The silence of the lamb(s).

[jak2002003]

13 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Any man who hits a woman is a moral coward.

What about a man hitting a man, woman hitting a man, or women hitting a women?  No one should be hitting another person full stop.  

 

If someone is in a relationship that has got to the level when physical abuse is going on then its time to end it!  

[Kimber]

7 hours ago, smotherb said:

I divorced the childish drudge and found another who could act more sensibly.

 

There still some good ones around, but don't expect to find them among the hardened Bar girls. 

I met a real winner 3 years ago,  BKK Accountant who works for her uncle's business, she's 37 and I'm 65,  she speaks good English,  travelled and is intelligent and critical of the LoS .  

A "partial Buddhist", her comment about Thai people being, "only Buddhist when they need to be".

Never a problem with her sulking, if there's an issue needing sorting out she's always willing to talk it out.   I love the person she is. 

[thaibeachlovers]

26 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Any man who hits a woman is a moral coward.

Women count on men not hitting them to abuse them with impunity. If my wife had thought for a minute that I'd respond with a slap to her abuse she'd have kept her mouth shut most of the time.

It's pretty bad when a guy has to leave the house for an hour to cool down because if he stayed he'd be getting into serious...........................

[Kimber]

3 hours ago, Baerboxer said:

 

My wife is also a well educated teacher, Master's Degree in Education with teaching experience outside of Thailand.

 

But the sulks and silence occur. Usually when she can't automatically get their own way and react to the word "no" regardless of the logic or reasons why; or when they are losing a debate / discussion on something and want a way out, so change the subject completely before going into strop mode and hoping the original topic is then forgotten.

 

It seems a cultural phenomenon, lack of emotional maturity, and the believe that farang husband's will be "super heroes" providing all they want, look after them, and treat them like little princesses. Not really real life, but they don't do reality well.

 

Mrs. BB didn't have an ex, I am her only husband. But like all Thais, arguments can turn very emotional, very violent, as in smashing something in temper, and if progressed violent as in blows, I would guess. I don't let things develop that far. I simply walk away, accept the silence but return it. She has to start speaking again first.

 

One thing I've noticed is these little bouts get worse at a certain time of the month!

 

Then comes menopause 555

[Kimber]

44 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Any man who hits a woman is a moral coward.

YES   Any relationship that has a violent undercurrent isn't worth having.

 

Using violence as an option reveals inadequacy on the part of the individual. 

[Lacessit]

18 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Women count on men not hitting them to abuse them with impunity. If my wife had thought for a minute that I'd respond with a slap to her abuse she'd have kept her mouth shut most of the time.

It's pretty bad when a guy has to leave the house for an hour to cool down because if he stayed he'd be getting into serious...........................

I agree it can be extremely frustrating. Having said that, I don't think I ever said you are prohibited from returning serve on the verbal abuse.

I don't know how you can be so sure that physical retaliation would have shut your wife up. IMHO it's equally possible she could take out a restraining order against you - they even have them in Thailand.

[NewbieMe2018]

Guys ive never dated a Thai lady before. Most of us who just arrive have an impression they are sweet and caring. Another friend who married a local lady said "Thai women just ask for a condom". Your thoughts?

[Wake Up]

If she realizes her silence does not bother you then she will begin to talk. So act like it bothers you and enjoy the peace and quiet.  

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, Kimber said:

 

There still some good ones around, but don't expect to find them among the hardened Bar girls. 

I met a real winner 3 years ago,  BKK Accountant who works for her uncle's business, she's 37 and I'm 65,  she speaks good English,  travelled and is intelligent and critical of the LoS .  

A "partial Buddhist", her comment about Thai people being, "only Buddhist when they need to be".

Never a problem with her sulking, if there's an issue needing sorting out she's always willing to talk it out.   I love the person she is. 

Yes, there are some good ones around. The childish drudge I divorced was a teenager, but so was I. You seem to have found the key most Western men never see. What most farang men don't seem to follow is the baggage associated with the women who frequent where they meet their sweet things. Most every one of the Westerners would not dream of doing anything, but have sex, with a sex worker in their own countries; yet they come over here and fall in love with the girl they just paid. Oh yes, they rationalize it as different; the culture, the circumstances, the lack of opportunities. However, most Western men in Thailand seem to have had problems finding good relationships with women back home; at least women with whom they would be proud to be seen.  They find themselves here, where young sweet things unencumbered by cellulite, age and bulk are commonplace--they can now have a flashy young model instead of that drab old one. Little head takes over, finances fly, and sorrow sets in.

