Thai womens' attitudes to money in relationships

[Spidey]

2 hours ago, Rally123 said:

It's easy enough to understand really. What is theirs is theirs, and what is yours is theirs as well. Simple innit. 

It's been that way since Man went out hunting all day, dragged a deer's carcase back to the cave and then the women took possession of it, cooking it and divvying it out.

 

What's changed is that women can go out hunting too now, which is where the what's mine is mine philosophy has entered into the equation. The women still divvy out all of the money, no matter the source.

 

The solution is for the OP to hand his wages over, every month and hand all responsibility for the joint income to his wife. If this still irks him, get a better job, get the wife to quit hers and start shelling out the sprogs. All of this is pursuant to finding a good woman, who loves and is devoted to you and has you at the centre of her world. Oh, and can manage money, the most difficult part of the task, in Thailand!

 

For me, I struggled against this philosophy for a good while, but finally I relented. I educated my wife on money management and set a monthly budget for living in Thailand. I handed possession of my wallet over to her, which then became "the wallet". I only take possession of the wallet if I'm going out without her. Then in the morning, she will check the wallet and declare, "You spend 5000 baht, you have short time!". My response is to shrug my shoulders, hand possession of the wallet back to her and go back to sleep. Works for me.

 

Now I never have to worry about money, rarely overspend and live a life of bliss. I'm just a pig in s**t!

[petermik]

7 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

He should be happy that that old woman in gone and found a new sponsor.

Now he can find another one - nice, young and pretty ????

Absolutely...why make one woman unhappy when there are thousands out there that you can make happy

[melvinmelvin]

1 hour ago, SuperTed said:

Read Thailand Fever, on the pirate site for free. Explains everything. Haven’t met a Thai woman who disagrees with it. Written in English and Thai.


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fun read that book

 

but really, isn't that book getting a bit old? 15 years or so,

and it was hardly avant garde when published

but made with gained upbringing and experience from years before it was written

 

I would guess that modern people in urban areas have moved on a bit in their thinking compared to what is sketched in the book

 

[OneMoreFarang]

23 minutes ago, robblok said:

But I am sure you agree there are relations that are based on nothing more then money.

Sure, those relationships exist.

But even then I guess the guy pays for a service.

Maybe the service include "only" bedroom activities and maybe her service includes telling him 5 times a day how handsome he is and how much she loved him. It seems some guys are willing to pay for sweet words.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

7 minutes ago, melvinmelvin said:

fun read that book

 

but really, isn't that book getting a bit old? 15 years or so,

and it was hardly avant garde when published

but made with gained upbringing and experience from years before it was written

 

I would guess that modern people in urban areas have moved on a bit in their thinking compared to what is sketched in the book

 

I didn't know about hat book but I will get is and read it.

I think for some things, like men and women behavior, little changes over the years. Yes, some things change, but it's just the surface.

 

It reminds me of the book "Guns, Girls, Gambling, Ganja: Thailand's Illegal Economy and Public Policy" which was published 20 years ago. It's still very much describes what is going on now - 20 years later.

[melvinmelvin]

lots of Gs, no booze? Gin? maybe

 

[Sheryl]

fun read that book

 

but really, isn't that book getting a bit old? 15 years or so,

and it was hardly avant garde when published

but made with gained upbringing and experience from years before it was written

 

I would guess that modern people in urban areas have moved on a bit in their thinking compared to what is sketched in the book

 

I think this and most books about farang male/Thai female telationships are weighted towards the sterotypical pairing of farang male and Thai woman who is either bar girl or woman from poor family. Not that there is anything wrong with this but things with an educated middle or upper class woman are apt to differ significantly.

 

As for all the comments to the effect of forget het and get a younger one/ she is going back to a Thai boyfriend etc, the way I read the OP he sincerely loves this woman and would like to salvage the marriage and in any case is not into the idea of acquiring a younger woman through a relationship based on money.

 

From his quote of his wife talking about "what hurt her heart" I do not get the sense she was in it just for the money either. Looks to me like a serious relationship on both sides.

