Please help: Scared of wife reaction

[smotherb]

14 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I know a heap of Thai guys who hand over their entire wage every month.

Local culture matey.

 

I don't think it is local culture; it is common for men the world over to turn their paychecks over to their wives for budgeting. My mother ran the household budget, so does my wife--they are from different national cultures, neither are Thai. You see, if you have a financially responsible and trustworthy wife; it is common. The major difference is that the money given to the wife is for monthly bills, running the household, and family expenses. If they are lucky enough to have any leftover; the can enjoy some personal expenses. It is not her personal money for staying with him.  

 

I know some locals too; including my in-laws. My son's Thai wife has a good job and contributes financially to their family. When he was still teaching, she made more than he did. They have several friends who are Thai-foreign couples and the women all work respectable jobs. Most Thai women work; I don't doubt some of their income goes to help support their family; which includes their husbands/bfs.

 

 

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, smotherb said:

The major difference is that the money given to the wife is for monthly bills, running the household, and family expenses.

I always thought of it as an 'entrance fee'.

[marqus12]

16 hours ago, Hummin said:

Well, if you think the average thai man is like that, I guess your view on thai women in general! 

 

I bet you identify yourself with such behavior, and thats why you ended up in thailand, since you could not manage women where you  ome from. Most men do not beat up women, and I guess the same goes for an educated thai man as well! A drunk bastard will always be a drunk bastard even sober! 

me think ... you do not know what you are saying

the discussion is about a mentally unstable aggressive

thai women and many of them are like that.
except for money mental instability is the second reason

why these women are looking for foreigners
they calculate and know that with a foreigner they

can go "further" ... if they pull a knife on a Thai man they

can expect much worse consequences

 

and as for me and Thailand
just like everyone else ... I am guilty of seeking paradise

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, marqus12 said:

me think ... you do not know what you are saying

the discussion is about a mentally unstable aggressive

thai women and many of them are like that.
except for money mental instability is the second reason

why these women are looking for foreigners
they calculate and know that with a foreigner they

can go "further" ... if they pull a knife on a Thai man they

can expect much worse consequences

 

and as for me and Thailand
just like everyone else ... I am guilty of seeking paradise

Some women just want safety and a good life, not everyone is what you find in your paradise. 

 

We have one side of the story, and we do not know what leads up to hers or other womens frustration. I still think there is more good women in Thailand, than bad, but that is my experience after more or less living there for some few years, and also visiting Thailand regulary for 20 years +

 

 

[MyFriend You]

On 11/30/2018 at 9:28 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

Let's assume for a moment this situation is real. He is the nice guy and she is the crazy woman with the knife and scissors.

It seems not totally uncommon in Thailand that the previously nice girl takes a knife in her hands and it gets scary.

Does anybody know what would happen next?

I.e. she slashes him with the knife and draws blood. He hits her to remove the knife out of her hand. And then?

Or he grabs the knife in her hand and doing that she gets injured.

What if she goes to the police with bloody arm and complains about that crazy farang with the knife?

Somehow I am not convinced the police would believe the story of the farang and not her story.

Does anybody have any experience with that?

I was a neighbor to an US Air Force guy & his bargirl Thai wive, they were married all of 3 months.........he was writing a letter to his parents and she thought he was writing to a former girlfriend, she went beserk (I saw this from my porch, his & mine were opposite each other)  she came out screaming  "Who you writing letter to, girlfriend???, and she slammed the knife thru his hand, and right thru the wooden table.  She grabbed her purse, and ran out the back, I ran over, kept telling him not to move, he was bleeding like crazy - I gently pulled his hand with the knife still in it out of the table, wrapped in it a t-shirt and took him to Uthapao base hospital....USAF sent him back to the the Phillipines...........as far as I know, he never came back and she was so sweet with him before that, kissy huggy, hand feeding him fruit etc tc etc.

I have said before, all Thai Women are born with spiders in their brains, every once in a while, the spider wakes up and bites a place that drives them bonkers and the "Real Thai Woman" comes out................that can be a scary moment.

[smotherb]

6 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I always thought of it as an 'entrance fee'.

I prefer to gain entrance prior to any commitment.

[Katia]

Hard to tell from the OP whether either is being unreasonable.  Can a couple spend every waking minute together without having their own lives and some time apart?  IMO, no (unless both partners are in agreement that this is the way it will be).  Is it harder to have this apart time when the couple lives together?  Of course.  Should it be expected that the amount of time a couple spends together will change after marriage?  No.  Is it possible it's a shock to come to live with someone and realize just how much they go out because now you see it?  Perhaps.

