In a pickle - I want to divorce Thai woman, she refuses

[Watchful]

14 hours ago, ThomasTT said:

No chance. Any word about divorce and she laughs - even at signing to register the marriage. That will cost me a one-time payment of EUR 100,000. Just to get her to sign the registration. 

Seems to me, you have no choice, but to change her attitude.

 

Not an easy task, but I would try the following:

 

1. Each month start reducing the cash you give her (keep the school and landlord payments intact)

 

2. When she complains make up an excuse tied to your new "girl friend" 

(i.e. girlfriend's father needed surgery, sick buffalo, girlfriends mother got stepped by an elephant, etc)

 

Each time tell her you are sorry, but these were "unplanned" necessary expenses and you are glad now that you don't have a legal divorce mandating fixed monthly payments.  

 

Do you see the idea here?  You need to demonstrate that a guaranteed monthly check is in her best interests. Otherwise, more and more will be drained off to your new (fictious) girlfriend's family.

 

She will slowly, based upon how creative you are with the excuses, figure that out for herself. 

[GOLDBUGGY]

1 hour ago, Watchful said:

Seems to me, you have no choice, but to change her attitude.

 

Not an easy task, but I would try the following:

 

1. Each month start reducing the cash you give her (keep the school and landlord payments intact)

 

2. When she complains make up an excuse tied to your new "girl friend" 

(i.e. girlfriend's father needed surgery, sick buffalo, girlfriends mother got stepped by an elephant, etc)

 

Each time tell her you are sorry, but these were "unplanned" necessary expenses and you are glad now that you don't have a legal divorce mandating fixed monthly payments.  

 

Do you see the idea here?  You need to demonstrate that a guaranteed monthly check is in her best interests. Otherwise, more and more will be drained off to your new (fictious) girlfriend's family.

 

She will slowly, based upon how creative you are with the excuses, figure that out for herself. 

Except for the part that she has Divorced Friends and she already knows the money she is getting now is far more than what she would recieve if the court set out the payments. Which may be the number one reason why she is avoiding a court hearing for Divorce in the first place. 

 

Only two ways to go here. An Agreed Settlement if she agrees to a No Fault Divorce, or a Forced Settlement made by the Courts upon there Divorce. Then let her choose the best way to go here. But if you don't start Divorce Proceedings, she will never take you seriously.   

[MyFriend You]

On 6/9/2018 at 11:21 AM, Topah said:

Seems like you are nice guy and I can relate to "she developed anger issues"... But you don't seem to understand that this new girl can turn to be the same like your current wife. So I try to make this clear for you -> DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE MARRYING EVER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE @@!!!! Just don't do it and make it clear for your new girl(s) since the beginning. 

 

Why you have to marry? It will only make things difficult. Ladies will pressure you but make it certain for her: "I will never marry again, is that ok?". If that is not ok for her, you explain that risks are too big. Marriage makes zero sense today. Atleast be with the new girl 10 years until making stupid decision about marriage. I warned and don't get here crying again later what happened again after you marry. Marriage can ruin your life. PERIOD!

 

Addition... Ladies have this switch type of behavior. It means that they can change in split second to a totally different person if things don't go their way. You cannot negotiate with them and they are masters controlling you emotionally.

 

• Me and my lady have been together over 20 years and are not married in the traditional sense of the word, we both have bank accounts, insurance policies and houses in our own names and are both beneficiaries of each others assets - yep, she is not Thai, she is Vietnamese - doesn't spend a single minute watching soap operas and could care less about popular opinion, face, or the rest of the family's opinion, she needs no status other than our respect for each other.  We adopted 2 beautiful kids, and are putting another one thru medical school.  Who needs a piece of paper to tell me we are married, plus she has more rings than fingers or toes.
• you last para:  I have been saying for 30 years, Thai women are born with spiders in their brains, every once in a while, the spiders wake up and start biting certain parts of their brain, then they go batshit crazy for awhile, the spiders go back to sleep, only to come out another day.     Peace    

[BritManToo]

On 6/9/2018 at 12:04 PM, Topah said:

Ladies want security but men want often good times/freedom and when good times end, ladies will be lucky if they have that marriage card.

No hymen = no wedding ring

As far as I am concerned.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, TunnelRat69 said:

yep, she is not Thai, she is Vietnamese

Why are you posting on a Thai forum?

[MyFriend You]

8 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

No hymen = no wedding ring

As far as I am concerned.

There are operations for that as well. quite popular in the Middle East and South Asia.

[MyFriend You]

8 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Why are you posting on a Thai forum?

Its an Open Forum, I'll do as I please Thank You.

[jenny2017]

On 6/8/2018 at 7:42 AM, ThomasTT said:

I have no problem supporting my children, as I mentioned in the original post and paying a good sum of money to support them. I have a problem with not being able to get divorced. After divorce the support would continue but I am tired of not being able to move on with my life. I feel locked in.

You married in a European country, right? I'm sure that this European country has got a Thai embassy, can't you get in touch with them and make them aware that you are married?