[GTgrizzly]

11 hours ago, smotherb said:

I divorced the childish drudge and found another who could act more sensibly.

thats how its done

[gamesgplayemail]

Instead of getting angry for their usual stupidities, I just ignore girlfriends as if they didn't exist. The best for them and for me.

 

 

[swissie]

As the OP, I think a little "follow-up" is in order.

After I managed to eliminate her "sulking", we had some good years together. Then came menopause.
It started with sceaming tantrums at me and culminated with her attacking me physically. I coulden't follow the advice: "Do as Thai men do, hit her across the face, that will straighten her out". I could never bring myself to hit her back.
Psychiatric examinations came up with "bi-polar personality syndrome".
There came the day, when I had a hard time to explain to my friends my black eye. It was then, when I decided "enough is enough". 6 months later we were divorced after 13 years of marriage. Nightmare over and never again.
One might say "why not pull the plug earlier"? Not that easy to do as there were always lenghty "fairweather" periods in between. Her being a polite, friendly and nice Thai lady. Until her demons came to visit her once more....
Nevermind. Contrary to my initial fears, life as a 66 year old single is not that bad. It does have it's advantages.
I am not planning to re-marry. Actually I can't. Because every time I think of marriage, my hand starts to shake uncontrollably, making it impossible to sighn any official papers that are in connection with marriage.
I guess somebody is watching over me, having my best interests at heart.
Cheers.

[thaibeachlovers]

8 hours ago, swissie said:

As the OP, I think a little "follow-up" is in order.

After I managed to eliminate her "sulking", we had some good years together. Then came menopause.
It started with sceaming tantrums at me and culminated with her attacking me physically. I coulden't follow the advice: "Do as Thai men do, hit her across the face, that will straighten her out". I could never bring myself to hit her back.
Psychiatric examinations came up with "bi-polar personality syndrome".
There came the day, when I had a hard time to explain to my friends my black eye. It was then, when I decided "enough is enough". 6 months later we were divorced after 13 years of marriage. Nightmare over and never again.
One might say "why not pull the plug earlier"? Not that easy to do as there were always lenghty "fairweather" periods in between. Her being a polite, friendly and nice Thai lady. Until her demons came to visit her once more....
Nevermind. Contrary to my initial fears, life as a 66 year old single is not that bad. It does have it's advantages.
I am not planning to re-marry. Actually I can't. Because every time I think of marriage, my hand starts to shake uncontrollably, making it impossible to sighn any official papers that are in connection with marriage.
I guess somebody is watching over me, having my best interests at heart.
Cheers.

I could almost have written the same about my marriage except it was shorter and she never hit me.

At the end I did fear for my life though.

I'm certain mine was bi polar, but she'd never have submitted to a psychiatric examination.

 

Not that easy to do as there were always lenghty "fairweather" periods in between. Her being a polite, friendly and nice Thai lady. Until her demons came to visit her once more....

been there, got the T shirt.

When mine was nice she was wonderful, but in the end it was full on hate, and that was the end.

 

I guess somebody is watching over me, having my best interests at heart.

Sure about that? If "somebody" was watching over us, best interests at heart we'd still be married to the "nice" version. I can remember the first day of our co habitation like it was yesterday. Happiest day of my life.

I'd certainly prefer that option, as when it was good, it was brilliant.

I think "somebody" is having a nasty joke at my expense.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, smotherb said:

Yes, there are some good ones around. The childish drudge I divorced was a teenager, but so was I. You seem to have found the key most Western men never see. What most farang men don't seem to follow is the baggage associated with the women who frequent where they meet their sweet things. Most every one of the Westerners would not dream of doing anything, but have sex, with a sex worker in their own countries; yet they come over here and fall in love with the girl they just paid. Oh yes, they rationalize it as different; the culture, the circumstances, the lack of opportunities. However, most Western men in Thailand seem to have had problems finding good relationships with women back home; at least women with whom they would be proud to be seen.  They find themselves here, where young sweet things unencumbered by cellulite, age and bulk are commonplace--they can now have a flashy young model instead of that drab old one. Little head takes over, finances fly, and sorrow sets in.

Most every one of the Westerners would not dream of doing anything, but have sex, with a sex worker in their own countries; yet they come over here and fall in love with the girl they just paid.

Hmmmm.

I knew a FEW ladies in the business back home that I'd like to have fallen in love with. Genuinely lovely women, and ( some of them ) married. 