 

Miscommunications can occur in any relationship but most especially in cross cultural ones. Also, living in a foreign culture away from her family has likely been stressful for his wife, perhaps more than either he or she realizes.

 

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And, of course, it is dated.

[RichardColeman]

I think you should ask yourself before you marry a Thai lady - would she go out and work to contribute to the household income in needs be - never know, your money may drop or have other issues. If not sure - or unless you have a really good income - do not marry her

 

 

[Spidey]

Just now, Sheryl said:

things with an educated middle or upper class woman are apt to differ significantly.

Yes, complete snobs who look down on everything and everyone around them. Live in an imaginary world of perceived status. Much more likely to be money orientated than the poor Issan baan noak, that pseudo middle class Thai women deride.

[Hummin]

2 hours ago, beau thai said:

I think smutcakes above has hit the nail on the head.

 

There is a very good book called Thailand Fever written by a thai and farang, that goes a long way to explain cultural differences between thai and farang. You may think that by now you know all that but I really recommend you both read it. It has saved many relationships!

 

God luck in understanding where she is coming from. That is unlikely to change in my view so you may need to move in her direction a little if you feel the relationship is worth working for,.

Really? Thailand fever is a guidebook to thai western relationships? Seriously!

[garyk]

I used to think about this and try to figure it out. After being here for a few years I quit caring what so ever.

My GF here is ok,  but as soon as I give an inch she wants to take a mile. Then I have to put my foot down. I swear it is never ending.  I  agree with the posts here. These guys know the score.

 

Personally after living here I have a few stead fast rules I follow:

Don't take them away from Thailand to live in your country. 

Only spend what I can throw away. ( really this should be number one for all men living here IMO )

Lay down the rules and stick to them. If they keep pushing then tell them to hit the road. 

 

It may seem harsh but I live a very nice and stress free life here.

 

 

[Sheryl]

Yes, complete snobs who look down on everything and everyone around them. Live in an imaginary world of perceived status. Much more likely to be money orientated than the poor Issan baan noak, that pseudo middle class Thai women deride.

Not all middle and upper class Thais are like that. As a society there is indeed a lot of class consciousness but individuals vary and I know many middle and upper middle class Thais who are not in the least materialistic or snobbish.

 

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[beau thai]

9 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Really? Thailand fever is a guidebook to thai western relationships? Seriously!

Have you read it?? Or are you another poster who doesnt like to be confused by knowledge and facts? Seems likely.

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, beau thai said:

Have you read it?? Or are you another poster who doesnt like to be confused by knowledge and facts? Seems likely.

I read it 12 years ago, and worse stereo typical book, is hard to find ???? even in BKK Books. 

 

I accept others to have different opinion and experience, but do not expect everyone to see the same. 

[Spidey]

1 minute ago, Sheryl said:

Not all middle and upper class Thais are like that. As a society there is indeed a lot of class consciousness but individuals vary and I know many middle and upper middle class Thais who are not in the least materialistic or snobbish.

 

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I've never met one. Have a near neighbour that comes round to our house and looks down her nose at everything we have, even though we have a nicer house than her and her's is financed up to the hilt, ours was bought for cash. She has the latest 4x4 which she finds difficult to drive and, again, is bought on finance, we have a small car (much more easy to drive in Pattaya) and was also bought with cash. If she sees anything that we have that's better than hers, she immediately goes home and badgers her husband (German) to buy her the same. Poor guy has a hell of a life and the sex ain't great either!

 

You can keep your pseudo HiSos, I'll stick to my Issan baan noak WYSIWYG.

[melvinmelvin]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

He should be happy that that old woman in gone and found a new sponsor.

Now he can find another one - nice, young and pretty ????

where I come from the saying goes;

swapping the wife, 50, for two 25s

[NCC1701A]

4 hours ago, Hervey Bay said:

I am not currently in Thailand but understand a certain amount about Thai culture

I think you need to retake Thai culture 101. Clearly you have completely missed the prime directive that motivates all Thai woman. 

