A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller:

‘Give me the money. One false move and you’re geography!’ 
 The teller said:

‘Don’t you mean history?’ 
 The robber screamed:

‘Don’t change the subject!’ 
 

 A woman went to see a psychiatrist.

‘Doctor, I want to talk to you about my husband. He thinks he’s a refrigerator.’ 
 ‘That’s not so bad,’ said the psychiatrist.

‘It’s a fairly harmless contraption.’ 
 ‘Well maybe,’ she said.

‘But he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake.’ 
 

A professor was delivering a lecture to his philosophy class.

He picked up ajar, filled it with golf balls and asked the students if they thought the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

Then he picked up two handfuls of pebbles and poured them into the jar. As he shook the jar, the pebbles dropped into the gaps between the golf balls. He then asked the students if they thought the jar was full. They said it was.

Next he picked up a tin of sand and poured that into the jar. Once again he asked the students if they thought the jar was full. They agreed that it was. 

 

 The professor then picked up two cans of beer and poured them into the jar. ‘Right,’ he said. ‘I want you to appreciate that the contents of this jar represent your life. The golf balls represent the essential things - your family, your health, your friends. If everything else were lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles represent the other important things, such as your house and your job. The sand represents everything else - the minutiae of everyday life, things about which we sometimes worry too much. If you put the sand into the jar first, there’s no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

But finally, remember:

no matter how full your life might seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers.’ 
 

Did you hear about the second-hand Indian clothing store called "Whose Sari Now"? 
 

What do you get when you cross:- A philosopher with a Mafia hitman?

Someone who’ll make you an offer you can’t understand. 
 

Chat-up Line:- • I love my bed, but I'd rather be in yours. 
 

2 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

What worries me about this design is not so much the vulgarity but that my first thought was "what kind of animal is it depicting?"

20 hours ago, roo860 said:

SPF400. Is that in lbs weight or in kg?

Edited September 16, 20214 yr by billd766
Bad punctuation