How much for the wifes holiday back home in Issan?

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Wrong, mine took hers to highschool with her, the teachers and other students used to enjoy helping.

Your Wife took your kids to school with her and the teachers and other children took care of your child whilst your wife was studying at school ?

[Kenny202]

1 minute ago, sanemax said:

Your Wife took your kids to school with her and the teachers and other children took care of your child whilst your wife was studying at school ?

I was going out with a teacher here did the same thing. Not unusual

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

I was going out with a teacher here did the same thing. Not unusual

I was married to a student.

[Vacuum]

9 hours ago, The Cobra said:

Nope no credit, its a joint account, that i put money into and I get an sms every time she uses the card. All controlled.

A bit late, innit?

[Vacuum]

9 hours ago, pr9spk said:

I agree with this - 8k is 200 quid, if I gave my wife that and she was unappreciative I would be looking for a new wife.

Why make the same mistake twice?

[wgdanson]

9 hours ago, swissie said:

Granted. On Walking Street in a "Top-Notch" Go-Go it would only buy 3 "exiting encounters".

There's a difference between EXITING and EXCITING !

[nikmar]

It's entirely up to you how much you give her, or not give her. But the lack of gratitude would be a massive concern. If the love aint there then it's time to move on. 

[jvs]

3 hours ago, Enki said:

"Extended BBQ" can easy be 20 people. Sorry, on what planet do you live? So she plans to have 1000 for the trip, 1000 for herself, and shares 6000 with her family or makes a small party with 10 - 20 people. Sorry: what the funk is wrong with you guys? And if she has 5k left, she buys something expensive she wants. What is damn wrong with that? If she thinks he gives her to much money, he should simply give her less. This hate speech here is simply super annoying. Of course, she makes only a 3 day trip. I will be in Isaan for 4 or 8 weeks in 2 weeks ... obviously I spent much more than 8k ... and the amount of people I meet is far above 20.

My problem with this would be her family would be taken advantage of the op.I can even get over that but the rolling eyes

is a big sign of disrespect.The op has two kids with her so i kind of understand him but he needs to put his foot down before it gets worse.(it will never get better)

[OneMoreFarang]

At least with my girlfriend it does not really matter if she goes for 3 days or a week or two.

There is always the initial cost or base cost or whatever you want to call it.

She is back in the village and that means bringing gifts home.

Maybe some toys for the small children, relative expensive food like shrimps for everybody and of course beer and other drinks for the family.

That's a couple of thousand THB for the first 24 hours.

And then the relative cheap up country living might start - depending on how much money is left.

 

I try to limit these expenses and I won't pay a fortune like some others. But I guess that is a price we have to pay if we have a gf/wife who does not have her own income.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, Enki said:

"Extended BBQ" can easy be 20 people. Sorry, on what planet do you live? So she plans to have 1000 for the trip, 1000 for herself, and shares 6000 with her family or makes a small party with 10 - 20 people. Sorry: what the funk is wrong with you guys? And if she has 5k left, she buys something expensive she wants. What is damn wrong with that? If she thinks he gives her to much money, he should simply give her less. This hate speech here is simply super annoying. Of course, she makes only a 3 day trip. I will be in Isaan for 4 or 8 weeks in 2 weeks ... obviously I spent much more than 8k ... and the amount of people I meet is far above 20.

Soooooo, it's the OP's responsibility to pay for all 20 people at the BBQ? 

It's not his job to feed the extended family, nor is it his responsibility to give his wife that much spending money. She can go get a job if she wants her own money.

The only people "wrong" on here are the ones that think they have to bribe their wives to live with them, IMO.

[Farangwithaplan]

2 hours ago, crickets said:

We have 2 kids under three so she is a full time mum. She cant work because of this.

To me everything has an intrinsic value in life. What is valuable to one person may have very little value to others. Here are some things that come to mind after reading your post. Maybe you can make your own list and place a value beside them. Then offer the list to your wife and have her place a value on them.

