Hi! Long time reader & finally decided to introduce myself.

[Kgsaacmo]

Hello everyone, I’ve been a regular lurker since I began dating an amazing guy from Thailand and wanted to be as knowledgeable/respectful of his customs & culture as possible. The forums have really helped me and I figured I should eventually introduce myself. 

 

Quick background, I met him here in the US and started off as friends but quickly became much more. Two years later, he’s the love of my life and we’re planning on getting married very soon. We’re both in our early 30s, both enjoy staying in good physical condition together, and although he’s kinda shy and soft spoken in public, he turns into a totally dominant beast in the bedroom, which I absolutely love!

 

I’ve never dated an Asian guy before him, but a man’s race is pretty much irrelevant to me. He’s sexy as hell and I still get aroused just thinking about him. He’s financially independent and one of the hardest workers I’ve ever met. 

 

We’re planning an upcoming visit to Thailand to introduce me to his family, and I’m scared as hell!  I’m not the most masculine guy and I’m afraid his family will think I’m not ‘man’ enough for him. 

 

Anyway, enough rambling. I just want to be able to respect his culture without fetishizing it, and I’ve really learned a lot on here. Although two years is still kinda new in my book, I love him so much and I’m looking forward to hopefully spending a lifetime together!

 

 

[RJRS1301]

Good luck

Welcome to TVF, which can shed a light on human diversity and some "old fashioned" view points.

I hope the family are accepting of you and your partners relationship.

Be genuine, authentic, and respectful, while being mindful that family will always be more important to your partner.

Retain the financial independence at all costs.

See more to Thailand than the usual tourist traps and BKK, it is an amazing country.

Come with an open mind

 

Good luck for your future together.

 

 

[nikmar]

2 hours ago, Kgsaacmo said:

he turns into a totally dominant beast in the bedroom, which I absolutely love!

 

2 hours ago, Kgsaacmo said:

He’s sexy as hell and I still get aroused just thinking about him.

Far far too much info pal.

[soalbundy]

Hope you have a thick skin, if you post here you'll need it

[CharlieH]

A troll comment and responses removed.

[soalbundy]

1 minute ago, scorecard said:

Is that fact? IMHO Thai families, overall, are much more accepting than western families.

Tolerant yes, that doesn't mean the same as acceptance. A family in my village have twin gays as sons in their teens, the father and mother both work on building sites during planting and harvest, the father tried to 'man them up' by forcing them to work on the same building site as them. When my wife asked the mother if it had done any good she replied, 'My husband thinks he has made some progress with them, at least they don't wear lipstick around the village anymore. ????

[RJRS1301]

10 minutes ago, soalbundy said:

Tolerant yes, that doesn't mean the same as acceptance. A family in my village have twin gays as sons in their teens, the father and mother both work on building sites during planting and harvest, the father tried to 'man them up' by forcing them to work on the same building site as them. When my wife asked the mother if it had done any good she replied, 'My husband thinks he has made some progress with them, at least they don't wear lipstick around the village anymore. ????

How true

I tolerate going to the dentist, does not mean I like it.

I wish parents would accept diversity in all its forms, give unconditional positive regard to their children, and love them unconditionally.

This would lead to a more open and honest society.

 

 

[Puchaiyank]

Good luck to you and your partner in life...keep in mind that the one constant...is change...leave yourself some wiggle room if things do not go as expected...????

[Raymonddiaz]

10 hours ago, Kgsaacmo said:

he turns into a totally dominant beast in the bedroom, which I absolutely love!

You should keep that to yourself..........Buhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[NCC1701A]

10 hours ago, Kgsaacmo said:

and although he’s kinda shy and soft spoken in public, he turns into a totally dominant beast in the bedroom, which I absolutely love!

 

10 hours ago, Kgsaacmo said:

He’s sexy as hell and I still get aroused just thinking about him.

 

10 hours ago, Kgsaacmo said:

 I’m not the most masculine guy and I’m afraid his family will think I’m not ‘man’ enough for him. 

i will never, ever think twice about anything i post on TV again.

[NCC1701A]

10 hours ago, Kgsaacmo said:

We’re planning an upcoming visit to Thailand to introduce me to his family, and I’m scared as hell!  I’m not the most masculine guy and I’m afraid his family will think I’m not ‘man’ enough for him. 

well does his family know he is gay? if they are over that hurdle I am sure it will be like all relationships in Thailand and be all about money. 

