Dowry?

[AYJAYDEE]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Certainly, my opinion is the only one I can have. However, I must wonder how shallow a marriage must be when it depends upon paying sin sod for the bride or buying her a house. 

 

 

loyalty to and a desire to take care of parents is very important in their culture. a rejection of something so important to her is a signal. Failure to respect the values and priorities of a partner will have the same results in any country. And a house is kinda necessary to keep the rain off when she's sleeping.

 

[smotherb]

4 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

I've seen marriages between farang and thai end in divorce  in which both partners have 2 arms and 2 legs as well. But that doesnt mean the fact they had them was the cause of their divorce. your logic is faulty

My dear friend, it is not my logic that is faulty, it appears to be more your ability to pay attention. I was simply refuting 473ego's post. I have also seen some farangs who pay sinsod for the girl they first bought out of the bar. If you care to pay sin sod, by all means, go for it. I would not insult my fiance or future in-laws with such an offer--as if I thought I could buy their daughter.

[AYJAYDEE]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

My dear friend, it is not my logic that is faulty, it appears to be more your ability to pay attention. I was simply refuting 473ego's post. I have also seen some farangs who pay sinsod for the girl they first bought out of the bar. If you care to pay sin sod, by all means, go for it. I would not insult my fiance or future in-laws with such an offer--as if I thought I could buy their daughter.

no, you suggested paying it was the cause of the divorce

[smotherb]

2 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

loyalty to and a desire to take care of parents is very important in their culture. a rejection of something so important to her is a signal. Failure to respect the values and priorities of a partner will have the same results in any country. And a house is kinda necessary to keep the rain off when she's sleeping.

 

Yes, I know about differing cultures. However, I do not subscribe to that cultural trait. I would explain very politely that I would give her family just as much money as her family gave mine. What could possibly be more fair than that? Of course, you could also choose a girl whose family did not need their children to support them. You see, physical or mental incapability aside, not having the wherewithal to survive without someone else's support is the mark of a failure. My opinion, of course.

[AYJAYDEE]

7 minutes ago, smotherb said:

My dear friend, it is not my logic that is faulty, it appears to be more your ability to pay attention. I was simply refuting 473ego's post. I have also seen some farangs who pay sinsod for the girl they first bought out of the bar. If you care to pay sin sod, by all means, go for it. I would not insult my fiance or future in-laws with such an offer--as if I thought I could buy their daughter.

So you choose to insult them by not offering it. Ok

 

[smotherb]

7 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

no, you suggested paying it was the cause of the divorce

Again, you have allowed your defensive bias to cloud your senses. I said, " I think paying sin sod may be the first step on a downward cycle. "

[AYJAYDEE]

1 minute ago, smotherb said:

Yes, I know about differing cultures. However, I do not subscribe to that cultural trait. I would explain very politely that I would give her family just as much money as her family gave mine. What could possibly be more fair than that? Of course, you could also choose a girl whose family did not need their children to support them. You see, physical or mental incapability aside, not having the wherewithal to survive without someone else's support is the mark of a failure. My opinion, of course.

lol! good luck with that attitude!

[AYJAYDEE]

Just now, smotherb said:

Again, you have allowed your defensive bias to cloud your senses. I said, " I think paying sin sod may be the first step on a downward cycle. "

to what?

[smotherb]

3 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

So you choose to insult them by not offering it. Ok

 

Oh, I get it. you think I should say, "I am sorry to insult you by thinking your daughter was not for sale."

[smotherb]

2 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

lol! good luck with that attitude!

You don't need luck. What you need is a woman who loves you and trusts you and is willing to be with you even if you don't buy her.

[AYJAYDEE]

Just now, smotherb said:

Oh, I get it. you think I should say, "I am sorry to insult you by thinking your daughter was not for sale."

no need to apologize, they understand your attitude perfectly.

[AYJAYDEE]

Just now, smotherb said:

You don't need luck. What you need is a woman who loves you and trusts you and is willing to be with you even if you don't buy her.

and don't give a stuff about her feelings of responsibility toward her parents. as I said, good luck with that! lol

[smotherb]

3 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

to what?

To something less than a good relationship. The key word is "may. If you don't know, it means to express a possibility.

[Jip99]

1 minute ago, smotherb said:

Oh, I get it. you think I should say, "I am sorry to insult you by thinking your daughter was not for sale."

 

 

Is is there a dividing line? 

 

Is it worse for parents to ask for sinsod, or is it worse for a suitor to offer it.

 

Who is likely to be most offended.... either, or - or both.

 

 

Personally, I think that discussions about sinsod should be only be undertaken face to face. -  and solely  between Thais.

[smotherb]

4 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

no need to apologize, they understand your attitude perfectly.

Yes, I think they did. I also think they appreciated my honesty.

