My Thai girlfriend got pregnant (4.5 months) - we've thought this through and think adoption is the best option

[dieter1]

dear Christiano9321

just from my  own experience: getting to know, that your girlfriends is pregnant and facing the idea of being a father with the responsibility of caring for the child and the mother can be really frightened- I mean really, makes your pants wet. I had this experience before and many other  later fathers had.

 

just some thoughts:

having a good relationship  for 2 years before being parents,  having the chance of learning how to get along with each other is something, many parents had not before a third partner is jumping in (the child)

Even if both (or just you!?) did not intended to have a very long partnership it doesnt mean that you can not change your plans.

and last not least- but I am afraid you will not accept this one:

For me, the main purpose of having sex with a woman is to have offspring. Yes I know that this was not in you mind when you did it. But mother earth or the mighty god (what ever you prefer) makes this very strong sexual appetite only for this reason and even  your motivation for working or accumulate wealth is only there, for being able to raise children or  being successful in getting a sexual partner for   reproducing.

today people are very confused: even if they got a  partner already, being successful in making her pregnant and being able  to feet both, they think their main goals are something else .

 

I suggest,  try to decide it from the perspective of your child: what would your child  want? would it want to  be raised up by her/his real parents or would it want to be raised up by strangers? would it want his father to look for another woman to accept to live with the child from this other woman? What do you think what you r child will think of you when it will get to know, that you gave it away because you did not accept the  mother as a long time partner and that you were  looking for a "better" woman to have a family ?

 

I know, many young (or older ) men are always looking for their dream partner (same do women).  And even if they have a partnership , they can only accept this one with the idea, that this woman is only a temporary solution.

 

As you now should realize, this is a very risky kind of strategy.  IF you have  sex with a woman for a long time, it is not an accident (??) that the woman gets pregnant. This is one of the most fundamental things for human beings to happen. For me, the problem  is not that she gets pregnant. The  problem is, that you did stay together with the woman with the illusion, that this will not happen.

 

I think, this is a very important opportunity  for you to learn some fundamental things of life and of yourself. 

 

[luk AJ]

How is it possible that the Mods of TV allow 141 posts about the discussion to murder a foetus yes or no??
Abortion is illegal in Thailand.


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[Sheryl]

Biological parentd are NOT always the best ones to raise a child.

Many, many -- arguably most -- adopted children grow up quite happy with their family situation.

DNA is not what makes the oarent child bond.

The biological parents of this child have made a determination that they are not suited to raise this child. Surely they know their circumstances and capacities better than any if us.

Reputable adoption agencies rigorously screen candidates. People seeking to adopt actively want to be parents. That alone makes them a better prospect than many biological parents.

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[rodney earl]

Having a kid is like a tattoo. Once you have got it you have got it for the rest of your life. Think long and hard. Personally I think Brewster has the right idea.!!

[brewsterbudgen]

How is it possible that the Mods of TV allow 141 posts about the discussion to murder a foetus yes or no??
Abortion is illegal in Thailand.


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As has already been pointed out, that is not true. There are circumstances in which abortions can be legally obtained in Thailand.

However, it is not really relevant to this thread any more, as the pregnancy seems to be past the stage where it could have helped, and the OP has made it clear it's not a route they were prepared to consider.

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[Sheryl]

How is it possible that the Mods of TV allow 141 posts about the discussion to murder a foetus yes or no??
Abortion is illegal in Thailand.


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Actually abortion is not always illegal in Thailand. But more to the point, what on earth are you talking about? The thread is not about abortion it is about adoption.

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[ChrisKC]

6 hours ago, swissie said:

It took 144 posts and the comment of a woman that brought this crucial element into this discussion. Better late than never.

Cheers.

You have made a good point Sheryl, but many "judgmental" remarks are, I believe, justified. Don't you think that this couple should have "talked it through"  before they had unprotected sex, understanding that if a pregnancy occurred they wouldn't want the baby?

[luk AJ]

Actually abortion is not always illegal in Thailand. But more to the point, what on earth are you talking about? The thread is not about abortion it is about adoption.

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In this particular case, abortion is illegal.
In this thread several posts suggested abortion.
So my point still stands.


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[generealty]

My wife and I were not able to have children of our own as she had surgery before she met me which is not reversible, after having 2 children from an abusive relationship with her previous Thai partner. We brought the 2 children up, but we both really wished we could have had our own. Hearing stories like this, makes my heart weep. The world is not fair, but I hope you come to the correct decision for everyone, not just you. One thing we do cherish is being able to spend so much time with our Grandson- you just cannot put a monetary value on such things. He is the best thing to have happened to us in years. If it was allowed we would love to be able to offer a home to your child- but for sure Authorities would not allow. Please keep TV updated as to your situation-best of luck

[geriatrickid]

I am surprised that there is so much condemnation of the chap. My take is that he is being responsible in seeking to find a permanent loving home for the possible child. (I say possible as a lot can happen between now and the time that it might arrive, one of which is "miscarriage" which is a natural abortion.) 