 

I feel sorry for her if she's truly being neglected... I don't feel sorry for her if she wants him around 24-7; she needs to be a bit more realistic.  I feel sorry for him if she wants the latter; I don't feel sorry for him if he's always ignoring her.

 

HOWEVER.  The problem is that she has threatened violence.  Will she do it?  Who knows.  She could just be a drama queen (reminds me a bit of my ex).  Either way, it's unacceptable.  If she means it... there is no saving this relationship.  If she doesn't... she needs a lot of counseling to work on her maturity and expectations, she and OP will need a lot of couples' counseling to set relationship boundaries and agreements, and even then success is not assured.

[JimmyJ]

4 hours ago, Katia said:

 

HOWEVER.  The problem is that she has threatened violence.  Will she do it?  Who knows.  She could just be a drama queen (reminds me a bit of my ex).  Either way, it's unacceptable.  If she means it... there is no saving this relationship.  If she doesn't... she needs a lot of counseling to work on her maturity and expectations, she and OP will need a lot of couples' counseling to set relationship boundaries and agreements, and even then success is not assured.

 

"...then she said she feels like dying on the way that I treated her. I replied, yes me too so then she went to the drawer and took a knife and some scissors and said choose."

 

Based on the above, we don't know if she was threatening violence, although everyone has chosen to see it that way.

 

Maybe she was calling his bluff on him saying "yes me too" re: feeling like dying and offering him the means to end his life.

 

Maybe she was asking him which weapon to use for her to commit suicide with.

[JimmyJ]

"She seems to be expecting me to include her in everything i do whether it would be to hang with my friends or whatever. 

I'm a pretty distracted fellow as I have work full time and run a side gig for business so I'm constantly on my phone. She takes this as a big offence when I don't talk to her and what not."

 

Sounds like he's always working or on the phone and has no time for anything else, then he says " whether it would be to hang with my friends or whatever."

 

So he's either working, on the phone, or hanging with his friends.

Does he give her any time?

 

 

[balo]

It is some sort of traditional thing here , threatening with a knife without really meaning to kill you. I have had dinner plates thrown at me that hit the wall , could have hurt me if I didnt duck in time.  

 

[Tweedle dee]

You have a typical Thai emotional wreck  and great at emotional black mail.  get out of it, its a road to hell and its YOU who will be the looser, act on it fast.

[Sheryl]

On 12/1/2018 at 9:26 AM, tekashicanada said:

Thank you again for your answers.

 

Just a little update. She is still pretty moody when I get home but it seems like during the night she cuddles up and the next day it is like nothing happens. She even kisses me before going to work.

 

There might also be some communication problem as her English is not the best.

 

80% of the consensus here says to run. 

 

I am a decent guy and owe it to marriage to give it a chance however can't have the risk of her just grabbing sharp tools out of nowhere. I confronted her about that and she said: it was just a quick reaction because you said you also had the feeling of dying because of me. Are there professionals I can contact?

 

Anyways, thank you all for the replies.

The following placed have professional counselors experienced in dealing with Thai-farang couples:

 

http://www.psiadmin.com/

 

https://www.ncs-counseling.com/

 

I would have led with this had the story not gone beyond "fighting all the time and she says she wants to die"  but threatening with knives and scissors is IMO a complete deal breaker.

 

 

[Katia]

8 hours ago, JimmyJ said:

 

"...then she said she feels like dying on the way that I treated her. I replied, yes me too so then she went to the drawer and took a knife and some scissors and said choose."

 

Based on the above, we don't know if she was threatening violence, although everyone has chosen to see it that way.

 

Maybe she was calling his bluff on him saying "yes me too" re: feeling like dying and offering him the means to end his life.

 

Maybe she was asking him which weapon to use for her to commit suicide with.

Violence against yourself is still violence... and it's still not healthy behavior.  That was my point.  Doesn't matter whether she was offering to do harm to one or both... doesn't matter whether she was truly serious or just being dramatic... it's still not good.  Living with someone you're constantly having to talk off the ledge-- literally-- isn't much better than living with someone you're constantly trying to keep from pushing you off the ledge.  Hence why I suggested counseling for her and both, if he really wants to stick around.

[TonyClifton]

3 hours ago, Sheryl said:

The following placed have professional counselors experienced in dealing with Thai-farang couples:

 

http://www.psiadmin.com/

 

https://www.ncs-counseling.com/

 

I would have led with this had the story not gone beyond "fighting all the time and she says she wants to die"  but threatening with knives and scissors is IMO a complete deal breaker.

 

 

You need to rule out bipolar disorder and other things like that before you hit a talking cure.