[AYJAYDEE]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

To something less than a good relationship. The key word is "may. If you don't know, it means to express a possibility.

and unless you said "or may not", its a prediction. and the subject was divorce not the quality of a relationship.

[smotherb]

1 minute ago, Jip99 said:

 

 

Is is there a dividing line? 

 

Is it worse for parents to ask for sinsod, or is it worse for a suitor to offer it.

 

Who is likely to be most offended.... either, or - or both.

 

 

Personally, I think that discussions about sinsod should be only be undertaken face to face. -  and solely  between Thais.

I think even the suggestion--from anyone--that the girl has a price on her is an insult.

 

I think the discussion should be between all the parties involved. Why limit it to Thais if the farang is expected to pay?

[AYJAYDEE]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Yes, I think they did. I also think they appreciated my honesty.

lol! "now dear, dont be disappointed that he thinks our way of doing things is wrong and our daughter wont be able to help us, just be proud that he told us"  lol!!

[smotherb]

2 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

and unless you said "or may not", its a prediction. and the subject was divorce not the quality of a relationship.

Well, since it was I who said it, I think I knew what I meant. However, I do think that sin sod may be the beginning of the end for a marriage. It certainly would be for me.

[AYJAYDEE]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I think even the suggestion--from anyone--that the girl has a price on her is an insult.

 

I think the discussion should be between all the parties involved. Why limit it to Thais if the farang is expected to pay?

a discussion of sin sod is never done between the parties directly involved, each party has a representative to handle their side

[AYJAYDEE]

1 minute ago, smotherb said:

Well, since it was I who said it, I think I knew what I meant. However, I do think that sin sod may be the beginning of the end for a marriage. It certainly would be for me.

then use the word "my" instead of "a". and you just admitted that is exactly what you meant! lol

[Jip99]

5 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I think even the suggestion--from anyone--that the girl has a price on her is an insult.

 

I think the discussion should be between all the parties involved. Why limit it to Thais if the farang is expected to pay?

 

 

You misunderstand me.

 

Farangs should never be involved in sinsod.. full stop.

 

 

By all means have it as a tradition between Thais 

[AYJAYDEE]

1 minute ago, Jip99 said:

 

 

You misunderstand me.

 

Farangs should never be involved in sinsod.. full stop.

 

 

By all means have it as a tradition between Thais 

unless they choose to be. and if they dont, perhaps they should never be involved in accepting free land on which to build a house either

[smotherb]

1 minute ago, AYJAYDEE said:

lol! "now dear, dont be disappointed that he thinks our way of doing things is wrong and our daughter wont be able to help us, just be proud that he told us"  lol!!

You, my dear misled friend, have no idea do you?  I am truly sorry for you if you do not have a better relationship with your in-laws. When my son was going to marry a Thai girl, we all sat down to discuss their future, including sin sod; my son, his fiance, her parents, my wife and I. We discussed it and worked it out without sin sod or buying her a house or any other exchange of assets. Of course, her parents are not so poor they needed her to support them and they loved our son too, just as we loved their daughter.

[Jip99]

Just now, AYJAYDEE said:

unless they choose to be. and if they dont, perhaps they should never be involved in accepting free land on which to build a house either

 

Yes I can see that.... not accepting MIL’s land, that you can never own, to spend YOUR money building a house that you will never see a Penny of should the blissful relationship not turn out as hoped.

[smotherb]

7 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

a discussion of sin sod is never done between the parties directly involved, each party has a representative to handle their side

Gee, you should have told us that then. We discussed it; the parents of the bride, the bride, the parents of the groom and the groom. Me thinks someone is taking you for a ride.

[AYJAYDEE]

1 minute ago, smotherb said:

You, my dear misled friend, have no idea do you?  I am truly sorry for you if you do not have a better relationship with your in-laws. When my son was going to marry a Thai girl, we all sat down to discuss their future, including sin sod; my son, his fiance, her parents, my wife and I. We discussed it and worked it out without sin sod or buying her a house or any other exchange of assets. Of course, her parents are not so poor they needed her to support them and they loved our son too, just as we loved their daughter.

and I'm sure theyre very proud of their tight-fisted in laws! lol

[AYJAYDEE]

Just now, smotherb said:

Gee, you should have told us that then. We discussed it; the parents of the bride, the bride, the parents of the groom and the groom. Me thinks someone is taking you for a ride.

as I said, representatives. THE PARENTS

[smotherb]

16 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

and unless you said "or may not", its a prediction. and the subject was divorce not the quality of a relationship.

Oh, now you are setting rules for use of "may"

[AYJAYDEE]

2 minutes ago, Jip99 said:

 

Yes I can see that.... not accepting MIL’s land, that you can never own, to spend YOUR money building a house that you will never see a Penny of should the blissful relationship not turn out as hoped.

so, when your turn comes dont forget to refuse the gift