 

Once you know where the differences lay, you can begin negotiation. My relationships all come back to the way I like to do business. I like to have happy life and business life. That means I need to understand what is important to my partner. Without knowing this, I'm just guessing and that can lead to issues.

 

• So you are paying her to look after your children. Is she a good mother? What value do you place on that?
• What else does she do in the way of keeping house in order?
• What was she earning before she gave up her independence to care for your children?
• What value do you place on her independence?
• What ambitions did you give up to have children? What is your value on that?
• What was the breakdown of household chores before your wife started working?
• What value do you have on her being your wife as opposed to single?
• How does your wife enrich your life and what would you be willing to pay for that if you were single?

They are just some idea starters. Find what was and is important. Find what was missing in your life and what is missing now. Then sit down and talk things through. I'm guessing you married this woman because there was something there you wanted to hold on to and share for a long time. I'm guessing you communicated well before your married and discussed what you both wanted for your future.

 

Bring that discussion back to the table and move forward from there. You are obviously unhappy about finances and attitude now. Do something about it. If you don't it is unlikely to get better and the resentment will possibly make things worse from both sides. You can't afford not to discuss this.

 

Good luck with working it out.

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

4 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

At least with my girlfriend it does not really matter if she goes for 3 days or a week or two.

There is always the initial cost or base cost or whatever you want to call it.

She is back in the village and that means bringing gifts home.

Maybe some toys for the small children, relative expensive food like shrimps for everybody and of course beer and other drinks for the family.

That's a couple of thousand THB for the first 24 hours.

And then the relative cheap up country living might start - depending on how much money is left.

 

I try to limit these expenses and I won't pay a fortune like some others. But I guess that is a price we have to pay if we have a gf/wife who does not have her own income.

 

One has to ask why she doesn't have her own income. Is she working as a housewife- cleaning, cooking, looking after the children ( if any ), gardening etc. If not, why isn't she working?

 

and of course beer and other drinks for the family.

??? why does it have to be beer? A few bottles of coke or such isn't expensive.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

2 minutes ago, Farangwithaplan said:

To me everything has an intrinsic value in life. What is valuable to one person may have very little value to others. Here are some things that come to mind after reading your post. Maybe you can make your own list and place a value beside them. Then offer the list to your wife and have her place a value on them.

 

Once you know where the differences lay, you can begin negotiation. My relationships all come back to the way I like to do business. I like to have happy life and business life. That means I need to understand what is important to my partner. Without knowing this, I'm just guessing and that can lead to issues.

 

• So you are paying her to look after your children. Is she a good mother? What value do you place on that?
• What else does she do in the way of keeping house in order?
• What was she earning before she gave up her independence to care for your children?
• What value do you place on her independence?
• What ambitions did you give up to have children? What is your value on that?
• What was the breakdown of household chores before your wife started working?
• What value do you have on her being your wife as opposed to single?
• How does your wife enrich your life and what would you be willing to pay for that if you were single?

They are just some idea starters. Find what was and is important. Find what was missing in your life and what is missing now. Then sit down and talk things through. I'm guessing you married this woman because there was something there you wanted to hold on to and share for a long time. I'm guessing you communicated well before your married and discussed what you both wanted for your future.

 

Bring that discussion back to the table and move forward from there. You are obviously unhappy about finances and attitude now. Do something about it. If you don't it is unlikely to get better and the resentment will possibly make things worse from both sides. You can't afford not to discuss this.

 

Good luck with working it out.

 

 

I "communicated" with my wife before we got married, but either she didn't listen, didn't understand, or didn't care as it was all forgotten after the legal bit.

Had she listened, understood, or cared she would still be married to me, instead of single and having to earn her own money for everything.

[Farangwithaplan]

9 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I "communicated" with my wife before we got married, but either she didn't listen, didn't understand, or didn't care as it was all forgotten after the legal bit.

Had she listened, understood, or cared she would still be married to me, instead of single and having to earn her own money for everything.

