In a pickle - I want to divorce Thai woman, she refuses

[Mattd]

5 minutes ago, Just Weird said:

You missed out the part about getting divorced which is the whole point of the thread!   You think that being married overseas with that marriage just being registered here he would be able to get divorced in Thailand to get out of that overseas marriage? 

I was first of all correcting a post that you made, which in turn was in reply to the OP, who asked about registering a foreign marriage in Thailand and then getting divorced.

As per my post, yes you can register a foreign marriage here, however, to do this he needs his wife's consent and cooperation and IF the Thai authorities then allowed for a divorce based on this registration, then he certainly couldn't do that alone.

What I suspect you meant originally, was to divorce in Thailand, then you first must be married here, i.e. not married overseas?

In no way was I implying that registering a marriage here nullifies it elsewhere, however, a foreign marriage can be divorced in Thailand, by use of the divorce courts and so long as the filing party can prove the grounds for such.

[Topah]

I don't know what the solution is but this is another example that marriage is like Russian roulette. I feel for you. Because you have kids, you will be destroyed emotionally. 

 

Was it your stupid idea to get married or?

[Tchooptip]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I tried marriage once in the UK, that was enough for me.

I'm really good at walking (driving/flying) away with no forwarding address.

So maybe colinneil was right when he said in post 22 " You clearly have no morals" 

[ResandePohm]

7 hours ago, cornishcarlos said:

 

I think he knows that Colin...

I would say as above, stop paying completely. It will be hard on the kids but she will change her tune pretty damn quick when the cash runs out.

Take control of the situation...

Should be really careful here as she may just go out and get a large loan which he would be also liable for. 

 

It may be an option to get a Legal Separation to cut all financial ties. I did this with my Chinese ex. She wasn't at all happy when she discovered that she was responsible for all her the debts after the separation. Because of her intransigence it took me 5 years to get the divorce finalised. Really glad I got the separation legalised early after I left the marital home

[thesetat2013]

set a monetary amount that you are willing to pay.  tell her if she stops you from seeing the kids, all money will stop.  if she asks for more just dont give it to her... dont give in.. dont bend your rules.. stick to your guns. no law says you must pay for support.  

why would she want to sign a divorce when she has you by the balls and is squeezing every chance she can

[Disco738]

Have you considered reconciliation? Foolish pride and brokeness is always a hidden cause to relationship conflict .  Not sometimes but always.  Some here have said many good things.

Man up and swallow your pride and try to get back together .   Do you love your kids? 

Theyre only young once .  

[Timebandit]

My vasectomy was paid for by insurance after my first child. I stayed with responsibility for another 10 years and paid for college, gave wifey the house and jumped into freedom to forever embrace happiness. The only down side of being single is it's always your turn to do the dishes.

[sawadeeken]

4 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

Op it would be best to see a Lawyer... Tilleke & Gibbins may offer a free 1 hour consultation to decide if they can help with your case. 

 

As this potential divorce involves children you may have no other path than to pursue a contested divorce. 

MY GOD MAN........ Listen to this guy please, OP, You have got so many opinions here from some that 'May' mean well........ But really nothing you 'can take to the bank'.........

Go talk to a lawyer...... Talk to a few of them..............

Find out what you can do 'in Thailand'.......... not how you should control your sexual urges.........

I was married to a Thai lady in the US many years ago (things could have changed) and divorced from her in Thailand (Pattaya) with help of a Thai lawyer........

MY GOD MAN........... 'TRY' talking to somebody who knows..........

[geisha]

DO you have to stay in Thailand ( work?) or can you move to another city ? If you could’ then you could pay the school fees directly to the school, and give a respectable amount of money for her and’ the kids. 

You would have to explain all this to your children . After a few months I think she would agree to divorce. Other than that, get a good lawyer.

[kevvy]

You had sex with another women , many do this , but many do not . If there was no children it is easier to walk out . You keep saying you are paying a lot of money, so your children have a money value? Did you think what would happen to your children while your another head was doing all the thinking . I cam from a broken marriage and I can tell you it was bloody hard growing without Dad. Has your head done this before , if so why did you get married.If you walk out please make sure you keep in contact someway with your children, dont let them forget you 

[drummer boy]

Only one answer go back to your own country live there for 12 months don't pay her 2 much money get divorce go back sorry there is another way your chidren where not born in Thailand she can not keep the chidren there tell her you are taken them back where they were born to frighten her good luck !

[drummer boy]

13 hours ago, poanoi said:

i would stop paying just like that,

and tell her the facts that getting divorced is more important

to her than it is to you,

since she will want to land another income one of these days.

 

my ex wife came strolling by after around a year and wanted a divorce,

there was no mentioning of financial compensation whatsoever

OK!but you had no kids or you did not mention it easy pizza !

[sawadeeken]

6 minutes ago, drummer boy said:

Only one answer go back to your own country live there for 12 months don't pay her 2 much money get divorce go back sorry there is another way your chidren where not born in Thailand she can not keep the chidren there tell her you are taken them back where they were born to frighten her good luck !

