The week that was in Thailand news: Free sex and half price food available in Thailand – apply now!

 

 

Ok, now that I am likely to have your undivided attention I can warm to my theme for this week.

 

People who only seem to read the headline then comment as though they know everything about the story.

 

I wouldn’t mind so much if I wasn’t writing the translations myself. Through my job at Thaivisa I try to put as much interest, detail – and yes, accuracy – into everything that I do for the readers on the site and on Facebook. (I myself read to the very end of the Thai stories that I translate – how else do you think the world was informed about the beach smoking ban being a jail-able offence – Rooster’s work on this led to the Thai media rethinking and realizing that that was a great angle!)

 

Despite my modicum of hard work much of that effort goes to waste with the comments of what might be described as “Generation Twitter” – people who even struggle with 140 characters and can’t even get beyond a few words in a headline. (Think about it- this one paragraph is nearly 200!)

 

Posters who DO bother to read the stories point out the idiocy of the comments of the lazy – but still the cretins challenged by clauses persist; this causes others to feed on their fake-ness compounding the problem.

 

Might I suggest a crash course at Somchai’s Siam School of Scanning is in order?

 

The Nation founder, the famed Suthichai Yoon, touched on a related issue in what was a busy and interesting week of Thai news. He bemoaned the passing of what he called “long form journalism”.

 

He referred to “magnifying glass reporters” obsessed and under pressure to put everything in an easy nutshell who are failing to give both sides to a story and thus causing issues to be misrepresented and unfair.

 

For my part when translating, I often include a detail or something fun at the end of a long piece – I want to know who really reads to the end and who has garnered my respect!

 

So read on today!  Who knows…when you have the best part of 2,000 words under your belt there may even have been a smidgen of something worthwhile.

 

Firstly, my thanks to the supportive posters last week who spotted that I was a tad miffed about the Thai bashers on Thaivisa forum…..it was not my intention to blow my own trumpet but to make a case for all the sane and pleasant people who I know have built successful lives in the Kingdom.

 

And I was glad that most who started reading seemed to have got to the end of a long rant and round-up!

 

This week once again saw tragedy, comedy and dramedy (yes, that is a valid Scrabble word) in equal proportions as the interaction of Thai people, the foreigners who call Thailand home and its multitude of tourist visitors made for an incredibly vibrant and varied selection of stories.

 

Stories of all kinds from the heartbreaking to those that are so funny that the Thais say “huaroh fan ruang” – laughing until your teeth fall out. Two, as we shall see later, even featured teeth…..

 

Top tale of tragedy this week had to be the four children who fell from a balcony in Ramkhamhaeng.

 

A five year old boy died as the marital issues of the estranged Swiss husband and father and the Thai mother were dragged unceremoniously through a baying Thai media.

 

Thankfully the case seems to have put in the Thai public eye the issue of who should have custody of children – in this case not just the mother or father but the Thai or the foreigner.

 

Some will claim such matters are always cut and dried – the kind of immensely tedious foreign posters who think that everything in Thailand is skewed to screw the foreigner. While everyone can point to injustice against non-Thais if they wish, the reality is that both the courts and the police can come down on the side of the foreigner.

 

After the best part of four decades in Thailand – much of it spent dealing with all strata of Thai and Western society – Rooster has a mountain of evidence that “proves” both standpoints equally. The only common theme is that someone will always think decisions are unfair!

 

In the case of the Thai/Swiss children grieving father Michel Borel has as many tears as the grandparents who locked the kids in and went to bed on another floor. There is no winner in such a tragedy – all that can be hoped is that the best is done for the children and their future.

 

And that some way to ensure court orders are enforced becomes a reality.

 

Tragedy of similar proportions struck a young American called Derrick Gibson who lost his beautiful Thai girlfriend to a drunk driver then went to the funeral that was designed as a wedding ceremony for the bride he would never have.

 

Such ceremonies may look strange to many who don’t understand Thailand. Just like the adverse comments that appear whenever twins get married. But what the Thais are trying to do here is make things feel right and move on.

 

In terms of bereavement they want people to face up to their loss and what they might have had as a means of coming to terms with its absence. While the twin marriages may seem frivolous in comparison, they come from deep seated feelings of unease that if ceremony is not performed bad luck will prevail and ruin lives.

 

I learnt some of this cultural sensitivity many years ago when my dear friend Mike Hamilton died in his thirties after five years with cancer.

 

One weekend we were watching Wimbledon together in his Bamrungrat Hospital room and the next I was kneeling beside him in a temple in Bang Mot.

 

He was incongruously dressed in a suit lying on a slab. His grieving but calm Thai wife was by my side as she implored me to take the lustral water and bathe his outstretched and lifeless hand – and apologize to him if I ever harbored bad thoughts towards him.

 

I don’t mind telling you I am in tears at my keyboard as I remember that scene, something that happened the best part of two decades ago, as if it was yesterday.

 

How it helped me to move on and how it compared starkly to the dreadful cremation of my own mother in England when the empty words of a religious person she’d never met and the sterile manner of the disappearance of the coffin led to no earthly closure.

 

It was twenty years later before I even cried for the woman we should all love most.