[Rc2702]

Throw the SIM card away and get outta there pronto.

 

Sounds like she's angling for a divorce. 

[strikingsunset]

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[Sheryl]

You need to rule out bipolar disorder and other things like that before you hit a talking cure.

These places will screen for this. And refer to a psychiatrist for meds if needed.

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Bill Miller]

As the song said:
"Fifty ways to leave your lover."
Good luck. Don't become one of the sad stories we see too often.

[Tweedle dee]

After reading thru this lot I think i want to go off grid in a tipi some place ! ????

[MikeyIdea]

On ‎12‎/‎1‎/‎2018 at 9:26 AM, tekashicanada said:

Thank you again for your answers.

 

Just a little update. She is still pretty moody when I get home but it seems like during the night she cuddles up and the next day it is like nothing happens. She even kisses me before going to work.

 

There might also be some communication problem as her English is not the best.

 

80% of the consensus here says to run. 

 

I am a decent guy and owe it to marriage to give it a chance however can't have the risk of her just grabbing sharp tools out of nowhere. I confronted her about that and she said: it was just a quick reaction because you said you also had the feeling of dying because of me. Are there professionals I can contact?

 

Anyways, thank you all for the replies.

80% of the consensus here says to run but most of them, not all but most, are also either the arrogant self-obsessed type or the type who write whatever for a good laugh at the expense of others.

 

I'll tell you a quick story from the mid-90s

An Australian guy I didn't know very well working for The Nation was "going crazy", well, being pushed to the limit by his girl friend, university educated and worked in an office, jealous, not trying to control her temper, spending money when told not to. He had tried to talk without getting anywhere until he was ready to give up and asked me for advice.

 

I answered that it is useless to talk to someone who doesn't want to listen, that will put the non-listening person in a power position every time. Just ignore instead but you must ignore just enough / pay attention just enough so that she doesn't have a reason to challenge you and become aggressive, then the power moves over to her again and you must become defensive. This didn't go on for that long and things changed in that relationship

 

It turned out that the girl was very childish and nothing much more, I haven't met them for 20 years and have no idea if they're still together but they lived happily for a few years after he had cleared up that first problem, helped her to grow up

 

Then a similar thing happened to a Thai friend at work and his Thai girl friend only a few years later. She tested him too much and he decided to break off. Then I have heard it several times after that, mainly in Thai - Thai relationships, more often with girls with not that much experience, say inexperienced and a bit childish

 

Any chance?

Edited December 3, 2018 by MikeyIdea

[tekashicanada]

Thank you guys for the insights.

 

So a little update. Yesterday was really bad: she came home late after doing her hair and she saw that the place was a bit messy as I had come back home from my workouts and stuff and she freaked out. Obviously, I was also very tired and reciprocated the shouting and stuff. She then proceeded to start shouting and throwing some tantrums. She even took my hand and wanted to hit herself with it (which I am stronger so was able to refrain).

 

She eventually fell asleep and the next morning, she said: I love you and said sorry as she was tired yesterday. Is this bipolarism or BPD?

[neeray]

1 minute ago, tekashicanada said:

Thank you guys for the insights.

 

So a little update. Yesterday was really bad: she came home late after doing her hair and she saw that the place was a bit messy as I had come back home from my workouts and stuff and she freaked out. Obviously, I was also very tired and reciprocated the shouting and stuff. She then proceeded to start shouting and throwing some tantrums. She even took my hand and wanted to hit herself with it (which I am stronger so was able to refrain).

 

She eventually fell asleep and the next morning, she said: I love you and said sorry as she was tired yesterday. Is this bipolarism or BPD?

Sounds like something is sure needed to level her out.

I think it's time for professional help.

[mauGR1]

6 minutes ago, neeray said:

Sounds like something is sure needed to level her out.

I think it's time for professional help.

Who need professional help when you have TVF, the consensus is almost unanimous for the running option

[neeray]

2 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

Who need professional help when you have TVF, the consensus is almost unanimous for the running option

Sure. Show no compassion. Just do a runner.

(sarcasm intended)

 

[MikeyIdea]

1 hour ago, tekashicanada said:

Thank you guys for the insights.

 

So a little update. Yesterday was really bad: she came home late after doing her hair and she saw that the place was a bit messy as I had come back home from my workouts and stuff and she freaked out. Obviously, I was also very tired and reciprocated the shouting and stuff. She then proceeded to start shouting and throwing some tantrums. She even took my hand and wanted to hit herself with it (which I am stronger so was able to refrain).

 

She eventually fell asleep and the next morning, she said: I love you and said sorry as she was tired yesterday. Is this bipolarism or BPD?

