starting with Article II, Section 1 (the Electoral College system), and the Second Amendment.

Production of just 45 M bbl in 2045 would be quite a positive step, if it were to be true.

It's hard to reconcile the fact that, up till now, the biggest proportion of Tesla buyers are the very group of "lefties", "greenies" and "liberals" who are the ones most likely to deplore Musk's right wing rants, while his right wing supporters wouldn't be seen dead in an electric car. He's basically attacking his own purchaser base, so it's no surprise that sooner or later it will turn on him and shop elsewhere.

That would be a 50% drop in production, rather than a pick (sic) - I assume you meant to say peak? It was 90 M bbl last year, following a drop caused by covid, and crossed the 45 M mark in 1968. Global oil production 2021 | Statista