Worst Joke Ever 2024

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[ballpoint]

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed too. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"

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I doubt if I'll ever be...

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Take extra care when driving in the polar regions:

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[tifino]

4 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I doubt if I'll ever be...

but if one downsizes the scenario, maintaining ratios; one moon can half fill a car rear window ???? 

[ravip]

52 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

Wow.........what dark site did you stumble onto ravip.........................

???? WhatsApp forwards I received. I know, some a bit gruesome, but another view...

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[Hamus Yaigh]

Confuse Geordie physiotherapists by telling them you've got knee complaints...

[roo860]

[fasteddie]

Mick, from Lancashire appeared on 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pound:

"You've done very well so far." Said Clarkson. The show's presenter. "But for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?"

A: Sparrow

B: Thrush

C: Magpie

D: Cuckoo

"I haven't got a clue." Said Mick. "So I'll use me last lifeline and phone me friend. Trevor back home in Preston".

Mick called up his mate and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

"Hell, Mick!" Cried Trevor. "That's simple... it's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told Jeremy. "I'll go with Cuckoo as me answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Clarkson.

"Yep!"

There was a long - long pause, then the presenter screamed. "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"

The next night, Mick invited Trevor to their local pub to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Trevor. How in Heaven's name did you know it was the Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because, he lives in a clock!

[fasteddie]

The Dublin mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously

"What happened!!

I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home early today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Brydie, naked with Frankie McNaughton in our marital bed!

This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Brydie would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

‘’ Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation .......she never got your email

[fasteddie]

[sanuk711]

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After his exam, the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife, I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty".

"Mmmm", says the doctor, "let me think about a possible reason for that".

Later, after examining the man's elderly wife, the doctor said:
"Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

She replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."

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[sanuk711]

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