Why should it be any of that? This is not unusual at all, some cases do come from underlaying mental problems that can be diagnosed but the very vast majority of them don't at all. It's just a combination of 2 things where the westerner coming to Thailand marring a local is partially responsible for one of them.

Now the ThaiVisa mob that so commonly and loudly speak their opinion without knowing what they talk about will wake up but they mean nothing to me: I like the Thai saying that the Thai's that they look down on have for them: Those who don't know speak easily ????

Self-control: Westerners have a higher level of self control, even our precious Christmas presents serve to teach self control, our culture is full of things that develop self control. Thai's have little of it in their culture except respect for Pii and loss of face so I bet what is happening to you only happen when you are alone and you are obviously not Pii. SOME people do not make an effort to control themselves when they think they don't have to. Especially women in this country can sometimes start to show this behaviour after marriage.
You: You should ask yourself - Why does this happen to me but not to Thai husbands? What am I as a guest in this country doing wrong. What am I obviously not knowing what and how should I do things a better way?

The solution to this probably starts with you, unless your wife really is "so far gone" that you think she would be diagnosed as mentally troubled. That is not easy to get and should not be easy either

It's amazing how these bipolar cases suddenly can improve themselves when they have to.

What do you think you should do to stop this? Violence and force doesn't have to be the solution at all

Edited December 4, 2018 by MikeyIdea

[MikeyIdea]

1 hour ago, neeray said:

Sounds like something is sure needed to level her out.

I think it's time for professional help.

Level out absolutely, Yes, but I don't believe in professional help, it quite often makes things worse also in the west and especially in this part of the world. What is needed is probably just the crude awakening that consequence is near. The OP need to figure out how to deliver that message for best effect

Edited December 4, 2018 by MikeyIdea

[bear wolf]

2 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Thank you guys for the insights.

 

So a little update. Yesterday was really bad: she came home late after doing her hair and she saw that the place was a bit messy as I had come back home from my workouts and stuff and she freaked out. Obviously, I was also very tired and reciprocated the shouting and stuff. She then proceeded to start shouting and throwing some tantrums. She even took my hand and wanted to hit herself with it (which I am stronger so was able to refrain).

 

She eventually fell asleep and the next morning, she said: I love you and said sorry as she was tired yesterday. Is this bipolarism or BPD?

This is scary stuff.  It is going to end badly. 

 

Presumably you own the condo and she knows your place of business.  You need to relocate to apt. rightaway and put her on the no-entry list at your place of business.  See an attorney, report the matter to the police.  Offer her another 400k or 800k to go away and walk out of this a free man!  Your peace of mind is worth a lot more. 

 

[Sheryl]

Thank you guys for the insights.

 

So a little update. Yesterday was really bad: she came home late after doing her hair and she saw that the place was a bit messy as I had come back home from my workouts and stuff and she freaked out. Obviously, I was also very tired and reciprocated the shouting and stuff. She then proceeded to start shouting and throwing some tantrums. She even took my hand and wanted to hit herself with it (which I am stronger so was able to refrain).

 

She eventually fell asleep and the next morning, she said: I love you and said sorry as she was tired yesterday. Is this bipolarism or BPD?

Nothing you have described in any way sounds like BPD especially since she is apparently functioning OK at work. You can be quite sure she is not acting this way there or she'd no longer have a job.

 

What it does dound like is immaturity, lack of self control snd lack of effort at it (again, note that she has a job. So she is capable of not acting out emotionally when she recognizes the necessity) and manipulative-ness.

 

Premenstrual dysphoria is possible if this behavior occurs only at certain times of the month. In that case she would have intervals of at least 2 week straight with none of this happening...and also improve drsmatically as soon as her period cones, almost a Jekyll and Hyde sort of thing. But if she never goes at least 14 days straight without it, that is ruled out.

 

This is not going to go away or improve on its own. Either leave or start counselling.

 

 

 

 

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

[Hummin]

2 hours ago, Sheryl said:

Nothing you have described in any way sounds like BPD especially since she is apparently functioning OK at work. You can be quite sure she is not acting this way there or she'd no longer have a job.

 

 

 

 

There is 6 stages of bipolarity, and she can be Bipolar 2.  Many with bipolar function good in work, but sooner or later it will catch up with them when older. 

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/bipolar-advantage/201209/the-six-stages-bipolar-and-depression

[LeoTex]

On ‎11‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 7:31 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

Why does it matter?

Should he run faster because of the first or the second?

Does the stabbing hurt more or less depending on the kind of marriage?

It only matters if he want to get a divorce and keep what is his, (what he has left).

 

LeoTex