4 hours ago, roo860 said:

Pre flight check.

Okay...start her up.

 On their first day at home after their honeymoon, the new bride said:

‘If you make the toast and pour the juice, breakfast will be ready.’ 
 ‘Great,’ said the husband. ‘What are we having?’ 
 ‘Toast and juice.’ 
 

 An old woman went to see the doctor about her constipation. 
 She told him: ‘I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.’ 
 The doctor said: ‘Have you done anything about it?’ 
 ‘Well, yes, I sit in the bathroom for half an hour in the morning and again at night.’ 
 ‘No,’ said the doctor. ‘I mean, do you take anything?’ 
 ‘Sure,’ replied the old lady.

 

‘I take a book.’ 
 

 A teacher asked her young class:

‘Give me a sentence about a public servant.’ 
 One boy wrote: ‘The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.’ 
 The teacher called the boy to one side to correct him.

‘Jamie,’ she said, ‘do you know what pregnant means?’ 
 ‘Yes,’ replied Jamie breezily.

 

‘It means carrying a child.’ 
 

What do you get when you cross:- A policeman with a telegram?

Copper wire. 
 

“Due to a production shortage Velcro has gone up in price."

"What a rip-off!”
 

Chat-up Line:-  • I like your dress. Can I talk you out of it? 
 

 

7 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

Shouldn't that have been a "shoutout at the OK Chorale"?

Christmas is coming

Sign of the times

1 hour ago, fangless said:

What do you get when you cross:- A policeman with a telegram?

Copper wire. 
 

Remember the one: How was copper wire invented? 

I'm fuming. I paid a carpenter to make me a double bed and he's done a bunk.

Well, I suppose its time I grew up and acted in a mature manner.
Maybe after the conker season.

I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

 I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam on eBay'.
That was 2 months ago, and it's not arrived yet.