Edited August 14, 2019 by NCC1701A

[thaicurious]

10 hours ago, Kgsaacmo said:

...he’s kinda shy and soft spoken in public, he turns into a totally dominant beast in the bedroom, which I absolutely love!

 

...I’m not the most masculine guy and I’m afraid his family will think I’m not ‘man’ enough for him.

I'm still a little confused as to your relationship. Is he a power bottom & you're an effeminate top?

 

But seriously, If you want to blend in on TV, as held evident by some comments to your post, you should never openly speak explicitly about sexuality in these heterosexual forums. Someone might out you as a time traveler visiting this Victorian era. For more info, you'll find a whole host of topics on Tardis visiting Thaim travelers in the visa forums. Enjoy

[thaicurious]

9 hours ago, nikmar said:

Far far too much info pal.

 

Only heterosexuals are allowed to express their sexuality on ThaiVisa. For random example...

Gay people get admonished for being sexual beings expressing their sexuality while heteros get, what, smiley faces for expressing theirs"

 

Sounds suspiciously like homophobia to me

We've seen str8 folk flaunt their sexuality for years

[RJRS1301]

10 minutes ago, thaicurious said:

 

Only heterosexuals are allowed to express their sexuality on ThaiVisa. For random example...

Gay people get admonished for being sexual beings expressing their sexuality while heteros get, what, smiley faces for expressing theirs"

 

Sounds suspiciously like homophobia to me

We've seen str8 folk flaunt their sexuality for years

The heteronormativity expressed here seems to be more apparent than on many other forums.

 

[balo]

If he lives in the US why do you need to visit Thailand ? Gay marriage is not even legal in Thailand.  By law.

[RJRS1301]

2 minutes ago, balo said:

If he lives in the US why do you need to visit Thailand ? Gay marriage is not even legal in Thailand.  By law.

Meeting family, seems a genuine thing for couples to do, whether married or longer term commitment.

Happens in most relationships at some point

"gay" marriage is actually Marriage EQUALITY"

 

 

[timendres]

12 hours ago, Kgsaacmo said:

We’re planning an upcoming visit to Thailand to introduce me to his family, and I’m scared as hell!  I’m not the most masculine guy and I’m afraid his family will think I’m not ‘man’ enough for him. 

His family is more likely to be "hung up on" the fact you are a Farang, than the fact the relationship is gay. Just be polite and smile often.

[thaicurious]

7 hours ago, RJRS1301 said:

The heteronormativity expressed here seems to be more apparent than on many other forums.

When it gets too graphic about what might not be my fetish (and sometimes even then) I might avert my eyes to it; otherwise I'm okay with str8s expressing their sexuality. I'm not okay with their hypocrisy that they think they either get to express themselves but think we shouldn't, or that they'd not "correct" their hetero brethren who do it while they think they get to "teach" us "manners". They can take their manners, wad it up with their hypocrisy and shove it where the sun don't shine, which, in case anyone is worried, is not me being sexually expressive.

 

7 hours ago, RJRS1301 said:

Meeting family, seems a genuine thing for couples to do, whether married or longer term commitment.

Happens in most relationships at some point

"gay" marriage is actually Marriage EQUALITY"

100% correct

 

7 hours ago, timendres said:

His family is more likely to be "hung up on" the fact you are a Farang, than the fact the relationship is gay. Just be polite and smile often.

+

9 hours ago, NCC1701A said:

well does his family know he is gay? if they are over that hurdle I am sure it will be like all relationships in Thailand and be all about money. 

=

While NCC likely was not being purposely homophobic (as generally he strikes me as being a thoughtful, often funny guy) "hung up on" vs "over that hurdle" highlights the difference between acceptance of reality and the homophobia of hetero hegemony that permeates so much thinking.

 

Hung up on--be it applicable in this case or not--seems to place the burden more squarely on the parents & their perceptions. It speaks to what might be their hang ups regardless of whether or not justified.

 

But over that hurdle, while also speaking to the parents' perceptions, like gay marriage in misplace of marriage equality requires thinking that being gay is an other hurdle to get over which does not place squarely but rounds out the results which inadvertently at best or conveniently includes blaming a quality of a gay child for a parent having to have something to get over, you know, like a parent has to get over their child being hetero.

 

We're not asking for much, just some long overdue parenting equality to go along with our new found marriage equality.

[nikmar]

17 hours ago, thaicurious said:

 

Only heterosexuals are allowed to express their sexuality on ThaiVisa. For random example...

