Worst Joke Ever 2024

[ballpoint]

[Yellowtail]

1 hour ago, fangless said:

Do they say if the washing machines are human (female of course), bog standard domestic, (Hoover etc) or the full blown laundry-mat industrial extravaganza type?

Everyone in the US would just assume it was the same size as the washers most everyone has which is about the same size as the dryers most everyone has. 

 

Pretty easy to visualize how big a hole that will fit 6-7 washing machines, but 3-3.5 m^3? Or 110 to 130 ft^3? Not so much.

[fangless]

2 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

Everyone in the US would just assume it was the same size as the washers most everyone has which is about the same size as the dryers most everyone has. 

Yes but American washer women come in a vast array of sizes! - Some Mamas are huge!

[chickenslegs]

Sticking with the nipples theme (from a couple of pages back) ...

 

[roo860]

[ballpoint]

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Last week a man convinced me to join the R.A.C. so I handed over £55.
Must be a con, I still haven't received my uniform.

[ballpoint]

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.

"Do you have any kids?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two."

She said, "I might be blonde but I know how many one is!"

[ballpoint]

I was at Tops yesterday, buying a box of Pedigree biscuits for my dogs, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. 

Being a sarky <deleted>, I told her NO, I don't have a dog, I was starting the Pedigree Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time.  But, on the plus side, I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet.  All you do is load your pockets with the small bite biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a kerb to sniff a another dogs ar5e and a car hit me.

[ballpoint]

I bought an alcoholic ginger beer last night.
He wasn't happy

[ballpoint]

50 years ago, Rupert Murdoch said topless women sell newspapers.
Rubbish. I've been in loads of newsagents, and they're all fully clothed.

[ballpoint]

I accidentally walked into the local Bulimia Support Group meeting earlier.

I was surprised at how many people were there.

The place was absolutely heaving.

[ballpoint]

I just become the leap frog world record holder.

On the down side, I`m now banned from entering any more mosques.

[ballpoint]

A group of Irish archaeologists gathered to find the lower leg bone of an ancient man.

It was a real shindig.

[ballpoint]

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[fangless]

21 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I just become the leap frog world record holder.

On the down side, I`m now banned from entering any more mosques.

I hope it was a Friday lunchtime and you observed all the hygiene rules and disinfected yourself with alcohol and kept your shoes firmly on throughout.

[overherebc]

13 hours ago, fangless said:

Yes but American washer women come in a vast array of sizes! - Some Mamas are huge!

As are some of husbands.

[fangless]

26 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I accidentally walked into the local Bulimia Support Group meeting earlier.

I was surprised at how many people were there.

The place was absolutely heaving.

I thought those type of gatherings were thinning out nowadays!

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[fangless]

9 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

She is certainly good at deliveries!

[overherebc]

15 hours ago, tomazbodner said:

Try 2000 years ago

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]