 

Given that the paid employee ( the sex worker that marries a farang for money, not love ) often comes to think that she's an equal with ( or better than ) the farang, it's not surprising that it goes pear shaped. I guess that that can be put down to familiarity breeding contempt.

I also think that sometimes the woman is playing the long con, or they married for the wrong reasons, thinking that because he gave them lotsacash he must be a great person, when he was anything but compatible. In either case, by the time the farang realises it's not working, it's too late for him to get out without losing a lot. 

[Jip99]

6 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Most every one of the Westerners would not dream of doing anything, but have sex, with a sex worker in their own countries; yet they come over here and fall in love with the girl they just paid.

Hmmmm.

I knew a FEW ladies in the business back home that I'd like to have fallen in love with. Genuinely lovely women, and ( some of them ) married. 

 

Given that the paid employee ( the sex worker that marries a farang for money, not love ) often comes to think that she's an equal with ( or better than ) the farang, it's not surprising that it goes pear shaped. I guess that that can be put down to familiarity breeding contempt.

I also think that sometimes the woman is playing the long con, or they married for the wrong reasons, thinking that because he gave them lotsacash he must be a great person, when he was anything but compatible. In either case, by the time the farang realises it's not working, it's too late for him to get out without losing a lot. 

 

 

 

Come on, TBL..................... you know Thai girls are different............

[smotherb]

6 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Most every one of the Westerners would not dream of doing anything, but have sex, with a sex worker in their own countries; yet they come over here and fall in love with the girl they just paid.

Hmmmm.

I knew a FEW ladies in the business back home that I'd like to have fallen in love with. Genuinely lovely women, and ( some of them ) married. 

 

Given that the paid employee ( the sex worker that marries a farang for money, not love ) often comes to think that she's an equal with ( or better than ) the farang, it's not surprising that it goes pear shaped. I guess that that can be put down to familiarity breeding contempt.

I also think that sometimes the woman is playing the long con, or they married for the wrong reasons, thinking that because he gave them lotsacash he must be a great person, when he was anything but compatible. In either case, by the time the farang realises it's not working, it's too late for him to get out without losing a lot. 

Well, I said most men, some would marry a sex worker in their home country. I would not marry a sex worker anywhere. Of course, some will say I have just not found the right one or that I am not being truthful.

 

However, yes the women do play the long-con. That's why so many men are cuckolded as long-term customers rather than being the husbands they think they are. I have known one such man for over 40 years. He married his short-time favorite, took her back to the states, had several children with her; some were probably his. She still has a couple of brothers back in the provinces she supports from his money and a couple of tricks in the states.  You see, I knew her before he did; she and I still talk, it's simply her long-term game.

[Jip99]

4 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Well, I said most men, some would marry a sex worker in their home country. I would not marry a sex worker anywhere. Of course, some will say I have just not found the right one or that I am not being truthful.

 

However, yes the women do play the long-con. That's why so many men are cuckolded as long-term customers rather than being the husbands they think they are. I have known one such man for over 40 years. He married his short-time favorite, took her back to the states, had several children with her; some were probably his. She still has a couple of brothers back in the provinces she supports from his money and a couple of tricks in the states.  You see, I knew her before he did; she and I still talk, it's simply her long-term game.

 

 

 

Sounds like he is happy to be the pawn...........

[smotherb]

8 minutes ago, Jip99 said:

 

 

 

Sounds like he is happy to be the pawn...........

Not sure, maybe. I stuck my nose into it many years ago and told him. Although he grew distant from me, nothing else changed.

[Jip99]

56 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Not sure, maybe. I stuck my nose into it many years ago and told him. Although he grew distant from me, nothing else changed.

 

 

Tough one to get involved in................. something of a no win situation...

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

Enjoy it while it lasts....

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

On 3/15/2018 at 3:50 PM, Kimber said:

 

There still some good ones around, but don't expect to find them among the hardened Bar girls. 

I met a real winner 3 years ago,  BKK Accountant who works for her uncle's business, she's 37 and I'm 65,  she speaks good English,  travelled and is intelligent and critical of the LoS .  

A "partial Buddhist", her comment about Thai people being, "only Buddhist when they need to be".

Never a problem with her sulking, if there's an issue needing sorting out she's always willing to talk it out.   I love the person she is. 

I would be interested to know how you met her and how the relationship progressed.

Three years is still a short time but you must have got to know her by now.

[NewbieMe2018]

5 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

I would be interested to know how you met her and how the relationship progressed.

Three years is still a short time but you must have got to know her by now.

I second that!

[Kimber]

13 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

I would be interested to know how you met her and how the relationship progressed.