 

  Of course, will you need some documents translated into Thai, but it should be possible. Please start to pay less money and she might th9ink twice, in the end, it's all about money, isn't it?  

[rumak]

On 6/7/2018 at 10:58 PM, ThomasTT said:

herein lies my question: Like I mentioned, I was married in a European country and I have sought legal advice there and I cannot divorce in this country unless I have been a resident there the last 12 months, which I haven't. So dead end.

i have not read the 7 pages before this (only the first).     i doubt my 2 cents will be worth anything but here

is what i think :    Trying to "work things out" with unreasonable people almost always leads to bigger problems.   The legal system in Thailand is not your friend.....and though some foreigners have success

it is a very small percentage.  Again,  the "legal way" could cause you a lot more problems than what i am 

going to suggest:    Go back to that country where you were married (for the 12 months)...file for divorce

based on her infidelity and abandoning you.   From your story....that is what i would do.  

If sometimes in the future she manages to contact you (after the divorce !)........and acts nicely send her

money for the kids.   Whether they ever see it or not is another question !

Nut cases here are nut cases because .......they can get away with it

[rumak]

On 6/9/2018 at 1:38 AM, sead said:

Its just a game. She would never harm them. Stop all payment. Wait until she contacts you. And strike a deal

And be careful .........that deal should be done at Amphur with some backup (lawyer and anyone else you can drum up)

[rumak]

On 6/8/2018 at 5:05 PM, sawadeeken said:

  On 6/8/2018 at 4:57 PM, drummer boy said:

Only one answer go back to your own country live there for 12 months don't pay her 2 much money get divorce go back sorry there is another way your chidren where not born in Thailand she can not keep the chidren there tell her you are taken them back where they were born to frighten her good luck !

just read this....similar to my suggestion.   The situation with the children is going to be used against you by her.    As i say somewhere else,   be careful if she or others start to threaten.  

 

[rumak]

On 6/9/2018 at 11:21 AM, Topah said:

  On 6/9/2018 at 8:27 AM, ThomasTT said:

I have been seeing this other girl ever since I met her and one day I want to marry her. My wife knows this and she refuses to let the kids come to my place and refuses to let them meet my girlfriend. 

OMG !!   read what Topah says.   Have you not learned your lesson ?

[jackdd]

Obviously you gave her way too much already and are way too weak.

Stop giving her anything at all right now, tell her after you are divorced you will give her some amount each month to take care of the children and she should make the appointment at the Amphoe to register the marriage / divorce. Then just ignore everything from her until you have the appointment.

[Puwa]

Maybe I missed something, but in the OP you state, "At one point a few years back in 2015, I lived in Thailand on a spouse-visa." If so, then your marriage must already be registered. You don't get a spouse visa without a Thai marriage certificate (tabien somrot). I believe that the presence of both spouses is required at the Amphur for a standard marriage registration (not involving the courts as when suing for divorce). If your marriage is in fact registered, and she is lying to you about it, that's another woe to add to the list.

 

Since you married in 2012 and split in 2016, I'm assuming that the kids are 2-5 years old. They will need you for many years to come-- and not just to pay the bills. You can plan your future life with a new girlfriend, but if you pursue that life at the expense of your children, chances are later you will experience profound regret.  

 

Ultimately,  the best thing you can do for her and your children is to get her the mental help she needs. Otherwise, the children will grow up and have their personalities formed under the influence of mental illness.

 

 

[Rhys]

..you control the money....

[bwpage3]

What physical evidence does SHE have the she is married?

 

Does she have the physical marriage certificate from your country?

 

If not, I think you are in the clear in Thailand.

 

If she does have the certificate, make it disappear.

 

No matter what happens, the question you have to face is if she does not get things her way, you will never see your kids.

 

She is obviously strong arming you for money using the kids. However, with NO money, she will not be able to survive and will have to stop her game sooner or later. Sure the kids will suffer however they probably already are suffering.

 

You have to make an important decision about your own future? Do you want to get remarried at some point? Will you have enough money left over to satisfy a new wife/family while still paying her an exorbitant sum? What kind of relationship, if any, do you want to have with your kids?

 

 

 

 

[justin case]

On 6/8/2018 at 4:00 AM, poanoi said:

i would stop paying just like that,

and tell her the facts that getting divorced is more important

to her than it is to you,

since she will want to land another income one of these days.

 

my ex wife came strolling by after around a year and wanted a divorce,

there was no mentioning of financial compensation whatsoever

why is this site full of people that think the other party needs your consent to get divorced... if the other party wants, than you will get petitioned and if you don't appear, you lose your right to go defend your case... that is the thai law

[Preacher]

12 hours ago, justin case said:

why is this site full of people that think the other party needs your consent to get divorced... if the other party wants, than you will get petitioned and if you don't appear, you lose your right to go defend your case... that is the thai law

You do not need consent from your spouse. But without consent from your spouse you can only get divorced on one of the grounds mentioned in the law.