I commend him for doing the right thing in being open to finding someone who truly wants a child. The man and his partner both recognize that they are not well suited to raising a child at this time in their lives. Why then would anyone want to force a child on them? So many comments  expressing concern for the unborn child, yet few understand  the scenario of a child born to a couple who really don't want the child. It is in the child's best interest that it be raised by people who want the child. As someone who knew kids from both types of families , I recognize the benefit of two loving adoptive parents  who want the kid vs. a family where the child wasn't particularly  desired.

[Tony125]

On 8/13/2018 at 10:58 PM, Christiano9321 said:

We were always transparent with each other that it was light hearted relationship that was probably not going to last for 10 or 20 years just like a lot of people have in their twenties. It's not a waste of time we have really enjoyed it. I never expected to be in Thailand for that long in the first place.

So basically you are saying she was fun to be with and a good lay but not the kind of dark-skinned/uneducated Thai girl you would want to bring home to mom and dad or show to your fellow caucasian friends/business associates back home.  Seems also this "businessman" is a cheap charlie who doesn't want to man up and  provide child support or maybe you want to put the kid up for adoption so afterwards you can just split from the mother and don't have to maintain any contact,  Just sowing your wild oats no responsibility can forget the affair ever happened, what a guy.

[HHTel]

4 hours ago, luk AJ said:

How is it possible that the Mods of TV allow 141 posts about the discussion to murder a foetus yes or no??
Abortion is illegal in Thailand.


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No it's not.  It's been legal in Thailand for quite a long time now.  And the reasons for a termination are very similar to ones given in Europe.

 

[HHTel]

57 minutes ago, luk AJ said:

In this particular case, abortion is illegal.
In this thread several posts suggested abortion.
So my point still stands.


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As has been said many times, this thread is not a debate on abortion.  But just for you:

 

Quote

As a result, the exceptions were expanded in 2005 to broadly include possible physical or mental harm, which has been widely interpreted to mean women who are emotionally distressed at the prospect of having children they cannot raise, Montri said.

In December 2014, two drugs known as the “abortion pill” – Mifepristone and Misoprostol – which had long been in clandestine use, were approved for ending pregnancies in a hospital setting.

Which pretty much covers most circumstances

[Camilo Diaz]

keep her with you, they are the best thing in life.

[ALFREDO]

On 8/12/2018 at 1:08 PM, brewsterbudgen said:

While abortions are not strictly speaking legal in Thailand, they can be carried out legally under certain circumstances. 

 

http://site.pda.or.th/e_index.htm

 

 

 

With 4-5 month Embryo ?

[HHTel]

2 hours ago, ALFREDO said:

With 4-5 month Embryo ?

Up to 28 weeks in Thailand!

[FritsSikkink]

5 hours ago, Sheryl said:

Biological parentd are NOT always the best ones to raise a child.

Many, many -- arguably most -- adopted children grow up quite happy with their family situation.

DNA is not what makes the oarent child bond.

The biological parents of this child have made a determination that they are not suited to raise this child. Surely they know their circumstances and capacities better than any if us.

Reputable adoption agencies rigorously screen candidates. People seeking to adopt actively want to be parents. That alone makes them a better prospect than many biological parents.

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

I agree that not all parents are fit to be one and that adopted kids can have a great life. That being said there are quite a few adopted children that have issues especially if they come into a family where they "stick out" because they are not from the same race. Quite a few feel the urge to look for there biological parents when they get older too because they want to know why their didn't want them and to look for that missing piece in there life.

[ALFREDO]

12 minutes ago, HHTel said:

Up to 28 weeks in Thailand!

Can you prove that with a Link - as far as I know - Abortion without any health reason is same prostitution ? forbidden in Thailand.

Surely both exists in Thailand and is available - I know by experience of both possibilities - but when the law in some country may say 28 weeks or more old - it is my decision if i do that at that period and time! ??

 

[ALFREDO]

On 8/13/2018 at 10:32 PM, Christiano9321 said:

If this is what she ends up wanting it will be so probably. I'm trying to figure out if there are any legalities or not so obvious things to determine.

 

Seems reasonable enough to ask around for advice and way all options carefully.

If you can afford around 6.000 Baht a month she, or somebody of her family can take care the Baby and child - no reason to let it go. 

In the future in many years and a century+ you as a successful businessman or having a good ok job - can look that your child goes also a good right way in life - no reason others do that for you.

And possibly not do. ?

