Advice about wedding

[Ishkur]

Well, I am a foreigner (30 years old) who have 2 little children (less than 4years) with a thai girl ( 27years old, never been a bar girl), but I never marry her so I'm not the legal father by thai law.

 

I'm actualy not living with her (she stay in thailand alone). The children are living with me for around a year already in my home country. Of course the mother don't send any bath for her children (but she still ask me to give her some for help her).

 

I want to back in Thailand for living without having trouble about my childrens (and yes I know that if I don't back to thailand, I nothing more to do, but I love the country, and it's the country of my children, I want them to have the culture and the language).

 

Situation with the mother always had been complicated (we broke up many times), she always refuse to help me legalize my right, she lied to me many time and go with other farang when we were not staying together. I could say many other things, but I think most of you understand this situation and I just can't trust her.

 

That's being said, for back to thailand with my children, I have two ways :

1 = Marry her, so I will become the legal father of the children automaticaly.

Is-it possible to marry her and do a kind of prenuptial contrat that we agree children would stay with me if we are not together (which would be the case at begining, cause i will going back living in thailand 1 or 2 month after our wedding) and in case of divorce, I will be granted exclusive custody over them?

So I will give her a new chance (there is no more love involved and that's a wedding for obtain parental power more than anything else), and if anything goes wrong, i just go without trouble...

Of course, if I marry her, I will go do the papers alone and children will never stay in thailand before the wedding, she will not trap me like this.

I talked already with her and would be ok for a wedding with me cause "she love me too much". Maybe I am missing something and it's dangerous for me somewhere?

Note that I'm not rich, so I haven't much to loose about money (but maybe she think i hide money somewhere lol), so I don't worry about that too much.

 

2 = I go to the court for legitimate everything...

Problem is as i understand, I have to go personnaly in thailand for do this, and children need to be listened there too, so between the moment I go with children inside thailand and the moment that court give a decision (around 6 month of what i understand), if the mother ask for the children back to her by the police, I loose them, then, I not even sure that the court will give them back to me.

The mother would be realy upset about this and will without a doubt fighting with me and try take children back. Dangerous choice, no?

If this legitimation by court can be made only by me, and children stay in my home country till court give a decision, so, maybe that could be the best choice?

 

Last but not least, I can wait some month for do everything, but I don't want to spend a lot of money for everything and I want to take the least risk possible about children.

 

Thanks to everyone that can help !

 

Edited December 12, 2017 by Ishkur

[catman20]

not a bar girl!!!!!!  but has the behavior  of one ! u got yourself in the phoo phoo na

Edited December 13, 2017 by catman20

[wirat69]

Good luck..... In my birth country there are Thai Communities in the major cities, each of which provide Thai language and culture classes for Thai children..... check with the Royal Thai Embassy in your country as this might be a safer option....!!!???

[faraday]

Try writing to Scott Mallon....

[Andyfez]

Why drag kids into such an unhappy situation?

It sounds like they'd be much better off in your home country.

To go to such unhappy lengths I suspect you have other motives you don't mention here?

[Kingdom Law Group]

You may be better off bringing the woman to your country and getting married there. You can either have a pre-nup relating to the custody of your children and/or seek out a family law attorney in your home country for advice. Either way you won't have to worry about the woman taking the children from you and holding them for ransom, which she will do for sure if you bring them to Thailand without any legal legs to stand on.

If you need further advice let us know.

[OmarZaid]

Stay where you are .. consult local lawyer --- forget this crazy ambition -- possession is 9/10s of the law -- you have them now, deal with it -- forget this woman and let them forget her too

[dotpoom]

1 hour ago, catman20 said:

not a bar girl!!!!!!  but has the behavior  of one ! u got yourself in the phoo phoo na

That will be of enormous help to him....that is what he was asking for, I think?

[dotpoom]

56 minutes ago, wirat69 said:

Good luck..... In my birth country there are Thai Communities in the major cities, each of which provide Thai language and culture classes for Thai children..... check with the Royal Thai Embassy in your country as this might be a safer option....!!!???

Sound advice...well done.

It's a real dilema for him though...he loves Thailand.

Edited December 13, 2017 by dotpoom
Extra add on

[faraday]

Interesting that post #6 has been a member since 2015, but only now writes for the first time.

 

Or am I being a little cynical...?

[geisha]

By doing what you plan, you are thinking more of yourself and not your children. If your kids are happy where they are now, leave it this way. They need a stable life and love, why risk that going into’ something you are not certain of. 

[Borzandy]

6 hours ago, Ishkur said:

but I love the country, and it's the country of my children, I want them to have the culture and the language

Curious. Which culture and which language?

[speckio]

talk to a lawyer! 

 

I would not under any circumstance recommend a marriage thai laws are very draconian in favor of women when it comes to disputes regarding marriage and children. She will have power over you once you are married.

[hansnl]

29 minutes ago, speckio said:

talk to a lawyer! 

 

I would not under any circumstance recommend a marriage thai laws are very draconian in favor of women when it comes to disputes regarding marriage and children. She will have power over you once you are married.

I'd say it is the same in the west.

[wealthychef]

DO NOT MARRY HER.  STAY AWAY FROM HER.  Find another woman to help you raise your children if that's what you want.  Do not bring your children to Thailand, or if you do, DO NOT CONTACT THIS WOMAN ANY MORE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER.  Do not contact this woman any more.  You have been warned.  LOL  Haha you are probably already on the plane with money in your hand for her.  

[Autonuaq]

The childern are with you.

