Possible divorce with child...

[CaptainPeter]

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Thai mothers who leave their kids with the grandparents in the village don't really seem to care much about them.

They often only visit for a weekend, two or three times a year.

Assume any money you've sent will be spent on your wife, it isn't often passed onto the kids, and anything that is passed on will be spent on the grandparents.

I just don't understand how she became like this, though I can see she's struggling with herself but I'm pretending I'm a fool for now.

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, CaptainPeter said:

I just don't understand how she became like this, though I can see she's struggling with herself but I'm pretending I'm a fool for now.

She's always been like this, she either kept it hidden, or you didn't notice.

It's not as if women suddenly change (apart from menopause).

Unlikely they'll up the kid, it's a nice little earner extracting money from you.

 

I was the same with my former UK wife, after 30 years together she extracted as much money as possible, and denied access to my kids, I said to my pals, "when did she become like this?". Their reply was, "she was always like this, why do you think we never visited you at home, you were too daft to notice"

 

It's true, most guys never notice how evil, dishonest, selfish and narcissistic the women they love really are.

Until it's too late.

[manarak]

hello OP,

 

I read through your story, you have my sympathies, but your wife has my sympathy too.

Apparently, you don't spend enough time with her.

That's the whole problem, I guess if you were living together, there would be no problems.

People have needs, cuddling, sex... sure, she can be blamed for giving in to her urges, but she probably did it because she feels bored and lonely.

[CaptainPeter]

8 hours ago, manarak said:

hello OP,

 

I read through your story, you have my sympathies, but your wife has my sympathy too.

Apparently, you don't spend enough time with her.

That's the whole problem, I guess if you were living together, there would be no problems.

People have needs, cuddling, sex... sure, she can be blamed for giving in to her urges, but she probably did it because she feels bored and lonely.

Well, I don't spend enough time with her now, because I had to go abroad for financial reasons since 2 months. But I've found evidence of her cheating on me, dating back to March, when we were still "happy" (apparently not) together...

[manarak]

7 minutes ago, CaptainPeter said:

Well, I don't spend enough time with her now, because I had to go abroad for financial reasons since 2 months. But I've found evidence of her cheating on me, dating back to March, when we were still "happy" (apparently not) together...

ok...

do you know where the money the got sent from other guys went to?

[CaptainPeter]

5 hours ago, manarak said:

ok...

do you know where the money the got sent from other guys went to?

Based on what I could find was she went shopping. Bought new branded shoes and expensive perfume, which she can't show me...I video called her so called broken phone and even though she was online, she first call she didn't answer and 2nd time I called, she answered me with a blurry camera. She obviously put some tape on it before answering it. 

[BritManToo]

3 hours ago, CaptainPeter said:

2nd time I called, she answered me with a blurry camera.

You gotta love their little hooker tricks!

[manarak]

4 hours ago, CaptainPeter said:

Based on what I could find was she went shopping. Bought new branded shoes and expensive perfume, which she can't show me...I video called her so called broken phone and even though she was online, she first call she didn't answer and 2nd time I called, she answered me with a blurry camera. She obviously put some tape on it before answering it. 

maybe a case of disappointment about her married living standards then?

did you give her a personal allowance for herself? if yes, how much?

[cyberfarang]

On 10/25/2018 at 12:55 PM, CaptainPeter said:

I've signed all documents to register her at birth in the ampur and am registered as her legal father. Maybe that will have some positive power in this case.

Many Farang guys get hitched up with Thai women, decide to throw in the towel in their own countries, move to Thailand without any forward planning, get into difficulties, have to run back to their own countries leaving the Thai mother with the child or children that end up being cared for by Thai relatives. Usual story, seen this time and time again.

 

Some questions: how do you intend being the guardian of your child if you are struggling to support yourself with an uncertain future?

 

What exactly do you have to offer your wife, security and long term wise? Not a lot by the sound of it.

 

Men get screwed by women all the time, they can lie and cheat, but of course you are only a part time husband and dad not on the scene, now become a long distance online husband and dad, so what exactly do you expect from your wife? Who has to consider her own future and that of her child, considering her future with you is if, but and maybe.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but you have to face facts. If unable to get your act together and support for your wife and child on the scene as the main breadwinner, then this relationship is doomed.

 

Biggest loser in all this, is your child.

[CaptainPeter]

19 hours ago, manarak said:

maybe a case of disappointment about her married living standards then?

did you give her a personal allowance for herself? if yes, how much?

Sure thing, I did. next to the salon I've opened for her to make money, she doesn't really have to work, there are 2 people working for her and I still give her about 15 000 - 20 000 baht/month to pay the bills so I wouldn't understand if she had anything to complain about in that sense...

