* Christmas Carol singers *

 

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplough can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplough can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplough can get through?"
Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied........

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

> Oldie but goldie

 

     * New Year's Wish 2020 *

 

During a child birthing class at a local hospital, a nurse says, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”
She turns to the men in the room and says “Gentlemen, remember that you’re both in this together. It wouldn’t hurt for you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”
The room becomes very quiet as the men absorb this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room slowly raises his hand. “Yes?” says the Nurse.
“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk.”

Let's start the new year off with a real groaner:

 

Far away, in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the warm, azure sea. One was named Justin and the other Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by the numerous sharks that patrolled the area.

One day, Justin said to Christian, “I’m bored and frustrated at being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten.”
As soon as Justin had fixated on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted!” – and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark!

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old pal.

Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin gradually realized that his new, menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While out swimming alone one day, he saw the mysterious cod again and couldn’t believe his luck. Justin figured that if the fish could change him from a prawn to a shark, he could just as readily change him back into a prawn. He begged the cod to return him to his original form and, lo and behold (again), he turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

(Note: The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail – it’s much worse.)

Looking around the boisterous gathering at the reef, Justin searched for his old pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.

“He’s at home, distraught that his best friend went over to the enemy and became a shark,” came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian’s house. As he opened the coral gate, the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend! Come out and see me!”

Christian replied, “No way, man, you’ll eat me! You’re a shark, the enemy, and I’ll not be tricked!”

Justin cried back, “No, no, I’m not! That was the old me – I’ve changed…

…I’ve found cod and I’m a prawn again, Christian!”