Three years is still a short time but you must have got to know her by now.

We met on Thai Cupid early 2015, chatted live on Line ID for a few months then I flew over to LoS to meet her.  Everything went well, I checked out her story, she is a tertiary trained Accountant working for her uncles Bangkok based business. 

 

Since then we holiday 3 times a year and live chat on Line daily; back over there in April again. It's a good feeling to have a Thai girl you still find attractive and desirable, waiting for you at the airport when you arrive; hotel booked and knowing that you're in good hands the whole time you're there.

 

I've always shown respect and affection for her, and she asks for nothing but I look after her well when we're together. 

Personally I don't think 3 years is a short time to get to know someone, of course that depends on whether the individual is open and honest about themselves.  IMO a relationship with a TG is so much easier if she can speak reasonable English, (I speak a little less than reasonable Thai  555). 

 

I've had my time with Thai Bar girls and Freelancers and I'm no stranger to LoS,  since I met a regular TG who isn't involved with P4P I realized that I found my comfort zone.  I've no intention of every marrying again and she accepts that,  if I do relocate to LoS then we'll probably cohabit as boyfriend-girlfriend; which she seems happy with. 

 

It does happen to farang guys, I know of others who scored well too, but they went about it the right way; and didn't expect a probability of success in Pattaya or other red light P4P hotspots.  

 

 

 

 

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

Thanks for the honest explanation.

You met online. Well, I know a few where that has been a scam of of one type or another.

I said "after 3 years you should know each other" in my post, but if you come as a tourist and stay together for a few weeks or so and you lash out the cash you need to be cautious of her ultimate goal if you come to live together in the land of two smiles...

Tread carefully, there could be quicksand you need to avoid in the future...

Can you afford to continue being so generous every day of the week on a living together basis for many years? Has she got an idea of your income and assets? She might be an accountant, but has the family got a sick buffalo, mother, grandmother or brother that needs an operation etc etc?

 

Best of luck. Living here is far, far different to a few weeks or months a year on holiday.

 

 

Edited March 19, 2018 by George FmplesdaCosteedback

[Kimber]

12 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Thanks for the honest explanation.

You met online. Well, I know a few where that has been a scam of of one type or another.

I said "after 3 years you should know each other" in my post, but if you come as a tourist and stay together for a few weeks or so and you lash out the cash you need to be cautious of her ultimate goal if you come to live together in the land of two smiles...

Tread carefully, there could be quicksand you need to avoid in the future...

Can you afford to continue being so generous every day of the week on a living together basis for many years? Has she got atg's n idea of your income and assets? She might be an accountant, but has the family got a sick buffalo, mother, grandmother or brother that needs an operation etc etc?

 

Best of luck. Living here is far, far different to a few weeks or months a year on holiday.

 

 

 

I agree plenty of on-line scams when it comes to the Thai girls,  I've had more than a few try it on over the years. 

When I wrote I look after her when I'm over there doesn't mean splashing the cash, I walk past gold shops not into them.

 

I know her mother has ongoing plans, tried to convince me to "buy" land in a mid north province from her brother,  all that confirmed was that the TG's discuss their Farang guy and the family gives them advice on how to squeeze value. 

 

I'm in no hurry to relocate, just considering it all as maybes,  certainly never marrying again and risking my asset base;  I don't want any dependents. 

 

 

 

[The manic]

The OP needs to come here, get off line and meet some Thai girls and travel round SE Asia too. 

Edited March 20, 2018 by The manic

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

11 hours ago, Kimber said:

 

I agree plenty of on-line scams when it comes to the Thai girls,  I've had more than a few try it on over the years. 

When I wrote I look after her when I'm over there doesn't mean splashing the cash, I walk past gold shops not into them.

 

I know her mother has ongoing plans, tried to convince me to "buy" land in a mid north province from her brother,  all that confirmed was that the TG's discuss their Farang guy and the family gives them advice on how to squeeze value. 

 

I'm in no hurry to relocate, just considering it all as maybes,  certainly never marrying again and risking my asset base;  I don't want any dependents. 

 

 

 

You sound clued in enough.

Remember to stick to safe sex though.

Babies can change the plot...

 

[thaibeachlovers]

10 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

You sound clued in enough.

Remember to stick to safe sex though.

Babies can change the plot...

 

Yes, don't trust that she says she's on the pill, and anyway, the pill doesn't always work.

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

13 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Yes, don't trust that she says she's on the pill, and anyway, the pill doesn't always work.

He should read the "evil brother-in-law" thread from last year...