[wildewillie89]

Raising two little kids in my 20s here. If you are financially secure to afford the basics, including the extra vaccines that will prevent hospital stays, then really you will be fine. 

I guess the issue will be for the Thai family that they will want you to marry her and marry quickly. A young Thai cousin of mine just had their sin sord meeting due to her getting pregnant. Maybe that is what is playing on your gfs mind. That if she opens up you will run, leaving her in an even more shitty situation. 

I would make sure you are 100% sure on your decision, no turning back. I know a weakness of mine, but I like to avoid any real emotional attachment. The only thing strong enough to break that is your children calling you daddy. 

[RyanWalker]

Yeah people back home might find out or might not but you will know about this for a long time.. good luck getting your Thai gf to let the baby go.

[ALFREDO]

19 hours ago, BestB said:

He is the kind of person who thinks one should take responsibility for his actions instead of seeking approval or sympathy from total strangers on anonymous forum.

So better close nearly all threads - do not discuss anything - bring news - read them - and no discussion about same also - waste of time too. ?

[ALFREDO]

19 hours ago, BestB said:

I realize some things are way beyond certain people’s abilities .

 

so to simplify for you, when I get to know someone and do not see myself accepting their ways or adjusting myself for them I end that relationship because it’s going nowhere and is a waste of time .

 

hopefully you have the ability to process and comprehend the concept 

Yeah its your way or the HIGHWAY ? Until - you find someone you are attracted too and get dumped for your attitude yourself - getting a bit your own medicine.  ?

[HHTel]

1 hour ago, ALFREDO said:

Can you prove that with a Link - as far as I know - Abortion without any health reason is same prostitution ? forbidden in Thailand.

Surely both exists in Thailand and is available - I know by experience of both possibilities - but when the law in some country may say 28 weeks or more old - it is my decision if i do that at that period and time! ??

 

Quote

Per state regulations, clinics like those operated by Planned Parenthood can only provide abortions to women in their first trimester of pregnancy. Those seeking to end second-trimester pregnancies must do so at a hospital. Abortions cannot be performed after 28 weeks.

 

Read the link below (all of it) and it has the patronage of HRH The Princess Mother!

 

http://www.khaosodenglish.com/news/2017/03/03/abortion-thailand-safe-legal-may-thought/

[Janner1]

In your post you say that bringing up this child is not an option for you,  and I want to ask you Why?

The only thing that is insurmountable in life is death, maybe you are just being selfish ?

I am not being disrespectful I am simply trying to help you to not make a mistake that will stay with you both for the rest of your life.

 

The regret that you will experience will not stop with both of you, the child will also always suffer the anxiety of being an adopted child and probably never know who the real parents are.

 

 Do you really in your hearts want to subject your child to lifetime torture???

 

Just imagine that if there is some defect in the health of either of you that shows itself in later life but which can be controlled or prevented if known about early enough, your child will not know about this and preventive measures will be denied it.

 

There are many reasons why you should not go down the road you are considering, but there is one in particular that over rides all others and that is the pure joy of raising this child in a warm and comforting relationship with BOTH NATURAL PARENTS.

 

There are NO reasons in the 21 century for ABANDON(NG your child so man up and talk to both sets of parents because they will have solutions that will enable you to surmount any perceived problems you may have imagined at this time.

 

There is one other thing in this and that is if you and your girlfriend love each other this single act of walking away from your responsibilities will inevitably cause you to walk away from each other.

 

i wish you well in this and sincerely hope your decision is the correct one for both of you and your child

[BestB]

43 minutes ago, ALFREDO said:

Yeah its your way or the HIGHWAY ? Until - you find someone you are attracted too and get dumped for your attitude yourself - getting a bit your own medicine.  ?

And? 

[ALFREDO]

26 minutes ago, HHTel said:

 

Read the link below (all of it) and it has the patronage of HRH The Princess Mother!

 

http://www.khaosodenglish.com/news/2017/03/03/abortion-thailand-safe-legal-may-thought/

A real free abortion is for me in countries blue colored - where it is not necessary for Doctors to ship around existing laws with lame excuses the law provides. ?

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_law

 

https://www.refinery29.com/2018/05/200630/countries-where-abortion-is-illegal

Edited August 15, 2018 by ALFREDO

[Janner1]

Am I missing something here?

The poster says his girlfriend is 4 to 5 months pregnant so WHY are so many of you suggesting abortion??

[ALFREDO]

25 minutes ago, BestB said:

And? 

Just wait - when you ask - you have never experienced your own medicine. ??

[BestB]

3 minutes ago, ALFREDO said:

Just wait - when you ask - you have never experienced your own medicine. ??

Do not equate all to yourself , not all are needy boys seeking affection.