Worst Joke Ever 2024

WorriedNoodle · May 12, 2022

WorriedNoodle · May 12, 2022

ballpoint · May 13, 2022

"I hear your husband just died?"
"Yes, it was very sudden".
"Did he have any last words"
"He did indeed. He said, 'Yes, your bum does look big in that".

ballpoint · May 13, 2022

I just found out that my best friend suffers from turrets.

Every time he sees a castle he starts swearing

ballpoint · May 13, 2022

My wife said earlier: "I am going out for the morning. Do you want anything?"
Me: "No, that's enough."

ballpoint · May 13, 2022

I just invented a thought controlled air freshener.
Sounds crazy, but it makes scents when you think about it.

ballpoint · May 13, 2022

My consultant has told me that I will need complete rest after my operation, but after two weeks I can start doing some light housework.
I said "well that's alright but I live 75 miles from the coast"

ballpoint · May 13, 2022

I sent off for some information on my family tree.

They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over again.

ballpoint · May 13, 2022

Our local garden centre is selling garden shelters ridiculously cheaply.

I'm wondering if they really keep out the sun and rain, or are they just a plazebo?

ballpoint · May 13, 2022

The builders working on my house forgot to bring their trowels today.

There was a lot of finger-pointing, I'll tell you!

DezLez · May 13, 2022

8 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

The builders working on my house forgot to bring their trowels today.

There was a lot of finger-pointing, I'll tell you!

Was that because the fill-in foreman for Mr Grouty was spread too thin and failed to turn up?

DezLez · May 13, 2022

11 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I sent off for some information on my family tree.

They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over again.

Does that mean you can now branch out on your own or will you be out on a limb?