Jesus

[canthai55]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. And when he picked up a jewelry box to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying:
 
"Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. After just a few seconds, clear as a bell, he heard:

"Jesus is watching you."
 
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
 
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
 
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
 
"Moses," replied the bird.
 
"Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
 
Suddenly, he felt a giant shadow materializing behind him.

"The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus!" replied the bird.
 

 

Thanks to XJ650

 

 
 

[tifino]

ISIS parachutist jumps...

 

earthward bound, he pulls the RipCord...

 

... nothing happens...

 

Still further earthward bound, he pulls the Secondary...

 

... nothing happens...

 

'AW <deleted>!! -  what do I do not? "

 

He professionally twists himself to re-orientate his heading

He faces Mecca

and starts furociously with the Praise the WhiteBums...

 

took a while, but suddenly the chute opens...

 

Chutist is weating, wipes his brow, and utters a:

 

"Thank Christ For That!! "

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chute packs up again...