Worst Joke Ever 2024

[dcsw53]

[dcsw53]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

jihadi bakewells on that

[Crossy]

[Crossy]

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

 

Long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

 

I think I was married to her...

 

[Crossy]

Senator McArthy discovered many Soviet agents in the US.

 

So he pushed for the US to train agents that would operate in the USSR. It was the long game.

They took Johnny right out of West Point and trained him to be Ivan. He learned to speak Russian, to write in Russian, to act like a Russian. This wasn’t a small course. It took Johnny 10 years to prepare, 16-hours per day, 7 days a week. There were no days off. Johnny studied Russian, spoke Russian, ate Russian, behaved Russian.

 

After his bosses were satisfied, Johnny- no, sorry- Ivan boarded a U-2 and parachuted near a remote Siberian village; just to test the waters before he proceeded with his mission in Moscow. It was a successful and uneventful landing, so Ivan hid all his gear and made way to a small farmhouse that was visible from his landing point.

 

He knocks on the wooden door and an old babushka opens it.

“Dobryy den Babushka” Ivan says in Perfect Russian.

“Dobryy den Foreigner” the old lady replies.

No matter how much he tries, it is fairly obvious that grandma is not buying it. He gets a great cup of tea and some jerky but it is obvious that she’s onto him. Perhaps she saw the parachute.

She bids him fair well and says:

“Welll, Ivan, you speak lllike Rushian, you act lllike Rushian, but… Rushian you are not”

Argh! No! How?

 

Ivan says his dosvidaniyas and heads for the village.

He sees a grocer’s shop open, and decides to try this guy

“Dobryy den tovarishch”

“Good afternoon you too” responds the guy.

Dammit.

He proceeds with buying some vegetables, haggle in much the same way a native Russian would haggle, and then says his goodbyes. But then the grocer says…

“You knoo. You speak lllike Rushian, you haggllle lllike Rushian, but… Rushian you are not”

Bloody hell!

 

10 years of his life. Millions of dollars invested. He can’t fail. Maybe those peasants have got a 6th sense or something. So he gets on the train to Moscow. Just before entering the Red Square quarters he decides to give it another try in a bar where Muscovites mingle with foreigners.

 

“Tovarishch bartender, give me your best vodka, and two glasses- one for me and one for you!”

He swiftly drinks the whole bottle with the assistance of the willing bartender all the while discussing the horrid weather in Novosibirsk, the never relenting mujahedin that will one day attack even the Americans, the lack of any type of meat in the butchers. After Ivan pays the bill, the bartender offers his once-in-a-month smile to a customer and says

“You knoo Ivan. You speak lllike Rushian, you drrrink like Rushian, but… Rushian you are not”

Oh damn, damn, dammit!

 

One day to go.

Next morning there is no real decision. He has to go through with it. So he musters all the courage he’s got and heads for the back door to the Kremlin. He enters the door and right at the first corner he is faced with 23 KGB agents with their guns aimed at him

“ALL RIGHT YOU, YOU GOT ME! I’ve spent the past decade of my life studying Russia and Russians. Your language, your food, your drinks, your mannerisms. Yet- somehow everything is in vain. So, yes, I’m a spy. And I will sign whatever you want me to sign. On one condition: You need to tell me how you know! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?”

 

“You know tovarishch… here in Rushia, we do not make blllack people”

 

[VBF]

6 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

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Very "tiring" too.   (That works better with American spelling ????)

 

 

Difference between 200 used tyres and 200 used condoms?

One's a Goodyear, the other's a great year

[Yellowtail]

3 minutes ago, VBF said:

Difference between 200 used tyres and 200 used condoms?

One's a Goodyear, the other's a great year

Depends on whether you're pitching or catching...

[VBF]

4 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

Depends on whether you're pitching or catching...

That took me a good 20 seconds to work out....D'Oh!!

[scottiejohn]

16 minutes ago, VBF said:

Very "tiring" too.   (That works better with American spelling ????)

 

 

Difference between 200 used tyres and 200 used condoms?

One's a Goodyear, the other's a great year

As inflation is not a problem in this situation do they have to/can they work tirelessly to repair them?

Edited July 31, 2023 by scottiejohn

[oxo1947]

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[oxo1947]

....

 

Edited July 31, 2023 by oxo1947

[oxo1947]

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[VBF]

23 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

As inflation is not a problem in this situation do they have to/can they work tirelessly to repair them?

Bet you feel really pumped up after saying that!

[Crossy]

[scottiejohn]

15 minutes ago, VBF said:

Bet you feel really pumped up after saying that!

I didn't want to let posters  down and deflate their egos or get some X (re)Plys by not responding rapidly!  Maybe I should respond on You(r) Tube next time!

[VocalNeal]

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

I didn't want to let posters  down and deflate their egos or get some X (re)Plys by not responding rapidly!  Maybe I should respond on You(r) Tube next time!

Most post are bias.

[Yellowtail]

[oxo1947]

 

Can you name the country and western song ?

I just thought I might revive an oldie !

[oxo1947]

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[oxo1947]

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[oxo1947]

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[oxo1947]

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[WorriedNoodle]

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