 

Derrick bathed the hands of Namwan in Ayuthaya and I hope he can move on as I did after Mike.

 

More dramedy than tragedy – at least for Rooster – concerned the stabbing of the British man in Koh Chang that was revealed this week. A Swedish man supposedly attacked the Brit in his sleep stabbing him 16 times.

 

The story – like the Brit - was so full of holes that I decided to contact the man from Stoke who has an online presence using both the names Mark and Dick. Seemingly living up to his second moniker, he refused to confirm anything about himself or the attack unless he was paid for his story!

 

Bless! I nearly said “You wanna see my Thaivisa salary mate!” but satisfied myself with keeping my counsel and not writing, on the news pages at least, that the Swedish man was actually a friend of his. A former friend that is!

 

Despite a Swede being the aggressor this all played into the hands of the Brit Bashing Brigade who jumped on the story that suggested that Blighty Bullies cause more trouble in Thailand than even Spain. Of course these surveys – rather like Suthichai’s ‘magnifying glass’ reports – cherry pick figures with little detail aforethought.

 

Still, I suppose if you only read the headline it doesn’t matter anyway!

 

Little detail was required in the news from England that the father of seven year old Thai/Brit Sophie will do at least 24 years for wringing her neck. Mum said it best when she said he should have killed himself.

 

He was said to love his child and maybe he did – how terribly tragic it is that so many murders are committed by those who claim to love their victims.

 

Stories that could have ended in tragedy frankly had more elements of comedy. Top billing here went to no less than two stories of women motorcyclists caught on CCTV who had failed to see level crossing barriers right in front of their faces.

 

While many suggested they must have been on the phone there is ample evidence to suggest that drivers the world over – not just in Thailand – have trouble comprehending anything further than the end of their nose.

 

A reason why – when out on the roads anywhere – the ability to anticipate what incredible stupidity your fellow motorist may perpetrate is of paramount importance.

 

Dramedy (are you getting used to that word now!?) and comedy were the order of the day in two stories about Bangkok cabbies – one a potential molester and the other a fortune teller who advertised his services with a sign draped over the passenger seat.

 

On the occasions when a fortune teller has propositioned me in Thailand I respond as quick as a flash – and in fluent Thai – that I have my own prediction to make: namely that within less than ten seconds they will be told by a sarcastic and mean Farang to bugger off.

 

Disarmed by the foreigner’s excellent use of Thai language they invariably laugh and their smiles prove it is never necessary to actually make the prediction come true!

 

The comedy in both cabby cases involved the 1,000 baht fines handed out – it really is time that Thailand moved on from the age of ticals and started to get realistic with fines that might hurt and actually deter.

 

Pure comedy – as mentioned earlier – revolved around the two cases involving Thai people’s teeth. In the first a woman who had lost her front ones went on Facebook, of all places, to order some cut price cash on delivery gnashers.

 

Not surprisingly they didn’t fit even after a good soaking in hot water leading to the Thai media’s brilliant picture of her new, eminently grumpy version of a smile!

 

The second case – that literally had my teeth jangling in their sockets – was of the quack dentist in the South. The humor was nothing to do with the crime but with the cops’ amusing choice of headgear to mask the identity of the rogue dentist at the press conference – a Star Wars Storm Trooper mask.

 

Bless Thailand and double bless!

 

It reminded me of my best teeth story in Thailand. Before I made the fateful decision to marry the first Mrs Rooster she was wont to visit me at my house. Being a dozen years older than me she had already lost a few top front teeth and wore a denture that she would habitually take out at night and place on the bedside table.

 

If that wasn’t bad enough, one morning she woke and the dentures were gone. I claimed innocence,  while she went home scowling and toothless.

 

It was some weeks later when they were found in the back of a cupboard among old condoms and half consumed food clearly dragged there by pesky rats we were having trouble with.

 

A no-nonsense woman, the Mrs Rooster-to-be gave them a quick wash, slipped them straight back in and prepared to tuck in to her daily diet of Som Tam.

 

Such practicality and frugality was always going to lead to marriage….

 

Finally, if you have managed to read this far I thank you for your perseverance and fortitude in bucking the trend of “Generation Twitter”.

 

As a reward just say “hi” the next time we meet and I will buy you a drink!

 

Rooster

 

PS. Only joking.

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2018-05-05

I enjoyed that

 

Whether for better or worst, you nearly violate every principle of Occam's razor.  

 

It works for me but yes, I had to bail out early to meet some friends for dinner.

 

Later..

I've had the same experience with a two tooth denture that 3 or 4 times would relocate itself behind the sofa and always in the same place. Never damaged or chewed. Quick soak in dettol scrubbed and good to go. Stopped when I got the mouse in a trap.

You're way out of your depth.

I used to pay 30 baht to read Bernard Trinks column (Night Owl) in the Post every Friday  two decades ago.

Thaivisa is free.

Who are you?

So where to apply? Can't be arsed to read the 5000 word small print that followed the offer. Is there a facebook page at least? 

"dramedy (yes, that is a valid Scrabble word)."

