Worst Joke Ever 2024

[Yellowtail]

1 hour ago, Crossy said:

I had to google swiffer...

[ravip]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

 

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

 

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

 

The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

 

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

 

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed.

 

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

 

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

 

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

 

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did!)

[still kicking]

[farang51]

53 minutes ago, still kicking said:

= Speed control.

 

There's an old story about when Queen Elisabeth visited Denmark many years ago, they covered the display in the elevators she was going to use. When the elevators were moving the sign said: "I fart" (moving).

[still kicking]

2 minutes ago, farang51 said:

= Speed control.

 

There's an old story about when Queen Elisabeth visited Denmark many years ago, they covered the display in the elevators she was going to use. When the elevators were moving the sign said: "I fart" (moving).

Still funny but for people who don't know the story.

[ravip]

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[ozimoron]

1 minute ago, ravip said:

Can anybody see pictures for these jokes? I can't.

[ravip]

[Crossy]

17 minutes ago, ozimoron said:

Can anybody see pictures for these jokes? I can't.

 

Yup, no problem for me. Are you seeing the images in other threads ok??

 

[carlyai]

23 minutes ago, Crossy said:

 

Yup, no problem for me. Are you seeing the images in other threads ok??

 

My pictures also disappeared until I uninstalled then reinstalled Brave browser.

[carlyai]

14 hours ago, ravip said:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

 

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

 

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

 

The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

 

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

 

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed.

 

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

 

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

 

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

 

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did!)

Still good.:)

[carlyai]

48 minutes ago, ozimoron said:

Can anybody see pictures for these jokes? I can't.

Uninstall then reinstall Brave.

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ozimoron]

35 minutes ago, Crossy said:

 

Yup, no problem for me. Are you seeing the images in other threads ok??

 

Yes, only here and frequently. I mainly use FireFox for browsing and Chrome for development. I don't see any reason this should not work and if it doesn't then posters should ensure they are.

[tomazbodner]

33 minutes ago, ozimoron said:

Yes, only here and frequently. I mainly use FireFox for browsing and Chrome for development. I don't see any reason this should not work and if it doesn't then posters should ensure they are.

Some are images that are in this forum. Others are links to images on social media or other sites. If you disable cookies, the images from other sites might not be displayed and there would be a link (text) displayed or nothing at all.

[ozimoron]

Just now, tomazbodner said:

Some are images that are in this forum. Others are links to images on social media or other sites. If you disable cookies, the images from other sites might not be displayed and there would be a link (text) displayed or nothing at all.

I don't have cookies disabled for any site.

[Crossy]

7 minutes ago, ozimoron said:

I don't have cookies disabled for any site.

 

Try a "virgin" browser installation.

 

And start a thread in Forum Support.

 

[ravip]

1 hour ago, ozimoron said:

Can anybody see pictures for these jokes? I can't.

You could also try - Control Panel > Internet options > Delete browsing history.

First close all browsers and choose what you want to keep.

 

Following are what I have chosen to delete.

 

[ballpoint]

I remember once when I was working behind a bar.

A German came in and asked for a martini, I said "dry"?

He said "no thanks, one will be enough".

[ballpoint]

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre.

After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.
"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.
"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.
"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting
"Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch"

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.
The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.
A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.

They were hypnotized.

And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!
The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact"

"S***" said Claude.

It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Centre and Claude was never invited there again.

[ballpoint]

Breaking News!

The UK is sending a battalion of highland pipers to train Ukrainian troops.

It's the latest in drone warfare.

[ballpoint]

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

 

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.' The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'

 

'There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'

 

The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'

 

'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'

 

'And what is that?' asked the priest.

 

'Should I tell her the war is over?''