A great thought....... BUT.......... STILL talk to a Thai lawyer (or a few Thai lawyers)

[dotpoom]

10 hours ago, colinneil said:

Well you got problems brought on by your inability to keep it in your pants.

Bit of advice for the future, learn to keep your zipper closed.

 I bet the OP never thought of that.....just the great advice he could use right now...

[BobBKK]

As has been stated the key here is the money and YOU are in the driving seat 100%. No divorce, No pay but get a lawyer. I would also find a post elsewhere and get a divorce in the country you married in?  Don't start mucking around with Thais you will lose. Leave, new posting, divorce linked to cash. Good luck.

[Stevemercer]

In most countries, a divorce requires a financial agreement between the parties (division of assets) and a family agreement (custody, visitation rights and maintenance).

 

I would have thought it would be possible for a lawyer to draft both contracts and register with any civil court (e.g. bypass the marriage question). Any two parties can enter into civil contracts.

 

Now, of course, the problem is that she will probably will not sign any such documents unless you agree to an exorbitant settlement. 

 

However if you have the documents drafted and translated, at least you have a starting point for negotiations with her. You also establish the basis as to what you are willing to pay and fair visitation rights. You stick to this payment schedule until she is willing to negotiate seriously.

 

Once the signed contracts are registered, then you can take her court if she breaches the contract (e.g. prevents you from visiting the kids etc).

[sawadeeken]

Maybe i can add.......... Let her starve (and hurt) for a while while legal proceedings are being started.......... 'Starving and Hurting' has a serious affect on people and it will help her see what could happen if you just packed up and left............

You can already presume that she is 'poisioning the kid's minds about you......

If you dissapeared for a year 9and let her hurt) you probably know enough about her to find her and the kids later....

[The Theory]

Leave Thailand for another desirable Asian country and just pay as much that you think it would be good enough for your children’s life

Edited June 8, 2018 by The Theory

[Mansell]

Do a search on Isaan Lawyers here in Nakhon Ratchasima. The guy is French Canadian with Thai lawyers on staff. I used him at one point. Seems to specialize in family law. You can talk to him on Skype etc. 

I have no other involvement beside using him once. From the sound of your situation you need professional advice and guidance. Nobody mentioned it, but if the two parties do not talk for a year I believe you can divorce on something like abandonment without the other party being present.....but of course you are not married. Good luck.

[ChidlomDweller]

The golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules.  Pay the bare minimum no matter what because it's your kids.  Like some posters mentioned, pay direct what you can.  Things like school fees, but even clothing, toys, pocket money, maybe even rent, electricity,...  That way the kids have all they need but she has very limited spending power.  Then, after that, If she plays nice pay a reasonable amount.  Just don't be a sucker and pay her tons of money and then she's not even giving visitation rights.  It's a shame having to do it like this, but if she wants to estrange your kids from you, use the financial leverage you have.

Edited June 8, 2018 by ChidlomDweller

[kevvy]

it would be interesting if his wife , could give her side .. no wait a minute she is THAI , she must be lying and bad.  ????

[rramsey]

Try to do the best thing for your children.

[Stuart21]

16 hours ago, colinneil said:

Yes but 2 wrongs dont make it right.

You made the children, so you have a  moral responsiblility.

 

Irrelevant 

 

[cyberfarang]

17 hours ago, ThomasTT said:

@paonoi, that is not an option. Her temper, is like many Thais extreme. If I stop paying, I fear the worst for what she could do to my children. 

Good for her, she has you by the short and curlies. Your wife appears to be a shrewd woman.

 

You will not be a free man until your children are adults. You cheated on her several times, so why should your wife trust that you`ll continue supporting the children if she agrees to a divorce? What does she gain out of it, nothing. In the UK you would be imposed to pay her alimony and pay for the kids by order of the child protection agency. If I were her I would be taking you to court for financial support and maintenance for the kids. 

 

 

[flyingtlger]

You play, you pay.......

[sead]

18 hours ago, ThomasTT said:

@paonoi, that is not an option. Her temper, is like many Thais extreme. If I stop paying, I fear the worst for what she could do to my children. 

Its just a game. She would never harm them. Stop all payment. Wait until she contacts you. And strike a deal

[Awk]

 

Ignore the people here telling you to not ask questions on the forum here and "just go talk to a lawyer" instead.  You need to read the forum to have any idea of whether the lawyer you talk to has half a clue or not.  My experience with lawyers here is not good.  On the other hand, there are a few knowledgeable people here on the forum.  Some very knowledgeable.

 

I recommend contacting this woman (a translator) whose business card I attach, and the lawyer she works with, Mr. Terd.

 

They are both based in Korat, which is some hours away from Bangkok by car, but unless you get other trustworthy recommendations for local lawyers, I would recommend to not let that small distance bother you.  

If you are in Bangkok, they are much closer to you than they were to me, and I still found it worthwhile to have them fly to the city I was in with all the extra expenses that entailed.  I'd say changing to this team, even if already half-way through a somewhat similar court case, and already with what I think was half-decent lawyer relatively to most others, was the smartest thing I did and I am happy to recommend them.

 

 

[ThomasTT]

Thank you everyone for your valuable advice. No matter whether it is slating me for who I became or whether you are genuinely trying to help.

