Worst Joke Ever 2024

[WorriedNoodle]

[tomazbodner]

Arriving at Millennium Residence towers, delivery guys found out that the closet they were delivering to top floor won't fit in the lift. So they decided to take it up by the stairs. After nearly an hour, the older man says to younger man at the front to go up and see how many floors are left to go...

 

Nearly sooner than he left the young man is back and says: Well, I have some good news and some bad news....

 

What is it?

 

We're nearly at the top of the building, only 3 floors left...

 

What's the bad news then?

 

We're in the wrong tower...

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[DezLez]

11 hours ago, overherebc said:

Well, as the man with the wooden leg said, it's a matter of a pinion. ????

When we disagree I tell him to hop it!

[Crossy]

Some people have really big hands.

 

[tomazbodner]

Young stork is crying in the nest and mother calms him down by saying that father is bringing joy to the people, and he'll be back soon.

Next day, young stork is crying again, and father calms him down by saying that mother is out, bringing joy to the people and she'll be back soon.

The day after, young stork is gone. Parents frantically try to find him without success. Finally, in the evening, the kid returns, glowing of happiness. Where the hell were you?!!!

Flew past monasteries, scared them to death....

[tomazbodner]

What's the most beautiful feeling in the World? asks the teacher...

Being in bed with a beautiful woman, says Johnny.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself, you dirty minded brat! I'm informing your father!

 

Next day, teacher asks Johnny... so what did your father say after getting my note?

He agreed with me, says Johnny, but he also said that if you disagree with me, I should be very careful around you!

[tomazbodner]

Blonde journal: A year ago I bought these superb windows with some special coated glass. They quiet the noise from outside, keep the heat so well I've saved a lot of money on bills. They are just awesome, and all would have been great if I didn't get the call from the company that installed them, telling me a year has passed and windows still aren't paid for...

I had to remind them that when buying the windows, their sales rep told me that these windows are so good they pay for themselves within a year! A year has passed! I may be a blonde, but I am not stupid!!

There was just silence from the other end... The man must have felt like an id!ot...

[tomazbodner]

Husband watching a health related TV show all of a sudden blurts out to his wife: Darling, if I am every in a vegetative state, depending on machines and liquids to keep me alive, please promise me you would unplug them all and let me go....

 

Without a word, wife stands up, snaps beer from his hand and turns off the TV...

[tomazbodner]

Johnny was very bored in Heaven so he complains to God.... How is it possible that it's so boring here?!

God thinks for a moment and says, maybe that's because I have no sense of time. One minute or a thousand years is all the same to me.

What about 1000 Dollars?

Pittance. Like 10 Cents, I don't have sense of money worth either.

Great! Can you loan me 1000 Dollars then?

Sure! Just a minute...

[tomazbodner]

A cop walks up to the theatre ticket counter and asks for 2 tickets.

For "Romeo and Juliet"?

No, for me and my wife...

[tomazbodner]

Husband is comfortably sitting in a recliner, watching TV... Wife asks him to fix the kitchen faucet, as it's leaking.

"I'm not a plumber!"

A few days later, she asks him if he could replace the light bulb in the living room.

"I'm not an electrician!"

 

A few days later he returns from work and notices that tap is fixed and light bulb replaced. "Did you hire a technician to fix them?"

"No, Frank our neighbour fixed them both"

"And how much did he charge you for it?"

"Nothing. He asked me to either bake him a cake or have sex with him"

"And, did you bake him a cake?"

"I'm not a bloody baker!"

[tomazbodner]

A girl comes to the dentist, sits on the chair visibly frightened and says:

Doctor, I am so afraid I would rather deliver a baby than have my tooth drilled into....

 

Make up your mind, so I know how to adjust the chair!

[tomazbodner]

Wife asks husband with significant disappointment: Dear... can you really not talk about anything other than football?

And what else could I talk about?

About love, for example...

Alright then... Are you still making out with our neighbour when I go out for footy matches?

[tomazbodner]

A respectable lady comes to shrink and complains: Mr. Doctor, Sir... I don't know what to do. My husband demands that I behave like a prostitute in bed. What can I do?

 

Shrink thinks for a moment, then says "Start charging him!"

[overherebc]

[DezLez]

1 hour ago, Crossy said:

Some people have really big hands.

So shocking and powerful!  Where can I order a handful at the least charge to my CC?

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[DezLez]

1 hour ago, Zyxel said:

I am certainly not going to lure him into a corner and tackle him over any fishy business he may have reeled some suckers into as there is no saying what points he may raise and I do not want to take the bait! 

Potentially murky and shark infested waters abound!

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 30, 2022 by DezLez

[DezLez]

4 hours ago, ballpoint said:

That seems to have been the end of that wild goose chase as the townsfolk came out for a gander!