[CaptainPeter]

As I've stated in the previous comments, I've always been taking care of my wife and daughter financially, never had anything to complain about. Facts are, the income at the salon isn't enough for our whole family to live by and the fact that I couldn't really find a good job, I had to go abroad exactly for that reason. So I can keep being the major income and keep taking care of my wife and daughter. Yet I've found out she's been playing me since March, when we were living together and she had all the money she wanted.

[baansgr]

13 minutes ago, CaptainPeter said:

As I've stated in the previous comments, I've always been taking care of my wife and daughter financially, never had anything to complain about. Facts are, the income at the salon isn't enough for our whole family to live by and the fact that I couldn't really find a good job, I had to go abroad exactly for that reason. So I can keep being the major income and keep taking care of my wife and daughter. Yet I've found out she's been playing me since March, when we were living together and she had all the money she wanted.

Me and 3 kids live comfortable on 30k a month, own property, car and bike so no rent. You seem to be earning more than enough but looks like the extended family is taking a large chunk...hence that problem is permanent and wont ever go away

[rayinkrabi]

I'm not so sure Captain wanted advice or discussion about his financial situation which imo he was very much on top of for a number of years.  As I understand it, he was simply asking for thoughts on how to deal with the devastating news (evidence). 

 

Sadly for him, I and clearly many others, feel their relationship is now beyond repair and a formal divorce is in order for the sake of him seeing his daughter.

 

For whats it's worth, I firmly believe his wife may well be thinking she is actually doing the 'right thing' by searching for a wealthier hubby for her (and daughter) future security.   

 

Thai people have a v different perspective of right and wrong in my experience, especially Thai ladies over 30 yrs old who seem to regard themselves as already 'over the hill'....Just my thoughts.

 

Regards and good luck to CaptainPeter.

 

 

[baansgr]

25 minutes ago, rayinkrabi said:

I'm not so sure Captain wanted advice or discussion about his financial situation which imo he was very much on top of for a number of years.  As I understand it, he was simply asking for thoughts on how to deal with the devastating news (evidence). 

 

Sadly for him, I and clearly many others, feel their relationship is now beyond repair and a formal divorce is in order for the sake of him seeing his daughter.

 

For whats it's worth, I firmly believe his wife may well be thinking she is actually doing the 'right thing' by searching for a wealthier hubby for her (and daughter) future security.   

 

Thai people have a v different perspective of right and wrong in my experience, especially Thai ladies over 30 yrs old who seem to regard themselves as already 'over the hill'....Just my thoughts.

 

Regards and good luck to CaptainPeter.

 

 

The reason he is in this situation is having  to return  to Europe due to finances.  Wifey  has a business,  he does on line work so should be ample for the three of them to live and no need to have returned to Europe in the first  place. I've been left alone with 3 kids and fully understand the pain he must be suffering especially  being so far away. Let's be real here,  the kids are used as a bargaining chip to extract more money on the back of loving Fathers. Sole custody and getting his daughter far away is the only real solution to move on to a happier life for him and the child. I wish him all the luck.

[CaptainPeter]

1 hour ago, baansgr said:

The reason he is in this situation is having  to return  to Europe due to finances.  Wifey  has a business,  he does on line work so should be ample for the three of them to live and no need to have returned to Europe in the first  place. I've been left alone with 3 kids and fully understand the pain he must be suffering especially  being so far away. Let's be real here,  the kids are used as a bargaining chip to extract more money on the back of loving Fathers. Sole custody and getting his daughter far away is the only real solution to move on to a happier life for him and the child. I wish him all the luck.

Thanks guys, I've always been providing more than well enough for my family so I can't see that as being a problem from the start. Maybe she doesn't love me anymore but says and acts so because of our daughter? Anyways, I'm sleeping about 4hrs/day, and can't push myself past thinking and wondering about 100 different questions I've got. I don't see myself really trusting her anymore from this point on, yet I still want the best for my daughter. Yesterday I've contacted a local lawyer who's handled a fighting divorce to a positive end of someone I know, last year. I'm trying to keep my cool and won't let her notice I know anything until I can be face to face with her...I hope she just stays the way she's always been and doesn't turn this into a nightmare...

[CaptainPeter]

Today I came home from working and tried calling her, didn't answer, yet I can see she knew I was calling. Just discovered she's in Phuket (with that guy of course). She tells me she's always "working" and is on holiday with her friends, which is total BS...I ask her why she's acting so weird lately, what is going on? She just didn't answer and went offline...I seriously don't know how much more of that I can take...

[Rc2702]

Just now, CaptainPeter said:

Today I came home from working and tried calling her, didn't answer, yet I can see she knew I was calling. Just discovered she's in Phuket (with that guy of course). She tells me she's always "working" and is on holiday with her friends, which is total BS...I ask her why she's acting so weird lately, what is going on? She just didn't answer and went offline...I seriously don't know how much more of that I can take...