What was the communication before the divorce? Sounds like you lucked out. Life doesn't assure anyone of a 100% success rate in what you want. It doesn't mean one shouldn'ty continue to attempt communication.

 

Based on the OP's posts it sounds like there is little communication on expectations of what each partner needs to bring to the table in his relationship. Maybe he can get it back on track before it is too late.

 

Edited March 13, 2019 by Farangwithaplan

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, crickets said:

We have 2 kids under three so she is a full time mum. She cant work because of this.

Obviously I don't know if you are a full time worker yourself, but many farang fathers are retired and don't or can't work in Thailand. No reason why they can't look after the kids while the wife works.

Regardless, an average wage was about 9000 when I was living in LOS. It may have increased now, but millions of Thais raise families on low wages, so 20,000 seems excessive, unless that includes all the bills and rent if applicable.

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

One has to ask why she doesn't have her own income. Is she working as a housewife- cleaning, cooking, looking after the children ( if any ), gardening etc. If not, why isn't she working?

 

and of course beer and other drinks for the family.

??? why does it have to be beer? A few bottles of coke or such isn't expensive.

Some of us don't want that she works - especially the kind of work which she would get with her limited education.

Some call it luxury wife, personally I think it's just normal that the guy works and makes money and she takes care of the home.

 

Personally I prefer to stay with a girl who spends most of her time with me or at our home. If she would have a normal job she would be at least 8h a day away from home working. If that would be the case could I expect that they cleans and cooks before and after her work? Or should I do that myself?

No, I am no fan of cleaning and cooking...

 

And about beer or coke? She could give everybody a bottle of water and maybe a little rice. They would survive. But is that the way to treat your relatives or friends?

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, Farangwithaplan said:

What was the communication before you the divorce? Sounds like you lucked out. Life doesn't assure anyone of a 100% success rate in what you want. It doesn't mean one shouldn'ty continue to attempt communication.

 

Based on the OP's posts it sounds like there is little communication on expectations of what each partner needs to bring to the table in his relationship. Maybe he can get it back on track before it is too late.

 

Communication from me was "what is the problem, let's talk about it" and her communication to me was "I'm too tired to talk", "I don't want to" etc. 

 

It's never too late to get the love back, but it takes TWO to be willing to do so.

 

Off topic, but I still miss her, though it's the lovely girl I married, not the shrieking harpy I divorced. 

[Farangwithaplan]

5 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Obviously I don't know if you are a full time worker yourself, but many farang fathers are retired and don't or can't work in Thailand. No reason why they can't look after the kids while the wife works.

Regardless, an average wage was about 9000 when I was living in LOS. It may have increased now, but millions of Thais raise families on low wages, so 20,000 seems excessive, unless that includes all the bills and rent if applicable.

server at MK or similar get around 13k p/m based on an advertisement for staff last week. 23k + health and dentist insurance or more for a person with a degree straight out of uni is reasonably common depending on what was studied, in my experience.

[OneMoreFarang]

11 hours ago, The Cobra said:

Yep, groceries and bills, fuel, phone etc. Its not for her to use as she pleases. Its for housekeeping etc. 

Would she be allowed to have some somtam and pay in cash? And how about an espresso from time to time?

How does she feel about your tight control?

[crickets]

8 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Obviously I don't know if you are a full time worker yourself, but many farang fathers are retired and don't or can't work in Thailand. No reason why they can't look after the kids while the wife works.

Regardless, an average wage was about 9000 when I was living in LOS. It may have increased now, but millions of Thais raise families on low wages, so 20,000 seems excessive, unless that includes all the bills and rent if applicable.

Im under 40 and work full time here.

[Farangwithaplan]

2 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

 

It's never too late to get the love back, but it takes TWO to be willing to do so.

 

 

Agree that it takes two. But from what you say, you tried but it didn't work. My point to the OP was to try. It sounds like he hadn't or he probably would have mentioned such in his OP.

 

Sounds like you have found your feet now, though. Good for you.