 

And under stand this, a young Thai man has to pony up something on the first date. It is just not Farang. That is how Thai woman define themselves. The conversation with her friends about your first date is "What did he give you?"   

[Odysseus123]

Just now, NCC1701A said:

I think you need to retake Thai culture 101. Clearly you have completely missed the prime directive that motivates all Thai woman. 

 

And under stand this, a young Thai man has to pony up something on the first date. It is just not Farang. That is how Thai woman define themselves. The conversation with her friends about your first date is "What did he give you?"   

Correct.

 

[Hervey Bay]

4 hours ago, stevkob said:

 

Your biggest mistake was taking her to your home country.

I tend to agree....completely.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, garyk said:

I used to think about this and try to figure it out. After being here for a few years I quit caring what so ever.

My GF here is ok,  but as soon as I give an inch she wants to take a mile. Then I have to put my foot down. I swear it is never ending.  I  agree with the posts here. These guys know the score.

 

Personally after living here I have a few stead fast rules I follow:

Don't take them away from Thailand to live in your country. 

Only spend what I can throw away. ( really this should be number one for all men living here IMO )

Lay down the rules and stick to them. If they keep pushing then tell them to hit the road. 

 

It may seem harsh but I live a very nice and stress free life here.

Good comment!

 

It seems with Thai women (I don't know if all of them or just many of them) there is no such thing as living peaceful together in harmony without the clear knowledge who is the boss.

If you are too nice to them then they get the idea that you are a pushover and they can do whatever they want. It seems it's just their nature that if you not insist on being the boss then they are the boss.

Just two people together on the same level without the question who is the boss seems to be unheard of in Thailand. At least this is my experience and what I heard from lots of guys.

 

[Spidey]

Just now, OneMoreFarang said:

Good comment!

 

It seems with Thai women (I don't know if all of them or just many of them) there is no such thing as living peaceful together in harmony without the clear knowledge who is the boss.

If you are too nice to them then they get the idea that you are a pushover and they can do whatever they want. It seems it's just their nature that if you not insist on being the boss then they are the boss.

Just two people together on the same level without the question who is the boss seems to be unheard of in Thailand. At least this is my experience and what I heard from lots of guys.

 

The trick is to allow them to think that they are the boss, whilst you maintain control. Not difficult as I find that , compared to myself or the average farang, Thais aren't the brightest pennies in the bucket. Added to that is the fact that I've always been a devious ba*****d!

 

My wife thinks that she has total control because she holds the wallet, pays all the bills etc. What she doesn't understand is that I control what goes in the wallet, i.e. the monthly budget. ????

[Hervey Bay]

1 hour ago, Sheryl said:

I think this and most books about farang male/Thai female telationships are weighted towards the sterotypical pairing of farang male and Thai woman who is either bar girl or woman from poor family. Not that there is anything wrong with this but things with an educated middle or upper class woman are apt to differ significantly.

 

As for all the comments to the effect of forget het and get a younger one/ she is going back to a Thai boyfriend etc, the way I read the OP he sincerely loves this woman and would like to salvage the marriage and in any case is not into the idea of acquiring a younger woman through a relationship based on money.

 

From his quote of his wife talking about "what hurt her heart" I do not get the sense she was in it just for the money either. Looks to me like a serious relationship on both sides.

 

Miscommunications can occur in any relationship but most especially in cross cultural ones. Also, living in a foreign culture away from her family has likely been stressful for his wife, perhaps more than either he or she realizes.

 

All true, and thankyou Sheryl.

 

 

 

 

[Rally123]

4 hours ago, Spidey said:

I educated my wife on money management and set a monthly budget for living in Thailand. I handed possession of my wallet over to her, which then became "the wallet". I only take possession of the wallet if I'm going out without her. Then in the morning, she will check the wallet and declare, "You spend 5000 baht, you have short time!". My response is to shrug my shoulders, hand possession of the wallet back to her and go back to sleep. Works for me.

 

Now I never have to worry about money, rarely overspend and live a life of bliss. I'm just a pig in s**t!