 

There is no way I would be able to explain what really went on and why I chose to cheat. I am not a cheat by nature but I'd like to try and explain. After giving birth to our second child, my wife developed mental problems. She went through a full year of counselling but nothing seems to change. She developed incredible anger, where when she flared up would lose control and hardly know what she was doing. The next day when she calmed down, she would cry and apologise. On top of this, she developed an almost paranoia, where she would call me several times a day and night while I was on business trips and I travel a lot, perhaps as much as 200 days each year. She would threaten to take my kids away to a place where I would never find them, she would threaten me with telling lies about me to my employer, all kinds of thing. For 1.5 years I dealt with this on a daily basis and tried to remain calm. It was all based on jealousy and all based in her mind that every time I was traveling, I would be f***ing someone. At that point in time, I kept soldering through and praying that it would stop. At one point, I was out for dinner with colleagues and I met what I still feel is one of the most incredible girls I have ever met. We talked and talked and talked almost to the next morning but nothing else happened, as I was still trying to be strong. A few months went by and I went back to the same country again. I met up with this girl again and those two months in between had been absolutely horrid with threats, anger and jealousy from my wife's side. Perhaps I should ask that up until this point, for 1.5 years, I did not sleep with my wife. She shied away from all intimacy and didn't feel comfortable being touched and I accepted that and was waiting for the counselling to start working just a bit. All I ever wanted to do, was to go back to the way it was the first 3 years we were married. However, at this point in time I was not as strong anymore.... I was giving up... I couldn't deal with the anger and threats and I won't go into just how creative she was when threatening me (and still are). I met this girl for dinner and it was not my intention to sleep with her but she fascinated me because she was so calm, so gentle and yes, I guess she was everything my wife used to be and wasn't any longer. The worst part was the jealousy - fighting her jealousy knowing I had done nothing wrong. That night I kind of gave up and gave in. My mind was thinking, here is a beautiful, educated, gently girl who clearly badly wants me for the night. I have two options: 1. I can keep being a soldier and get accused of sleeping around 2. I can sleep with this girl and get accused anyway. I chose the second option. Right or wrong, I personally feel that my wife's jealousy was the main reason I cheated on her - some of you might disagree.

 

We already had separate bedrooms at that point in time but the last year we have not been living together but in separate homes. Some have asked what it is that I want out of this and what I want out of this is peace. There has been so much shit going on for so long now and it is affecting the kids, I can see that. My wife does not allow me to spend time with my kids, unless it is at her place and that is really tough on me. I have been seeing this other girl ever since I met her and one day I want to marry her. My wife knows this and she refuses to let the kids come to my place and refuses to let them meet my girlfriend. 

 

It has never been about the money for me and as I travel so much, I actually think it is better for the kids to be with her and live with her. I currently pay ~200,000 THB a month for international school, rent, transport, medical insurance, internet/phone, upkeep for her and the kids and it is too much. It is not about the money but I do not want to fund her personal savings, so I will cut this down to the bare minimum for what I feel is required for rent, school, clothes, food for the kids. So that I have already decided. A whole other thing I did not touch, is my wife's statements that being a full-time mom for 2 means she doesn't have to work. She keeps saying that and of course I disagree to that. The kids are in school from 8-16 every day, so there has to be something she can do to help support the kids. At present it is not that she cannot find anything to do, she flat out refuses to do so.

 

All I want, is for her and I to be able to act like adults and do what is best for our kids. In my opinion that is sharing custody and them having a chance to see both their parents happy - and no, we will never be together again. I am happy but I feel stuck and feel I cannot move on with my life because we are still married and because the kids doesn't know where dad goes after he visits them for a couple of days. They need to know and see that I also have a place to live and that I have someone special in my life too and that this someone will love them just as much as I do.

 

Not sure if this has helped explain the situation but I will be happy to elaborate further if anyone has any questions. 

[happylarry]

On 6/8/2018 at 8:10 AM, happylarry said:

My wife tells me that you can sue your wife for divorce in the court, when they grant the divorce they will then issue an order for you both to register your marriage at an amphur first in order to then complete the divorce.

My wife tells me she has worked on a similar case before and this is what happened, however she will check it out today to be sure.

I’ll let you know.

HL

Ok, my wife checked this out with the lawyer and it can be done as I said in my previous post. Sue for divorce through court and then the court issues an order to register the marriage and then divorce at the same time. If one party refuses then it goes back to the court and the court then takes the necessary steps to enforce the order. It can take time and money but it is possible to do.

I dont know what the court can do to enforce the order though as the cases they were involved in were settled in the first instance.

HL

[MyFriend You]

21 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I tried marriage once in the UK, that was enough for me.

I'm really good at walking (driving/flying) away with no forwarding address.

I did the same, but my ex-wife still found me thru social media, I never acknowledged the contact  -  I have since changed my facebook usage drastically - she was batshit crazy after 4 years of marraige, separated for 2, then divorced amicably in California (she was actively pursuing another marraige)  -  twenty years later she wants to make contact & 'get back together???'   The term "Run Forrest, Run!!" immediately came to mind.