It's over. Your 33 so time is still on your side. Truth of it is she sounds like a bitch. She's sent your kid packing and she's on holiday 24/7 by the sounds of it. So the first chance she gets she abandons your child. No way back from that. If the parents are decent and can do a job. Maybe focus on you and do a deal with them to send funds direct to them and tell the ex to sling it. Tell her your ATM card is broken same as her camera. She will understand.

[CaptainPeter]

15 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

It's over. Your 33 so time is still on your side. Truth of it is she sounds like a bitch. She's sent your kid packing and she's on holiday 24/7 by the sounds of it. So the first chance she gets she abandons your child. No way back from that. If the parents are decent and can do a job. Maybe focus on you and do a deal with them to send funds direct to them and tell the ex to sling it. Tell her your ATM card is broken same as her camera. She will understand.

Indeed, I'm going crazy being incapable of acting, knowing my little girl needs her mama or papa...An advantage there is I don't do ATM cards. I put money in the Thai bank using Bitcoin. You gave me a great idea. I do pretty well with her parents and they probably don't know either what their daughter's doing. I'll ask for her father's bank account so I can deposit money there, then I won't have to have it stolen from my "lovely wife"...

 

[AlexRich]

Interesting, and a lesson to us all.

 

As far as advice is concerned, play nice, say nothing and try to find some innocent excuse to get your daughter back in Europe, without your wife. Divorce her, your marriage is a sham unfortunately.

[CaptainPeter]

2 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

Interesting, and a lesson to us all.

 

As far as advice is concerned, play nice, say nothing and try to find some innocent excuse to get your daughter back in Europe, without your wife. Divorce her, your marriage is a sham unfortunately.

Well, I think I've got some cards at hand too. Her Shengen visa expires in about 1 year, she needs me to renew it at the embassy in Bangkok. If she wants to be with this guy, she could only be or stay for one year without me. If she wants to marry him, she can't without my consent for a divorce. So As she doesn't care about our little girl, perhaps I can propose to trade her "freedom" for the custody of our little girl...I am talking to her at the moment and she's starting to give in but scared to tell the truth. Didn't say she's got someone else, but after asking why she's acting so strange and doesn't answer any of my questions, she said "If you don't understand me, we can talk about breaking up when you come back to Thailand. You're not doing anything wrong, I'm the one who's wrong."

[AlexRich]

1 minute ago, CaptainPeter said:

Well, I think I've got some cards at hand too. Her Shengen visa expires in about 1 year, she needs me to renew it at the embassy in Bangkok. If she wants to be with this guy, she could only be or stay for one year without me. If she wants to marry him, she can't without my consent for a divorce. So As she doesn't care about our little girl, perhaps I can propose to trade her "freedom" for the custody of our little girl...I am talking to her at the moment and she's starting to give in but scared to tell the truth. Didn't say she's got someone else, but after asking why she's acting so strange and doesn't answer any of my questions, she said "If you don't understand me, we can talk about breaking up when you come back to Thailand. You're not doing anything wrong, I'm the one who's wrong."

 

Good luck. By the sound of it the maternal instincts are not strong with your wife. If you play it nice you might manage to persuade her to let the child be raised in Europe ... you can tell her you'll bring her over every year ... then only do if you can afford to. 

[CaptainPeter]

I'd like to write a tiny update as to what's happened since the last post...It got even worse.

So after this week my wife was in Phuket with that guy, she would've gone back home, she didn't. Apparently this guy bought her another round trip flight to France for one more week so she went to France twice. I had to keep myself down from calling customs and tell them she's a drug runner...After about one and a half month of being away with this piece of shit, my wife finally went went home. 

 

Good news is that I got my hands on her mom's bank account (thanks Rc2702 for the idea ???? ) and was able to give my daughter a new tablet without the wife gone shopping and giving any <deleted>. Now there's a facebook account installed on the tablet so my daughter can always call me and I can always call her, which is a positive evolution. 

 

The wife on the other hand, as expected starting to ask for money to pay bills, had a flat tire, someone hit the car and drove off, etc...She still didn't pay the insurenca even though I gave her more than enough in the past to do so. While she's still hanging on to this French guy, she's competing to become the number one prostitute in all of Thailand! 

 

My wife still doesn't have a clue of me knowing her every move and continues to play the game, and so do I. While she's keeping this new guy on the hook, she's sleeping with different other guys and last but not least...The slut's <deleted> pregnant!

 

She told the French guy she'll have it removed so no problem...

 

As for me, I'm past that stressed, messed up stage and nothing bothers me anymore.

By now, I feel nothing anymore for what my wife is doing or not doing.

 

Today she went to a car dealership and apparently she's pushing the new guy to help her buy a new car, she'll sell the one I bought...

It'll be sad when she'll have to sell it to give me my money back.

 

Anyways, I'm working hard, go kickboxing and bowling again so I can vent, relax, be around people and focus on what matters.

 

I'd like to thank the people here for the support and advice!