That implies you already have the permission to take care of them.

And they are not in Thailand.

 

If not have the written permission you are doing international child obduction.

How did you get them out Thailand?

 

That answers what the next step has to be.

I probably you are the legal father by law without knowing

 

[tryasimight]

30years old,  no money,  two kids and wants to live hassle free in Thailand.  Yeah that'll work. 

[cat handler]

You don’t sound too bright, if it were me I would be getting advice from a lawyer in my home country, Australia, before I asked advice from drunk expats sitting behind a keyboard. 

You may find that you can apply for primary career in the Family Court in your country and Thailand being a signatory of The Hague Convention of the rights of children will recognise those court orders and enforce them should she try anything.

[tryasimight]

Just now, tryasimight said:

30 years old,  no money,  two kids and wants to live hassle free in Thailand.  Yeah that'll work. 

How can you even be sure you are the natural father? 

 

[sammieuk1]

I am sure she can't trust you either best to stay away and move on .

[soalbundy]

you don't have to be married to be the legal father. I am the legal father of my biological son and I and his mother aren't married

[jak2002003]

What a mess.

 

1.  Get DNA test on the children... then decide on their future.. with or without you.

2.  Get on with your life in your country.

 

Don't come back to Thailand or your life will be ruined.  

 

How can you live and work here at your age?  What job / visa will you be able to get?  How can you take care of the children?

 

You are thinking about marrying that woman??? Are you mad???  Wake up man!!!

 

 

[Sumarianson]

I got myself into a similar situation with my daughter 9. My advice is do not come to live in Thailand. Definately do not marry. You dont have to. You van lagitimise your children through the courts. I am a legitimate father here and I rarely see my daughter. Only for a limited few hours and no overnight stays. I have been unmarried but separated from my partner for 6 years. Until I got a Thai GF things were not so bad. I had problems with my x cutting into my time with my daughter. She is jelous of the relationship my daughter has with my GF. Now I have to go to court. She will not support my stay here. So I have to get a retirement visa instead of a family visa. Cost is double. 800K in bank insted of 400K. 

Thats £20000 near enough with todays rates. I hope you are prepared for that? Dont ever give away passports to her. Do not marry. A whole lot more trouble. Stay where your children will get the best education. The education here is Sh#t even when payin high costs and they are high. You dont sound as if you can afford this country and are bleary eyed. Look after your kids and stay put. Come on holidays.

[richard_smith237]

OP: Are you listed on the Birth Certificate of your Children ?

 

IF so, you have full parental rights, shared with the mother. 

 

 

[Cranky]

3 hours ago, dotpoom said:

That will be of enormous help to him....that is what he was asking for, I think?

I think he needs to know what he is dealing with, clearly delusional in the 'not bar girl' statement, street maybe?

[Altalake]

You really need your head read. Take the kids to your Home Land.

[richard_smith237]

OP: Do your Children have a Passport from your home country ?

 

If your plan is to go to Thailand and not work you won't be able to afford a decent school - their education will suffer incredibly. 

 

By keeping your Children in a Free School in your home country - you are giving them the best opportunity. By returning them to Thailand and into the state schools you are removing educational opportunity which is somewhat of a parental fail. 

 

 

[Sabs14]

17 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

OP: Are you listed on the Birth Certificate of your Children ?

 

IF so, you have full parental rights, shared with the mother. 

 

 

Being listed as father on the birth certificate in Thailand does not give full parental rights as with the mother, 

 

in order to receive full parental rights with the mother you need to be legitimized as the father . Usually in one of 3 ways 

 

.married to the mother ( yes another man could also marry and claim parental rights ) 

 

. By court order 

 

. At a certain age you may be able to do so by taking your kids to the local office and having them say you are their father . 

 

[Sumarianson]

I have a great deal of experience in this field. My advice, stay in your own country with your children. Thailand is not what you think. The education at any cost is the worst and it is costly. Your children will not like it here. You wont either once the honemoon period has worn off. 

The cost of living here as a young man is substantially more than an older man. You will be in constant pain and heartache. I have been lagitimised with my x and still have loads of very serious problems with her. My next stop is court. Very costly. What you are thinking of getting into is a hole to throw money in that you apparently dont have. You cannot raise 2 children in Thailand on a teachers wage to any decent western standard. "Do not get married" warning. That would be a disaster. Stay where your children will be happy and come on holiday. Get lagitimised in yoyr own country on the grounds that the mother has abandoned her children. If they were born in your country then leave them enjoy that. The culture in Thailand is very superficial and requires time to see under the mantle. I have never known a Thai educated person to know and name of two great world composers or two great painters. That's not to say they dont exist, in my 5 years I haven't met any. That says a lot about the Thai education system. Stay, stay, stay. 

[DipStick]

I do sympathise with you, however, from the outside looking in, I fear instead of trying to get out of the hole you have made for yourself, you are in fact digging it deeper.

you have had a lot of responses to your post, more than one has questioned the type of woman this person is and others have asked are you sure that you are the biological father of these children !

You appear to be contemplating marriage for. YOUR CONVENIENCE, to enable you to live legally in Thailand. Not a good idea.

You have asked for advice, but are you prepared to listen to advice when given ? If so, I would suggest you get the notion of marriage, returning to Thailand out of your head. As a broke 30 year old, stay where you are, work and raise the children to your best ability.

Relocating to Thailand will be akin to entering a hornets nest, and I am sure the negatives of such a move will outweigh the positives.

i wish the three of you the best of luck