Spot on Mate. Works for me too. 

[CanuckThai]

9 hours ago, NCC1701A said:

And under stand this, a young Thai man has to pony up something on the first date. It is just not Farang. That is how Thai woman define themselves. The conversation with her friends about your first date is "What did he give you?"   

Oh oh, that was my first mistake.   It wasn't (and won't be) my last...  Now everyone in her circles, attribute "my way" as "a Canadian thing".  We do what we want, when we want, but don't compete or put on a show for the posers...  As Spidey alluded...he who balances the budget, directs the show...

[baansgr]

Sad to say but its only ever about the money. Stop the money see how long the relationship lasts. I could give 1,000s of examples....guys supporting extended families etc. The Thai women are supposed to look after and support their men, which they do when they are with a thai man. Foreigners thinking thety are immersing themselves in Thai culture are deluded individuals that need a wake up call. Money, money, money, thats all it ever is and will be in a Thai/Foreign relationship

[Kadilo]

I read it 12 years ago, and worse stereo typical book, is hard to find [emoji6] even in BKK Books. 
 
I accept others to have different opinion and experience, but do not expect everyone to see the same. 

Same here. If this is the Thai/ ferang bible god help us all.
Still I’m sure they made a good living out of it and had a good chuckle.



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[Kadilo]

Sounds like a lack of communication on both sides. I’m amazed you got this far tbh.


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[Spidey]

9 hours ago, baansgr said:

Sad to say but its only ever about the money. Stop the money see how long the relationship lasts. I could give 1,000s of examples....guys supporting extended families etc. The Thai women are supposed to look after and support their men, which they do when they are with a thai man. Foreigners thinking thety are immersing themselves in Thai culture are deluded individuals that need a wake up call. Money, money, money, thats all it ever is and will be in a Thai/Foreign relationship

Happy to say that you are right. However, it's not just a Thai/ferang thing. We have several Thai couples as friends, every one of the men work long days to support their families. The TV stereotype of all Thai men spending their days stress testing their hammocks whilst their wives go out to bring home the bacon is a TV myth. The stereotypical Thai guy will be out on his ear just as much as the farang loser would be.

 

Yes, the ability for a potential husband to support his family (money, to you) is central to a Thai woman's choice of mate although far from the only criterium.

 

For me, being a handsome man with all his own teeth and hair, helps. 555

[OneMoreFarang]

9 hours ago, baansgr said:

Sad to say but its only ever about the money. Stop the money see how long the relationship lasts. I could give 1,000s of examples....guys supporting extended families etc. The Thai women are supposed to look after and support their men, which they do when they are with a thai man. Foreigners thinking thety are immersing themselves in Thai culture are deluded individuals that need a wake up call. Money, money, money, thats all it ever is and will be in a Thai/Foreign relationship

Wrong!

 

It's nice to have some money to spend - not just in Thailand.

It's also important to set boundaries right from the beginning. If you meet a girl and give her all the money she wants then don't be surprised if she get's used to that and demands later all the money she wants.

 

The better way it to make it clear from the beginning that money is limited. Personally it's not that I don't help at all. But I do it seldom and with low amounts. I.e. if a sister wants to borrow 2,000B for the new school year I give her that money. But if she asks again maybe a year later then I ask her when she plans to pay back the money I gave her last time...

Over the years I spent maybe 5,000B like that per year for the family. It doesn't leave a big hole in my pocket.

 

If the beloved girlfriend thinks she wants a guy who pays more money all the time then she should for look somebody who is willing to do that. I won't!

 

[BritManToo]

10 hours ago, baansgr said:

Sad to say but its only ever about the money. Stop the money see how long the relationship lasts. I could give 1,000s of examples....guys supporting extended families etc. The Thai women are supposed to look after and support their men, which they do when they are with a thai man. Foreigners thinking thety are immersing themselves in Thai culture are deluded individuals that need a wake up call. Money, money, money, thats all it ever is and will be in a Thai/Foreign relationship

I almost completely agree.

for male Thai or foreigner, the women just want money.