Gay people get admonished for being sexual beings expressing their sexuality while heteros get, what, smiley faces for expressing theirs"

 

Sounds suspiciously like homophobia to me

We've seen str8 folk flaunt their sexuality for years

I took a while to think about this and yep, in that sense, fair comment. I guess im homophobic. I did question the need to share about "being dominated and aroused" when asking a serious question about culture albeit not too seriously. I would not expect or appreciate the same comments from a straight thread either.

 

I dont particularly care for reading about anyones sex life, straight or gay. Same goes in conversation, I dont expect my wife's gay friends (and mine for that matter) to go on about their passionate moments or my straight friends either. We're generally far too busy slagging off the government ???? . Well, my wife doesnt, she loves Prayut. 

 

 

[thaicurious]

3 hours ago, nikmar said:

I took a while to think about this and yep, in that sense, fair comment. I guess im homophobic. I did question the need to share about "being dominated and aroused" when asking a serious question about culture albeit not too seriously. I would not expect or appreciate the same comments from a straight thread either.

 

I dont particularly care for reading about anyones sex life, straight or gay. Same goes in conversation, I dont expect my wife's gay friends (and mine for that matter) to go on about their passionate moments or my straight friends either. We're generally far too busy slagging off the government ???? . Well, my wife doesnt, she loves Prayut. 

 

 

Good post. Thank you.

We know a racist not because a person has prejudiced thoughts towards others, but because instead of working to overcome such thoughts, they luxuriate in them; instead of seeking to understand from where their thoughts derive, they seek to export their destructive thinking to others; instead of keeping their thoughts mere thoughts, they act upon them: they create policy based upon prejudice. they inflict upon others for self gain, they institutionalize racism.

 

I never called you a homophobe. All I ask is that people be aware of the pervasiveness of homophobia in thinking and in speech and in how they approach a topic, particularly in a gay form. That we're allowed our humanity too. Now I understand what you say about shying away from talking openly about sexuality regardless of orientation, But what is the alternative were that absolute? Closets and hiding and whispers and dark places where prejudices fester. Certainly few need know all the details, certainly some situations are more appropriate than others. But what the OP said is not out of line given this gay forum and given his situation.

 

He's not simply referencing for no reason domination and arousal though certainly he's free to express how much he enjoys his partner and why. There was nothing unstandard in the gay world, for a gay forum, about what he said. But even for the str8 observer, here's what he's actually said...

 

He described how the domination aspect -- though naturally exciting and joyful for him and his partner (how nice for them that they found each other) -- is causing some conflict in his head with regard to meeting the parents because, he said (if I remember the op correctly), he wants them to think he's man enough for their son and he's expressing a correlation between "man enough" & "domination". Also he notes that he's not the most masculine of guys which he's also expressed conflict as to whether or not that reflects upon being man enough. So he made a perfectly reasonable query, offering adequate detail with which to get an appropriate response.

[silver sea]

On 8/14/2019 at 7:40 AM, soalbundy said:

Tolerant yes, that doesn't mean the same as acceptance. A family in my village have twin gays as sons in their teens, the father and mother both work on building sites during planting and harvest, the father tried to 'man them up' by forcing them to work on the same building site as them. When my wife asked the mother if it had done any good she replied, 'My husband thinks he has made some progress with them, at least they don't wear lipstick around the village anymore. ????

 

The old saying of “be careful of what you wish for, because you may end up getting it!” comes to mind. In trying “to man them up”, his sons could end up like the notorious Kray Twins (Ronnie was gay, Reggie bi-)

 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1305259/Did-Kray-twins-uncanny-bond-lead-break-ultimate-taboo.html

 

and 

 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1304827/Sex-lies-Downing-Street-cover-left-Krays-free-kill.html

 

Anyway, good luck to the OP. You still seem to be in the full flush of true love. I hope it lasts and you get on with your bf’s family.

 

Thailand is a great country with many wonderful people. However, just like any country, some people are not what they seem. This applies to both Thai and farang. It can at times seem like the the Land of (false) Smiles.

 

Beware of anyone who hugs and kisses you while calling you their “friend and brother”. And “You are the guardian angel I never knew I had”, is another one to watch out for. It’s all complete BS.

 

You are fresh off the boat and will be seen by some as a walking ATM. Never ‘lend’ money to anyone. All loans turn into gifts; it never gets repaid. 

 

Good luck. And I hope your love stays true ????

 

 

Edited August 30, 2019 by silver sea