 

nah, i can't get used to it, just doesn't sound right. I will remember it if I ever need it in a game of scrabble though

With the onslaught of information everyone is subjected to, affording the luxury of reading a long form article on any topic that I am not highly motivated or highly interested in is difficult for me to justify. Sorry, I had to bail in the middle of your rant after your point was made. I get it, you work hard to right a complete piece and some moron makes a stupid uninformed comment without having read the whole thing. Oh, well that is his problem not yours. (Maybe I am doing that right now.) Take care and keep up the good work. Once in a while you will write something I will read to the end because it is worthy of my attention.

One of your best Rooster. Full of every emotion. Kop Koon kab!

Another good one, keep it up Rooster

Thank you Sir. A fine dissertation!

As always an entertaining piece of writing which goes hand in hand with my Sunday morning cuppa ( Tetley’s !! ) and toast .

What a week it was !!, a sad one with the accidental deaths indirectly involving farangs, but thankfully there is always comedy gold happening in LOS to take the edge off the sad bits .

 

Despite some of the above comments I made it through and IMHO it wasn’t long enough !!

 

Look I am not reading all That I just want to know where I can sign up for free sex with a sexy lady ?

Look I am not reading all That I just want to know where I can sign up for free sex with a sexy lady 

where's the free sex and half price food?

 

Well my perseverance and fortitude was not rewarded with a secret code that would grant me free sex and half priced food. I'd have settled for it being the other way around, or just one of the two, or just the free drink even !

One should do a poll to see just how many people read TV on their phones compared to those who (normally) read it on a desktop/laptop. That could explain why so many seem to read the headline and (perhaps) the first one or two sentences before skipping down to add their 2 baht's worth of comments.

 

It would also explain why so many ask the exact same questions despite them having been answered (repeatedly) elsewhere in the thread. I find trying to browse/comment on the forums to be a major PITA when I'm on my phone and usually don't bother trying to read any replies.

However, when I'm on the desktop/laptop I often read all the comments, if it's a topic that has piqued my interest. 

(ps: Jack/Coke - just so you're prepared !)

 

Come on Granddad... by Sloths derivative interpretation of Moore's Law "The Twitter" tweet is now double that size(!).

But seriously, a great read and you put into a sentence a couple of times, some things that I'd come to feel but had not distilled,  especially the Thai approach to grief which looks cold and soulless to many, but has purpose.  Also about the observation re "...not just the mother or father but the Thai or the foreigner".  Nailed it.

Respect, and if we should ever be on a common path/dodgy side walk/fall in same hole, then I'll buy the drinks.

I'm stuck between a millennial and a retired place... but benefited from both.

And lost to both...  Still have a toothless grin though.

1 hour ago, BigC said:

Look I am not reading all That I just want to know where I can sign up for free sex with a sexy lady ?

Look no further than in the palm of your hands !!

Rooster,

it will honor you to explain the world to us. However, since facebook and twitter the world has changed. Obviously you didn't.

Since there is a President who posts all this hatred and nonsense into the world, bragging with his achievements to grab with his hands onto every pussy, many people think that's the real world we live in. And as long you will not sign with your true name this will go on. Same and in particular on ThaiVisa, Change that!

At last we all have to change. Virtues seem not to be very important and precious. And 10 Commandments are outdated. Respect is a word of the past. 

I suppose you and I will not change anything. And the other day there was a thread about trolling. Change to clear and true names. Ask for ID. Hardly nobody will dare to address any other ThaiVisa member in an inappropriate way anymore. 

This would be my way to create respect again.

 

3 hours ago, Happy enough said:

"dramedy (yes, that is a valid Scrabble word)."

 

nah, i can't get used to it, just doesn't sound right. I will remember it if I ever need it in a game of scrabble though

 

Here's some help how to remember it:

 

coma --> comedy

drama --> dramedy

 

I made this up just now.

3 hours ago, Happy enough said:

"dramedy (yes, that is a valid Scrabble word)."

 

nah, i can't get used to it, just doesn't sound right. I will remember it if I ever need it in a game of scrabble though

 

Here's some help how to remember it:

 

coma --> comedy

drama --> dramedy

 

I made this up just now.

An interesting read and recap. Nice writing style. Impeccable English.

I can only imagine that the free sex and half priced food had something to do with the dentures and the rat.

1 hour ago, Reigntax said:

Look no further than in the palm of your hands !!

This is a con spending my time reading all that

 

time is money and I want compensation !!!

3 hours ago, Tradewind777 said:

One of your best Rooster. Full of every emotion. Kop Koon kab!

agree, cockadoodledoo

Free food and half price sex would be a much better deal for most of the old codgers here....!

 

;-))

53 minutes ago, neeray said:

...Impeccable English.

 

With one notable exception:

 

"I wouldn’t mind so much if I wasn’t [sic] writing the translations myself."

Hi  !

A good day to You.  Hope Your new wife has her own teeth  

Well, this was one of the best from Rooster, emotional and funny. this made my day !!!

Edited May 6, 20188 yr by off road pat

I knew a middle-aged couple in England who were addicted to bingo. They used to take turns, and would never go there together. It was quite some time before somebody discovered that they shared a single set of false teeth.