Unwillingness / inability to talk things through

[Seth1a2a]

A tale of two Thai women. Both grew up a year apart in the same home with the same education ,language and social influences . 

One was engaging, inquisitive, inventive , emotionally available , demure, happy go lucky, optimistic, frugal and altruistic to a fault. The other was the exact opposite. They were sisters .The better of the two (in my opinion) would offer me a threesome from time to time with friends who had come up short on their finances, ask for small change to give to the poor when we were out and even asked for a loan just before my birthday that eventually got returned in the form of a gift of equal value.

One day she showed up unexpectedly with her sister and the fireworks began. All attempts at polite conversation with her sister gave her sister the opportunity to comment on people she did not like, things she would not do , how I should cut my nails and style my hair and even a five minute argument about why I should not take a planned tour of Myanmar because the people there were not as good as Thais.  When I couldn't take it anymore I invented a story about a forgotten  appointment and told them to make sure to lock the door when they left. The moral of my story is that people can be just as different in Thailand as they are anywhere else in the world.  

  It seems like the OP has made a long term commitment and is intent on keeping his vows or promises  to stay the course. I wish him all the best but if it's a road that she does not want to travel, then she's going to be kicking and screaming all the way ........Love is an abstract  concept.

A long time ago I had a western girlfriend who truly believed that people in love bickered and even physically fought with each other as a sign of affection because that's what her mother , father and everyone else she knew did . She was really disappointed with my lack of drama ....I don't date western women anymore. ..........Bat$h!t crazy is a complement where I come from.

 

 

 

Again, I Wish you luck and hope things change for the better. 

 

  

  

[Odysseus123]

Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and confront them rather than just trying to thread boiled spaghetti thru the eye of a needle or listen to endless commentaries about Thai culture.

 

You can end up in a truly desperate psychological or economic position if you don't.

 

Be prepared at all times to cut your losses and go.

[rumak]

5 hours ago, Elizway said:

So how exactly are conflicts resolved if you can't sit down and talk? 

well, talk to an esteemed (and often ridiculed)  thaivisa member:

 

member:   why did you marry someone with these traits?

you:   well, she is not like that all the time

member:  being an analytical farang, i would have thought that you would think this through before 

you:   she has some really nice traits

member:  but resolving issues is not one, right?

you:  right

member:  So tell me what you want to do to resolve this problem.  I do not think she will change,  do you ?

you:   but why?  why can't they sit down and talk?

member:  that is not how they do it.   Pout, silence, scream, threaten is more their style.  

you:  ok, thanks for talking that out with me

member:  mai pen rai    I am available here most days

 

[rumak]

16 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Be prepared at all times to cut your losses and go.

That should be printed on every arrival card.............

[Fex Bluse]

6 hours ago, Pilotman said:

Nothing like massive untrue, uninformed, racist generalisations to make westerners feel superior.  

Do you know what racism is? Reread it and explain to me what part is racist. 

[yogi100]

8 hours ago, kenk24 said:

I heard my wife talking on the phone one day - - she told her friend, when he gets angry, I shut up and when I get angry, he shuts up...

 

And, it clears up in about 5 minutes... 

 

But, if your wife is constantly angry - - well, if it were me, I would think she doesn't like me so much... or she is very unhappy. Sorry to say. 

 

Sometimes it's easier to just realise that a relationship has simply come to and end and leave it at that. It happens all the time.

 

It's not easy to accept it but you can't push water up a hill. Especially when you're an old fellow who has married a much younger woman and put all his eggs in one basket.

[Lacessit]

I've learned through three long-term relationships it is a waste of time to try to resolve conflict when the other party does not want resolution, or only wants surrender. Take precautions against any adverse financial outcomes, and walk away. Don't try to be nice about it. It's your survival against hers.

[metisdead]

A post containing offensive comments advocating violence has been removed. 

[Elizway]

3 hours ago, rumak said:

well, talk to an esteemed (and often ridiculed)  thaivisa member:

 

member:   why did you marry someone with these traits?

you:   well, she is not like that all the time

member:  being an analytical farang, i would have thought that you would think this through before 

you:   she has some really nice traits

member:  but resolving issues is not one, right?

you:  right

member:  So tell me what you want to do to resolve this problem.  I do not think she will change,  do you ?

you:   but why?  why can't they sit down and talk?

member:  that is not how they do it.   Pout, silence, scream, threaten is more their style.  

you:  ok, thanks for talking that out with me

member:  mai pen rai    I am available here most days

 

 

[PatOngo]

Batman, please tell him...………...

 

 

[faraday]

9 hours ago, Fex Bluse said:

Very common Thai trait. Several reasons for this including,

 

Thais' low tolerance for and high avoidance of conflict,

 

Thai language being a fairly rudimentary one that lacks descriptive power and 

 

Thais tending to speak in terribly vague terms, leaving much of the meaning to be interpreted by the listener 

 

They are typically poor at expressing emotion. 

Don't know or understand Thai people very well, do you.

Have you ever listened to Thai love songs?

 

I could take apart your post, but really Fex, isn't it about time to stop your mostly negative posts about Thailand?

[Elizway]

9 hours ago, Fex Bluse said:

What's the conflict? 

 

Thais tend to try to avoid them or ignore them if they can't be avoided 

No particular conflict. 

 

Ignore them? But problems don't have the tendency to say "oh well, guess I should go away for good now"... shrug and walk away. They usually stay or keep coming back until they are dealt with. 

 

Considering that's the nature of problems, and ignoring or avoiding is the Thais nature of handling them, how is a, resolution ever reached? 

 

Edited May 30, 2019 by Elizway

[Odysseus123]

11 minutes ago, Elizway said:

No particular conflict. 