 

Like everything, the OP can and should take my posts with a grain of salt.

[mokwit]

Just now, OneMoreFarang said:

Would she be allowed to have some somtam and pay in cash? And how about an espresso from time to time?

How does she feel about your tight control?

Surely this could be taken a stage further by the tightwads and their wife could dig for beetle larvae in the back garden rather than frivolous expenditure at markets.

[Farangwithaplan]

7 minutes ago, mokwit said:

Surely this could be taken a stage further by the tightwads and their wife could dig for beetle larvae in the back garden rather than frivolous expenditure at markets.

Well now you say that, you can kill two birds with one stone. You get a tasty meal and you get a hobby to share with the wife - all for free! A tick in every box right there! ????

Edited March 13, 2019 by Farangwithaplan
typo

[thaibeachlovers]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Some of us don't want that she works - especially the kind of work which she would get with her limited education.

Some call it luxury wife, personally I think it's just normal that the guy works and makes money and she takes care of the home.

 

Personally I prefer to stay with a girl who spends most of her time with me or at our home. If she would have a normal job she would be at least 8h a day away from home working. If that would be the case could I expect that they cleans and cooks before and after her work? Or should I do that myself?

No, I am no fan of cleaning and cooking...

 

And about beer or coke? She could give everybody a bottle of water and maybe a little rice. They would survive. But is that the way to treat your relatives or friends?

Fair reply.

 

I did the cleaning inside and out myself, as I did it way better than she ever would have, and also did gardening etc to keep busy. Obviously we are different, but I liked having time to myself while she was working and it was nice when she came home.

I don't think it's "normal" for the husband to support a wife in most western countries nowadays though. Usually 50/50 on the bills.

 

Not really applicable, but as I never wanted my horrible Thai family anywhere near me, I wasn't going to spend even one satang on them. I guess you are luckier than I was.

[thaibeachlovers]

6 minutes ago, crickets said:

Im under 40 and work full time here.

Fair enough.

I guess you are not like most of us on TVF, retired and living the dream in LOS.

Unfortunately, my ex wife stole my dream along with most of my money, so I don't get to wake up in paradise every day anymore.

 

Good luck.

[thaibeachlovers]

10 minutes ago, mokwit said:

Surely this could be taken a stage further by the tightwads and their wife could dig for beetle larvae in the back garden rather than frivolous expenditure at markets.

Plenty of Issan girls love eating beetles. I never really got used to seeing some DDG girl with the little legs sticking out of her mouth.

[OneMoreFarang]

10 hours ago, crickets said:

People are so enthusiastic about kids...wished someone warned me about the pitfalls.

You mean you couldn't figure out by yourself that kids cost a fortune and need someone to take care of them constantly before you had kids?

[OneMoreFarang]

9 hours ago, SamuiGeezer said:

I don't think 8k for a trip home is excessive. What is excessive is paying your wife 'an allowance' of 20k/month. You are the sort of Farang that causes many of us problems when your wife tells all her mates on Facebook and then within a couple of hours nearly every 'Farang wife' in the country is giving the better half grief about their 'low budget' ???? 

I would suggest that you tell her the 8k is for a one way ticket ..... ????

That's funny!

Why would it be your problem what other people give their wives and what those wives publish on facebook?

If you are the kind of guy who takes complains from his wife because she read this or that on facebook it seems you have that problem.

I guess next thing she will tell you about the Kardashians and what a cheap Charli you are...

[BestB]

When I staff go home they claim each trip cost them easily 30000 baht. That includes gas money, gifts for all, dry seafood, drinks and just handing out cash to all the parasites waiting with their hand out.

 

each year they go back one time and each year it’s about the same amount 

 

8000 that OP gave would be shameful especially when she is married to rich buffalo who is there to provide money .

 

my staff are was referring to are not married to a foreigner nor date foreigners or ever dated foreigners and its 30000. So in OP case, should double that

[Tagged]

Ouch, and I thought op had an expensive wife ????