 

Ignore them? But problems don't have the tendency to say "oh well, guess I should go away for good now"... shrug and walk away. They usually stay or keep coming back until they are dealt with. 

 

Considering that's the nature of problems, and ignoring or avoiding is the Thais nature of handling them, how is a, resolution ever reached? 

 

Good question...

 

Well,it was resolved for a mate of mine who was increasingly concerned about his wife and her offspring's profligate habits.

 

He woke up one morning to discover that the house and the store that he built was in the hands of the moneylenders.

 

He walked away.

[colinneil]

It takes 2 to tango, i spend my life looking up at my wife, she is always talking down to me.????

[Bert got kinky]

13 minutes ago, colinneil said:

It takes 2 to tango, i spend my life looking up at my wife, she is always talking down to me.????

 

That's because you sit in a wheelchair and she stands up. ????

[PatOngo]

If you don't think about it and don't talk about it, it doesn't exist! Local logic!

[1FinickyOne]

3 hours ago, yogi100 said:

 

Sometimes it's easier to just realise that a relationship has simply come to and end and leave it at that. It happens all the time.

 

It's not easy to accept it but you can't push water up a hill. Especially when you're an old fellow who has married a much younger woman and put all his eggs in one basket.

With eyes open, from the time I was younger, I realized that being married or in a relationship was not necessarily going to be a thing of permanence.... at best, it is a thing of change... that said, 18 years with my Thai wife and still together/changing. 

[BritManToo]

12 hours ago, Elizway said:

Is this a common Thai trait or is it just her. Like never expressing her feelings/thoughts, but easily can go berserk. Similarly, an inability to be positively impacted by my expression of thoughts and feelings. 

Entirely normal with almost every Thai I've ever met, male or female.

Discussion is seen as confrontation, just agree with everything they say or do for an easy life.

[rumak]

i just read your first post again.   For me,  I could never live like that,  though in my younger years here I probably put up with more than i should have...before making a change.   In my now "mature years"  I have absolutely zero tolerance to disrespect or someone that does not appreciate me.   

Many say that things are not so black and white, and i agree with that in many cases.  But when it comes to living with someone .... it is black or white .   all in or i'm out .    

 

[BritManToo]

11 hours ago, Elizway said:

So how exactly are conflicts resolved if you can't sit down and talk? 

Immediately agree to everything they say so no conflict ever arises.

But never actually get around to doing the things you didn't agree with.

[faraday]

2 hours ago, Bert got kinky said:

 

That's because you sit in a wheelchair and she stands up. ????

Nah.... Colin used to be known as the 'Preston Person Of Diminished Stature' can't use the word Midget, it upsets the SJW's & the lefties!

 

 

[Pilotman]

Its Amazing how many losers in life become experts on Thai/farang relationships when they post anonymously.  Most posts here read as though they wouldn't know a good relationship if it hit them in the face.  OP, you are wasting your time asking mate. 

[Pilotman]

6 hours ago, Fex Bluse said:

Do you know what racism is? Reread it and explain to me what part is racist. 

If you can't see it mate I can't be arsed to explain it. You just carry on living with your views, just keep them to yourself. 

[Fex Bluse]

2 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

If you can't see it mate I can't be arsed to explain it. You just carry on living with your views, just keep them to yourself. 

There is an ignore feature if my views are too much for your sensibilities. 

 

Cheers 

[baansgr]

I resolved all my issues with Thai women a few years ago with one simple solution.....Dont interact with them, in fact it works just as well with all Thais. I really dont know how guys can live with a Thai woman...

[Fex Bluse]

17 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

Its Amazing how many losers in life become experts on Thai/farang relationships when they post anonymously.  Most posts here read as though they wouldn't know a good relationship if it hit them in the face.  OP, you are wasting your time asking mate. 

I've been married to my Thai wife for decades.

 

She is a CXO in the financial services industry, near-natively speaks/reads/writes English as a 3rd language, drives a car that costs (in Thailand) THB ##,###,### range. 

 

We are happily married AND we tease each other about the peculiarities of her Thainess and my Farangness. 

 

I take it from your posts, that you are one of those 'progressive' guys who think all peoples and cultures are exactly equal in all aways or do not differ in any meaningful way. 

 

I will further guess blindly that you would be perfectly happy if everyone used positive stereotypes.

 

All correct? 

[GarryP]

14 hours ago, Elizway said:

So how exactly are conflicts resolved if you can't sit down and talk? 

Dueling pistols at dawn. 

[Nurseynutcase]

Can I put forward another point of view?  It is NOT just thai ladies that can appear to be unable to face up to problems.  My ex - a farang male refused to face up to any problems caused by his acts of omission/comission.  Nothing was ever up for discussion in a reasonable manner.  In the end we, thankfully split up.  When my money ran out - so did he.  According to his family this was his standard M.O., and he would never face up to any problems.

 

Please note - I am a Farang female.

[freedomnow]

God if ever there was an issue between Thais and westerners its this.

 

They are so bottled up and that bottle can eventually open all at once. Is main reason I delayed marrying so long.

[Pilotman]

31 minutes ago, Fex Bluse said:

I've been married to my Thai wife for decades.

 

She is a CXO in the financial services industry, near-natively speaks/reads/writes English as a 3rd language, drives a car that costs (in Thailand) THB ##,###,### range. 

 

We are happily married AND we tease each other about the peculiarities of her Thainess and my Farangness. 

 

I take it from your posts, that you are one of those 'progressive' guys who think all peoples and cultures are exactly equal in all aways or do not differ in any meaningful way. 

 

I will further guess blindly that you would be perfectly happy if everyone used positive stereotypes.

 

All correct? 

Not at all, far from it in fact. I penned a long reply to your post, but I have deleted it, as I know the reaction it would get from many on here and to be honest, I just can't be bothered.